Cathy Warner walked out onto the soundstage through a group of life-sized cutouts: five colorful, large-eyed aliens surrounding a single shabby-looking human figure. āWelcome to the Watney and Company Report. Today is the one hundredth Martian day since the freak accident which stranded a member of the Ares III crew and the entire crew of an alien ship from a parallel universe on Mars,ā she said. āFor one hundred days these six incredibly different people have worked together to survive the hostile Martian environment, cut off from all outside aid from both their homes.
āThere have been heartbreaking setbacks, like the explosion which ripped Airlock 1 off the Hab on Sol 88, a little over two weeks ago. And there have been astonishing triumphs, with the aliens establishing a rudimentary telegraph to their home universe on Sol 30 and Mark Watney reviving Pathfinder for a more secure communications route with NASA twelve days ago. And two days ago, for the first time since the Sol 6 accident, the crew of Hermes had voice contact with Mark Watney and two of his fellow castaways.
āBut despite these triumphs, the lives of our friends still hang by a thread. The alien food supplies have been expended, and their survival depends on a harvest in the next few days from a farm built in a Martian cave using their alien technology and Mark Watneyās botany expertise. Injuries have taken their toll, with Watney having narrowly escaped crippling burns to his arm, Dragonfly having worked herself to exhaustion bringing Watney back from the fire, and Starlight having broken a limb in the Hab explosion. And who knows what future accidents await them, or Cherry, or Fireball, or Spitfire?
āOne hundred days after the Sol 6 accident, the six castaways still do not have a way to escape Mars. NASA administrator Theodore Sanders addressed this issue in a press conference held this morning at Johnson Space Center in Houston.ā
Cathy looked up to a dark portion of the studio wall, which lit up with the projection of footage from the presser. Teddy Sanders was his usual perfectly dressed self, standing at the lectern with his usual confidence. āRisk is the business of all astronauts,ā he said. āBut there is a difference between risks that are taken with careful planning and consideration of the possibilities, and emergencies of the kind Mark Watney and his friends are dealing with today on the surface of Mars. The circumstances they face were entirely unanticipated by anyone here at NASA at any point during the planning for Ares III, and according to the aliens, unanticipated by them as well.
āOur ability to contact the alien homeworld is extremely limited, but I have used that ability to speak directly with my counterparts on their side. And on behalf of them, I can assure you that both they and we at NASA are exerting all our energies to bringing our people to safety- on one world or another.
āUnfortunately the aliens are not yet able to mount a rescue mission. The nature of their accidental trip here means they do not know precisely where our universe is in relation to their own. Thus, they cannot name the day they can send a rescue mission. But today, here and now, I can give you such a day.ā
On the screen, for a moment, the gathered reporters rumbled and rustled papers before Sanders could quiet them. āNASA is committed to training and sending an Ares III-B crew on Hermes in the next launch window,ā he said. āThanks to the VASIMR engine on Hermes, we can set a firm date for Hermes to orbit Mars of Sol 768- six hundred and eighty-one days from today.
āThatās almost a hundred days faster than our earlier estimates, but itās still not what weād like. As the Hab explosion proved, life on Mars is a precarious thing. The Ares III equipment is now operating well beyond its expected design life, and Mark Watney has to improvise solutions to problems never addressed in our mission planning. Every improvisation uses up resources, both from Ares III and from the alien spaceship, which cannot be replaced. The sooner we can rescue Mark and our alien friends, the less they will have to rely on those very finite resources.
āWith that in mind, NASA is offering a prize of twenty-five million dollars to any person or group who can present a workable plan to reach Mars with the capacity to retrieve our six castaways substantially prior to Sol 768 and return them to Earth safely. NASA will award the full prize to the person or group who devises the plan we actually use, and smaller awards to those who present workable plans that, for whatever reason, NASA chooses not to implement. NASA wishes to demonstrate that our top priority is to see Mark Watney and his friends safe on Earth as soon as possible.
āFull details on what weāre calling the Watney Prize will be in the full press release which Annie Montrose will have for all of you after the conference. Questions?ā
After a loud roaring scrum for attention, Sanders pointed out one reporter, who asked, āWhat if the aliens rescue Watney before NASA can launch its rescue?ā
Sanders allowed himself a wry little grin. āThen we save a lot of taxpayer dollars and breathe a huge sigh of relief,ā he said. āBut the difficulties facing the aliens are immense. To give you some idea, until a few months ago our physical models of the universe regarded travel between parallel worlds as impossible. I think the aliens can be forgiven if they find it very difficult to do it again.ā A few chuckles, but not many. āSo we have to go forward under the most pessimistic expectation: that the aliens will be unable to launch a rescue before we can get there ourselves.ā
Another hand, and a voice shouting over the others: āWhat about the resupply mission?ā
āProject Sleipnir is going forward,ā Sanders replied. āThanks to SpaceX, we expect to have three Red Falcon boosters available in fifty daysā time. We are clearing Cape Canaveralās launch schedule beginning sixty days from now to allow for the mounting, inspection, and launch of three resupply probes with air-bag landing systems, all of which should arrive on Mars with food and supplies well before Sol 600. If the aliens manage a rescue before then, the supplies can be reapplied towards a proposed Ares VI mission to complete the work Ares III was unable toā¦ā
The projection went black, and Cathy looked into the camera. āMore on the proposed rescue of Mark Watney and the alien castaways after these messages.ā
When the lights came back up on the studio a few minutes later, the cardboard cutouts had been moved to the background to make way for the usual table and chairs. On the studio wall where the NASA press conference had been projected in the first segment, a sequence of drawings, paintings and photographs faded in and out. āThe plight of the Martian castaways has captured the global imagination since the first grainy photographs taken by Hermes from orbit showing multiple figures walking the Martian surface,ā she said. āBut even the most imaginative artist was unprepared for the reality of the photos sent a few days ago, when for the first time we learned what the aliens look like outside their suits. And since then, the Internet has exploded with opinions about the aliens, both positive and negative.
āWith me today are Nyota Lincoln, organizer of the #BringThemHome campaign on Twitter and Gemcomm; the Reverend Martin Spenser, whose controversial sermon āLet Them Dieā garnered ten million views within a day of being released on streaming video; and John Karoli, founder of the website AresHoax.com. Thank you all for being here.ā
The three guests murmured their polite responses. Cathy froze her smile in place long enough to cross some unseen inner fingers and hope that the repeated backstage lectures- ākeep it civil or weāll cut your mike, we donāt care who starts itā- would hold.
Where did her producers come up with some of these people?
āWhere do those CNN dickheads come up with these people?ā Annie Montrose asked, as the Watney and Company Report descended straight into inanity for what looked like the remainder of the half-hour.
āItās humanity,ā Teddy shrugged. It was after hours, and no one was in his office except Annie, Mitch Henderson, and a worn-out Venkat Kapoor. But Teddy never slumped. Even watching television, with nothing important left on the agenda, he remained seated as rigidly as if they were discussing something vital, like the testing setbacks JPL had encountered with the fabric for the Sleipnir tumbler probes.
āHumanity my ass,ā Annie grumbled. āWhen I was I in college- God I was so green. I decided I was going to bring truth to the masses and improve humanity. By the time I got my degree Iād grown up some, so I came to work at NASA, hoping to make the best humanity has to offer more visible, offer a fucking example to the rest of them. So here I am,ā she snarled, jabbing a finger at the screen, āand my job requires me to aid and abet that.ā
On the screen, the Reverend Spenser said, āWe must always remember that Satan was originally Lucifer, an angel of light. The greatest temptations to evil always come in attractive packages. So these aliens, who are clearly designed to appeal to our most protective natures yet who claim to use the power of witchcraft, are clearly temptations to turn humanity away from the true teachings of God as the end of days approaches.ā
āSee? You see that bullshit??ā Annie snarled. āThe better I do my job, the more often shits like him get camera time to smile his plastic smile, brush his plastic hair, and declaim hate and ignorance on fucking live global television. In the name of balanced journalism. Bullshit. And nothing, not the first fucking thing I can do, will prevent thousands of morons from believing every word that asshole says.ā
āShould I take this up with CNN?ā Teddy asked.
āFuck no, thatād make it worse,ā Annie sighed. āThe bastards would attack us for trying to control the media. Again.ā She slumped in her own chair and muttered, āGoddamn, but I want a drink.ā
āItās after hours,ā Mitch rumbled. āWhy donāt you have one?ā
āI havenāt had a drop since college,ā Annie said. āAnd these days I donāt dare. If I once crawl into the bottle I donāt think Iād ever come out. Seen too many people fuck themselves that way.ā
āHow did the speech go over?ā Venkat asked, more to change the subject than from any interest. He had to be back in the office at 5:14 AM to match up with Watneyās 08:00 usual chat start. Living on Mars time while juggling all the responsibilities of a NASA project head wrecked sleep cycles.
āOh, it was a big hit,ā Annie said. āKnocked it out of the park. Perfect mix of gravitas, recognition of difficulty, and understated optimism. Everybody bought it except the manned-spaceflight-wastes-tax-dollars crowd and the government-canāt-do-anything-right crowd.ā She jabbed a finger at the screen again; why she did so Venkat never understood, because her next words had nothing to do with the conspiracy theorist explaining how NASAās CGI Mars mission was coming apart due to a disgruntled employee making up cutesy-puke little horsie aliens. āThe only problem is that contest is already bringing in get-rich-quick schemes and crackpots. Which I told you it would.ā
āItās still a good idea,ā Teddy insisted. āIt shows weāre open to outside input, and it might just bring something out we might not otherwise get. I want the word put out to all parts of NASA, by the way. Our top two priorities are, in this order, getting resupply to Mark Watney as soon as possible, and getting Hermes to Mars as soon as possible. Everything else is secondary.ā
āAlready wrote the memo,ā Annie muttered.
āSpeaking of secondary,ā Venkat asked, āhowās the Eagle Eye 3 launch coming?ā
āRe-inspection should be done in another five days,ā Mitch said. āWeāre launching a month past the window, but Astrodynamics got us a revised trajectory that actually gets to Saturn only nine weeks late. We give up about ten percent of our post-Saturn-orbit delta-V to get it, but weāll be well within mission parameters.ā
āGood,ā Teddy said. āWe need to clear that mission out so we can bring in the boosters for Sleipnir 1 and 2 when theyāre ready. How firm is the delivery date for Sleipnir 3ās booster?ā
āNot very,ā Venkat said. āSpaceX has dropped everything to get these boosters ready for space. Theyāre already warning us that some of the Ares IV presupply launches will be endangered because of it. After all, in order to get a usable payload to Mars with the current position of the planets, re-use of the first stages has to be sacrificed.ā
āSecondary priority,ā Teddy insisted. āGet us those boosters.ā
Venkat nodded. He couldnāt help but yawn as he did so.
āBut first,ā Teddy said, āget some sleep. You need it.ā
āI know,ā Venkat said. āI just donāt feel like leaving this chair yet.ā
They watched the rest of the show in silence, grateful that for the last eight-minute segment the leading cable news channel stopped insulting the intelligence of its viewership and instead showed pictures found on the Internet based on the recent photos.
The last three pictures caught their attention. Even Mitch sat up as the camera lingered on each for about ten seconds.
There was a picture of the entire Ares III crew, including Watney, drawn as if they were from the alien world. Lewis, a long-necked dragon with a smaller muzzle than Fireball but much larger wings draped protectively around the others; Martinez, a bug-pony with a mischievous smile and glowing brown eyes; Johannsen, a unicorn filly levitating a computer with a ray of light from her horn; Beck, a pegasus with a stethoscope; Vogel, a strange eagle-horse hippogriff hybrid with glasses; and sitting in the front, half-covered with dirt, an earth pony Watney making a silly face at the viewer.
The second picture was the reverse of the first- the five aliens drawn as humans. Cherry Berry, a tall slender blonde with a pink jumpsuit and a space helmet under one arm; Starlight Glimmer, who vaguely resembled Hermione Granger with a Marge Simpson hairdo, in a violet lab coat; Fireball, a tall, strong-featured, hawk-nosed man with a perfect Captain Kirk coif; Dragonfly, a smiling African woman with blue eyes and a tattered jumpsuit; and Spitfire, a redhead in sunglasses dressed like the recruiting poster for the Air Force.
And then, the final picture, a mockery of the Last Supper. The shot panned from left to right, showing first the five Ares III crew members on Hermes in various poses; then, in the center, Mark Watney, looking wryly amused but not particularly holy; then the five alien castaways; and finally, in the position of Judas, a Roman centurion fingering a bloody sword and wearing a most unpleasant smile.
At least one artist believed Mars had more trouble in store for the occupants of the Hab.
That art must happen!
I wish they would send some of the more pleasant art to Mark and the Amicatas' crew. I think it would raise morale a bit.
This chapter is everything I wanted at this point in the story, and several things I didn't know I wanted. The way the art is described, I feel like I can almost see it, which just makes me want to actually see it more.
Also, more Annie is good. More Annie is always good.
Loved the update!
That's a grim picture
Personally I would say save the commission for the creation of either of the first two fanart pictures instead; I quite like the current cover!
Kill the Reverend! How dare he call the ponies agents of Satan.
Grab the pitchforks and flaming torches.! We must deal with the blasphemer!
Literally the first thing that popped into my head reading this was the good Reverend grabbing Starlight and just
This
"background to make away for the usual table and"
"background to make way for the usual table and"?
Well I really expected the support for this being a hoax to be pretty high given how absurd it all is.
On the other hand I didn't expect the let them die sentiment to be nearly so strong considering:
1. They're cute and humans are weak against that.
2. A lot of people probably think it's just repackaged advanced science with a translation barrier or just outright lying because they aren't comfortable giving away tech secrets.
3. Christianity has been weakening over the years, so I doubt it would have 10 million going for a burn the witch statement.
Though people advocating against them for reasons of not inviting aliens to our world, or the cost of such flights might be a fraction as well.
I'm kind of ambivalent on this chapter.
I'm guessing one group of people against bringing the ponies to Earth are those who are against illegal aliens. Because the Equestrians would be literal aliens who are illegal aliens.
Somebody needs his theology license revoked.
pre00.deviantart.net/04b5/th/pre/i/2017/318/8/5/starlight_glimmer_kill_you_with_cute_face___by_marenlicious-dbtsrnb.png
Starlight will deal with the blasphemer.
8780268 8780279 I live twenty miles from the nearest gas station. Within that twenty-mile driving radius are at least eleven churches, and at least one-third of them would have sermons almost identical in theme if not in smooth presentation to Reverend Spenser. I can tune to two different American Family Radio stations ("the home of MUSCULAR Christianity!"), and I'm certain they would have the same thing. Even twenty years from now, ten million hits in a day would be easy to get for that message. I wish it weren't, but it's how I'd bet.
Clever working Mars into the portrait at the end there, and fitting too.
That last piece must be done. Specially with how true it is.
That third pic actually sounds pretty cool.
...ya know, if it was real, that is.
8780268
10 million saw the video. Doesn't mean people agreed with it.
If it was on Youtube, it would probably have 10 million views, and a 1:1000 likes to dislikes ratio.
8780335
You underestimate fundamentalist Christians. I bet it would be much closer to a 50:50 ratio, if not more in favor of than opposed, than any of us would be comfortable with.
Huh. Is that roman centurian supposed to be the Roman God Mars?
8780268
I doubt that all of the people behind those views would agree with him. Most likely they just wanted to see what he said.
I love this line.
I'm sure your mother would be very happy to hear that, Reverend.
8780268
Unfortunately, I find that response COMPLETELY believable. Especially since some of those 10 million will be checking to see what te nut job said.
I REALLY like that Last Supper description, and putting Mars in it was a great touch.
8780344
I think you overestimate them. Anti-religion videos on YouTube usually have 90%+ likes, pro-religion have 10-75% depending on how controversial they are. With so many disliking anything religious, a violent and divisive message like that, putting off both atheists and most Christians, would get to the ripe number of 15 likes to 560 dislikes before being taken down for violating YT policy
EDIT: mainstream Catholicism is fine with aliens, for example http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/pope-francis-says-he-would-baptise-aliens-9360632.html
Of course, literal alien witches are a slightly different matter, but it's not like they have seen any magic firsthand
25 mill quickly get the LHO and the ksp simulations, we also need scot manly, and cody's labs, to mass produce this stuff, we also need metal fabricators too, and we need to get the team together yesterday, because when in doubt ADD MORE BOOSTERS!!!, with a constant acceleration you can move pretty fast epesually if you use aerobraking, because with a suitable heat sheild who needs to slow down.
now GET BUILDING
It's called foreshadowing!
That is a perfect depiction of CNN: Pointless "guest debates" that add nothing to the news while filling up the timeslot to justify their 24 hour programing cycle.
I kind of want Rich Purnell to win the 25 mil, be presented it by Teddy, and just be like "Can I get back to my calculations now?"
8780448
But wouldnt that just go back to nasa?
8780294
I think you need to make a poll and ask if the audience is willing to chip in to commission those three pieces with all the love they are getting. I know I would be willing to put five or ten dollars in towards the last supper picture.
8780453
Nah it's Rich's money. He'd probably spend it on a super computer so he can keep doing calculations when they make him go home after work.
See if this works, quick and dirty crystal cave.
http://fav.me/dc56a3s
8780294
Reminds me of when I lived in the Texas Panhandle. Once, the highway department put up a decorative fresco on a concrete embankment depicting a storm cloud blowing across the plains. Some local church nut wrote a sermon calling it "blowthor", and claiming it to be a false idol. A group of protestors destroyed it with a sledgehammer.
I'm just sayin'.
The big pony ruler is kinda sorta an angel of light.
And her name is kinda sorta close to Lucifer.
Just sayin'.
UPD
Apparently, youtube is full of MLP satanic conspiracy theories.
Y tho.
Sol 420.
A loud honk wakes up warn-out, dirty, hungry inhabitants of the Hab. Another loud honk makes them think they went mad.
"Suit up!" screams the redhead - more of a reflex to danger, than actual necessity at this point. Exiting the Hub they all see an elder man in a space suit sitting in a van with a window rolled down, looking back at them, with one hand on the steering wheel. A large nordic 'T' stands on the side of the van big enough to fit all of them in.
"So you're coming in or what? I don't have all day" - says Elon Musk.
David Bowie "Starman" plays in background.
Roll credits.
8780542
Celestia is nothing to worry about! She's just a mare of wealth, and taste, who has been around for long long years is all! Really, you ought to be more sympathetic.
One inaccurate thing is shared between Maretan and Martian : so called Moon Treaty of 1979 never was ratified by any spacefaring nation , so there is no obligation of them to not make claims (except political complications). It is possible that situation could change before 2035, at least from original's standpoint, but it is unlikely, because L5 opposes the idea (among other things treaty bans exploration). If treaty is in power, what Mark and Co. did with cave would fall under the breach of the treaty (exploitation and contamination of environment)
8780574
Listen, I just realised that this analogy makes Luna Jesus, and the pilot episode of MLP - the second advent.
If Luna can walk on water, can she swim on land?
I spent about a minute getting upset at them for "Villainising Christianity" until I remembered that people like this make the best stories (as is pointed out) (Past me is such an idiot). It is well written, even if I think this supposed Reverend is an opportunistic capitalist with delusions of theology.
8780478
I agree, but the fact is, Annie's right. CNN would go out and find these extremist nutjobs in the name of balanced reporting.
8780294
Especially since it would be a trending topic across the entire planet, not just America.
8780616
Is that a political, racial or religious themes I seeā½
Letting me unleash the power of interrobangsā½
Let the shitposting BEGIN!
8780574
Pleased to meet you!
8780616
Unfortunately, we have far too many like this guy as is...even without the presence of any aliens with actual powers that they refer to as magic/wizardry. Do you remember how some of these...special people...decried stuff as innocent as Pokemon/Pokemon Go? Or Harry Potter? Hell, they even lambasted the Lord of the Rings movies back when they first came out.
It makes me wonder if some of these supposed religious leaders understand the difference between fact and fiction.
8780645
Its all about power dude, they will control you what every you do.
that's why you rarely see Buddhism being made fun of, they don't control what you do in your life. just be yourself and self-improvement.
8780418
in fact in the 1980s they already have. they say if aliens are real then they are part of the rule of god and need to be shown the light and all that and also rewrite the book if need before the alines
8780181
clop work on the internet in 3.... 2..... 1...... (the internet broke after the artist gone to work)
8780294
am just wondering about the upcoming protest for them like "GOD HATE PONIES AND MAGIC USER" or "FIREBALL IS THE DEVIL LEFT HAND"
when those type of people go nuts they go off the wall, like that time and i think they still do when they make "god hate fags" or "that soldier was gay and should burn in hell"
8780433
plz the news is bad as it is and there almost like bloggers now but unlike bloggers they have more guts to show the truth then lies. to show what i mean look at this and its real