"It won't do, Glenda. We can't have it."
"It don't 'urt none, Gil- Sergeant Gilda," squawked the little blue hen.
"The captain and I will be the authority in this regiment as to what does and doesn't 'hurt none', Glenda. We can't have you rhyming cant in front of outsiders and the ranks. Let alone officers."
"It's just a bit of honey, onion bhaji!"
"No, it isn't. It's incoherent and confusing is what it is. You leave a trail of incomprehension behind you as wide and muddy as the Bridlederry Pike."
"That were half a rhyme there, sergeant! Y'know, it don't feel 'alf right, callin' you that. Ain't you a sergeant major yet?"
"Get used to it, corporal, I haven't been promoted yet. And you seem bound and determined to prove you aren't worthy of yours." Gilda threw a corporal's patch at the former lance corporal.
"Marm! I'll do my best!"
"Well, yeah. I couldn't winkle any more experienced non-coms out of artillery, it took all the juice I could squirt just getting those two mechanics from ordnance. You seem to be taking care of your lieutenant so far? No problems I've not heard about?"
"Nawt of note, no. A bit of a wobbly over some chemicals, but we got it sorted."
"Glenda…"
"That weren't cant!"
"It 'weren't' the Princess's Equish, either. I need you speaking the Princess's Equish."
"Right, right, marm yes marm."
"Glenda, a battery ranks a sergeant. Keep your beak clean, and the words that come out of it clean-ish, and there's room to grow. That sort of thing happens in a regiment being stood up, you understand?"
"I ken- er, I understand, ma'am."
"Right then! Go take care of your Derry an' Toms!"
"Uh… yes marm."
Corporal Glenda left the little closet Gilda had filled full of manuals and a little desk, down besides the troops barracks. Gilda put away the little phrasebook some autodidact out of ponyside Trottingham had gotten one of the libels to print, titled Cockerel Rhyming Cant and the Trottingham Docksides.
Thinks she can talk her way around management, and spread this nonsense? Ha! Onion bhaji's ahead of you, Glenda me hen.
"So we're not getting our ensigns?" asked Big Bell, making diamond-dog-puppy-eyes at Gleaming Shield.
Gilda's captain was slumped in her office chair in the main office. The unicorn was pouting, and looking far too young for her uniform. "No, I didn't say that. I said we weren't getting them in time. If I wanted to wait until August for the next batch out of the academy, then we could have a full complement of fresh-faced colts and fillies all bright and cheery and useless because I expect to be somewhere north of Marapore in August!"
"That kinda sounds like the same thing, ma'am," the big pegasus said. She had to stand mostly in the door, opened to the corridor outside, because the office wasn't big enough for both her and the usual inhabitants without crowding uncomfortably.
"They told us again that we could have Captain Falcon," Gilda offered from her own desk.
Ping snorted his opinion from the back, where he was messing with the files.
"I don't get why you all are so down on Blue Falcon. At least he's an academy graduate!" Bell objected. "You can't be gettin' much traction from having me in here. Personnel and pony resources know better'n most that provincial regimentals ain't worth the brass on our belt-buckles."
"Nonsense, Bell!" Gleaming Shield said, straightening up and meeting the big pony's gaze with a serious expression. "I expressly asked for you, and for good reason. The Marezonians were one of the most professional and effective regiments we ever had to work with. You know your evolutions well enough, and you've really got a hoof for the recruits. I don't know what we'd do without you!"
Also, Big Bell hadn't said a word about the demotion to lieutenant or the endless, grinding work they'd dropped her, unprepared, into. Blue Falcon, aside from the whole business of being a terminal alcoholic, would have fumed at the prospect of rolling back to lieutenant and working for the pony he'd once bossed around as one of his ensigns.
"It's a shame we couldn't talk Minuette into signing up," Gleaming Shield said, regretfully.
"Yeah, no, that ain't happenin'," Bell said, apologetically. "Some mares have lives and careers t' get back to once their tours are up."
"You can't tell me you didn't have something like that," Gleaming objected. "With your leadership skills, you could write your own ticket!"
"You'd think so, wouldn't you?" Bell sighed. "But th' army's been good for me. Aside from ward heelin' for Cherries, I've never really gotten any traction back home. I'd probably be mule-skinnin' or haulin' freight again inside of a week."
"M-mule skinning?" Gleaming asked with a look of confused horror.
"Naw, it ain't what it sounds like- you know what, we can talk about it some other time, this is important. We need more officers, soonest. I can't keep drilling every troop as if they was my own. I gotta sleep sometime."
Gilda looked up at that, and saw what the pegasus was talking about. Baggy eyes, dull coat, the distinct stink of a mare who hadn't seen the inside of a shower stall in way too long. Bell was right, they were overworking her.
"Ping!" Gilda barked, making the batpony jump in his seat. "Give me three of the- What's this?"
The bat-pony was offering Gilda a wingful of three personnel files. "The files from personnel. The only files they'd give us, other than y'know, Lieutenant Lulamoon's. And Captain Falcon's, if you want me to fish that out of the trash."
He dealt them out like a three-card hoof of poker, and placed them on Gilda's desk, one by one.
"Lieutenant Rupert. Multiple harassment charges, two of which resulted in hung courts-martial.
"Captain Annuity. Seventy-six years old. Bad hip.
"Lieutenant Martin Gale. File full of commendations for efficiency."
"Well, what's wrong with that last one?" Bell said, looking a bit crosseyed.
"Efficiency is the word used in evaluations when the commanding officer hates the lieutenant, but can't find any reason to ding them on the merits," Ping said, stiff-faced. "Rumor mill has it that Martin Gale is a sadist and hates the enlisted."
"Gah! Captain! Ma'am! What did you all do to get personnel to hate us?" demanded Big Bell.
"More what the Duchess did," Gilda sighed, slumping. "They're really, really mad about Project Mustang. And they blame the captain."
"Of course they do, it was my idea," Gleaming Shield said, proudly. "It was exactly what the Territorials needed, and the whole system was unsupportable and grossly inefficient to boot."
"And we wouldn't have been around to catch the heat from the fallout, either," Gilda supplied, crossly. "Except we can't seem to get out of town!"
"Well, I did tell Cadance to not launch it until we were safely on our way east," Gleaming Shield said, shrugging. "I can't help it the details leaked."
Gleaming Shield leaned back, and put out one hoof. "Here, let me see Martin Gale's jacket."
Ping held out the relevant personnel file, and Gilda made a mental note of the apparent synonym. Gleaming Shield had been part of the military for the majority of the young mare's life; Gilda was still stumbling over aspects, linguistic and otherwise, that still surprised or confused.
The captain flipped through the 'jacket', muttering.
Meanwhile, the big, burly pegasus had a far-off look, like she was zoning out, or thinking hard. Gilda eyed the ticking time bomb that was, in her experience, synonymous with two officers thinking hard.
"Meh, she'll do if she's got a supervisor," Gleaming Shield concluded. "Shame she's got seniority on you, Bell. I think you could get work out of this Martin Gale. Wish I could brevet officers."
Ping held out another file, startling Gleaming Shield almost out of her chair.
"What's this?"
"Yesterday's correspondence. Reply from Guard House to our queries."
"Ping, did we have queries for guards headquarters? And did you send them?"
"You were going to have questions, and yes, I did."
"What did I tell you about anticipating my orders?"
"You'll tell me good job in three minutes."
"Why's that?"
"Because they say-"
"I really am the acting colonel of the regiment?" Gleaming Shield was speed reading again.
"Yes, captain ma'am. Also-"
"Breveting authority! Ha!"
"Once per officer on your own authority. Also, enclosed-"
"Ha! Gilda! I'm now Major Shield! Take that, Pinkie Pie!"
"Congratulations, major ma'am!" chorused Gilda and Ping together.
"And Bell, that makes you Captain Big Bell, by my authority as colonel of the Sixth Guards, brevetted Major Gleaming Shield, Esq. Ping, draft a-"
"Brevetting certificate, major ma'am. Just needs your hoofprint. There, and initial, there. Thank you, ma'am." Ping went off with the brevetting paperwork to file them in Gleaming Shield's and Big Bell's 'jackets'.
Gilda's head spun a bit from the whirlwind which was their squadron clerk in action. Ping was being very… Ping today.
"Well, why the sandy wastes don't we do that with the ensigns?" Big Bell finally asked, looking a bit poleaxed.
"We don't have any officers to brevet to 'ensign', Bell," Gleaming said, looking cross. "There isn't anything junior to the rank, other than 'cadet', and cadets aren't officers. Nor do we have a local academy to mint any cadets. Although I left Cadance a proposal…"
"No, not brevetting. Your new duchess's 'Project Mustang' thingamajig."
"We don't have any sergeant majors, and Cadance needs hers. Garry and the others are mostly homebodies, anyways. If there were any sergeant-majors with wandering star syndrome, the service generally beat it out of them a decade ago."
"No, not sergeant majors, we need tadpoles, not old toads. Corporals!"
"We need our corporals, Bell. You just made a herd of lance corporals because we don't have enough non-coms."
"More corporals are easier to find than officers, Capt- Major Shield! And there's a lot of talent locked up in the bat pony ranks. They-"
"Never allow batponies in the academies, no, they don't. Good reason, isn't there?"
"They don't let them into the Guards, either. You opened that door, Major. Might as well let the whole crowd in."
"Hrm. Like Fruit Salad?"
"Corporal Fruit Salad is far too old and grizzled and set in his ways to be a baby officer," Gilda said suppressively. "The same goes for Gustav, before you two get any bright ideas. Although I want them both for sergeants, since we're throwing around promotions left and right." They were going to steal all of her useful people!
Ping appeared with a wing full of corporals' jackets. The thicker ones.
"Captain, major ma'am, here you go. I suggest you start with the thicker ones, and work your way back."
Big Bell grabbed a chair and pulled it halfway out into the hall so she had somewhere to sit.
"Corporal Ping! Ah was lookin' for… where you comin' from? And why are you outta uniform?"
"Paperwork delivery, Captain Bell."
"At 3 in th' mornin'?"
"I am nocturnal, after all, ma'am."
"Are the ponies in th' other office nocturnal, too?"
"We have a system, ma'am."
"Don't think y'all can charm your way outta this because yer cute, corporal. Iffen you're on duty, why are you outta uniform? And sneakin' about?"
"Night Infiltration Pattern 63 is an authorized field uniform, ma'am."
"Ah have no idea what that is, but I'll look it up at some more ponylike hour. What do we do iffen that field uniform is authorized only fer skirmishers an' scouts?"
"I am a batpony, captain ma'am. According to the regs I am a skirmisher and scout."
"Yer a stampeded office clerk!"
"I am exploring the limits of my office, ma'am."
"By dressin' up like a stagehall comedy stagehoof, paintin' yer muzzle with coalblack, an' sneakin' about in the dead of night?"
"Yes, captain ma'am. You now have eight replacement corporals transferred from four different Territorial battalions. Also, Corporals Tinker and Totem are now officially Lieutenant Lulamoon's. Or possibly mine, Sergeant Gilda hadn't finished the support company organizational proposal as of the last time I saw my desk. Please excuse, I need to change out of this catsuit."
"Right. And go wash that gunk off yer muzzle, you look like a zebra."
The big pegasus shook her head and went to find that warm toilet seat she'd been out and about lookin' for in the first place.
"Colt needs a remedial course on two-consent bureaucracy, I swear t' apples..."
Apparently, "Don't worry about it" is a perfectly valid command style.
Paperwork ninjas strike again!
FALCON PUNCH!!
Sorry, I had to make it.
He (She?) is the kind that edge his bets together and only gamble when the odd are on his side.
Now I an curious. I swear you find the oddest of expressions and try your hardest to place them in your story so we, the reader, want to ask you about them.
What is project Mustang? Is it a reference to something that happened IRL? And why do I feel it's a pawn you are putting on the board in advance for future story in this universe?
A precog clerk... that's like a weapon on it's own... you can wage a paper war with this and come out ahead...
And now Gleaming is in communication with the other Guards Regiment... I get it won't be the focus of this story but it has potential for a future one or at least a sub-plot. But wouldn't there be some opportunist Corporals and Sergeant from the other 4 Regiment who would see this as an opportunity for advance? The other 4 must be monolithic by now and promotions hard to come by without connection or a chance to shine on the field. And I would have thought that the others four would have liked to have some people in this new upstart regiment to... "keep an eye on things".
Army Bat ponies seems to have all this little sub-culture and rules within the institution.
Oh Ping, I think a lot of Ponies would like to catch you in this catsuit.
May she protect all (get it? Because she is a major shield? No? I'll shut-up now.)
I saw Joker other day and I couldn't help but associate this Pinkie with the Clown. Not this one but the Heath Ledger one. Plans within plans that account for everything.
9883157
Muleskinner is an old time Western term for a pack train worker, of obscure provenance. Sounds hair-raising from a pony perspective, though, doesn't it?
A plan to Trottify the command structure of the Territorials by converting the existing sergeant majors into majors - flipping the senior command non-coms into de jure commissioned officers. It addresses the pony-centric biases of the duchy's armed forces and reduces dependence on Equestrian ponypower.
A mustang is old American army slang for a non-commissioned officer run through Officer Candidate School and re-minted a baby officer. Mustangs being 'wild' horses returned to domestic service via 'breaking'.
Project Mustang is almost custom designed to piss off the EUP stem to stern, but especially the staff in personnel, who will be up to their muzzles in laid off older officers formerly seconded to the Territorials.
Gleaming Shield was going to be the Judas goat, carrying off the blame for the project for Cadance when she left for the east and overseas. But it leaked early.
I scream a little in excitement every time I see this series updated. I love it.
That kind of clerk can make or sink a regiment before you even notice it, Twiggles better keep him happy.
Love Ping and his pre-emptive transfers. "We'll have him and her and them."
Ping makes me uneasy, a clerk that skilled is invaluable but he is far too used to doing things with minimal supervision, I can feel him pushing his luck everytime he opens his mouth. One day he’ll do something that his authority doesn’t cover and it will be a mess.
9883198
True, it sounds really gory from a pony perspective. Buy when I read it, I thought it meant that they were taking jobs that were usually done by mules. Heh, Pony perspective mess with how you see stuff.
But train! It wasn't touched a lot in this story, the attention more placed on boats and airships but with the level of Technology Equestria is at, the train would still be a major component of army deployment. But the train system seems to be an Equestrian concept in this universe but I am curious to know if you have considered how spread the technology is? I know the story will be on an airship for while in this story and since they are going to a Land of giants flying birds but do you pictures a railway on this new continent we are going to explore?
And Project Mustang seems like a much needed idea and will help the Territorial run way more smoothly and promote talents. Politically thought, an Independentist would love the idea of being less dependent of the mainland.
Wonder when Gilda's promotion comes, to go with Gleaming's.
9883236
Oh I'm sure that trains are a major part of the military infrastructure in Equestria. The problem is that we're centered on what is effectively an Isle that only has one major city and formerly a lot of rebels in the hinterlands. They focus on ships and airships because there isn't a railway line that crosses the sea.
9883494
True. But since Trottingham is the equivalent of London and the isle an equivalent of Great Britain and Scotland in Equus, I thought the railways developed like it. When I traveled there, I was really surprised on how much you could get around with trains, you can get almost anywhere. Perhaps in the setting of this story, it isn’t as developed yet... and a good part of the population can fly so it's understandable that it didn't spread as fast. And industrialization don't seem as developed further north if understand the underneath of what few lines we have about it.
But back in Equestria, the train must have changed a lot for the population. Commercially and logistically of course but also from a safety perspective. While Equestria is a land of wonder, fantasy and magic it's also a land of wonder, fantasy and magic. What doesn't want to eat you simply want to kill you or curse you with some magic. When you look at canon, some of the wild life outside of the reclaimed zones are down right terrifying and when most of the sentient races populating the world have some kind of magic you have dangerous magical artefacts from researchers, wizards and wannabe warlords lying around. And that's not counting on Wild Magic Phenomenon happening from time to time. ( It's also one of the reason I am excited for this story, the travel of an unusual regiment of Ruards towards this new land by airship could be great fun with just the "Random Encounters" that can happen! Will they seek by, fight, use diplomacy, recruit, loot, forage or hunt what they come across?)
Travelers and explorers on Equus are either experienced, lucky or well trained because the young, the brave and the untrained are already dead. (Daring Do and Cranky Doodle being prime examples).
But mass transport kind of change this. Be it by train, boat or airship, going along an established path faster, in better comfort and generally safer than the usual caravans negate a lot of the danger of the wild of a magical world. So when the technology developed and other nations saw the benefits it gave Equestria, I kind of expected them to take the concept and run with it! Even the Trottish isles.
So since Mitch H. is planning to wonderfully explore land unknown to us, I wonder if we are going to see some in the lands beyond. But at the same time tare are obstacles to such development. While if look at some of the most recent Equestria maps, there is a train line that goes to Griffonstone. But with the political and economic crisis going there, I don't know if the railways would continue to advance before a while. True that continuing the line though the country to reach more exotic lands could help the economy, it would need investors with solid backs to push such a project and the Griffins there would probably make everything difficult trying to squeeze every penny out of it.
The Dragon Lands... I don’t think Dragons have interest in this.
Crystal Empire and the Yakyakistan... still locked behind a thousand year magical storm.
Mount Aeris. Canonicaly there was no line going there until after the first movie. The same goes for Kludge Town.
There are probably trains in Prance, it being a Pony nation, the exchange of technology being easier between them.
Heck, the biggest contender for spreadingthe technology at the moment would be The Storm King if he bothered developing the countries he conquer beside selling them stuff and ransacking.
But that's only my opinion. It's up to the author to decide what the world look like outside Equestria.
May I suggest that in this new land they encounter a magical scholar who developed a new form of magic that could be used by all species? This would not only pose a great danger to any unicorn in power, but it would also irritate many people
Actually, personal opinion (so take this how you will), but I'd more liken the Trottish Isles to Ireland, on the grounds that there is a lot of parallel between the Trottish griffons rebelling against Equestria and Equestria trying to force them to fall in line, similarities with this conflict with that of the Irish War of Independence and the civil unrest in Ireland that both preceded and followed said conflict, and the fact that Ireland actually succeeded, in part at least, in getting that independence.
But then again, Mitch has taken inspiration from all sorts of moments across military history for this story, so trying to pin it down to just any particular one rather than multiple does seem rather unwise.
And suddenly Baldrick realized she had become Blackadder.
I know on some level that this is a perfectly innocent way to refer to the lieutenant for whom Glenda is batmaring. But since it's Gilda who says it, I can't help but read into it a certain measure of expectations as to just what is the nature of the relationship between and officer and her batmare.
Ah, so the question was asked: "Who do we know that's diligent, competent, humble, and whom we can bully into doing the work we need from the position we can afford?"
Stepped on toes well above her station trying to do something important in a hurry on a personal mission from the duchess, I imagine.
Ooooh, no. Bigger. I can think of a few things. She must have seriously upset the status quo. Yikes.
While pretending to have been a sergeant since the first days of Grover no doubt.
Even in the privacy of her own thoughts.
Look, I just got here and even I know that's the only way Twilight could break more Equestrian social hierarchy taboos.
Yep. And you're totally going to have to skip town ahead of the retribution of the aristocracy and other entrenched interests.
Oh Celestia he is literally a cute ninja clerk, if I read this correctly.
So, among other things Twilight and co are leveraging their authority derived from the duchess to make approximately all the enemies, at least within military circles. They work fast.
9883843
In one of his story,"In the company of Night", Mitch H introduced us to Rune magic, Blood Magic and Necromancy. I don't know how much that was taken from the series of book that inspired the fic, The Black Company series but they all seems like a good base that any species could use of they learned.
They all come with their own limitations and advantages that it would not affect balance too much. I mean, ponies can't be the only magic user in the realm. It's a theory of mine that each species have their own brand of magic so it plausible that others have tryed to harness and master such powers or find a way around them. Or else there wouldn't be so many kind of artefacts around.
9884233
You might be right. It might be more correct that the entire setting of the Trottish Isles are a mix of Britain, Scotland, Welsh and Ireland all combined together.
I can't help but think of a bit of text that been floating around in my head for years, looking for a story: He spoke a form of rhyming slang no one else knew, which made it less a dialect and more an elaborate speech impediment.
In any case, it's a very good thing Ping is on their side. I shudder to imagine the alternative.
9885407
Wittgenstein called them language games. But this man preferred solitaire.
Ping is Jeeves in a military catsuit.
Change my mind.
Honestly love how stupidly OP he is at bureaucratic matters, but it's bound to catch him in the ass at some point. And he did piss off his previous officer, vanishing as he did....
Don't get me wrong! As one of many characters he's brilliant at the paperwork shenanigans and I ADORE the lil glimpses into batpony culture we get through his perspective, but I feel as though he could do with some more development beyond that. Annnnnd as FO:E Project Horizons taught us, character development means conflict and trouble.
9885777
Ping is clearly Radar O’Reilly.
9885407
That sounds like the kind of thing that could have been stolen from Pratchett.
Captain Falcon's first name is Blue? That's beautiful.
Also Ping reminds me of Radar from M*A*S*H. Wait... Radar... Ping... You did that on purpose.
He could teach a course on two-consent bureaucracy. It's not that he doesn't understand, it's that he's "exploring the limits of his office".
Clerical ninja, nice.
Damn office ninjas sneaking all over the place delivering paperwork and what not.
They really didn't want Captain Falcon
I hear he's not just a drunk, but a mean drunk, too. Has one heck of a punch
Oof.
Ping is one smug bastard. To be commended for his efficiency, though
You're pushing it, Ping
Do not question the ways of the hyper competent office clerk. They know exactly what form to deliver to what office to get you reassigned to some isolated outpost in the Crystal Mountains.
Also..... the idea of promoting and basing leadership potential on individual MERIT!? Not the obvious quality of breeding and wealth!? Gleaming.... you mad mare!