• Published 27th Mar 2019
  • 2,435 Views, 63 Comments

FINALLY! - Rated Ponystar

Death learns that Princess Celestia and Princess Luna are retiring much to his glee

  • ...

An Average Day With Death

“Let’s see. Joyful Joy. Lame name. Race is unicorn pony. Age thirty-six. Special talent is spreading joy… of course. And dies from liver cancer in hospital room A34. Perfect.”

Putting the scroll behind him, a cloaked figure wielding a scythe began to whistle to himself. He floated across the streets of Manehatten with nopony paying attention to him. Seeing such a cloaked figure in the summer was odd enough, but when you were a skeleton? That was bound to pop out a few eyeballs, but to the rest of the world he was as invisible as air.

Death often wondered what it would be like to turn off the invisibility and let everypony see the avatar of their greatest fear walking among them. The reactions would be funny at first, but then he’d have ponies dying of fright in front of him. That would only be more work for him. “Not that I don’t have enough as it is. Long hours. Few breaks. And I haven’t gotten a pay raise in six thousand, nine hundred, and seventy-one years. I swear if it weren’t for the dental plan I’d quit this job and go try for one of those ‘writing fate’ jobs my cousin does.”

He stopped mumbling to himself when he noticed he arrived at the hospital. With a sigh, he phased through the walls as if they weren’t there. Having been here so many times, he knew the layout by heart and soon arrived at his target’s resting place.

In the room, Death spotted a young yellow coated pony, with a cropped blue mane, sleeping in her bed. An I.V. needled into her foreleg and an air breather around her muzzle. The heart reading machine was beeping in the corner. Baskets of flowers and get well soon cards surrounded the bed in such numbers they could fill half the room. It would have been saddening if it wasn't for the fact he’d seen it a million times.

“There’s gonna be a lot of ponies sad about this mare’s death. Oh well, might as well get this over with.” Stretching his neck a bit, as the cracking of his vertebraes echoed around him. Death walked over and raised his scythe before cutting it down on the body before him. No visible damage was there, but the heart reader in the background went flat in seconds. A few moments later, Joyful Joy breathed her last breath.

A pale ghostly image of the dead unicorn rose from her body like a leaf blown off from a tree before opening her eyes. Looking around in her new astral form, she tilted her head and rubbed her chest. “Huh, that's funny? I feel... lighter... and better than I did this morning.”

“Well, your liver was pretty much beating the crap out of you. I’d say being a floating soul is a step up,” Death said, causing the deceased pony to turn around and scream. With little enthusiasm, he gave a two-fingered salute to the deceased mare. “Yo. Before you ask, yes you are dead. Yes, I am a grim reaper. Yes, there are a lot of us, and your world isn’t the only one that exists. Yes, your religions are real but don’t worry; it's not an automatic sentence to hell for being non-religious. Except for Richard Spencer. And no, there is nothing that can bring you back to life short of the gods themselves telling me, a necromancer, time travel, or a level nine wish spell.”

Joyful closed her mouth, but then opened it again.

And no, challenging me to a game of chess or any other activity will not work. We’re not allowed to do that since Magic the Gathering became popular and we went waaaay behind on our daily universal quota.”

“Well, then I got nothing,” Joyful Joy sighed in response as she tearfully looked at her dead body. “Do I really have to go? I don’t want to leave my family and friends to mourn for me.”

“Yeah, you do. Because I go on break in five. Let’s move it,” Death said as he raised his scythe and slashed in the air. From its slash, a tear in the fabric of reality opened up like that of a zipper from a jacket. Opening up wide, the portal in front of Joyful Joy made her stare in awe. From it came pure light, the songs of angelic choirs, and a warmth more comfortable then the sun ever gave.

“Oh my, is that heaven?” Joyful asked with wide eyes.

“No, it’s the burning fires of hell. They’re always bright, warm, cheerful, and play choir music 24/7. Now get in there,” Death replied, rolling his non-existent eyes.

Joyful Joy glared at the skeleton, who gave her the middle finger in return, before taking a deep breath. She walked over to the portal and was gone in an instant, forever to live in eternal peace. Snapping his fingers, Death made the portal disappear. A second later, doctors and nurses arrived to try and resurrect their now deceased patient. Deciding to skip the drama, Death walked through the wall until he was outside the streets of Manehatten once again...


With five minutes to spare until his next target, Death decided to lay on a bench to catch up on the news. Taking out his cellphone, he began to flip through the various articles. Every one of them from different worlds, timelines, and dimensions. All in the sea of endless creation.

“Let’s see what’s going in the various dimensions of reality. Hmm, Cyberpunk 2077 still not out yet. The world where Hillary Clinton became president finally got destroyed in a nuclear war with Russia. Cat memes. Naruto kills Sasuke in another timeline, and nobody gives two shits. Hell, I’d throw a fucking party over the duck butt head’s corpse. Pewdiepie is still the number one youtuber in every world for some reason. Nayru announces engagement to Arceus. Well, that’s another big god wedding to look forward to. Another dozen Disney live-action remake movies planned, and… what…”

If Death had eyes, they would be wide open. He read the following: Main MLP Universe Princesses Celestia and Luna Announce Retirement!

A split second later he was on the move.


Twilight couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She had to rub her hoof into her ears twice to make sure she had been listening right. She wasn't the only one. All her friends, and Spike, were staring at the two sister alicorns with similar expressions. Applejack finally spoke the question all seven of them were thinking. “Wait a gosh darn minute! What da ya’ll mean yer retirin’?”

“It is as my older sister has said, fair Applejack,” Princess Luna answered with a smile. “We have seen how wonderful Equestria has become thanks to your efforts. You have done far more than either my sister or I could have done, even when working together. Thus, we have come to same agreement. The time has come to set aside our crowns and allow the next generation to guide Equestria into a new era.”

“B-b-b-but you’ve been ruling for so long! Longer than a thousand years even!” Rarity shouted.

“Yes, but we have ruled far longer than we intended. Equestria was to be ruled by a council of ponies before we came and took control by Starswirl’s request. Back then, the concept of working together was still new," Princess Celestia explained. "The six of you have what it takes to lead and guide Equestria far better then either of us can."

“Woah, who would have thought! Us! Rulers of Equestria! This almost beats being a Wonderbolt!” Rainbow Dash shouted, doing a few loop-de-loops. “Do I get an awesome crown?! And a cape?! And a sword?!”

“Um, I don’t know if I can do this. I mean, it's kind of a big responsibility, isn’t it?” Fluttershy asked, hiding behind her mane.

“You have been the Elements of Harmony. Heroes of Equestria. Ambassadors and Agents of Friendship. Even teachers for the next generation of friends and heroes. I have a feeling you are more than ready,” Princess Celestia answered.

“Ooh! I get to decide the coordination ceremony!” Pinkie Pie shouted waving her hooves. “Because I have wanted to redecorate this castle to look a lot more fun looking for a long time! I hope I have enough balloons and pink paint cans!”

Spike turned to the only one who had still been silent this entire time, Twilight Sparkle. She had lowered her flaring wings and stared at the ground in thought. Tugging at her feathers for her attention, Spike asked, “Twilight? What do you think?”

Twilight took a deep breath before slowly raising her head. “I think…”

Before she could answer, Twilight's eyes widened as the air in the throne room suddenly got fifty degrees colder. The sudden change in the atmosphere caused her to shiver and wrap her wings around her barrel. Her very spine began to tremble despite it being the middle of spring itself. Twilight turned to the windows to check only to see frost begin to form across the glass tinted windows. Around her, everypony, even the princesses, started to shiver by the sudden change

"W-w-what the h-h-hay? D-d-d-did the weather p-p-p-ponies turn on the s-s-snow makers in C-Cloudsdale?" Rainbow Dash asked, rubbing her forelegs.

"E-E-E-even m-m-my earmuffs ar-r-r-re freezing," Pinkie Pie stated, wearing the said clothing. Despite wondering, for a brief moment, where she got it, the others could see she was not kidding. Icicles were even starting to form on the end.

One by one, the lights went out without any warning until the entire room was as dark as night. An invisible foreboding shadow began to spread across the air like a cloak of fear. Twilight's heart began to beat like a humming bird's wing with her instincts telling her run. Yet, she saw no enemy or any danger of any kind before her eyes.

That’s when a shadow appeared before them. Right between the princesses and Twilight's’ group. They gasped as it swirled into a portal of darkness and flame, growing ever so larger. It was as if a gate to oblivion itself had been summoned beneath them. Slowly, a figure began to rise before them from its void like maw.

Floating out of the dark portal, a tall figure in a dark cloak, and holding a scythe, appeared before them. Everypony, and dragon, stood frozen in terror upon seeing his full form. Their heads began to fill with foalhood stories, tales of horror, and warning fables. All which portrayed this figure as the symbol of every mortal's greatest fear. The fate that none could escape, and that all feared as time moved on. A being so strong that Twilight knew they couldn’t even dare challenge it.

Death. The Grim Reaper. The Seeker of Souls.

With lidless eyes, the skeleton turned around and stared at everyone in silence. Twilight fell on her haunches the moment his gaze hit her own while Spike all but ran behind her with tears in his eyes. Death himself had come, but for who? One of them? Everypony?

The bravest of them, AJ and Dash, stood there in terror, unable to move. Rarity and Fluttershy had fallen to the floor and covered their eyes in shaking terror. Even Pinkie Pie’s mane had not only deflated but turned colorless.

The royal sisters stared at the dark being with such fear that it further escalated the situation in Twilight's mind. The princesses were powerful, but they were not gods. Even they could fall at the hands of death itself if need be.

The Grim Reaper slowly turned to the two sister alicorns. His rash voice spoke like that of a chalkboard being scratched with the talons of a dragon. “Have I heard right? Are you two, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, retiring?”

The two sisters turned at each other before Celestia, doing her best to stare down the creature before her, stepped forward. “W-We are.”


In an instant, the dark feelings and cold atmosphere were gone as the light returned to the room. Everypony blinked in confusion and then in disbelief at the sight of dancing grim reaper who seemed to be tap dancing with delight. The avatar of death soon stopped and clapped his bony hands in delight. “Yes! Yes! I am so happy right now! Finally, I thought this day would never happen! Oh, this is gonna get me a promotion for sure!”

“Promotion?” Twilight asked, tilting her head in disbelief.

Summon a scroll and pen, Death whistled forward towards the two confused princesses. With a cheerful tone, he asked, “So ladies, when do you want your time to come to an end after you pass on the keys to the country or whatever? Six months? A year? Four years? I’m willing to go anywhere between a century or two max.”

“Um, what are you talking about? Who are you?!” Luna demanded, finding her courage once again. Despite having a skull for a face, Death’s look at the night princess was one that could be ready as ‘seriously?’.

“Uh, you do know who I am right? Or has being on the moon for a thousand years caused your brains to rot due to the lack of oxygen?” Luna’s bright red cheeks and glare made the skeleton sigh. “Alright, fine. I’m Death or at least one of the many reaper guys in the universe who takes souls to the various afterlives. Nice to meet you. Anyway, I’m here because I’m here to ask for when you two,” he pointed to the princess, “want to die after you retire.”

What?! The princesses are going to die?!” Twilight shouted as her wings flared out frantically.

“Uh, well not now, unless they want to. I mean, they were never going to die. Not until they finally decided to get those big plots off their thrones and pass rulership to someone else,” Death explained, shaking his head. “Since they don’t plan to be the rulers of Equestria anymore they are as free game as the rest of you.” This didn’t help calm Twilight or anypony down as they turned pale in the face.

Celestia raised an eyebrow. “Um, Death? If that’s okay to call you..”

“Eh, call me Larry. It’s my real name.”

Rainbow Dash couldn’t help but snicker. “Larry? Really?”

The now named “Larry” turned to Dash. “Twelve years, ten months, sixteen days, and seven hours from right now. By a stroke.”

Dash raised her eyebrow before her eyes widened at what that meant and soon shut up.

“Anyway,” Princess Celestia continued, “Larry, why are you saying that my sister and I are going to die soon?”

“Well, it's not so much as you will die soon. You guys are now up for grabs since you no longer have the ‘Privilege of Destiny’ as I like to call it,” Death quoted with his fingers. “The reason you two have never died since you were born is that the two of you were needed to keep this world running. I mean come on, do you really think anyone can survive in space where there is no air? A deadly magic blast without dying from the impact? Twice? Being squeezed by sharp pointy vines for hours at an end? And to the two ponies who pretty much control the very things that keep this world alive? I mean come on, man. If sun and moon to stop working it would bring the untold death of the world before its predetermined."

The two sisters looked at each other, alarmed by this revelation brought to them. “Now that you mentioned it, I am wondering how I did survive on the moon without starving to death.”

“And I on the sun without burning to a crisp.”

“I thought that was because they were alicorn demi-gods?” Twilight Sparkle asked.

“Oh please, being an alicorn isn’t some super Saiyan god mode or anything. You just get a bit of a boost in power and some fancy wings. I mean Starlight Glimmer kicked your butt a lot when you tried to stop her from changing time. And she was a unicorn,” Death pointed out.

“So because the princesses are retiring, they are now open to dying?” Spike asked, raising one hand before raising the other. “And before they weren’t?”

“Pretty much. I’m here to plan ahead and give them a date they want to die because I have been waiting sooooo long for their souls,” Larry said with glee.

“Why us?” Princess Celestia asked.

“Because, when a Reaper gets a privilege immortal soul to reap, they get a lot of credit and notability! The Board of Directors hates beings like you because we’re supposed to get anybody. But the fates and deities always have their ways to get around that. They end up creating a few important figures who are destined to never die, or else their entire plan for the world goes flat. I mean, it makes it look like our business is in false advertising! I'm surprised we haven't gotten sued yet!” Death moaned, waving his hands in the air. “Getting one of these souls is bound to make any Reaper get a huge bonus, or a pay raise, or just a promotion in general. Hell, I could even be looking at the employee of the month! Unless somebody manages to finally get Keith Richards. Lord knows we all got a betting pool on when he croaks.”

“Oh, if you do, can I throw you a party! I’ve never had a 'Congratulations Death On Your Promotion' party before!” Pinkie Pie asked, already writing down some drawing for a cake. Fluttershy glanced at it and nearly fainted upon seeing the topper. It had Death holding the severed heads of Celestia and Luna with comedic x’s for eyes.

“Pinkie! This is serious!” Twilight hissed before turning to the Reaper. “This doesn’t have to happen! They don’t have to retire! They can still lead us!”

“Um… we kind of put in our resignation papers to the nobility and the papers already, Twilight,” Princess Celestia muttered with a nervous smile.

"I told you we should have done that after telling Twilight and her friends, sister," Luna scolded, glaring at the blushing elder alicorn.

“Yeah, otherwise I wouldn’t even be bothering to do this. Look, you’re getting a chance to decide how and when you want to die. That rarely happens. So, what do you want? I got a griffin choking on a meat stick that I need to get to in six minutes so chop chop!”

Twilight bit her lip and tried to think of something to do to save the beloved princesses. Her mind thought back to what Larry had said, and soon an idea came to her. “Wait! You still can’t take the Princesses!”

“Uh, why not?” Larry asked, turning around.

“Because!” Twilight smirked as she mentally pat herself on the back. “The Princesses may be retiring from ruling Equestria, but that doesn’t mean they are retiring from moving the sun and moon! And as you said before, they are needed to keep the world working until it's predetermined time to end, right?!”

“Yeah, nice try, Sparklebutt,” Larry stated, waving his boney hand in dismissal. The nickname made Spike and Dash snicker a bit before Twilight slapped them in the head. “But I know for a fact both you, and your sister-in-law, can raise the sun and moon on your own. So close, but no cigar. Now if there are no more interruptions I-” He paused for a second before looking upward and sighing. “Really?”

The ponies looked at each other in confusion, some even stared upward. Everypony wondering what Larry was talking about. Suddenly, a bright white streak of energy burst through the ceiling like a cannonball. It glowed like a star before landing in the throne room with a big explosion of light. Everyone, except for Larry, covered their eyes from the intensity of the flare before it died down. For the second time, everypony had their jaws on the floor upon seeing who it was.

She was the tallest pony that they had ever seen, even Princess Celestia was dwarfed by her size. Her wings alone could easily cover three ponies under them. They were so pure white that even snow was darker compared to the feathers flared before them. Her horn shined like a diamond and stood proud like a flag. Her red mane were so beautiful that Spike couldn’t help but put his precious Rarity into the number two slot. Her cutie mark was that of a quill, ink, and paper. All to symbolize her as the writer of destiny, reality, and the creator of life. A cutie mark that made everypony quickly kowtowed to upon seeing it.

For before them was none other than Fausticorn. The God of Equus.

“Reaper Number 793714! You have some explaining to do!” The goddess shouted, her voice rumbling the entire mountainside.

“Well, crap.” Larry sighed and scratched his head.

And it was going so well too.

Author's Note:

The next chapter will come soon, I promise. Thanks to B_25 for his editing!

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