A sable made of silver
written by Tornado siren lover
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11047394
Hey man, you need an editor and you need to break up into smaller paragraphs. First letters in people/ponies' names need to be capitalized. It really disrupts the flow.
Ex: shining armor = Shining Armor.
Why would they be so concerned about not being there when the hundred ponies showed up? It's not like they're hosting an event, and even then...
Sense of scale in this story is really weird, like, it sounds like Canterlot is being made a sprawling metropolis where you should drive ten miles just to get to a favored shop. That's rather strange for a hoof-based city...
Update?
update it
Needs update.