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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Over the last three chapters I really haven't been connecting with this story. I'll admit that I don't know what I wanted, but I know what I didn't want, which is what feels increasingly like a generic love story.
Big misunderstanding, leading to major overreaction, leading to moping, followed by a quick pep-talk, and then the conflict is resolved within two minutes of them talking. And the conclusion is fine, don't get me wrong, but the lead up to it has been almost painfully generic and uninteresting; made worse by the fact that this conflict had been building up for over 20 chapters, and it just gets disposed of like any conflict from any romance I've ever read.
I don't hate it, but I feel like I've burned through most of the good will I had for this story after this chapter.
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We still have twelve more planned chapters to go, most of which are to do with the building of a romantic basis, and there are still certain wounds and concerns that need addressing, for both of them.
Just because a few beats are similar doesn't mean this has become a cliché.
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That's why I'm still here. I don't expect the rest of the story to be like this because the rest of the story wasn't like this. I'm simply pointing out that the story has been building up to this since the beginning, and it feels like once the big moment hit it just started going through the motions. Regardless of intent, this conflict and resolution comes across as clichéd, and it stands out from the rest of the story.
I seem to be put of chapters...
Nice feels in this chapter.
Lol you guys are mad picky, this is pretty good compared to most stories! I’ve been reading these fiction stories for a while maybe 5 years? I’d say this is in my top 10 for sure with a potential 12 chapters to go.
Also the argument of cliche is kind of pointless I mean how is any romance story to come off as not cliche? One person says I love u or some shit involving a deceleration of interest and the other responds, maybe you all dislike the dialogue? I find it to be quite pleasing though as the characters never really change base from their roots with the occasional step outside the comfort zone in this chapter.
I feel everything has been rather paced well unless you all want 5 filler chapters???? Lol enjoy the story it’s better than most
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Oh for sure, I have been in this site for years and read my share of stories.
This is definitely one of my favorites and most well written that I have read.
Its definitely there with my other favorites like fallout equestria, and background pony.
Gooooood gooooooood feel the horse words flow through you!
I'm enjoying the story a great deal! For sure it's in my top 5
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Think about it this way: imagine that this story is a film (yes, the metaphor isn't perfect). After an hour of slow, organic buildup, the characters have their fight. Then, within the space of just two scenes, they're hugging things out and decide to start a relationship.
Pacing like that, combined with the oh-so-familiar beats, is what's bothering me. In this case, the structure of the story is working against it somewhat by compressing events like this. It doesn't help that we're only seeing one side of the story; this chapter alludes to a conversation between Spike and Phillip that sounds pivotal to his development, and which we never see.
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Like I said before as well, it’s to avoid filler chapters. Although they can help build a flow with the plot, this is a short story not a movie. I wouldn’t mind a slow fix up as well but these characters seem very complicated and believe that both are at fault, with one of them coming clean it sort of relieves the other.
There really isn’t any reason for them to slow burn this issue, Phillip clearly had time to think and if you want chapters explaining that process then I can’t argue but, I’d prefer understanding there’s a time gap between meetings and he’s had time to think.
I'm glad they're back on speaking terms. It seems the time apart; heart-wrenching as it was, was good for both. Thanks for the update.
The emotion conveyed by actions is what I love best about this series.
Philip clenching his jaw, pinching his thumb to show his apprehension, his unease, his fear of rejection is phenomenal.
Just as Fleet lowers her ears, ruffles her feathers or clenches her tail to show her insecurities.
These actions... speaking louder than their words is what immerses me into this story.
Thank you for posting.
Some nice, wholesome, feeling sharing talking has been reached.
This was good to read.
small edit
needs closing quotations.
At the risk of sounding like an echoing chamber, just a little... I'll admit that I, too, find this a little too fast and too convenient. And I dare say I understand the other side, too - this is indeed well-written emotionally, and the story does stand strong on its merits, so perhaps I shouldn't be protesting too loudly here... But perhaps it's not in spite of, but because it's such an engaging read, I felt like saying something about what I felt here, and why.
So, hear me out, and I'll try to put into words exactly why I think this chapter feels like that to me, and what may've gone better.
For one, we're not privvy to Phillip's little epiphanies - something that would've helped immensely; a shift to his perspective, as he works through understanding exactly why anything that happened on that night didn't mean there was someone else at the reins would've been exactly the jarring thing this could've used. A short (maybe two, three chapters) ride as he reevaluates his own little clues, puts it all together, inspects his motives, and arrives at the same conclusion: that he was a massive dick to her, and to himself. It would've moved the reunion a tad, put a little distance between "then" and "now", and perhaps it wouldn't feel just a bit fake (as it does, just a bit). And while I'm aware that the scene wouldn't be as loaded as it is - because we, the audience, would already know something Fleetfoot yet doesn't - it would be loaded in a different way, I think.
For another option - if the Author felt they didn't want to alter how this scene plays out emotionally - the reunion didn't need to immediately be followed by the request. Spacing just that apart by maybe two chapters, showing us small hints that he's getting there, finally accepting that he was wrong and what she means to him - in mannerisms, in words, in his choice of music... Maybe in her being a tad more bold than you'd expect, maybe poking fun at him by saying something he should flat-our reject - and him not rejecting it as a suprise... I don't know. What I do feel, however, is that it could've used something to space these two events out, if only a little.
I mean, he went and had a good old-fashioned think, and realised some things. Big things. I guess it could have happened the way it's shown in this chapter. I just wish there was more... padding, for lack of a better word. The reason this somehow feels just a tad fake, I think, is because the absolute (contextual) bombshell of the request is lessened by the reunion itself, and his opening statements in particular - it's something Fleetfoot (and, by extension, us) wasn't expecting at all, and it's a veritable cocktail of emotions (even if subdued). Once it's done, the other thing happens, and you're a little... 'eh, really?' about it.
In short, it could've used a bit more lead-up is what I'm saying, and it would've been better with a tad of padding.
I hope that makes at least some sense.
Congratulations dear Author - your writing is officially in the group of stories I felt strong enough (and good enough) about to write a bit of a rant. It's not a terribly long list, mainly because I only tend to engage on this level when I can't really pin anything on the more technical aspects of a story. It may not mean much, coming from some rando on the Internet, but I for one am happy to have another story I can include on that list. Even if it's not perfect.
Because... what ever is?
And holy shit this will likely be my most heavily redacted comment yet, and for a while I expect.