sorry, but i don't do backstory. I'm just experienced, and this is my first time submitting it to the public.
Galileo Galineigh's bombs have been taken by Equestria and the Zebras, but when one bomb detonates as the Eclipse nears, Twilight and her friends fight the Griffons, Zebras, and a new, extremely evil force, rising all across Equestria. Twilight must survive a Train crash, a hostile takeover of Ponyville, and a full out war for dominance of the world. And to make it all worse, familiar faces come up across equestria, only to disappear.
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please leave a comment and tell me what I did wrong, then I will work to fix it and make the story better.
Overall the first chapter isn't bad just the deaths feel so casual none of them have any wight as they should. Like you didn't even give Gilda's sister a name.
You even killed Celestia in the spam of one paragraph in the same one she finally shows up despite you tagging her as a main character.
And why are there guns?
Why are the Griffins and Equestria at war?
Why does Gilda's sister want Rainbow Dash dead?
Did you nuke Canterlot off screen?
Why are humans here and why do they want Equestria?
And why did Gilda just nuke her own nation?
These are questions that need to be answered.
1696965
Okay.
First of all, this is my first story ever, and I had a want for some dark.
After that, I'll try and answer as many questions as possible.
Ahem.
There are guns because they needed something to fight with.
Whoever said they were at war. It's just that Gilda and her posse of rebels attacked, and when she killed the king, she took control and swayed everyone's opinions.
Plot reasons.
No. It got nuked in the original nuke. It even said some stuff about the huge firewall throwing the debris.
I don't klnow! Plot rreasons, fourth party, whatever! Also, natural resources.
I guess I must have missed that last part.
There. Answered to the fullest of my abilities.
1697205
I see.
So why did you kill Celestia the second she shows up despite being tagged as a main character?
Anyway yeah this was clearly your first and for the most part you've improved a lot since this. Its just that your overall style doesn't work well for dark.
1697394
I'll keep that in mind.
And even though the text may be confusing, Celestia doest actually die. The way its written says so but...
It's just my first freaking story!
1697656
Indeed it is
you can always clean it up later once its all done.