No Need For Curs
Trixie's hooves hurt her. She and Ramrod and the gunners had been in and out of five different dives in the last three hours, and they were running out of Barkalonan pony bars to trawl for rockhoppers. It wasn't as if there weren't any ponies in Perroencia! The Princess's Bit had limped over enough cultivated fields and groves, the country wasn't a blasted wasteland like the Dragonlands or Burrostan.
And they'd found enough earth ponies drowning their sorrows, that wasn't the problem.
Noo. Noone o' oor kin been fool enough ta go underhill in generations. Noot but Perros and woe beneath the sod, yer ladyship. The soil's for us, dry an' white, or crumbly and brown, or oorange-tinted an' stubborn, alla it waitin' fer hooves to coax it black an' sweet an' healthy-like. Haint never laid eyes on clothes like zhat, yoor ladyship. Yoo movin' into town? We could use a majicker in these parts, ze garrison never sends us oot noopony to doo the necessaries. Noot nearly ooften enoo.
Bah! Hicks! Worse than the swampfolk back home. The further Trixie and her minions got away from Fort Bing, the thicker the accents got, and the dumber the patrons, but still - no matter how incoherent and hickish the ponies got, nopony would admit to rockhopping.
Wasn't Perroencia some sort of mining country? Trixie thought she'd heard something about that. The hills around Barkalona were full of coal mines, and phosphate mines. She knew that you could get Perroencian saltpetre, quality sulfur, and good copper compounds - copper oxychloride and the cheaper carbonate- all of them marked 'Producte de Perroencia' on the packaging.
The sixth dive was no better than the rest. They'd moved from the district along the causeway called Ponytown to the public streets lining the old walls, where the farmers from outside of the city came in with their loads of produce and pigs on the hoof to the markets and the butchering yards 'ultra vires', 'outside of the walls'. Trixie had thought that maybe they'd catch word of a rockhopper pony out that way, since none could be had for love or harmony around the fort itself.
"Ensign, is Trixie doing things the wrong way? Half of them snigger at me like I'm playing three-card mounted with the queen sticking out of my mane where everypony can see the cheat."
"Dang if I know, lieutenant. I don't know why the master sergeant thought I'd be of any help. I'm as much of a dunghoof as the rest of these here hicks. What do I know about rockhopping?"
"We 'icks knowt more 'n yo metropolits and yoor mainlander ways, sparkler," sniped a particularly drunken farmer from the end of the bar, near where Trixie and her gunners had huddled up. "Taint noopony fool enoo ta play in the dark an' Perroy depths when ze Princess's zun's oop over-head in ze air ta give us light!"
"Ze perros is what yoo warnt, yer screwheadedship," nodded the drunkard next down the bar from the loudmouth. "Doon underhill's dooggy work. Nowt place for ponies, doon underhill."
The rest of the bar nodded, like the drunkard had stated a truism, something too obvious to be mentioned by unlubricated adults.
Trixie looked at her minions, and saw them wincing in embarrassment. Just to make sure I understand this…
"Are you saying that there are diamond dogs in this city who work as rockhoppers?" Trixie asked the drunks, trying to meet their wandering, unfocused gazes.
"Wh- whay, why woodn't zher be, yer screwship? Hoopin' is bitches work. Haint zat soo, Wet?"
The sober barkeep behind the cheaply built, badly cleaned bar nodded her head at her customers.
"Zee? Perro's work, roock-moongerin. Hoopin' and hollorin' and a-mookin' aboot in the colliers an' ze like. Noo pony woort zeir cud'd be coot dead underhill!"
"Bobtail blast us all to the moon, why didn't anypony say this the last bar we hit? Or the three before that?"
"Oo doo I knaw, yer screwship? Noot like hai've been in anny ov zose poobs. Wait, Wet, zere's oother poobs in this alicorn-versaken perro-hole yoo ponies call a zity?"
"None zat yoo'd want to darken zeir doors, 'Herd. Yoo knoo 'ow yoo and the coolts get when last cooll coomes," said the now-cross barkeep "An' yoo lot, yoo goot yer answer, didna yoo? If yoo're noot goon buy a beer, goo awn, get oot!"
Trixie and her minions got, Trixie cursing the whole time, and mourning her poor, aching hooves.
Diamond dogs! Where were they going to find a diamond dog rock sorcerer without any contacts?
"...and that's why Trixie came back empty-hooved. There are no rock farmers in Perroencia. As far as Trixie can tell - and this is the first time she's ever been on this side of the Celestial Ocean, so take that with as much salt as you can afford - there have never been rock farmers in Perroencia, or, for that matter, anywhere with settled diamond dogs. Trixie doesn't know why she didn't realize it before - it's right there in the name, isn't it? 'Diamond'."
Gleaming sniffed, looking cross. "Not all diamond dogs call themselves that. The Kokoni certainly don't, and the Chiens profondeurs of Île Minière-"
"Major, have you met any of those dogs?" asked Lieutenant Lulamoon, rudely.
"Well, no, of course, I've never met a dog in person, but in books-"
"You've met diamond dogs, Major, ma'am," Gilda interrupted what was sounding like a typical Gleaming Shield time-wasting stem-winder developing. "Bones and his harem from the 93/1st. Never did quite figure out which warren-duchy they were from. Purse Strings!"
She turned to the guilty-looking earth pony, who was doing his best to fade into the wainscotting. "I thought you knew this place, we came here on your recommendation."
"I did!" he protested, drawing himself up from his slouch. "We shipped out of here for six months straight! Across most of the western Inland Sea. Shipped all over the place."
"Six months? Then why am I hearing nothing but 'I can't find anypony to work with' and 'it'll take time and-"
"Look!" he interrupted Gilda. "It was six months… five years ago. We got scared when that rash of parrot raids seized all of those ships, and we thought we'd be next. I jumped ship in Manehattan, and ended up on that barge you two saved me from not long after. Apparently everypony I knew here has moved on, or retired, or been I don't know what. I don't think the parrots raided Barkalona proper, but I can't find anypony.
"Well, other than that big black bitch."
"Quartermaster!" snapped Gleaming. "Language!"
"What? Naw, ma'am, it's just their name for their fillyfolk. Bitches for the females, an' curs for the colts. Believe you me, you want to deal with the bitches, nine times out of ten. Curs are some of the laziest, meanest people I ever did meet."
"Quartermaster…"
"Fine, fine. This big black female says she remembers me, but I swear I never laid eyes on the shaggy bint before this. Know her or not, she's taken over the local 'yards, and I gotta deal with big boss Mindy because nopony else will give me the time of day without one of Mindy's runners with me. She's got this place locked down so tight it might as well be called Fort Knocks."
"Is it going to affect our budget?" asked Gleaming, looking at the ledger on the table between them. "We're not made of bits."
"Nah, not really. So far her prices have been reasonable. More reasonable than ol' Pyrite, tell the truth. No demands for expensive apple brandy or cheroots or any of the usual bakeesh. I'm still waitin' for the other horseshoe to drop."
"Diamond dogs don't wear horseshoes," Gilda objected, mostly just for the record.
"Well, hadesfire, whatever you call those heavy steel-toed things the dogs wear around the heavy equipment. Looks like hoofboots, actually," Purse Strings conceded. "The equipment and supplies are already on board or comin', and we have a team of dogs who're workin' with Black Gang and his ponies. That's that smell you're smellin', by the way. Locals don't believe in bathing."
"Quartermaster!"
"Yeah, whatever. But I don't know what happened to the old rockhopper who used to run the collier yard here. There's some other dog down there now, and a buncha other dogs I don't know from Apple. I ask about a pony inspection team, they just tell me 'manyana'. Whatever the buck that is. Last time I was here, it mostly seemed to mean 'never', when I heard it."
"Purse…" Gilda drawled, disappointed. "They're setting you up for whatever this Mindy has in store for you. Go ask her."
"Ya think? She's a yard boss, not the coal boss. Or anything like that."
"You know anything about her family?" Gilda asked. "About any of these dogs' clans or family ties?"
"Naw, why would I? I was an assistant purser on the old Tocsin. Never dealt with the dog employees of Pyrite or Moist Towel or any of that lot. They had pony assistants when they came around the ship. Can't find any of those assistants now, not sure where they got to; found ol' Moist, or rather, found somepony knows where she was buried."
"Wait, one of your contacts is dead?" asked Gleaming, suddenly alert.
"Naw, nothing like that, boss, ma'am. Old age. Old Moist was mostly dried up and ancient back in the day. Like a blackened mummy with two polished pieces of coals for eyes."
"Yeah, if no-dog is talking to you on the coaling side of the port, Purse, you can be sure, your yard dog is looking for a handout," Gilda said, interrupting their little diversion before it got too far down a Barkalona blind alley. "Look, can I help? You want to introduce me to your big black bitch?"
"Tartarus take it, Gilda, I don't want you picking up Mr. Strings' bad habits."
"We'll keep the frank talk away from your tender pony ears, Major, ma'am. Will she talk to me, Purse, or is there some weird local custom I'd be walking all over?"
"None that I know about, sergeant. But apparently I don't know nothing, not even what I don't know. Hades, come on, I'll bring you down to the yard."
She was as big and black of a bitch as Purse had promised. Gilda could have looked the dog in her face, eye to eye, if the yard boss's bangs weren't so long that all Gilda could see was black shaggy fur.
"So you hold pony's leash? Mindy was tired of dealing with weasely little lap pony. No one can trust a cur, they have no head for business, curs."
"Hey! I ain't nopony's lap-stallion!"
"Stallion can sit in corner and stop yapping. Mindy don't need distraction. You alpha bitch, big bird?"
"Well, something like that. As big a bitch as needs to deal with chiseling little cheats like you. Mindy? Really? What kind of crime boss calls herself 'Mindy'?"
"My dam named me Mindy. Mindy proud name. When my cur told me he give me new name, for new family, I held him up by his tail until dumb idea fall out of his cur head. There is cur business, and there is bitch business. Names is bitch business, and so is business affairs. No need for curs in either. Stupid ponies never get this right. Which is why stupid ponies never have enough pups, and never seem to be satisfied with bits ponies get."
The big dog strode over to the grimy window, and opened it up, revealing the bustling shipyard beyond.
"Big bird see all that? Mindy made it happen. Old pony, he knew to put work in Mindy's paws. Work bloomed, bred. Had many litters. Mindy and other bitches shovel bits back into business, bought many favors across port. Money never important, favors matter, work matters. We charge you exactly what perros need, to keep business running, perros paid, pups fed, supplied paid for. Bits only matter for books. Keep books balanced, books keep perros in kibble.
"But Mindy's business? Needs more than books. Needs to keep family. You have family, big bird?"
"Not as such," Gilda said. "Family's a different sort of business up in Griffonstone. A contentious sort of business. And all about the blasted bits."
"Big bird from Griffonstone? Mindy has dealt with Griffonstone birds before."
"You have my condolences."
"Ha! Ha! Ha! Mindy sees big bird knows self. Is good. Much can be done, when bitch knows who bitch is."
And isn't that the truth., Gilda thought. "So, what does your family demand, that has to do with why we can't find any rockhopping coal-masters to check our bunkers, and find out why our coal blew out one of my engines?"
"My cur, Mortimer, his sisters, they run coal mine up in hills. Big mining family, my cur. All my sister-wives, they my bitches, not Mortimer's bitch sisters' bitches. Nothing to do with Mortimer and his arrogant family. We solid. We united. We keep Mortimer around because Mortimer knows his place, and has good seed. Good litters. But good cur more than good seed. Once we rearrange Mortimer's thinking, he settle down. And never was like some curs in Barkalona, do nothing but sit around getting fat, eating bitches' pay, doing nothing useful. Once we break in cur, Mortimer becomes good cur."
OK, that's more than I ever needed to know about this dog's family dramas… "I'm hearing a 'but' coming right about now?"
"Yes, but. Mortimer's sisters owed many favors. Annoying favors. Mindy spends half her time lining up contracts for Mortimer's sisters' substandard coal. Would like to cut losses on that. Needs big favor. Mindy needs big favor from you, from fancy new pony airship, fancy new pony regiment in town."
Why do I think I'm not going to like this? "OK, I'll bite. What can we do for you and your sisters-in-law that would result in us getting our rockhopper inspection?"
"Is simple, big bird! You let Mindy's niece do inspection!"
Ok… what am I missing? "So what's the catch?"
"You take Mindy's niece! Give her nice cushy job! Get Mindy's annoying, spying niece out of Mindy's fur for next, let say, six months? Year? Longer, if possible? Mind you, don't kill or disappear Mindy's annoying niece. Defeats purpose if niece killed. But Mindy needs bad-example, irritating niece somewhere where irritating niece not get other pups in trouble, turn other pups heads, give other pups ideas. Big bird understand?"
"Is this niece trained as a collier and rockhopper?"
"Perros don't call it rockhopping, but yes, niece has màgia terrestre. Has far too much of la màgia. Would stand to have less of la màgia. If big bird and ponies could see to draining annoying niece dry, without killing niece, would be best. Isn't that right, Reina?"
It was at that point that Gilda spotted the smaller dog who'd been staring through a cracked-open door at the back of the office, spying on their discussion. Her limpid brown eye, visible through the door with her black bangs brushed to one side, watching the big black bitch and Gilda, widening at having been discovered.
Watching the little perro's future be decided. Gilda suddenly felt vertigo, like she was on both sides of that grimy door, the full-grown foreign sergeant, and the scared, scrawny fledgling hiding in corners, and looking for a way out of someplace an awful lot like here.
Gilda de Griffonstone turned to the crime boss and/or put-upon, irritable aunt, and smiled.
"I think you have a deal. What kind of a name is 'Reina'?"
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Aw, Gilda. Was that empathy, there at the end?
"Someday, and that day may never come, I will call upon you to do a service for me."
Wait, I haven't read this yet?
This is looking like a win/irritation/win situation.
On the one hand, they get a rockhopper! And port service. On the other hand, they get a VIP?
On the other hand, Mindy doesn't want Reina back for a year or more if possible. Sounds like she doesn't really care if Reina comes back, as long as she doesn't have to find out about something happening to Reina.
So probably, much like Gilda, and Fish Eye, they kidnap her into service.
10383532
Gilda be like that? For all that she's big and perfectly willing to intimidate, she's never been particularly indifferent to her fellow sophont.
Oh. My. God. The accent, that was really hard to slog through but it did give a feel of authenticity to the conversation. And it make sense that Diamond Dogs would have earth/rock magic or that they dominate the underground, they are in their element after all. Can't wait to see what Reina can do!
Look like the gang is running the town but it's running smoothly and without making life hard on everyone else... that's actually... good? There was no swindling and they got their supplies without trouble... So far I like where this is going but last time when you said not everything was as it seemed, I expected something way darker and dangerous.
Reina? She look interesting
. A bit in over her head now but... there is good prospect for a career in the army? By the time this is over, I am sure she will either be a convert or will curse the day she set foot on that boat and won't be able to get away soon enough.
But thing is... Gilda can't really promise that she will be safe, this is a military outfit going to an overseas mission where they will have to face at minimum GIANT murder birds.
Talking about birds, all that talk about Parrot pirates around these waters... how much bad luck would they have if they decided to raid the Princess Bit thinking it's a almost defenseless shiny new model of cargo ship? Which the Bit was converted from... How unlucky would that be
Small suggestions: it should be Chiens des profondeurs in French. But that sounds very litteral and doesn't sound like something a culture would call themselves. Unless it's a very litteral mindset. Which is good when dealing with mining mind you. You don't mess around underground, that get you killed.
What was it before the traduction?
Female are often more intelligent. The males on the other end sounds like the would fit in the army like a glove. Are some looking for emancipation? Or maybe a young cur would be foolish enough to follow Reina because of love?
They still have more jobs to fill in on the boat and soldiers to send to the Roc grinder after all...
Aw, now what are her ideas Mindy is so afraid of, hm? The only thing Mindy seems passionate about is putting curs in their place. Is Reina a stallions-rights-activist?
Looks like Gilda's finally getting that Diamond Dog she's been wanting.
Quite an interesting bit when you can see yourself as your family in a reversed moment.
And the way it was said, it was like the dogs drew their magic from the earth itself then? (Given she in the description seemed to be blessed and cursed in measure equal?)
Still, interesting that the dog for all intents treated gilda fairly in most matters. For both a foreigner, and non-native... I wonder if something in gilda's other statue is manifesting here? (Especially for swindling foreigners.)
The nature of open talk here is very unusual, is all, but certainly interesting!
Oh boy were these accents a slog to get through. Well, I guess that's how Trixie feels. Still, leave it to Gilda to actually get things done. Mindy will definitely get her 6 months+ reprieve from Reina. This is a long trip.
Also, this "Far too much of la magia" and the alleged social disruptiveness sounds like this Reina may be some kind of serious nerd, wizard and/or intellectual. Possibly a dog/Barkalona Twilight-alike?
So. I suspect having this Reina around is going to add a new sort of crazy to the craziness that is already life in this regiment.
Kinda have to side with Purse Strings though--I feel like I need to be waiting for a shoe to drop out of all of this...something other than the deal of taking Reina off Mindy's paws for awhile...
Ah well, I guess we'll see, and if such a shoe does drop...that'll just make things additionally interesting. It's part of the reason why I read this fic--I like watching all of those shoes drop all over the place, the troubles that arise from such shoe-dropping, and to just what antics our cast of characters here have to do in response to it.
It will be fun to see what magic she can do and what she can do with magic nerd like Twilight and Lyra around. The combo might be even more fun.
I do like that Mindy.
Bet her collar's blue as sapphires and tougher than manticore leather.
Man those were the hardest-to-read accents I’ve seen since Donald and Douglas!
As for the rest of the chapter...good world building. Nice to remind us Gilda’s still really young and new to this, and remembers her own past perfectly clear.
Well, that was interesting! :)
Sounds like it's going to keep being so, too, not that I'm surprised to find that out about something in this story. :)
I don't know if it's my guy sensibility or some kind of male emphaty but I almost feel bad for the curs in this place. I don't know if it's only an opinion on Mindy part or simply a fact that all curs are stupid and lazy compared to the bitches around here but then I got reminded of the Doctor Diamond Dogs, it feels like it doesn't apply to everyone of them. Or is it a case of men and women being too different?
Bitch'n.
You know, it's always been my head canon that it's female Diamond Dogs that are in charge. (Those Diamond Dogs in "Dog and Pony Show"? Just what happens when you get a bunch of Curs running around unsupervised).
Damn i haven't heard the word bitch used this much in a long time.
A little too much b****, I know for story purposes it's simply the equivalent of women. Just for the sake of variety perhaps they could have different words aside from that, like we have girl, lady, ma'am, etc.
Hah. Gilda and the ponies were looking for the hook in the lure, Mindy is trying to get rid of an ambitious somewhat rival, and Reina the neice is trying the hell out of
DodgePerroencia.Kinda of like her outlook on business. Money is just a means to an end, not an end in and of itself.
And of course the recruiting never ends, had to just be a matter of time till they got a Dog, so still need Dragon, Changeling, assuming they dont secretly have one of those, ohhhh Kirin! Get a Kirin!