Fifty Shades of Neigh

by GaPJaxie

The Double Shot of Doom

A request by Skeeter the Lurker:

Pinkie slams back a double shot of espresso. Her friends are terrified of what may come.

Ponyville was all abuzz. Which is to say, ponies were excited and spreading gossip, though it would also be accurate to observe that some of them were literally buzzing because, fundamentally, the genesis for this story is that Ponyville got its a Starbucks.

It was a rare thing to see in Equestria, as ponies generally preferred homemade tea to store-bought coffee, and were not much for chain establishments. And as Starbucks did not have an extensive presence in Celestia’s kingdom, it had not localized its offerings. For instance, it’s standard frappuccino was perfectly sized for an adult buck deer, a strapping adult yak, or even a minotaur. For ponies though, it was a little large.

Specifically, it was larger than their head.

Nopony expected it to last. Coffee was interesting, and the establishment was new, but tastes did not support it. The ponies of ponyville enjoyed the novel sensation of a caffeine high, got into all sorts of trouble, and swapped old stories of the time that minotaur opened a bar that sold beer in pints. It was a good laugh.

Then one day, Pinkie Pie stepped into the store. The bell over the door went ding-a-ling. Ponies fell silent, and a hush came over the room.

“Hello there Ms. Alfheim!” She greeted the deer behind the counter. “One double shot of espresso please!”

“Uh…” Rainbow Dash was already seated in the back with her other friends. With two quick beats of her wings, she crossed the distance to Pinkie Pie. “Hey, uh. Pinkie? Maybe, uh… maybe not. That’s a little strong.”

“Oh, don’t be silly, Rainbow!” Pinkie Pie hopped alongside the counter to watch her drink being made. “I’ll be fine.”

“No. Really…” In the back of the store, Fluttershy lowered her head behind her table. Rarity took cover. Applejack flinched and took off her hat. “I really don’t think this is a good idea. Maybe you should try a regular coffee first before.”

“Here you go, miss,” the doe behind the counter said. Before anypony could react, Pinkie grabbed the shot in her teeth, tossed it through the air, and caught it.

She ate the entire shot in one go. She did not drink it, she ate it, catching the whole cup in her jaw. She also ate the cup, chewing through the paper before swallowing one massive gulp.

“Huh,” she said.

Fluttershy shivered. Rainbow Dash stared. Finally, Twilight found the wherewithal to ask: “Are you okay?”

“Oh yeah, fine.” Pinkie turned back to the counter. “Excuse me. Do you have anything stronger? That was delicious, but I usually need a pretty good wake-me-up kick in the morning!”

The doe behind the counter frowned: “That was enough caffeine you should be shaking. What’s your usual morning pick me up?”

“The realization that we live in a big beautiful world just full of things to explore and discover!” She beamed.

Then after a moment she added: “Also cocaine.”

Comments

[Skeeter The Lurker]

I was wondering how you'd spin this.

I am not dissapoint.

~Skeeter The Lurker

[B4ssxCello]

It makes so much sense

[Gyro Pony]

9181861
Indeed.

I've seen:
Equestria explodes.
Nothing. Besides Pinkie stating it's bitter and needs sugar.

But there is always an Option Three.

[NachoTheBrony]

On the idea of Pinkie discovering caffeine, I've seen a few, and this one is cool. Thanks.
I think I've seen the following:

• (In comic form) Pinkie gets a Red Bull or something. The last frame is on the distant future, in a wasteland, with Rainbow telling the story of how the apocalypse began.
• Pinkie is fine. The one who gets hyper is Twilight.
• Pinkie already knew coffee, like an old love. She prefers tea nowadays.

[B_Munro]

Pinkie makes caffeine nervous.

[Bahamuttone]

that Ponyville got its a Starbucks.

remove one of this two.

[Lurks-no-More]

Hah!

[Cerulean Blue]

Love it already! :)

[FanOfMostEverything]

"The ceramic was good, though! Just like Mom used to bake."
"Yeah, you're going to need to pay for the cup too."

[andrizzi]

This makes way too much sense

[Barry the Brony]

Anybody else getting flashbacks to Archer Vice? I was waiting for Pinkie Pie to clarify that ahe is merely a cocaine 'enthusiast' instead of an addict

[Iron Comet]

Yeah, I can see that being Pinkies morning go-to sniff.

[B_Munro]

I've seen at least one fic where coffee calms her down.