Total Eclipse

by Prisoner 24601

The New Republic of Canterlot

Doctor Been examined the new Twilight. She had changed from a pony to a human, and had lost her horn. She was incredibly disgruntled. Twilight had tried to escape a few times, but had been disciplined. Now the Doctor had brainwashed her, and turned her into another human soldier. “Now,” the Doctor repeated, “repeat after me: Dr. Been is my superior.

“Dr. Been is my superior.” Said Twilight.

“Equestria is our domain.”

“Equestria is our domain.”

“We will take it from the Equestrians.”

“We will take it from the Equestrians.”

“You are Supercommander Twilight Sparkle.”

“I am Supercommander Twilight sparkle.”

“Now move out. Find the New Equestrian Alliance in Canterlot, and kill them all.”

“Yes, sir. I will kill them all. I will leave none alive.”

Supercommander Twilight Sparkle took her forces of 1,000 super soldiers into a Human Warship, and flew it to Canterlot.

* * *

The New Equestrian Alliance left the NEC behind them as they entered Canterlot. As soon as they entered, they saw a dead Mare lying in the street, being devoured by wanderers. Wanderers were deranged ponies, mutated as by-product of ‘The Bang’. In other words, Wanderers were essentially pony zombies. These Wanderers appeared to be from Canterlot, going off of the frayed suites they wore. The Alliance wasn’t prepared for Wanderers, and were not able to pull out their rifles. The wanderers lunged, but fell short, dead on the ground. The Alliance looked up, to see Fancy pants, leading a Militia of Canterlot police forces and SWAT.

“Jolly good,” said Fancy Pants, “It’s Rarity’s Ponyville friends. They appear to have formed a Militia in their own city, as well. Welcome to the new Republic of Canterlot!” he swung his arms out towards the Ruined city. The entire downtown area was leveled, but Canterlot Castle still barely stood.

“Is Princess Celestia still alive?” asked Flim.

Fancy Pants got a suspicious expression, and said, “Both princesses are well, but Celestia has told me not to let anyone into the city, under penalty of death. Canterlot has become a quarantine zone. Wanderers are let free in the streets, but we’re not letting anyone enter or leave. I’m sorry, but if you do not comply, I will have no choice but to kill you.”

“But we have to talk to Princess Celestia. The griffons have the final bomb, and they’re planning on detonating it on the night of the eclipse! They’re going to wipe out existence!” yelled Flam.

“I’m sorry, but you’re not complying. Militia, ready your guns.” Fancy Pants ordered. The militia raised their rifles against the New Equestrian Alliance.

Fluttershy (in Flutterrage mode) vaulted over the NEA, and pulled out her grenade launcher, and shotgun. She one-handed her shotgun, as she shot down four police officers with it. The grenade launcher set three explosives behind the New Republic of Canterlot, and threw them down the road towards the NEA. They didn’t want to kill Fancy Pants, so they took the militia prisoner.

They began walking down Main Street, making their way to Canterlot Castle. Wanderers attacked them from all sides, until the New Equestrian Alliance teamed up with the New Republic of Canterlot in the Town Square, shooting down Wanderers as quickly as they sprung up, which, by the way, is apparently incredibly fast. As the dust settled, all 450 wanderers were dead, the NRC lost three SWAT troopers, 15 Police enforcers, and the NEA lost two militiaponies: Roseluck, and Blues, and commander Silverstar. The New Equestrian alliance let the New Republic of Canterlot go back to patrol, and they continued on to the castle. However, before they could make it there, they heard a loud whirring noise in the sky.

The human warship soared overhead, going to the gates. A few squads of Super-Soldiers dropped in front of the NRC, and slaughtered all of them with ease. Applejack couldn’t help but feel sad as she saw the Supercommander slit the throat of Chief Fancy Pants. More squads dropped as the existing squads were being shot down by the NEA. But plenty of them were already past the main square.

Suddenly, there was a huge flash of light, as Princess Celestia dropped down to ground level. She vaporized two entire squads with the full heat of the sun. She proceeded to do this again with a few more squads, and then the last one standing was the Supercommander, who fired a blast of shots out of her Plasma destroyer, and Celestia fell over, wounded. The Supercommander walked up to the Princess, and said, “Princess Celestia. As soon as I kill you, I will be rightful ruler of Equestria.”

Applejack recognized that voice, and she shouted one word: “TWILIGHT!”

The Supercommander didn’t even look up as she lifted Celestia’s Head, and pulled out her knife. She placed the knife on the brink of Celestia’s throat, until she was knocked back by an unknown force. Everyone turned to see Breaburn, with a smoking sniper rifle, and back to Twilight, lying in a pool of her own blood. Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy, all ran to the body of Twilight Sparkle. Pinkie lifted off her mask, to see her pale face. Her hair and her eyes were the same as her pony state, but she had lost her coat, and her face was deformed. She still had a bit of life left in her, and she clasped her hand around Applejack’s throat. Pinkie and Fluttershy immediately heard snapping sounds as Twilight’s grip strengthened. And in an instant, it was over. Twilight lay dead, her face covered in blood from Fluttershy’s revolver, Applejack lying on the ground, panting, and Princess Celestia mourning the death of her best student. Pinkie Pie slid her hoof across Twilight’s eyes, as a sign of respect for the dead. And so, another casualty plagued the New Equestrian Alliance.

But, then, the NEA jumped out of the frying pan, and into the fire. Everypony looked to the east, as they saw the dust settling over Ponyville. Out of the Fog of War, the massive zebra fleet came blasting in their direction. Everypony readied themselves: Fluttershy pulled out her grenade launcher, Pinkie with her semi-automatic sniper, Breaburn’s sniper rifle, the NEC in offensive mode, and Celestia harnessing the full power of the sun.

And so it began: the end of the world…

Comments

[d716]

Overall the first chapter isn't bad just the deaths feel so casual none of them have any wight as they should. Like you didn't even give Gilda's sister a name.
You even killed Celestia in the spam of one paragraph in the same one she finally shows up despite you tagging her as a main character.
And why are there guns?
Why are the Griffins and Equestria at war?
Why does Gilda's sister want Rainbow Dash dead?
Did you nuke Canterlot off screen?
Why are humans here and why do they want Equestria?
And why did Gilda just nuke her own nation?

These are questions that need to be answered.

[Prisoner 24601]

1696965
Okay.

First of all, this is my first story ever, and I had a want for some dark.

After that, I'll try and answer as many questions as possible.
Ahem.
There are guns because they needed something to fight with.
Whoever said they were at war. It's just that Gilda and her posse of rebels attacked, and when she killed the king, she took control and swayed everyone's opinions.
Plot reasons.
No. It got nuked in the original nuke. It even said some stuff about the huge firewall throwing the debris.
I don't klnow! Plot rreasons, fourth party, whatever! Also, natural resources.
I guess I must have missed that last part.

There. Answered to the fullest of my abilities.

[d716]

1697205

I see.

So why did you kill Celestia the second she shows up despite being tagged as a main character?

Anyway yeah this was clearly your first and for the most part you've improved a lot since this. Its just that your overall style doesn't work well for dark.

[Prisoner 24601]

1697394
I'll keep that in mind.

And even though the text may be confusing, Celestia doest actually die. The way its written says so but...

It's just my first freaking story!

[d716]

1697656

Indeed it is

you can always clean it up later once its all done.