Why My Dashie?
SERIOUS NOTE: DO NOT READ THE COMMENTS. Spoilers will be had. You've been warned.
Dashie and I are best friends. I live with her, go through the day with her; I’m there for everything she does in her life. I love her, and she loves me. I just hope she knows that she can trust me with anything. Ever since the day I met her, I’ve been the happiest living thing in Equestria. I couldn’t ask for a better friend. I know she can get a bit rough… But she always means well. I know that. Even if she didn't notice her mistakes right away, she's always sure to make up for it.
Dashie’s been busy lately. Too busy for me; she rarely comes home anymore. I almost never go outside the house; there is absolutely no purpose for me to. Not to mention, I’m extremely shy… One day, I see my rainbow friend enter the house and she tells me “Ya know what? I don’t hang with you like I used to anymore. Tell ya what; I’ll spend all day tomorrow with you.”
Those words of hers put warmth on my heart and a smile on my face. She wasn't the Element of Loyalty for nothing.
***
We didn’t go outside that night. We stayed home, since that would be much more convenient for me. So, to spend quality time, Dashie decided it was a good idea to watch a nice movie that evening.
“How about… Daring Do and the Bandits of the Missing Ship?” I nodded my head.
She sat down next to me, and I slowly edged closer until finally I was resting my head on her warm and soft cyan fur. She puts her hoof around me, gives me a quick kiss, and played the movie. I was never the one for action and adventure, but Dashie over here had her eyes wide open and started stuffing popcorn in her mouth.
This was exactly what I wanted. Spending time with Dashie, just the two us, another step in getting closer to her (as if I wasn't close already). This night was gonna be great, she'd talk to me about her day, we'd relax, read the latest Darning Do books in the bedroom. I love this mare.
About half an hour into the movie, we heard a sound.
*Ding dong*
Somepony’s at the door? Who could that be? We aren’t expecting visitors.
Dashie paused the movie to check on the door. Just by the look on her face, you could tell she was as skeptical as I was. Something wasn't right. I felt it, something wasn't right in any way. I knew that something strange is happening, but I didn't expect the consequences. I don't want her to open the door. I want her to pretend as if no one's home.
She looked through the lens of the door to see who it was. All she saw was a pony in a raincoat; no colors or features.
“Who is it?” She asked.
What proceeded to come out of the mysterious pony’s mouth put a little fright in the two of us.
“Just stopping by to give you a little something…special…”
Judging by the sound of his voice, he wasn't carrying chocolates and flowers.
“I’m not gonna open this door! Go away!” Said Dash. I was relieved when she turned around to walk back to me. However, things didn't turn out so well.
“Fine then… I WILL.”
The mysterious pony rammed himself into the door. Splinters and even Dashie herself were thrown backwards. I simply stood on the end of the steps up to the bedroom, watching as these soon-to-be horrific events unfolded. I could not intervene, as much as I would have wanted to. For I am too small; too weak to put up a fight. It was Dashie’s job to watch over me, to be my caretaker. Now it was the other way around, and I was as useless as ever.
The myserious stranger reached into his raincoat pocket and pulled out what seemed to be a knife of some sort. It was large enough in size. I would imagine he had a sinister smile under that yellow raincoat of his. He edged closer until I caught a full picture of the weapon. An ordinarily house knife, sharpened to the tip. It's stains tell me that it's had it's fair share of victims. And judging by it's size a bit closer, I realized it was...
Large enough to…
Cut through…
The thought sent horror through my body, and all I could do was sit there and hope my wild imagination was just that; a wild imagination.
Rainbow attempted to combat the stranger, unfortunately for her this pony was of no average size. He would put Big Mac to shame. Dashie flew up to the ceiling and darted at her foe, head-smashing into the raincoat pony. He stumbled back and looked at her with angry eyes. When Rainbow regained her balance from the head smash, she dashed at him, slid on the floor and shot herself up to perform an uppercut on the stranger, this time he flipped over and crashed into steps directly in front of the front door. He got up. Rainbow and the stranger stared down.
"Ooh Dashie, it's so good to see the little Rainbow friend that ruined my life."
"Wha- what are you talking about?! I don't even know you!"
"You will. You see, unlike you, Rainbow Dash, I have nothing to lose."
He looked to where his wings would be under the raincoat.
"You, on the other hand, still have your whole life ahead of you." The stranger rose his hoof holding the knife and pointed it at Rainbow.
"Why are you doing this? What did I do to you-"
Rainbow didn't have time to finish before the stranger lunged at her. Rainbow attempted to fly away, but the stranger grabbed her by her leg. A swift slash sent feathers and sounds of pain flying across the home’s lobby. It pained me to see Dashie cringe and tear up like that from the pain. Even if Dashie and I escaped, she would never be able to fly again. Her left wing lay shattered on the floor, along with all of her hopes and dreams of ever becoming a Wonderbolt. I can tell by the look on her face that she wanted quit this world right then and there, but she managed to keep going... for now. When Dashie broke free, she was forced to run upstairs, clutching her aching wound. Crying, at the same thoughts I just mentioned.
"This was the same pain I felt when I was younger! All because of your STUPID trick! And I'm not done just yet Dash, no! I'm just getting started..."
The stranger walks up the steps to the second floor. I waited on the right path towards the bedroom, and Dashie was on the other side, leading to the bathroom and guest room. He walks up to Dashie's crying eyes.
"Oh, you poor darling. Did I hurt you?"
She looked up at him.
"You... Now I can never join the Wonderbolts- YOU RUINED ME!" Said Dash, yelling through her tears. Dashie lets go of her wound where her wing used to be and bluntly charged the stranger at full speed. The stranger whips his leg around and smacks Dashie right in the face mid-run, causing her to fly to the side and crash into the curtains that were meant to cover the windows around the front door of the cloud house. She tumbled to the floor, got up, but wasn't done.
"I'm...gonna... DESTROY YOU!" I've never see my Dashie so engulfed with rage.
Once more, she charged the stranger. I knew what would happen, and I tried to stop it. I threw myself at the stallion, it didn't do much but it did enough. He looked down to where I hit him, distracting him so that Rainbow could deliver a full blow to his neck. The stranger gagged a little and crashed into the wall, causing the paintings of Dashie's friends to drop.
"I've had... enough of this..." said the stranger. He walked up to Dashie and grabber her by her neck, pushing her against the wall. Dashie rolled to the left, and they kept having the brawl against the wall until Dashie pushed the killer into the bathroom. Next thing I heard was the sound of glass breaking and Dashie screaming.
I could only assume the worst. Dashie was struggling, I knew it. I wanted to help her. I can't imagine what's gonna happen. I was eager to see Dashie step outside, victorious.
A cyan hoof stepped just outside the doorway. I was thrilled; my Dashie had done- Oh no...
The hoof tipped over, severed.
The killer wasn’t done. Dashie wasn’t dead yet. I had a chance. I would gladly have died for her.
“I…love…you-“
Those words were directed at me. I knew she meant them deeply, and I wish I could've said it back.
I don't know what happened in there, but I could hear the killer cackling at his work.
It told me everything I needed to know.
The deed was done. I could hear the sink running.
The stranger stepped outside of the bathroom. I could have looked inside, but I didn’t want to. I was already traumatized enough at the time.
He looks me dead in the eye. I stare back. Then I noticed something; The open cut in his raincoat. His coat was red, with a few stitches on his side where his wing should be. I wonder if he still had his other one.
A boot to my side sent my rolling back. He stepped forward slowly towards me. My mind was racing. If I didn't distract him before, maybe he wouldn't be after me now? I'd put up no fight against him. If he can take Dashie, He can literally step on me and crush me. I kept thinking through these types of thoughts. Then I remembered-
No time for that now, I’m busy being stared down by a ruthless murder.
When he finally stepped up to me, I attempted to attack. He simply let out a chuckle and lifted me by my tail. He stepped over into the bedroom and threw me to the bed. I, once again, stood there and watched. Watched as he was planning out my death like it was a routine job of his. Which it... probably was. He had his knife holstered, so I'd imagine Dashie and I weren't going to die the same.
He opens the window by the bed and let’s all the rain in. I could feel a slight breeze. Then, he looks to me.
“Beautiful day outside… ain’t it…"
I don't speak.
"Reminds me of Fillydelphia Underground. But I don't expect you know anything about that."
I simply stare at him. As usual.
"They taught me to kill. This, my friend... was an act of revenge."
He could be on to something.
"You probably wonder why I did what I did." He looks to me again.
"I ain't telling anyone. Not even ponies I know are gonna die by my hoof. Maybe I got carried away, now that I look at it."
Great story, you sinister bastard.
"At least I enjoyed it...haha."
I want to take your knife and SHOVE IT THROUGH YOUR THROAT.
He stepped up to me once more, and lifted me by my tail again.
He stepped to the window, and before I knew it, I was dangling outside in the rain.
"A shame I have to kill you now. Hell, what am I saying? You made me bloody stab myself, you parasite. Let's see if you can fly, worm."
Oh no oh no oh no oh no I CAN'T FLY!
I slowly began to slip. My life is flashing before my eyes.
"Don't worry mate, ain't no one gonna miss you. The Father would've been proud of me. Heck, maybe he would've even found a way for me to learn to fly again if the Fillydelphia Underground was still around.
The Father? Wait, give his wings back?
I was falling.
Maybe it was true. Maybe no one will miss me. But one thing's for sure.
Everyone's gonna miss Dashie. I attempted to block out thoughts of her friends mourning. Now's not the time for mourning.
I can't help but blame myself, however.
It was your fault she died.
She stayed home because it was convenient for YOU.
I was falling through the sky, looking up at our once beautiful home. The rainbow’s that once lit our house were gone. The stranger looked out the window at my falling body and waved. I had to stop thinking that it was my fault. Dashie... wouldn't like that. She'd want my final moment's to be happy. I thought back to memories with Dashie. Good things. If I die, I want to die with a smile on my face just like she'd want. My mind clear.
When we first met… how she didn’t care…
But I ended up being the exact thing she really needed…
When it was my birthday… I was greeted with laughter, cheer, and Rainbow was with me all day…
When Rainbow crashed and almost broke her wing… I was the first one there.
When I finally learned to use my flying gear… how proud and happy she was…
When she came home crying and confessed to me everything… I listened to every word…
Good times… Expect the unexpected. ‘Tis all I can say. I loved her. No, I love her still.
I guess this… goodbye.
I love you too, Dashie.
And then I felt my shell shatter against the ground.
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Bro, this is well written and extremely sad.
Interesting... I liked it.
I like it but i am seeing a lot of stories were dashie cannot fight back. I mean she has a black belt in karate, so why in most stories she is weak and can't fight. Also there was not much of a story to this but it is written well.
Exactly what I was expecting based on the tags; not the specifies but what would happen. Nice one shot, but I think there might be a few people out there wanting to know the back story of the mysterious killer. I am not among those as I can't stand to read a lot of 'dark' stories.
*spoiler* this is tank, isn't it? *spiler ended*
Wel, overally you need to flesh it out a bit. Add more feeling and depth to the charracters!
wel, it is not good, but not bad either. i would say just about average
971712
I know what you mean, I tried to make it make a tad bit more sense by saying that the killer was huge.
Not sure if it helped, I think it did.
It's that situation where you can keep hitting him, but Dash is too small to actually hurt him.
971667
That's what I was going for!
Thanks
So whats with all that "I heard were those… painful screams that haunt me to this day" If the dude died three minutes later?
971724
Hm. You mean add character to the killer?
If that's what you meant, I actually wrote a reason for why he did it, and a little bit of backstory.
Then I though "Naaah, I'll try to leave 'em guessing."
And...yes...
It's sad and stuff ... I guess, but you can't really expect readers to feel for a character they know next to nothing about. He loves Dash, and Dash loves him back? What does she see in him, what does he see in her, how did they meet? Dammit, at least give me the characters name. And what's up with this murderer dude? What's his name, why is he so intent on killing these ponies? Does Dash owe him money or something, is it more personal then that? Give me something man.
Since this story has good potential, I'll give you a thumbs up, I just want more info.
971714
Maybe I can make the back-story into it's own story one day.
Really nice and sad story... i like revelation of our "hero". I typed several characters but in the end i was suprised.
Still good story even if this killer have a chance to walking on clouds(pegasus are usually not so big, but we cannot forget about "YEAAAHHHH!!!" dude.)
971745
And I knew something like that was gonna happen
I wrote the story, and kept editing, taking away and adding more until the last minute and...
Wonderful.
971755
Snowflake!
Or Roid Rage, either or
971748
Someone didn't get the twist
As for the killer, he's meant to keep you guessing. What I can do.. is yes yes.
I'll add hints of his backstory
So... fuck this. In a good way of course. It makes me sad as hell, but then again, that was the objective wasn't it? 5 stars!
971780
Alright then, I'll claim stupidity. What is this
you speak of, sir or madam?
ok i need to say tis befor i say anything els,(you can ignor this part, its just me venting) NOOO NOT ANOTHER DASH IS BRUTLLY MURDERD FOR NO REASON STORY, WHY IS IT ALLWAS RAINBOW DASH!?!?1
ok now that thats out of the way,her is my thoughts. all in all this was a pretty well done. aside from a few gramacail erreors ( im not enofe of a grammer freak to point care) and a slight feeling that it was a little rushed, i found this story to be veary good. here is some things i think would make this story even better. 1. athough you gave us enofe info to tell that rainbow dash and this guy are together, it would be nice to have a little bit more of a insight into how this happend. 2. due to the fact that the guy died in the end, haveing her say things like "I’ll cherish them for the rest of my life" and "I’m already traumatized as it is." dosent make much sense as it implys that he is still alive ( i might have misunderstod wether or not she actually died from the fall so if he actually survived then pleas disregard this part) 3. if not in this story then in another one, pleas gie us some more info about "Fillydelphia Underground". i dont have an idea of how to fit it into this story (it is your story after all) but if you decide to make another story to explain it, then maby it could act as a good framing device for a story about the "mystery murderer" and why he did what he did(just a thought) 4. prof read it for gramer ( not that big a deal as long as we can get the point)
all in all a good story, keep it up
971805
Read the last line of the entire story, all the way at the bottom xD
971823
Yea, he died form the fall.
I see what you mean, he's dead but is still alive to tell the tale?
PONY LOGIC
I'll edit that.
And I didn't make it Rainbow just to make it Rainbow.
Seriously I don't care who it was, it really was all for the twist at the end and well, I though she had the best... umm..
How do I explain this without spoilers...
Screw it. I thought Tank was a good pet to choose, since the show really says that he cared about Rainbow so I don't have to.
971859
OOOHHHHH
Well, now I feel like a retard.
971840
Maybe I'll just write a separate story for the killer. I mean, I JUST added hints to his connection to Rainbow,
971788
Thanks man
971883
Haha don't sweat it
971865
971897
Derp
Haha I wonder how many people don't see it the first time around.
971823
>this
>before
>else
>here
>grammatical
>errors
>very
>happened
>having
>doesn't
>implies
>misunderstood
>whether
>please
>give
>maybe
>proof
>grammar
And that's just the misspelled words.
I hated that stupid fucking turtle anyway.
971910
Um... it's a tortoise
Haha well I guess he's not for everyone.
971923 Potato tomato
It was just reaaaally creepy.
971932
I wasn't serious, I just referenced fluttershy
You mean the story is creepy? Or having Tank as a main character is creepy?
Whenever I comment on something, I like it to be at least moderately insightful. But here, all I can say is...
Fuck, man. Just... fuck.
Not saying I didn't like it, I thought it was great (so to speak), and that was quite the twist as to who the narrator was. Nicely done.
But still... fuck, man.
971923 Great. Turtle and tortoise in my language mean same animal :P Somebody can me explain what the diffrence is?! ponyfac.es/sites/pony/faces/96a66f73.png
*reads last line*
OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!!! I GET IT!!!
971959
It's gonna be okay man. You'll live
971968 I don't know... *sniffles*
971963
Basically:
Turtle: Water.
Tortoise: Land.
Turtles have webbed feet, tortoises have claws.
Turtles also have a flatter shell.
And Tortoises only eat plants unlike turtles. Turtles also eat insects.
If this... beast... could scare Dashie, I was certainty not going to put up a fight. << Might wanna fix that.
Anyhow, the story was well written. Now, it didn't make me cry. But it did give me a hint of sadness and gave me one hell of a knot in my throat.
Job well done. Job well done.
972052
I can't believe this actually inflicted sadness on anyone.
I was happily typing this up like "DERPY DERP SLAM KEYBOARD LALALA"
Does that make me a bad person ._.
971945 Tank in general is creepy, thus making the story creepy.
Even Dash says it herself!
972077
Well if you don't like him, he's dead now.
And the story was sorta meant to be creepy but not so much as... okay I have no idea what I was aiming for.
All of my what, didn't really understand much, there are way too many gaps in the story.
971748 there's an entire episode of how they met
971823 you are not a very clever man, are you?
972148
It did?
You seem to be the only person with that problem (judging by people who commented)
Mind telling me about what "gaps" you speak of?
972177 Just realized something, is the main character a stallion or a human? If it's a pony, then, forgive me, thought something else.
972207
Neither
You need to read THE ENTIRE STORY to figure it out.
...or read the comments and spoil yourself...
It made me the sad.
also, rushed as fuck.
but i guess it fits the story.
972217
Well it was a quick turn of event's if you were to witness it yourself.
But if it made you feel any emotion, yay
971989 Thank you for explanation
:twilightblush
:972207 English is not my first language but even I can find out who is this "strange stalion" of yours ;] Read whole story.