• Published 20th Sep 2018
  • 1,680 Views, 304 Comments

Fifty Shades of Neigh - GaPJaxie



A collection of short stories, based on fifty prompts given to me by FiMFiction.

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The Double Shot of Doom

A request by Skeeter the Lurker:

Pinkie slams back a double shot of espresso. Her friends are terrified of what may come.

Ponyville was all abuzz. Which is to say, ponies were excited and spreading gossip, though it would also be accurate to observe that some of them were literally buzzing because, fundamentally, the genesis for this story is that Ponyville got its a Starbucks.

It was a rare thing to see in Equestria, as ponies generally preferred homemade tea to store-bought coffee, and were not much for chain establishments. And as Starbucks did not have an extensive presence in Celestia’s kingdom, it had not localized its offerings. For instance, it’s standard frappuccino was perfectly sized for an adult buck deer, a strapping adult yak, or even a minotaur. For ponies though, it was a little large.

Specifically, it was larger than their head.

Nopony expected it to last. Coffee was interesting, and the establishment was new, but tastes did not support it. The ponies of ponyville enjoyed the novel sensation of a caffeine high, got into all sorts of trouble, and swapped old stories of the time that minotaur opened a bar that sold beer in pints. It was a good laugh.

Then one day, Pinkie Pie stepped into the store. The bell over the door went ding-a-ling. Ponies fell silent, and a hush came over the room.

“Hello there Ms. Alfheim!” She greeted the deer behind the counter. “One double shot of espresso please!”

“Uh…” Rainbow Dash was already seated in the back with her other friends. With two quick beats of her wings, she crossed the distance to Pinkie Pie. “Hey, uh. Pinkie? Maybe, uh… maybe not. That’s a little strong.”

“Oh, don’t be silly, Rainbow!” Pinkie Pie hopped alongside the counter to watch her drink being made. “I’ll be fine.”

“No. Really…” In the back of the store, Fluttershy lowered her head behind her table. Rarity took cover. Applejack flinched and took off her hat. “I really don’t think this is a good idea. Maybe you should try a regular coffee first before.”

“Here you go, miss,” the doe behind the counter said. Before anypony could react, Pinkie grabbed the shot in her teeth, tossed it through the air, and caught it.

She ate the entire shot in one go. She did not drink it, she ate it, catching the whole cup in her jaw. She also ate the cup, chewing through the paper before swallowing one massive gulp.

“Huh,” she said.

Fluttershy shivered. Rainbow Dash stared. Finally, Twilight found the wherewithal to ask: “Are you okay?”

“Oh yeah, fine.” Pinkie turned back to the counter. “Excuse me. Do you have anything stronger? That was delicious, but I usually need a pretty good wake-me-up kick in the morning!”

The doe behind the counter frowned: “That was enough caffeine you should be shaking. What’s your usual morning pick me up?”

“The realization that we live in a big beautiful world just full of things to explore and discover!” She beamed.

Then after a moment she added: “Also cocaine.”

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