Fifty Shades of Neigh

by GaPJaxie

Special Delivery

A request by Latrans:

Field medic during Nightmare Moon's rebellion sees a mailmare delivering letters on the battlefield. Its Death collecting the fallen.

“Excuse me!” The grey mare shouted to be heard over the roar of artillery. Down in his foxhole, Private First Class Sea Wash stared in disbelief. The mare didn’t show the slightest fear at the explosions tearing up the earth around them, and there wasn’t a speck of dirt on her uniform. She looked like the mailmare “up the way” -- small, cute, and professional. Her only notable feature was her eyes didn’t point the same way. One looked at him, and one off into the distance.

Behind her, another explosion sent a volcano of dirt flying into the air. A mare screamed, and then went silent. “Excuse me,” she shouted louder. “Are you Sea Wash?”

“Yes,” Sea Wash said, not daring to raise his voice. “Are you…?”

“I’m a courier!” She extended a clipboard with a form. “Sign here to acknowledge delivery.”

He signed. She handed him a letter from her bag. With shaking teeth, he ripped it open.

“Dear Princess Twilight,” he read aloud. “I’m glad to hear you had such a fun weekend with your…” Lapsing into silence, he finished the letter. Then he held it up. “This isn’t for me!”

---

“Huh,” said Twilight. She read the letter aloud: “Private First Class Sea Wash, killed in action, 44th day of Summer 211.”

After checking that there was no more writing on the back, she frowned. “I wonder what—”

It was that moment that a stray artillery shell flew through her window.

Comments

[Reese]

Oh, that's how you were going to make it crack comedy. I was wondering. :D

[Skeeter The Lurker]

Yikes.

This... There is so much you could do eith this...

~Skeeter The Lurker

[Shakespearicles]

Cute title.

[Lurks-no-More]

This was unexpected, yet makes so much sense.

[WanderingPony]

And so, Twilight met the Dim Reaper. Not to be mistaken for the Reaper Dim, even if he has a huge body count and that whole vizard thing going.

[Ri2]

Dammit, Derpy!

[FanOfMostEverything]

Aaaand I somehow missed two chapters.

Ah well. Same sentiment applies. Also, thank goodness no one's tried to weaponize the Derpopomp. That would probably backfire in the most horrific way imaginable.

[NachoTheBrony]

Well I, as a Mexican, have never really understood the cultural avatar of the Grim Reaper. To me, Death is the Catrina, who is a stiff older lady who everybody speaks about behind her back, but nobody refuses when she wants to take you out for a dance.

[Latrans]

This quickly went sideways from anywhere I expected. And it was glorious.

Poor Twilight. She just can't seem to stop playing CoH.

[Sigmacipher]

9182763
Wait wat?

You mean Catrina as in the G1 villian?

And there's a personification of death named after her?

Sounds legit.

[Reese]

9182521
...Well, that's quite the mental image. Thanks. :D

[DarkPinkie]

Nightmare Rebellion using WW2 era weapons? Have someone been playing Equestria at War lately hmm?

Also, poor Twilight.

[NachoTheBrony]

9182985
Don't put the chicken before de egg, dude.
cecottledotcom1.files.wordpress.com/2014/11/sueno-de-una-tarde-dominical-en-la-alameda-1947.jpg
We Mexicans are hardly strangers to death. The Catrina is an old friend, there with us in our lives.
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/8/86/The_Kid_-_Diego_Rivera.jpg/230px-The_Kid_-_Diego_Rivera.jpg

Seeing Death as a noblewoman is something that we Mexicans have had with us for millennia, but the contemporary image of the Catrina was invented in the late 19th century. But then again, if you are a Yank, a tradition as recent as the late 19th Century would seem like it has been with us forever.
2.bp.blogspot.com/-PwSxfU6GwqI/Udt1MCfX0iI/AAAAAAAAB0E/5QrY2j_k0HA/s1600/mictlancihuatl-diosa-azteca-muerte.jpg
c1.staticflickr.com/8/7716/17138236889_8501d6395d_b.jpg
static.azteca.com/crop/crop.php?coordinates=50,50&width=750&height=450&img=http://static.azteca.com/imagenes/2016/38/logo-de-la-catrina-fest-2014-foto-especial-2088518.jpg
marieldeviaje.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/[e-mail]_.jpeg
img.chilango.com/2017/10/desfile-de-catrinas-familia-1.jpg
eluniversal.com.mx/sites/default/files/2017/10/27/desfile_dia_de_muertos.jpg

[WanderingPony]

9184432
Bingo. Extreme or otherwise.

[Sigmacipher]

9184383
Heh I thought her name was La Muerta then again what would I know.

I'm just a yank.

[Zaten the Changeling]

It was that moment that a stray artillery shell flew through her window.

...I assume that something went wrong with the space-time continuum.

[GaPJaxie]

9192270

British don't get Bazookas! They just get those shitty PIAT launchers, which are basically just a mild suggestion that the tank should take some damage.

I enjoy playing British, but God damn their anti-tank makes me want to rage quit.