Full Lance & The Holy Roman Empire

by Merallakos

Aprils Fools Continues... So the Quest Begins!

Rhense had not ceased in cryptic and/or pretentious remarks as the journey had come underway. Neither Full Lance nor Minty had decided to pay much mind to them, Rhense seemed perfectly content to babble on even without them listening. Full Lance for his part grateful that there was an explanation to his symptoms over the past few weeks. Sure it was pregnancy, and he had checked and found he had no birth canal so on the off chance he needed to deliver the child things would likely turn quite dour for him. But ponies had been through this before! Not male ponies that he knew, but ponies like him nonetheless!

Is what he would've said if the Holy Roman Empire were more gender neutral.

As they journeyed out of Belle's duchy, the social-political climate shifted palpably. Chill invaded, a sense of pragmatism recommended thick cloaks. Minty could feel the societal expectations shift and Full Lance almost felt a the touch of socially given dominion. And frankly I don't know enough about medieval society and gender roles (especially in the Holy Roman Empire) or sexism in the first place to really go and explore the topic.

It was warmer now that it was midday, spring fast approaching, but even still... Looking into the forests, there was a sense possession. They were owned by somepony, the local lord, and that ownership gave them power. And that power was supposedly from God. And indeed many ponies spoke of power of the Lord who so graciously allowed them passage through the long winter and into a glorious spring. Especially since the black death, every breath was miraculous. The idea that ponies might survive the winter year after year for more than a thousand years, many might place as a sign that God favored them. That His hoof had spared the resources from forests and delivered unto ponies the cattle and sheep which they depended on for luxury. Even as He had wiped out the sick and dying, even those who'd done little wrong! Even as he stole infants and elders and everypony inbetween.

The lands outside the duchy...

Were relatively empty.

Full Lance had assumed there would be a full fledged world out here. That there were towns and merchants and free cities full of majestic architecture! But instead... It was as Thistle had remarked: a flat country full of forest. If the trees were to disappear, it would be an ocean of rolling hills; and an ocean may be like a desert of rolling dunes: empty. Where was everything?

"Hey Y'all, it's ya boi, Thunda," A mint green pegasus with a silver helm approached our group of weary travelers. "We're here today in another world, here to explore and talk to the locals." He turned around, pointing a rectangular mirror at Rhense.

Full Lance gasped. He'd never seen anypony like this before. The style of helmet he'd never seen, it looked foreign (and impractical), gilded, ceremonial perhaps? Not only was he pegasus though, his mirror was unlike any Full Lance had ever seen! It was encased in a shiny, transluscent material like a gem or glass, but impossibly thing and somehow soft looking. And the mirror itself! It must've been from another world, it was as if it magic: the image it projected was not in fact a reflection, for it delayed unlike any he'd ever seen. Furthermore, it did not accurately capture color, and greatly abridged the depth of shadow and light. By contrast to real life, the image was somewhat dull, yet still fascinating.

"I'm from Zephyr Heights," The green pegasus exclaimed, "Ever heard of it?"

"Sounds Greek," Rhense said, coming to a stop before the pony.

"I've never heard of Greece!" The pegasus turned the mirror towards himself, talking to it. "And there you have it folks! They haven't heard of Zephyr Heights, the biggest city in the world! We truly must by on another planet! So--"

"Hey wait a minute," Rhense interrupted, "Rocketships won't be invented for another seven hundred years at least, how could you be from a different planet?"

The pegasus peaked over the mirror, "Did you just actually give credence to the fact that I might be from another planet?"

"You're from a different planet?!" Exclaimed Full Lance. "Is it Venus? Jupiter?! Uh--MARES!?! I mean MARS?!"

The green pegasus smiled excitedly, "Yes, I'm from a different planet! I'm from Earth!"

"Oh," Full Squinted. "This is Earth."

"He seems like he's from a different planet to me," Minty remarked.

"He's definitely not from around here," Rhense said.

"I know this is Earth, but I'm also from Earth! Just not your Earth." The pegasus quickly elaborated, "Your planet and my planet are right ontop of each other in a secret direction that no one can see, touch or move in. Except this direction is all around everyone and everything, and is exactly perpendicular to the other three directions that you can move in. And the only way you can move in this direction is by being a really really massive object like the Sun, or by creating a machine that unravels the skin that separates things on the fourth dimension, allowing you to be sucked in, hopefully ending up in another place were you can walk and breath!"

...The image of three confused ponies stared at Thunder through the screen of his phone.

The pegasus added, "My name's Thunder by the way."

"...Huh," Rhense said. "Yes I see."

Full Lance thought for a moment. Then he realized, "Do you have a cure for male pregnancy?!"

"Male pregnancy!?!" Thunder so shocked, he feel right down on his hindquarters. Tears in his eyes, terror in his words, he whispered, "You guys have male pregnancy here?"

"Apparently we do!" Full Lance fell prostrate on the ground, hooves clasped in prayer, "Please. Oh benevolent Thunder. I need a cure for my womb! I do not know if I bare the antichrist or the messiah, or if my child is a pony, angel or demon at all! I just know I cannot give birth! I need you to tell me you have something!" Full Lance got up, staring desperately at Thunder's eyes, "Thunder, have you ever heard of the Flowers' crown before?"

"The what?" Thunder gasped.

Rhense gently pulled Full Lance away from the poor pegasus.

"Uh, uhm," Thunder stammered, turning around. "I think I need to uh, take a moment to recoup. Far away. From here. Like really far away."

"Wait!" Full Lance cried. "Answer me this! You're from another world! Have you ever heard of 'Equestria' before?!"

That stopped Thunder. "Equestria?"

It turned out, Thunder was from Equestria. But hundreds of years had passed since Rarity, bearer of the element of generosity had lived. All of the bearers had diminished with time, Even mighty Twilight for whom Celestia had abdicated the throne for. Soon the ponies rose up in civil turmoil and unrest had overcome the population. Dragons, Changelings, Yaks and all other races soon disappeared from Equestria as Equestria segregated into three pony races: Unicorns, Pegasi and Earth Ponies. Each held horrible prejudices and fears about the others.

"That's horrible." Minty observed.

What was worse was that magic disappeared. The unicorns blamed themselves, becoming greif ridden and supersticious, lest more punishment from the universe befall them. The pegasi fell into a monarchy where the right to rule was given by the ability to fly which was a complete deception!

Rhense: "Oh no."

And that's not even mentioning the earth ponies!

"But everything changed when Sunny Starscout restored harmony to the races," Thunder continued. "She, along with Zipp Storm, Pipp Petals, Hitch Trailblazer and Izzy, got the leaders of the three tribes to see past their differences and restored magic to Equestria."

"Jesus Mary and Joseph," Full Lance swore. "I have to tell Twilight and the Crusaders."

"The Crusaders?" Minty asked. Is he going to go on some holy conquest to conquer Eqestria?

Rhense was quiet. He had not seen this coming. Not by a long shot. A small part of him remarked that perhaps he had brought this upon himself by being so cocky all the time.

Full Lance informed Thunder that Twilight Sparkle, along with the Cutie Mark Crusaders (who Thunder knew very very little about) were all living here in the Holy Roman Empire. They reasoned that perhaps when Twilight had been sucked out of Equestria, something had caused Thunder's reality to happen. Perhaps somehow by telling her, they could reverse the events that lead to the disintegration of Equestria! Though Thunder seemed hesitant at the idea, staring glumy at his mirror.

They all decided that they needed to turn around and go back to the duchy!

Author's Note:

I'll make the next legitimate chapter soon, I swear.