All My Failures

by gmoyes

Chapter 5

“I killed him,” Tempest stated, her voice struggling to stay neutral. Shame and pride waged war within her and she didn’t know which should win.

“That you did,” Oracle responded with a nod. “But then again, you already did that when you sacrificed yourself to save Twilight and her friends.” She gave a smirk. “But something was different this time, wasn’t it?”

Tempest gave a shaky nod. The Storm King’s death was ultimately her responsibility. In a way, it was a mercy the she had turned to stone herself in that moment. She didn’t have to hear his body shatter across the courtyard. “Back in Canterlot, I acted out of desperation. I couldn’t let the Storm King win after all he did to m— everypony.” A look from Oracle told her the old mare noticed her slip. “But here…”

“The Storm King had already lost by the time you killed him,” the older mare stated. “While what you actually did in reality could be seen as right and just, this memory is more akin to murder.”

Tempest sat silent for a moment in contemplation. She did many unsavoury things in order to survive on her own. Killing wasn’t one of them. She was pony enough for that. Or so she thought. “Am I really that bad of a pony? Am I a killer?”

Oracle gave a small grin as she shook her head. “Be glad that we don’t persecute ponies for crimes that never happened.” But then a frown came to her face. “As technically as the case may be.”

Tempest frowned in confusion. “What do you mean by that?”

“Next time you see Twilight, ask about her personal student,” Oracle replied, her mouth drawn into a thin line. There was certainly a story there. “But, that’s another topic. For now, let’s focus on you.”

Tempest nodded, though the old mare’s words made her think. Princess Twilight must have had previous experience with turning other ponies into her friends. Was she just one of many? Was she just another lost pony that needed to be saved by the Princess?

Oracle continued, “Now the ultimate outcome of this memory is a little uncertain. You manage to escape Canterlot, while Twilight’s friends manage to fight through to the castle and free her. After that, well, I can only work with hypotheticals. I don’t know the full scope of the staff’s power or what sort of toll draining Twilight’s magic would have on her. But my best guess is that while they would be able to track you down, the Elements of Harmony would likely be ineffective against you.”

The Elements were certainly a threat that was considered. It was good news that Princess Twilight and her friends didn’t have them during the invasion. The Storm King’s army had scouted out ahead of time to insure that was the case, even sent out a detachment to Ponyville to make sure no pony could retrieve them. In a typical display of competency, the guards never found the Elements of Harmony. Though it seemed that the effort was moot anyways. Still it was odd that they wouldn’t be of use against her if she had the staff. “Is that because without magic, Princess Twilight can’t use her Element?”

Oracle shook her head. “It might be a stumbling block at first, but the powers of Harmony are more deeply ingrained than that. No, it’s more likely because they would be up against the combined power of the alicorns, which would be the highest concentration of Harmonic magic outside the Elements themselves. While the power of the alicorns could be corrupted…” the old mare paused, a pensive look on her face, “and has been in the past, I don’t think you have the capability to corrupt it yourself.”

“You must mean like Nightmare Moon,” Tempest realized, remembering the old fillyhood legends about the Mare in the Moon. The ancient Princess Luna making a deal with dark forces in order to usurp her sister’s rule. The Elements of Harmony banishing her to the moon. And then learning that the tales had been true when the Princess of the Night was returned.

Oracle’s turquoise eyes turned sharp, her words laced with an underlying venom. “I suppose you might say that.” She shook her head, as if to clear it. “Magic gets corrupted by dark magic, be it through evil spirits, cursed artifacts or sinister spells. Many a creature have turned to the darkness to get the power that they wanted.”

“What about the Storm King?” Tempest asked. “He was a despot, but he didn’t have any magic of his own, corrupted or not. Would that mean the Elements wouldn’t work on him?”

The old mare paused in thought for a moment. “Not directly, I suppose. However, they would most likely be able to dispel the Null Orbs and overwhelm the deflection charms on your army’s shields. They would certainly be useful in that way even if they didn’t affect him personally.” She then looked directly at Tempest. “It makes me wonder though, Tempest. Why didn’t you ever turn to dark magic to restore yourself? You seem to me a prime target to be corrupted.”

Tempest blinked in surprise at the question. The dangers of dark magic were another of those stories that she remembered from when she was a filly. “I know how dangerous dark magic is. I certainly had idle thoughts about exploring that option, but I didn’t think I’d be able to use it, as unstable as my magic is, that is. It helped that I lived outside of Equestria for most of my life, there isn’t much access to powerful magic, dark or otherwise. Besides, any power I got wouldn’t be my own.” She smirked. “I needed to get my magic back, not be under the control of some… thing else.”

Oracle gave a sigh. “Many a nobler pony have turned to darkness for pettier reasons, Tempest. I suppose you are lucky that the darkness never managed to sink its claws into you.” A grim look came to her face. “And yet, you allied with the Storm King. How is pledging your allegiance to a tyrant any different than bargaining with darker powers?”

“As I said, he didn’t have any magic himself. All he had was an army and a few artifacts. And as we’ve just seen, I could beat him in a straight fight. We made a deal to help each other out, though that obviously didn’t work out. Still, there was no chance of corruption.”

Oracle barked out a harsh, bitter laugh. The sound made Tempest jump, surprised that the old mare was capable of making it. “‘No chance of corruption’?” she cried through cackles. “‘No chance of corruption’? Do you know how many ponies said those exact same words before poking at a dangerous artifact? How many ponies thought they could get the better of the darkness? Face it, Tempest, the Storm King didn’t need magic to corrupt you. Think about it. You are a different pony than you were before you met him. He gave you the power to act out your deepest desires. He encouraged you to commit atrocities. And when he no longer needed you, he tossed you away. Sun and Moon, you changed your name for him! How is this any different?!”

Tempest sat stunned, her ears pinned back to protect her eardrums as Oracle’s volume reached a shout. Her mind spun. The old mare was right, how could she have been so stupid? Was she really no better than Nightmare Moon?

Tempest watched as the old mare panted from her exertion, then took a shaky sip from her teacup and closed her eyes. “My apologies, Tempest, corruption is a matter dear to my heart.” She sighed and reopened her eyes. “I don’t want to see anypony else slip into its clutches. Otherwise, the best one can hope for is for friends to pull you out of it,” she finished with a waning smile. “Some don’t get that chance.”

Tempest gave a slow nod, still somewhat stunned by Oracle’s outburst. “So I should be grateful that Princess Twilight saved me from the Storm King.”

“From the source of your corruption, yes,” she responded with a nod. “And to bring it back to continuing with the memory, the power of the staff is its own form of corruption. You’d be the most powerful pony in Equestria and the only one telling you what to do would be yourself. Would you trust yourself not to abuse that power?”

Tempest looked at her hooves, still able to see the shape of the staff in them. Still seeing the seared corpse of the Storm King. Thinking back to beating Applejack half to death. “...I don’t know…”

Oracle nodded. “And more importantly, Twilight and her friends would be on your tail trying to reclaim the power of the Princesses. Would you fight them? Would you risk losing your power to them? Would you heed their offerings of friendship or cling onto the power you held? Would you be free or condemned to Tartarus for what you did?”

Tempest sat in sullen silence, unsure of which of her many thoughts to voice. She’d win in a fight, no doubt about that. But would it be worth it? Would the power she held be enough for her, or would she allow Princess Twilight’s help? Would she have to spend the rest of her life as a fugitive, or even a slave to the responsibility for moving the Sun and Moon?”

“To be honest,” Oracle started, “I don’t really know either. There are too many factors to consider. What I do know, is that for as long as you held onto the staff, you would never know true friendship and happiness. Others would want your power. Creatures who don’t have Twilight Sparkle’s affinity for Harmony.”

Tempest gave a snort. She was used to hiding, surviving. It was nothing new. “Back to the old normal then.”

Oracle gave a sigh and a wistful gaze off into the distance. “In my life, I’ve come to learn the benefits of giving second chances. You deserve one, Tempest. As much as you might not believe it, you truly are a good pony at heart. I’m sorry your circumstances didn’t allow that to show.”

Tempest froze at those words. How could this old mare show her killing someone and then say that she was a good pony? After doing all she did to survive, up to betraying all of Equestria, how many creatures did she hurt? How did she enable the Storm King to enslave thousands of ponies? What good was there in her?

What good did Princess Twilight see in her?

“Tea biscuit?”

Tempest jumped in her seat, snapping back to her senses to see a plate of biscuits floating in a turquoise aura before her. How did this old mare think she could eat after all of this? And how did she get those without her noticing? "I'm not hungry.”

Oracle paused for a moment, Tempest felt like the old mare was testing her. However Oracle gave a satisfied nod and returned to her seat, placing the plate on the tea tray. “Suit yourself,” she said, taking a biscuit for herself and bit off a mouthful.

“What good have I done?” Tempest managed to utter. She hardly knew what good was anymore. It was another thing lost long ago.

“Hmm?” Oracle responded while wiping off a few crumbs with a napkin. “You helped defeat the Storm King and made friends with Twilight. That must count for something.”

“But before that,” she replied, “I was only looking after myself and look at all the harm I’ve done. One moment like that does not negate all of the damage I’ve done.”

Oracle sighed. “No, it does not. You can be the greatest example of Harmony from this point on and there will still be those who would never forget what you did. But sometimes it is indeed the thought that counts.”

“But I don’t even know what I was thinking at that moment,” Tempest admitted. “I just knew I had to stop the Storm King.”

Oracle gave a smile. “And if your instincts told you to do that, then you are really a good pony. Good steps in when there is injustice.”

“Then where was it when I needed it?!” Tempest snapped.

Oracle waited a moment to consider her answer. “Harmony works in mysterious ways, Tempest. I am truly sorry for what happened to you, but don’t blame it for what happened in your past.”

Tempest snorted. Harmony, destiny, whatever it was, it certainly didn’t help her survive in the wild outside of Equestria. “Easy for you to say.”

The old mare sighed. “No, it really isn’t. Destiny can be cruel at times, but it is up to us to make of it what we wish. Our choices matter, Tempest.”

Tempest rolled her eyes. Oracle didn’t know what it was like to lose everything, to bear the scars she did. “You don’t know my destiny.”

Oracle’s eyes glanced to Tempest’s covered hip. “No, I suppose not. But that doesn’t matter, your choices are still important. After all,” she continued with a dangerous glint in her eyes, “I can show you what would happen if one of your most important choices was taken away from you.”

Tempest’s stomach clenched and a chill settled over her coat at the thought. She didn’t want to be powerless ever again. Why experience that? “Why? Why are you showing these memories to me?”

“Because I’ve seen too many ponies fall into darkness because they weren’t aware of the consequences of their actions, both good and bad. Ponies who see themselves as villains who don’t deserve friendship. Ponies whose thoughts are tortured by guilt and take it out on others. Ponies who live with regret and can’t move on from their past. Ponies like you, Tempest. Ponies I want to help.”

Tempest snorted again. The whole speech sounded condescending to her. How did the old mare know better? Who are these ponies she kept talking about? “And showing me these memories helps me... how?”

“It shows that you matter, Tempest. It shows that destiny is a fickle thing and that things often don’t come out the way we wish. And some of these you can only realize first hoof.” She smirked. “Or as first hoof as you can get. These are things that could have happened if fate conspired a little differently, yet didn’t. I believe things need to play out as they have for a reason, and this allows one to see why.”

“And in these cases, each of them would have turned out even worse for me and everyone else,” Tempest said with a frown. Why was that the case? “How reassuring.”

“You haven’t even seen the worst possibility,” Oracle said.

Tempest could tell from the old mare’s coy smile that she was trying to bait her, but her curiosity was piqued anyways. What was the worst case? Presumably one where she died, but how? “Really? What do I do there?”

“Ironically, nothing,” Oracle said with a smirk.

There was a pause, then Tempest sighed when the old mare didn’t give any more details. “I’m going to have to do the whole memory thing to find out more, aren’t I?”

“How about you think about it like this: if you see the worst, it can only get better from there. I think this is something you need to see.”

Tempest sighed. Why subject her to these visions when this accursed mare can just tell her? “Fine, whatever you say. I’ve survived this long, let’s see what happens.”

Oracle nodded and lit her horn. “I just want to assure you that whatever happens, that you are safe and I am here for you.”

Tempest gave her an uneasy look, but lowered her head anyways. She felt the touch of a horn on her brow and passed out.