Shadow's Story
Scootaloo was sitting off to the side of the operating room as the doctor and nurses rushed around getting everything ready. She had not expected the room to be as spacious as it was, but considering that a patient and quite a few ponies would sometimes need to work in here together she realized it was actually rather small. Ponyville was only a small town compared to the rest of Equestria.
Scootaloo’s attention was brought back to the doctor she and Twilight had met when they arrived. She thought his name was doctor Stable or something like that, but she couldn’t really remember. The doctor had just finished with an in-depth scan of Shadow with his magic. To her frustration they all moved slowly, as if Shadow was not even hurt or on the operating table.
Shadow was completely immobilized by Twilight’s stasis spell and could only move his eyes and lips. He could softly speak like that but the doctor had asked him to keep silent until he could verify that there was no damage to his vocal cords or throat.
“Okay. I have a pretty good idea of what has been done to him. Princess if you wouldn’t mind, I would like you to stay. I don’t want to risk any other stasis spells while this one is perfect, it would just create unnecessary risk,” said the doctor.
Twilight nodded with a smile and said, “Sure thing doctor. Scootaloo I want you to go wait in the waiting room please.”
Scootaloo started to slightly panic, she didn’t want to let Shadow out of her sight, not when he was hurt like he was.
“What? No! I don’t wanna leave Shadow. He-” said Scootaloo.
The doctor gently interrupted to reassure her, “It’s okay filly, he is perfectly stable in that stasis spell and we can heal everything I found with my scan. He will be just fine.”
Scootaloo sagged slightly with relief and slowly nodded as she understood their lack of urgency. She jumped off her chair and started to make her way out of the room. Before she got to the doors Twilight stepped up to her and gave her an affectionate nuzzle.
“Don’t worry Scoots. I will make sure he is ok,” said Twilight Sparkle.
Scootaloo returned the affection and nodded to Twilight and walked out the door, she made sure to look back at Shadow before the door could close and saw him give her a wink. She smiled sadly at him and slowly went over and sat on one of the chairs in the waiting room. After a few moments she lay down on the large chair and softly started to cry again.
A few minutes later she felt a pair of hooves and soft forelegs wrap around her and pull her into a hug. She opened her eyes and saw the pink forelegs of the pony hugging her. She turned around in the embrace to return the hug and buried her face in the soft chest of Pinkie Pie. Pinkie Pie just held her for a while and stroked her mane.
Scootaloo finally got her tears under control and looked up at Pinkie Pie to thank her. She was taken aback for just a moment at Pinkie’s flat mane and tail. But wisely she didn’t comment on it.
“How did you know Pinkie?” asked Scootaloo.
“O silly, aunt Pinkie knows when she is needed,” Pinkie Pie said sadly.
“Shadow will be fine though. The doctor has Twilight in there keeping him in a stasis spell and he said he can heal everything,” Scootaloo said with a more genuine smile.
Pinkie’s mane and tail perked back up to their normal curliness and gave Scootaloo a huge smile in relief.
“That’s good. I will go get Flutters, Big Mac and Spike as soon as the rest of your herd arrives,” said Pinkie Pie.
She had barely finished her sentence before there was a stampede of hooves echoing through the corridors. A moment later the door burst open with four fillies charging in before they slid to a stop upon seeing Scootaloo and Pinkie Pie.
Pinkie Pie jumped off the chair with a giggle and bounced out the door with a wave of her hoof. Before the door swung shut one of Princess Twilight’s guards walked in and stood by the doors, watching over them.
The Twins and her two herd mates jumped up on Pinkie’s old spot and brought Scootaloo into a hug.
“How is he?” asked Sweetie Belle.
With a sniffle Scootaloo said, “He will be fine, the doctor and Twilight are healing him now.”
The four foals all heaved a big sigh in relief. Scootaloo then went on to explain where Pinkie Pie went as they all settled in to wait for more news.
The door silently swung shut behind Scootaloo. Shadow looked over at Princess Twilight and tried to get her attention as she was once again in conversation with the doctor.
After a few muffled words and grunts she finally looked over at him and saw he was trying to speak. She trotted up to the bed and softly talked to him.
“Easy Shadow, don’t speak yet. Let the doctor heal you first,” said Twilight Sparkle.
“Have… to ask… you…” Shadow softly forced out.
The stasis spell was keeping his jaw in place and only his lips could move. For anything he wanted to say he had to speak slowly so he could be understood.
“What is wrong Shadow?” asked Twilight Sparkle.
“Want you… to see to this. Please… don’t involve… Foal Protections. See to it… that my… sisters… can stay in… Ponyville. Please!” begged Shadow.
Twilight looked bewildered for a second as she processed his words. Her head jerked back a bit as she finally understood why he was asking her to keep Foal Protection Services away.
With quiet fury in her voice he had never heard from her before she asked, “Shadow, was the mare who did this your mother?”
The doctor and nurses all looked at the colt on the table in shock when they heard that. They all stayed frozen for a second before they started to get back to preparing the healing spells about to be used.
“Their mother,” Shadow was able to force out.
“I don’t understand,” said Twilight Sparkle.
Shadow was about to reply but the doctor interrupted, “Princess we are ready to begin. It would be best if we can proceed as soon as possible. Can you keep him talking while we work?”
The doctor then shifted his attention to Shadow, “This is going to hurt Shadow, and I mean a lot. The stasis spell interferes with any painkillers and we can’t put you under, not with that head wound. The risk for you not waking up again is too great. So, are you ready?”
Shadow’s lips twitched and he said, “Sure doc… go ahead.”
The doctor nodded and moved out of Shadow’s line of sight and started to give the nurses instructions. Shadow felt a sharp poke on each of his legs as the nurses slipped needles attached to magically enhanced IV drips so they could keep him nourished while the spell worked its way through his body. The spell would take the needed energy directly from his body’s reserves.
Shadow could feel the moment the doctor started the spell. His energy dropped like a stone before the IV drips could restore some of the energy as they pumped their potent mix of fluids into him.
As he felt some of his strength return, he felt the stasis spell remove itself only from around his mouth, Twilight spoke as soon as she finished freeing his mouth.
“What did you mean when you said she was their mother?” asked Twilight Sparkle.
He felt every single one of his wounds flared with a sharp spike of pain all at once but he decided to start speaking to distract himself from the pain.
“It’s a very long story Twilight,” said Shadow.
“We are not going anywhere anytime soon. And I need a good reason why I shouldn’t involve Foal Protection Services,” replied Twilight Sparkle.
Shadow frowned slightly but sighed as best he could while not being able to move. He knew the doctor and his nurses were listening closely and would keep meticulous records.
“I was born to a wealthy noble herd, I can remember that much at least. I was born a pegasus while they were three unicorn nobles in Canterlot. You can probably imagine why I was not wanted. I think they were pretty big tribalists, they didn’t really like ponies who were not unicorns,” said Shadow.
Twilight frowned at this but nodded as she knew most of the unicorn nobles in Canterlot were unicorn tribalists. Even with Princess Celestia trying to curb their ways they still held out in their stubbornness.
Shadow continued his tale, “After I was born, they courted a pegasus mare into the herd to make it look like she was the one who birthed me. I don’t know how they thought they could get away with it but they did. That mare was the one that you saved me from earlier.”
He could see the rage in Twilight’s eyes again at the mention of that mare. He heard a few disgruntled noises coming from the doctor and the two nurses who were not in his line of sight.
“Her name is Storm Chaser. She was one of the best Wonderbolts had to offer a few years ago. That’s why they chose her to take the place of my mother. She gave a big boost to their status. Shadow is not really my birth name, actually I cannot remember what it was, my sisters gave me the name Shadow. But they and she never really cared for me, she was always busy with the ‘bolts and preparing for a show. They never spent any time with me or even played with me. When I was about six, she came back one day with a missing wing. I never found out how that happened. The herd turned on her and threw her out that same day, for good measure they threw me out with her,” explained Shadow.
Twilight was shocked going by the way her jaw was almost touching the floor.
“They dared to treat a foal that way!” exclaimed Twilight Sparkle.
Twilight’s mane and tail had started to move on their own, reflecting just how angry she was. Her mane and tail looked a lot like Princess Celestia or Princess Luna’s from the way they moved, but there was none of the gentleness present like Princesses. A feeling of danger filled the room and Twilight’s mane and tail had small sparks running through them and her magic could almost be tasted on the air.
No pony dared to say anything, they all just froze and waited for Twilight to make the first move. She clenched her eyes closed and lifted a hoof to her chest and moved it away from her and back in time with her breathing. It was clear she was trying to calm down and it seemed to be slowly working. First her tail, followed almost instantly by her mane, slowed its movement and finally went back to how it normally looked.
After a few more seconds she finally opened her eyes and looked at Shadow. He could still see the anger there, but she seemed to have it under control now. His lips twitched with amusement, but all of a sudden two sharp cracks were heard in the room, everypony flinched at the sound. Shadow let out a wheezing sound as his mouth opened in a silent scream.
“What was that?” demanded Twilight Sparkle.
“His wings,” the doctor replied with a wince.
The doctor was using his magic to keep close watch on the spell and its progress. Twilight only spared a glance for the doctor before she brought her attention back to Shadow. She did a double take as she looked at him and saw his wings.
“Your wings are black! But your coat is grey. How did I never realize that? What is going on?” stammered Twilight Sparkle.
With another grunt that was forced out through clenched teeth Shadow spoke, “I normally use my magic to keep attention away from them seeing as they were merely decorations.”
“Decorations? What do you mean?” asked Twilight Sparkle.
“I’ll get to it, its part of the story,” said Shadow.
Twilight huffed but finally nodded and waited for Shadow to continue.
“Not even a month after we were thrown out, her anger started to consume her, she started blaming me for her losing her wing and she got into salted drinks.” – Shadow paused at Twilight and the nurse’s gasps – “We were living in a very small run-down house in a small town. I can’t even remember what the town was called though. She started getting abusive and taking out her rage on me. Before the next month was out, she started refusing to buy food for me. She still got herself food but I had to fend for myself. To this day she is still receiving her pension from the ‘bolts but I haven’t even seen a single bit of it in years,” explained Shadow.
Twilight started breathing heavily again, but she didn’t let her anger manifest again.
“She refused to feed the foal she was supposed to take care of?” asked Twilight Sparkle, her voice deadly cold and calm.
“Yeah, that first week was bad. But I was lucky and got a part time job at the town’s restaurant washing their dishes. I told them it was for extra allowance, even though I have never received a single bit in allowance. Now I was just a foal at the time and didn’t know any better, I just thought that was how life was for a foal. Even when we were with the herd I have never been cared for, so I didn’t have any other comparisons to make with how life was supposed to be. That was all during the winter months so the bits from the restaurant helped, but it was just not enough to pay for three meals a day,” said Shadow.
Twilight was running a hoof through his mane by this point and was silently sniffling. She wasn’t sure she wanted to hear more but knew she would have to listen to all of it.
Twilight wasn’t sure if it was the pain from the spell or memories as Shadow continued his tale in a soft pained voice, “I started eating only when I had the bits for food. Which wasn’t very often, but at least once a day. By the time spring had come she had started to give out beatings that were slowly getting worse. At that time, I had realized I could use my magic to make other ponies ignore the cuts and bruises. With practice I could even make them forget about seeing me that day. I was so happy when I figured that out. I thought that I could also use it on her so she would stop hurting me,” – A bitter smile and an eye-roll was the only reaction Shadow gave to his younger self’s thoughts – “Didn’t really work, it seemed the salt made my magic ineffective on her. But what came next was probably the best thing to ever happen to me.”
“The twins!” exclaimed Twilight Sparkle.
“Yes. Three days into her heat I heard her coming into the house late that night shouting about being pregnant. She was out of the house for those three days, I don’t think even she knew where she went. She was out of her mind drunk and I did not want her to so much as hear me. That would have just resulted in another beating so I hid behind the couch for the whole night, even as she finally fell asleep on that same couch. I didn’t get a wink of sleep that night, I was worried that she would just continue to take in the salt while she had a foal in her. I had heard it in the restaurant a few times that a mare who was pregnant shouldn’t drink anything with salt in it, otherwise the foal would be hurt or even killed. I didn’t really understand why at the time, but I know now what would have happened if I did nothing,” Shadow said with a shudder.
Twilight nodded slowly and still stroked his mane softly. She had tears in her eyes at this point and was trying her hardest to not start crying, she knew she wouldn’t be able to stop if she let go now. Shadow was staring into her eyes and seemed to be getting the strength to continue with his tale from her. The two nurses and the doctor were all silent as they listened as well.
“The next day I snuck out of the house and made my way to a pony who worked in Foal Protections and explained everything to her, I was cautious though and didn’t trust her, at that time I didn’t trust any grown up. I used my magic on her the entire time while we talked to keep her from remembering anything afterwards. I just wanted to know what would happen if I let her act with that information. What she said was not really promising. The procedure for something like that was to take away the foal, meaning me, as she was not my birth mother and place me in foster care. What would happen to the unborn foal was that she would be put into foster care once born. Storm Chaser would be put in a special hospital if she was found unfit to be a mother. I knew she would refuse to stop with the salt so I had to do something. I didn’t want the foal to be taken and put in foster care too. So, I before I went back to that Foal Protections mare, I decided to try one last thing. I went to Storm Chaser and waited for her to wake up and be sober so I could try to make a deal with her.” – Shadow took a deep breath, looked down and away from Twilight’s eyes – “I told her that if she stopped with the salt until the foal was born, she could take out her anger on me and do whatever she wanted to me,” said Shadow.
Twilight’s eyes widened and the tears finally spilled down as she started to sob. She moved closer to the dark grey colt and wrapped her hooves around his head and hugged him as best she could while trying to not hurt him anymore than he already was.
“O Shadow!” exclaimed Twilight Sparkle.
His breath stuttering a bit he said, “I haven’t ever talked about this with anypony. It hurts so much, but I want to get it all out.”
Twilight nodded gently and sat down in front of him and placed her face down on the table directly in front of his, she resumed stroking his mane softly as he started talking again.
“That year was the worst of my life, she broke both of my wings in the first month. My wings never healed right and I couldn’t go to a hospital. That’s why I tried to hide them from ponies with my magic. Not only because they are a different color but because any pegasus can see they are broken and would probably try and find out why. She gave me even more bruises and broke a few ribs and other bones. I still had to fend for myself for food, but I made sure she ate enough. I had talked to a pony at the town’s small library, again using my magic to make her forget everything, on how to care for a foal and what was needed to care for them. O yeah, speaking of the library, the reason I have not yet filled in the paperwork to legally be a part of Scoots’ herd is because I don’t know how to read or write,” said Shadow.
He closed his eyes for the inevitable explosion from the purple Princess who was at heart still a bookworm. It never came, he looked back up at her after a few moments of silence. She had her eyes clenched shut with sorrow and anger written clear on her face. She slowly opened her eyes and affectionately looked deep into his eyes.
Twilight softly kissed him on his forehead and said, “Don’t worry about that right now Shadow, I will help you with the papers and teach you to read and write myself.”
Shadow felt his eyes moisten again and tried to lean into her but was stopped by the stasis spell still holding him still.
Shadow gave a soft snort of annoyance and started speaking again, “It was a big surprise that there were two of them when the nurse told me in the hospital when they were born. I named them you know, I am the one who fed them, changed them and took care of them. She just went directly back to her salt as soon as she was out the hospital, she didn’t even come home for three days. When she finally did come back, she tried to punish the twins for her having to go so long without her salt. I put myself between them and she went absolutely berserk. That was the second worst beating she ever gave me. I couldn’t believe I was still alive when I woke up the next day. It seemed she had exhausted herself taking it out on me and had left the twins alone.” – Twilight let out a silent sigh of relief at hearing that – “After that I made sure she never even saw the twins again, I kept them away in another room and took them with me whenever I leaved the house. I couldn’t work for bits for food while the twins were still so small, so I snuck into her room while she was passed out and stole the bits she used to buy her own salt, I think she finally noticed it by the time the twins were two years old because she didn’t keep her bits in the house anymore. So, I started working at a restaurant washing dishes again. We had already moved to another small town by that time and nopony knew us there,” explained Shadow.
Doctor Stable interrupted at this time and said, “Princess the spell is just about finished. Just a few more moments and then we can move him to a recovery room.”
Twilight nodded and silently sat with him and continued to stroke Shadow’s mane. She didn’t say anything and Shadow just stared into her caring eyes. Twenty seconds later Shadow felt the spell leave his body and the IV needles were removed as he was picked up by Twilight’s magic, after she got the okay from the doctor. She placed him on a bed with wheels that one of the nurses had just brought in.
“We are taking him to room six Princess,” said doctor Stable.
Twilight nodded and used her magic to push the bed out the doors. As they left, she saw the two of her friends who were still in town, Big Mac who was holding Apple Bloom, Spike just sitting close to the Crusaders and the guard standing by the door, all waiting for them.
“Shadow!” five voices exclaimed.
The five fillies rushed over and stood with their forelegs on the side of the bed as they looked at the colt laying there.
“He is healed fillies, he just needs some good rest and a few meals. Hop on, we are taking him to room six,” said Twilight Sparkle.
They all gave sighs of relief and jumped onto the bed and settled down, all of them pressing against him. They heard Twilight and her two friends tittering behind their hooves but didn’t pay it any mind.
Shadow stretched his wings without pain for the first time in years and moaned softly at how good it felt. They all looked at him as he wrapped them around the fillies.
“Wait! Your wings! They’re not broken anymore! Why are they black?” asked Scootaloo.
“I will explain later Scoots. I still need to talk with Twilight,” said Shadow.
Scootaloo just nodded and pressed in closer against him. They heard Twilight talking with her friends and as they left the waiting room, she spoke with the guard who was keeping pace with them.
“Send word to secure that house so we can get any and all evidence related to foal abuse and take the mare into custody. Make sure she is restrained, she is most likely still under the influence of heavy salt use,” said Twilight.
The guard saluted and left at a quick trot. The four ponies, one baby dragon and a bed filled with foals finally entered a normal hospital room. The adults all settled down next to the bed and waited to hear what happened.
“Before I resume my tale Twilight, I think I should get one thing out of the way first,” said Shadow.
Everypony had looks of confusion on their faces before Shadow softly spoke.
“I apologize miss Pie,” said Shadow while bowing his head to Pinkie Pie.
Pinkie cocked her head to the side and asked, “For what silly?”
“For using my magic to hide me and my sisters from you when we first moved to town. Any attention would have only harmed us and caused us to be taken away,” explained Shadow.
Pinkie’s mane and tail had deflated and gone straight. There were also tears in her eyes that threatened to fall. It was a very scary sight, Shadow felt cold in his chest as he looked upon her. It was just fundamentally wrong to make Pinkie Pie sad.
“My welcome party would have hurt you? How?” asked Pinkie Pie.
Shadow knew he had to talk fast to make her understand and he couldn’t take the look on her face.
“It would not have the party that was the problem miss Pie, but the ponies at the party,” said Shadow.
“Explain!” demanded Pinkie Pie.
“I think I understand what he means Pinkie,” said Twilight Sparkle.
“Huh?” was the only response from Pinkie Pie.
“If Shadow, the twins or their mother were to have a welcome party something bad would have happened. Either the ponies would see that Shadow was being abused or Storm Chaser would have made a scene seeing as she would have probably been so drunk, she wouldn’t even have known where she was. Then ponies would get Foal Protections to look into their living circumstances and would have taken Shadow and the twins away,” explained Twilight Sparkle.
“Exactly that miss Pie. So, for that I apologize,” said Shadow.
Pinkie’s mane and tail had inflated back to what it normally looked like and she was bouncing around again.
“It’s ok Shadow, I understand that would have been bad. And call me Pinkie, miss makes me feel old. But I WILL throw you all a party after you are out of the hospital. You can be sure it will be a big one too!” Pinkie said happily and disappeared in a poof of smoke and the sound of confetti.
Twilight shook her head while holding a hoof over her eyes, “That mare.”
The fillies and her friends all giggled as Shadow shook his head.
“Anyway, as I was saying. While we were living in that town there was a pegasus stallion that I helped with something, I’ll not say what, he then offered to teach the twins how to read and later write with their wings as thanks. I never learned how to read from him, seeing as I was busy working. I don’t think he was from Equestria, he had a strange accent. After a few years of living there we moved again to Ponyville where I went to great lengths to avoid the attention of Pinkie Pie. At the beginning and before I started working for Applejack, I had three jobs here in town. The beatings were still almost daily so I managed to get the twins into school so they could make some friends and spend as much time as they could with them and so they could stay away from the house as long as possible,” said Shadow.
“Big bro, I remember it now, you were always so hurt and hungry. Why did we not realize it and why would you let us eat but not eat yourself?” asked Clear Breeze.
“I’m sorry everypony. I used my magic on everypony, even you five, to make you not pay attention to some things. The biggest thing was that my wings were different and broken. The rest was only small things, like the bruises and not eating,” explained Shadow.
The twins both looked like they were about to ask why but somepony else asked before they could.
“But why?” asked Scootaloo.
Shadow sighed heavily and said, “If anypony were to realize something was wrong with our home life they would have brought it to the attention of Foal Protections. If that happened me and the twins would have been split up, taken away and placed in different foster homes. But after I started working on the farm, I made sure that if our home life was made public the twins would be staying here in Ponyville. They would then have only taken me away. Doesn’t really matter now though, the cat’s out of the bag and I expect they are already on the way here.”
“No!” the voices of five fillies rang out.
“We won’t let them take you!” Scootaloo continued as the other fillies agreed with her.
“No, they are not, not yet at least,” said doctor Stable as he walked into the room.
Confused glances were all that answered him. He sighed and shook his head in amusement. He floated a folder over to Twilight in his magic.
“I haven’t yet sent Shadow’s report to any of the authorities. He has asked Princess Sparkle to take of it and until she says otherwise, she is in charge,” said doctor Stable.
“Thank you, doctor. I don’t have any authority within FPS yet, but I will send your report and a letter to Princess Luna at once. I’m sure she will want to have a hoof in this case herself. I have no doubt she will come as soon as she hears of what happened,” said Twilight Sparkle.
“Thank you, doc,” said Shadow.
The doctor smiled at him and gave him a nod, “Now, you will be confined to bed rest for the next three days, just to be sure that there were no complications with the healing spell or your recovery. You will also need to stay under close observation until this foal abuse case has been resolved. That’s standard procedure required by Foal Protections and I am obliged to inform you and any other ponies in your company. But I’m sure it won’t be a problem seeing as you have a princess looking after you.”
The doctor gave them a wink and left the room again. Twilight was busy writing a letter for Princess Luna while the doctor spoke and she only looked up when he mentioned her and gave him a nod.
A few minutes of silence followed the doctor’s exit and the fillies used this time to just press against Shadow and be close to him. Twilight finished her letter and was about to ask Spike to send it when her guard captain knocked, walked in and saluted Twilight.
“Your Highness. We've restrained and brought the mare to the hospital as instructed. She is currently being examined by a doctor and any injuries will be taken care of shortly. However, there seems to be something else. When she woke up, she started ranting and raving about how a filly ruined her life and cost her a wing. From what she was shouting it seems that she thinks it was the orange pegasus currently on the bed there,” said the captain while motioning to Scootaloo.
Twilight frowned and turned to Scootaloo, “Scoots, do you know that mare?”
Scootaloo looked a bit scared but spoke with certainty, “No Twilight. I’ve never seen her before.”
Twilight looked at the fillies and saw Scootaloo, Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle shake their heads. She looked down for a moment and then sighed.
“Captain, I think that she is delusional. From what I have been told Storm Chaser had started heavily abusing salt a few years ago and never stopped,” said Twilight Sparkle.
There was silence for a few moments before there was a gasp. Twilight looked back at the bed and saw that Scootaloo’s face was pale, her mouth was hanging open and her eyes had shrunk to mere pinpricks.
“Scoots. Do you know that name?” asked Twilight Sparkle.
Scootaloo was still pale and slowly nodded, “How can it be her? Wait! Is this all my fault?”
Hey everypony!
Finally huh? This chapter was a real bitch to get right and I'm still not completely happy with it. It just feels as if I'm still missing a few things. Shoot me a pm or comment if you catch anything I missed and I'll fix it.
I love it when you guys comment and I read each and every single one.
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Nice Work and don't worry, Shadow, we are all here for you. Can't see any mistakes here.
I guess Salt is like alcohol?
I sense scoots will be conflicted but neither of the Three will Blame her.
And sorry about the last Comment, mistook it with a batpony OC that had the same name as him and a simliar back Story.
9840779
No worries.
Yeah in the show ponies get drunk on salt.
9840791
Ah, Yes, i Remember. Though what's worse, that or cider?
9840793
I would have to say that the salt is worse. Foals can drink cider. I think that Applejack would keep the special stock cider locked away and only brings it out for special occasions.
9840841
Good point.
I hope they have a way to do a paternity test/spell and get those scumy parents for abandonment. It's probably jet set and upper crust. Strip away their noble rank and give it to shadow.
The only problems I saw were the “plastic” sentences (characters didn’t sound as natural) and the backstory was basically told twice. I think for the backstory if Shadow worded it differently and paraphrased it for the fillies, it would’ve been a bit more interesting. As for the “plastic” dialogue, I can’t give you too many pointers other than to think about how people speak in real life. I’d also suggest listening to the canon character’s dialogue on YouTube to reacquaint yourself with their speech patterns. This was not a bad chapter, but cleaning it up a bit would make it a lot better.
It was dark but bright hearted greart story
I really hope this gets continued some day, it's too good a story to just let die and fade away.