Viridian River

River Breeze and Sun Strider of Viridian have been friends since they were fillies. However, they got separated by their different lifestyles, preferring their personal preferences to the presence of each other. When Sun Strider finally comes back to Viridian to rekindle their friendship, the two mares start to realize they aren't satisfied by their own lives. In fact, the other's life looks so much more inviting than their own.

This is a story for the July 2018 class of the School For New Writers.

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Starlight Nova

Starlight Nova #1 · Aug 2nd, 2018 · · ·

This is a story for the July 2018 class of the School For New Writers.

Where can I read the winning entries?

Grey Vicar

Grey Vicar #2 · Aug 2nd, 2018 · · ·

9083526
We're working on fixing the group folder right now. The winning entries haven't been decided yet, but you will be able to read all of the stories at https://www.fimfiction.net/group/916/folder/64313/class-prompt-submissions-july-2018 when it's fixed.

The Dean

The Dean #3 · Aug 7th, 2018 · · ·

This is the Dean of the SFNW here with your end-of-class write-up. Good job on getting the story done on time, and we hope you participate again in the future!

General: I liked this story, actually. It’s an interesting interpretation of the prompt which places the emphasis on the friendship between an adventurer and a homebody, instead of how each character wants to be more like the other. Although I found it narrative-heavy and somewhat telly, and I feel as if a better job could have been done with the presentation, it’s a solid story nonetheless.
Deep Dive: This is a story that rests solidly on the shoulders of its two characters, River Breeze and Sun Strider. The fact that I can remember their names without having to scroll up is a good sign. River Breeze finds herself living her life around the wait to see her friend Sun Strider again, while Sun Strider comes to realize that her adventurous lifestyle isn’t worth separating herself so often from River Breeze. They come to a heartwarming compromise at the end, with Sun Strider deciding to stop her constant traveling and help River Breeze get out and see more of the world.
The story shifts between the perspectives of these characters intermittently, although the perspectives do not always hold solid. River Breeze’s scenes sometimes seem to show things from Sun Strider’s perspective, in a few cases.
More significantly, it feels like River Breeze is somewhat of a non-character. She is extremely passive throughout the story—and that makes sense, considering her character. She’s afraid of change, hesitant to take action, and really is just that passive. Every decision in the story (besides where to eat) is made by Sun Strider, and I’m left with the feeling that the story may have been better without ever switching to River Breeze’s perspective. The only thing the story gets from her perspective is the ability to explain her thoughts on how boring and insignificant her life is, and I think the author could have been able to show us that through her actions or even have her talk about it out loud, all from Sun Strider’s perspective. Sun Strider is undoubtedly the protagonist, and the conflict—how to save their failing friendship—is completely up to her to resolve.
I found the story to be somewhat hard on the tell. It follows the day of these two friends as they catch up on what each has missed in the other’s life, and yet most of the story is narrative detailing their thoughts. Action on the characters’ behalfs are rare, but the story shines most when they do show up. The final scene where Sun Strider changes her mind about going on another adventure and shows up at River’s door is definitely the highlight of the story, and I can’t help but wonder at how interesting the story might be if it included more action of that type in place of all the thinking.
Don’t get the wrong impression, though. I did enjoy the story. The prose is certainly solid and the characters are relatable. I didn’t find it hard to get through, and I enjoyed the payoff at the end. I would consider this story to be a solid minor drama. That said, I feel like it could have been much better.
Clinic: There are definitely some improvements that could be made to how this story was structured. Consider for instance, what if each of the scenes written in the story were shown to be from different visits? That could be a very interesting way to keep the story from being bogged down by narration and show how the characters develop over time. I think that spending less time on River Breeze’s perspective, or making her more of an active participant, would also have been an improvement. Perhaps River Breeze could have been more dramatic or explicitly expressed her feelings to Sun Strider, spawning some drama. As it is, I could easily see Sun Strider coming to the same conclusion she did even if she hadn’t spoken with River Breeze at all. It’s hard to say for certain what the best course is, but I definitely feel like a more dynamic story structure could really have propelled this story out of “solid” and into the category of hidden gems of drama.
Pros: A well-done payoff at the end. Memorable dynamic between the two characters. Interesting interpretation of the prompt. Solid prose.
Cons: Somewhat lackluster story structure. Very one-sided interaction between the characters despite using both perspectives. Narrative heavy and light on action.
Best in class!

Check out the forums for your final grade and the next class prompt! We hope you come back again!
9083526
I'd like to clarify that this isn't a competition! We do have a "Best In Class" accolade, which this story actually won, but the Class is a place of learning and cooperation, not competition!

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