Fifty Shades of Neigh

by GaPJaxie

Off Beat

A request by Spamotron:

Luna, Trixie, Sunset Shimmer, Starlight Glimmer, Stygian, Tempest Shadow, all redeemed and given a second chance, all unicorns or one third unicorn. Cozy Glow, thrown in Tartarus, a pegasus. To this/these antagonist/s (Conspiracy theorist? Reporter? Political party? Make up your own) clear evidence that Twilight Sparkle is a "tribalist unicorn supremacist.".

The reporters from the Daily Wave needed to learn a friendship lesson. The ponies of Ponyville had gone weeks without singing a musical number. It all went so well, at first.

“Everypony is a little bit racist today,” Twilight and her friends all sang, “So everypony is a little bit racist, okay?”

They paired off as the song continued, switching from verse to verse. “Tribal jokes might be uncouth,” Rarity sang, playing up her aristocratic accent. Pinkie Pie finished, “But you laugh because they’re based on truth!”

Then it was time for the big group sing: “Don’t take them as personal attacks! Everypony does it, so relax.” Ponies were clapping along, the reporters' knees were bouncing. It was exactly what a good Ponyville musical number should be.

Then began the recounting of examples. The background beat continued to tap away in the background, but Twilight and her friends stopped singing outright, in favor of a sonorous sort of speech.

“When I watch unicorns play hoofball,” Applejack said, “I secretly hope somepony gets jabbed with a horn.”

“Oh, that would be funny to watch!” Rarity tittered. “When pegasi fly into my shop, I start at the cheap end of the rack.”

“Oooh, I should be offended,” Fluttershy said, a smile on her face. “But I don’t make a lot of money and neither does Rainbow Dash. And sometimes, I steal fruit from earth pony farms, because it’s all for Ponyville anyway right?”

“Pegasus varmint!”

“Earth pony brute!”

“Unicorn snob!”

Everypony took a big breath for the next burst of song.

“I banished Cozy Glow to Tartarus because pegasi just aren’t as good at friendship as unicorns,” Twilight said.

The background music died. The background dancers stopped dancing. The next verse of the song went unsung, as silence spread across Ponyville. Everyone stared at Twilight.

“What?” Twilight said. After a moment, she added, “I thought we were confessing harmless little tribalist things we did.”

“Um…” Pinkie Pie raised a hoof. “That doesn’t seem harmless. Like… isn’t she suffering eternally in a supernatural prison from which there is no escape?”

“Yeah!” Rainbow growled out the words. “And what do you mean pegasi aren’t as good at friendship?”

“I mean… you know.” Twilight looked at the crowd. The crowd looked back. “I mean, you know.”

“What exactly do we know, Twilight?” Rarity asked.

“They’re kind of… well.” Twilight lowered her voice. “I mean, I know we're not supposed to say it, but…” She cleared her throat. “Featherbrained.”

Ponyville gasped.

---

With a loud clang, the door to Twilight’s cage shut and locked. Cerberus stood guard over her.

In the next cell over, Cozy Glow folded her legs and growled. “That’s our word, Twilight! You’ve got no right using it.”

Comments

[GaPJaxie]

9631351

Done

[forbloodysummer]

This was great!

[Cerulean Blue]

I enjoyed this one :)

[Kabasue]

So hard to keep my "angry supervisor reading something from his boss that he doesn't like" face up. Almost lost it, had to cover the giggles with some snorting and some eye rolling.

[howard035]

The only thing that would make this better is if Cozy Glow tries to win Twilight over as a friend by making her a sculpture glued together with Gladmane glue.