• Member Since 8th Aug, 2018
  • offline last seen Last Thursday

Newb105


E
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A normal life can turn into quite the interesting one when a small orange filly from a show you never heard about till now shows up lost in your world.

Who knew trying to raise a filly could be so hard, yet so rewarding?

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 18 )

Hey, this is pretty good! I'm liking this concept you got. Keep up the good work.

I really got the feeling this will be a great story. :) please keep up the good work. If you would like the only thing I would say is stretch it out a little more. but that is just me though.

This has the same feel as another fic where the same thing happens but with a filly Rainbow Dash. That being said it's a wonderful premise and I look forward to seeing this done with Scootaloo. Especially if the show is canon to the story. Gotta love the infinite possibilities of the multiverse.

If you need an editor let me know. I offer editing to those that want it and have edited several stories now here on FiM Fiction. I have also been writing stories for 25 years.

An interesting thought to be sure. I am cautiously optimistic. One thing though, this genre's strength comes from it's ability to abide and take things at a slow and mild pace, giving the characters a chance to develop some real depth. A large portion of this story will be entirely made up of Scootaloo and ?'s interactions, so they need to be fully fleshed out. Not to mention that if the characters are fully realized, they'll start carrying the story on their own by the strength of their natural actions and reactions.

And always remember; show, don't tell. To be honest, you didn't really need the three paragraphs of introductory exposition, a good bit of that would have come up in conversation, giving us a chance to gradually meet our protagonist.

But the bit in the middle, where he finds Scootaloo? You nailed that bit. And that's the part that really needed to come through. I've got a good feeling about this, take it away Sam!

It’s like my little dashie, but better because it’s scootaloo, the best pone. I always enjoy stories like this.

9103587
Thank you so much for the feedback!! :D

9103323

If you mean MLD, then yeah. I won't deny that this is heavily based on that. I'd say that it is its own genre in fimfic.

9103216

Oh I completely agree. I think now that I have the first chapter out and have some feedback, I feel better about stretching it out and going into more detail.

Hi and welcome to FIMFiction.net!^^

What is your story about? I see you don't have a long description for it, but it would benefit from having one.^^

Im interested in seeing were this will go.🤔

9105712
Funnily enough, I rather like it this way. We've got the four tags, and the picture. For me at least, that inspires a peaceful, easy feeling. I think it does a lovely job of setting a mood.

9111685

The problem is, that not many will read it that way. And the author is new, so he probably doesn't know how important a long description is yet.
I'm confident this story would have more readers already if the description would not be missing.

9111735

The first one was trash because I wrote it at like 2am. I deleted and haven't had time to write a new one due to my work schedule. I'm a firefighter, so I work 3 straight days, then have 2 days off. I'm off this weekend so I will be able to get to writing the synopsis and getting further into Chapter 2. Sorry about that.

9116486

It doesn't require an apology. But it's good to know that you work on it, I'm sure this is a good story and I'm excited to read it eventually!

Very nice, you've a good touch with the descriptions, I could imagine that whole exchange clearly. Very important that.

As she wormed her way out of my arms she started to sleep on the countertop

Wrong word here? she just woke up...

Some might suggest longer chapters, but I think the word count worked nicely here. later on, when more is happening, they might need to be lengthened, but right now short and sweet is good.

As a final note, this is one of the most adorable things I have ever read. well done!

“ No filly in site though”
-you should say sight instead of site.

I’m really enjoying the story. There isn’t any other way for me to say it, I love scootaloo, and I love P.O.E stories. I can’t wait for the next chapter.

Thanks for noticing those. Like I said, I need to stop writing super late at night.

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