• Published 20th Sep 2018
  • 1,904 Views, 309 Comments

Fifty Shades of Neigh - GaPJaxie

A collection of short stories, based on fifty prompts given to me by FiMFiction.

  • ...

Context Matters

A request by Kai Creech:

Pinkie Pie is Princess Celestia from the future. Twilight finds out after her first date.

“Twilight, before we keep going, there’s something I should tell you.” Pinkie Pie took a breath. “I know this will be very strange, but do you remember your past experiments with time travel? Do you remember proving that stable time travel was theoretically possible? Well, it is and…”

She set her jaw, steeled her shoulders, and blurted out the words: “I’m actually Celestia from the far future!”

Twilight paused. She frowned. Then she sighed, wings and shoulders slumping. “Pinkie if you’re not comfortable having sex on the first date you can just say so.”

Pinkie froze. “Wait… wait. What?”

“Really, it’s fine. I was too aggressive.” Twilight smiled, and her tone lightened. “You want to go downstairs and watch a movie or something? The projector’s all set up.”

“No, Twilight.” Pinkie lifted a hoof. “I’m serious! The dimensional rift spell destroyed my physical form, but I was able to possess the body of a young earth pony mare who…” Pinkie trailed off.

Twilight was giggling. “No no. Keep going.”

“Twilight, I’m serious.”

“I’m serious! Keep going.” Twilight smiled, resting her chin on a hoof as she watched Pinkie from across the room.

“But you clearly don’t believe me!” Pinkie let out a massive sigh. “Would I make something this big up just to get out of… uh. You know. And it’s not like we were about to… do that. Anyway.”

“Really?” Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Because we had a nice date, had a few drinks, and then I invited you to my house and upstairs.”

“I’ve been upstairs before.” Pinkie frowned. “Plenty of times, even! I helped decorate it. It’s a very nice upstairs.”

“Yeah.” Twilight waved a hoof. “You’ve been up here before as a friend.”

“I’m still a friend.”

“You’re still an amazing friend. But, Pinkie,” Twilight chuckled and made a broad gesture, “I’m just putting this out there. You’re already a kind, funny, faithful, loyal friend, and I would absolutely say that I love you. Just like I would say I love any of the girls. And it’s true! But in that context, the primary difference between a pony you love platonically and a date is -- and not to put too fine a point on it here -- your tail looks amazing.”

Pinkie pause. She reached back to feel her rear with a hoof. “Do you mean, my uh, actual tail?”

“I do not.”

“Wow. Wowee. Okay. This puts the last several hours in a really different context.” Pinkie bit her lip. “But, Twilight. I’m serious. I really am Princess Celestia from the future!”

“Okay.” Twilight shrugged. “Say I accept that as true. It doesn’t make you any less my friend. It doesn’t change the great evening we had together. Even if it’s true, does it matter?”

Pinkie considered that for some time, finally she said: “Princesses don’t put out on the first date.”

“Cadence does.”

Pinkie cleared her throat: “Well.”

“I do.”

“Uh, I mean. Obviously in this particular—”

“Luna does.” Twilight clarified. “And let me be clear. Luna lets ponies tie her up and crop her on a first date.”

Pinkie snorted and rolled her eyes. “I know, right? I blame the lack of a positive female role model in her life growing up. I mean she seems happy…” A sigh escaped her. “Maybe I’m just a prude.”

“Not wanting to get physical on the first date does not make you a prude. I’m serious. Let’s go watch a movie.”

“Alright. I’d like that.” The two of them walked side by side through the castle halls, until finally, Pinkie Pie asked: “Hey, Twilight? Did you ever check me out? Like… past me. Me as Celestia.”

“If you’re Pinkie Pie, you must have seen yourself whenever we visited the palace. What did you think?”

They walked in silence for a time, and Pinkie seemed lost in thought. It was only when they arrived at the movie room that she said: “I’ve got a great tail.”

Twilight’s actual, literal tail flicked, swatting Pinkie Pie across the rear: “You sure do.”

Twilight didn’t think much of the incident after that night. She put it down to a somewhat strange first date, notable only for an anecdote that might be a little funny to retell.

But for Celestia, it was the strangest night of her life.