The Best of All Possible Worlds
Chapter 10
Dear Aunt Celestia, Princess of Equestria, Guider of the Sun, you know the rest,
You said you were worried who else might read this letter, so we’ll be vague in answering your request:
No.
Oh wait, you’d like us to be more specific? Alright, how about this:
Hay no.
This is your problem, you take care of it.
Also, we’ve got a lot better things to do than sit around for a few hundred years wearing your shiny jewelry.
Can’t you use some of your own ponies? You’ve got jillions of them, after all. With all the time you have, you ought to be able to breed yourself six superponies that are so emotionally pure that you can have fun inducing their nervous collapses after you’re done with them.
Or was that too specific for you?
Let us say this again, for the ten thousandth time: We are not Equestrians. We live in our own kingdom, and we want nothing to do with your kingdom.
Got it?
With the usual love and affection,
~~Your Fancy Alicorn Cousins
P.S. Our wizards sort of caused a teeny-tiny catastrophic flood that’s put the entire island under two pony-heights of water. How about you use that sun of yours to dry us out?
Princess Celestia rolled her eyes as her magic rolled up the scroll she had been reading. Family, she thought to herself. Can’t live with them, can’t leave them under two pony-heights of water. She made a quiet announcement of the adjustment to the daily schedule that would be necessary to literally bail her cousins out of their predicament, and a messenger was sent to keep the populace from panicking. They’ll probably panic anyway, Celestia thought darkly, but at least I tried.
The Princess normally requested solitude at sunrise and sunset. She claimed this was to help her concentration, but it was not for the reason the ponies thought. She didn’t need concentration to control the sun, she needed concentration to keep from thinking about Luna while she was raising and lowering her night. However, there were always exceptions, and the knowledge that the human was going to barge in here sooner or later to make sure she could do what she claimed meant that she might as well have company, for however long it took before he thought to do it.
Voltaire was not quite as bright as Celestia had hoped, because he had not shown up for the first sunset after his arrival. However, he did manage to show up fifteen minutes before the first sunrise, so that counted for something.
Celestia caught the human trying to sneak onto the long patio while she was busy greeting the Diamond Dog ambassador while simultaneously keeping Prince Blueblood and Morningstar Sparkle’s petty sniping at each other from getting any worse. Eveningstar was pretending to study the countryside below to keep from getting involved, and she was joined in this endeavor by Morningstar’s son Cognizant. The Princess pretended not to notice Voltaire, in that way that made it abundantly clear that she did notice after all.
~ ~ ~
Voltaire was about to make his way over to Celestia’s company, when his eyes were caught by the setting Moon.
It was enormous.
Furthermore, it glowed a bright white, despite the late hour.
And it had the image of a unicorn’s head on it.
“No!” Voltaire whispered to himself in shock. He continued his protestations in his mind: No, no, no, no!
He wasn’t on Earth. All certainties flew out of his head.
He could be on another planet in Earth’s solar system, although that was unlikely.
He could be on a world orbiting a dim star close to Earth’s sun, although that was even less likely.
Perhaps indeed he was in the Fairy Realm. The Irish, for example, had held that the Fae Folk lived on a world entirely separate from Earth, connected by only a few magical caves. That would mean that this was a world made to look like Earth, right down to the constellations in the sky, but it was not Earth at all. A world ruled by magic...did Newton’s physics even apply here?
Voltaire thought back to the rubber ball, the way it had bounced off of the floor. For that matter, every interaction he had had with the physical world where he didn’t see or feel an obvious magical influence matched what he had experienced at home.
Still, moving a ball of light across the sky each day must be an immense magical endeavor, and the Princess had not contradicted him when he told her the size of the Sun.
He had to know for sure.
~ ~ ~
“...well of course I know about the amniomorphic spell!” snapped Morningstar. “Star Swirl the Bearded created all of the forms of magic known to ponykind!”
Prince Blueblood gestured at the figure of the Princess, who was standing behind him with her eyes closed and her horn glowing. “All forms?” he asked with a grin.
“Err, well...” the mare said in confusion. “Well...yes! Sparkles have been known to raise and lower the Sun in Equestria’s distant past.”
In a corner, Blue Belle silently watched the conversation. She was both trying to stifle a yawn, and keep a running tally of every time her father succeeded in outwitting his rival or vice versa. The Prince was winning the tally, as usual.
“A body at rest, stays at rest,” stated a voice at the other end of the platform from the unicorn filly. She got up to take a closer look. “A body in motion, stays in motion at a constant velocity, following a straight line. Either state of action can only be changed by an application of an external force.”
It was the human who had appeared in the audience chamber and was somehow responsible for Genevieve’s disappearance.
Why do I remember her name? Blue Belle thought to herself. She then positioned herself so she could observe this strange creature without being spotted.
~ ~ ~
Voltaire was deliberately not trying to talk over the other ponies, but as he had predicted, they had all stopped their conversations to hear him talk, including Eveningstar and Cognizant, so he continued reciting Newton’s Laws of Motion.
“The action of a force upon a body will be in the form of an acceleration. This acceleration will be in the direction of the force applied, directly proportional to the amount of force, and inversely proportional to the mass of the body.”
Now to get to the good part. “Gravity is the name of the force that causes all bodies to be attracted to one another. This force is directly proportional to the product of the masses of the two bodies, and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between the centers of mass of the two bodies. Between two ponies, this force is negligible, but between a planet and its Sun, it is enough to force one of them into an elliptical orbit around the other.”
“Yes, that sounds about right,” said the Princess, making her way through the small crowd to reach him. “By the way, what took you so long?”
“I wasted the afternoon trying to strike up a conversation with a dog,” Voltaire said with a self-deprecating smirk. He didn’t understand the hurt looks some of the others gave him for this remark.
“I don’t remember the Roman ever expressing such understanding of celestial dynamics,” said the Princess. “Has there been an advance in human understanding of Natural Philosophy?” She was so intent on their conversation that her horn was no longer lit up. Voltaire saw by the glow on the eastern horizon that the Sun was just about to rise. If Celestia was a fraud, then he only needed to distract her for a few more minutes to see for himself if the Sun would rise without her theatrics.
“Yes,” Voltaire said in reply to the Princess’s question, “although it might be more accurate to refer to the modern pursuit of knowledge as Natural Science rather than Natural Philosophy. The latter term is based on the assumption that knowledge can best be obtained through the imagination. Unfortunately, we humans are capable of imagining a great many things that just aren’t so, and it turns out that the true nature of reality sometimes fails to follow purely human notions of what should be or not.
“The method we use now is mathematical. We study how the universe works, measure its properties, and determine a formula that best matches what we see. Expressed in Equine instead of mathematically, these formulae are known as Laws of Nature. This is the method perfected by the great genius Isaac Newton.” He expressed the name in Equine using English puns: Eye-sack New-ton. Rather amusingly to Voltaire, this double pun referenced two of the scientist’s greatest contributions: to optics and to the understanding of weight.
“Your human ‘Laws of Nature’ are flawed,” observed Morningstar. “Objects in motion certainly do not remain in motion. They slow down and halt all on their own.”
“On the contrary,” said Voltaire. “They are slowed down by the friction in the air, or to a greater degree by friction against the ground.”
“And where do you escape either of those?” Morningstar asked.
“In space,” said Celestia. “The atmosphere of this planet fades into nothingness thousands of ponyheights above us. Beyond that is the vacuum.”
The other ponies all looked up nervously at this revelation, imagining running out of air if some magical mishap ever landed them too high above the earth’s surface.
“Your law of gravity is even more flawed,” said Prince Blueblood. “How massive is this world, compared to the Sun?”
“The Sun is about 300,000 times more massive,” answered the Princess.
“By your law, we should be orbiting the Sun, where precisely the opposite is the true situation.”
“That’s because of the powerful magic exerted by Princess Celestia every day,” said Eveningstar, stepping forward to stand beside her monarch. “A magical catastrophe centuries ago caused the Sun to be permanently repelled from the Earth. Only the daily application of magic keeps it in its place. It would require the same amount of magic to put our world around the Sun as it would be to pull the Sun around Equestria. Since the latter is a lot easier to control magically, that is what the first unicorn Sun mages did, and that is what our Princess does now.”
Celestia nodded. “Magically, you can get away with a great deal of subtlety. I am not breaking that gravity law of Mr. Newton, in fact I’m using it. When I cast my spell, it’s as if I become as massive as a million Suns for just an instant, but because it’s magic, only the Sun can feel that mass.”
Voltaire looked distinctly uncomfortable for a few seconds, before finding a suitable comeback. “So I take it that joking about your weight is off-limits, then?”
Only Celestia dared to laugh at that joke.
~ ~ ~
Blue Belle took careful note of everypony’s reactions. Her father had always told her that he was very nearly the equal of his Princess, but she had never seen him on as familiar a basis with Her as this human was. And they had only just met!
~ ~ ~
“You are truly a human of many talents, Voltaire!” Celestia proclaimed.
“Oh, my knowledge of all things scientific is quite recent,” he replied. “I first became interested in Newton when I learned that the English had made him, a mere commoner, master of their currency.”
“Oh, what did it look like?” asked Cognizant. “I have a denarius that the Roman left behind.”
Voltaire began to search his pockets. “I don’t have any English pounds,” he said, “but I think I have...yes. This is a Prussian Reichsthaler, the currency of the country I came to Equestria from.” And he showed the ponies the very coin this author would gaze upon two and a half centuries later. “As I was saying, the English held this Newton in very high regard, for working out the inner workings of the universe. When he died, they gave him a burial place beside their own royalty. When I heard that, I knew that I had to understand this man’s knowledge if I were ever to understand the world. But I couldn’t wrap my head around the mathematics behind his laws before I met my teacher, Émilie du Châtelet.”
For a moment, Celestia saw a look in Voltaire’s eyes that she had never seen before. Well, she had seen it before, but never from him. It was a look she got a lot from her ponies: the look of one looking rapturously at their goddess.
She saw him shake himself out of his stupor and look around him. “I suppose you can call her Busybee in Her Hive *,” he said. “It’s not an exact translation, but I think it will do.”
* Translator’s Note #1: Just as with “Voltaire” and “Voltige”, “Émilie” was written as “Busybee” throughout the original Equine version of this story, but has been corrected for this translation.
“Well this is interesting,” Morningstar observed. “The Roman was quite convinced that no female human could ever be an intellectual.”
“Growing up, I always suspected that a woman could be just as smart, just as brave, just as worthy as a man,” said Voltaire. “But I never met a woman who was all of those things before I met Émilie.”
“Describe her to us,” said Celestia.
“Émilie was the smartest person I ever met. Any subject she set her mind to, she could learn. Even when the only texts she could find were mangled translations, and the only people she could get to teach her were hopeless incompetents, she somehow always managed to extract the truth and end up an absolute master of the subject. When all of France’s intellectuals united behind a misled French rival of Newton, Émilie not only mastered Newtonism, she wrote the first translation of Newton’s masterpiece into French, and together she and I wrote a popularization of Newton that converted the masses to the side of truth. And she was not just a genius in the sciences: she was also an expert at economics and history. Her concentration was unsurpassed, and so was her ability to bring her brilliant imaginings to life. She was the Scientist writ large, and the world lost its most precious jewel on the day she died.” As he finished the eulogy of his dear wife*, he lowered his head in remembrance.
All of the ponies remained silent, giving the human his moment.
* Translator’s Note #2: I won’t tell the author if you don’t.
“You know,” Princess Celestia said finally, “I think I really would have liked to have met her.”
“She would have made a good Sparkle,” admitted Morningstar grudgingly.
~ ~ ~
Voltaire looked up at the eastern horizon. It hadn’t changed since the last time he had looked, and that had been an awfully long time ago. Nervously, he consulted his watch. “Um, Your Highness...” he began.
“What’s that?” asked Cognizant, peering intently at the timepiece.
“It’s a watch,” Voltaire quickly explained. “Your Royal Highness...”
Celestia smiled at Voltaire. It was a most unsettling smile.
“What does it watch?” asked Cognizant.
“Time. It watches time,” said Voltaire impatiently, his eyes on the Princess. “Your Grand Royal Highness...”
“How does it work?”
“Springs expand, gears turn, hands turn. Here!” And with that he took the watch off of its fob and tossed it over his shoulder. Cognizant nearly leapt over the railing to catch it. “Your Highness, aren’t you forgetting something?”
“Am I?” she asked, with that same infuriating smile.
“Your...your primary job function. The reason the ponies let you wear that nice jewelry?”
“Hmm...”
“...the Sun! You need to raise the Sun!”
Celestia looked casually over her shoulder. “I suppose I should...” she mused. “Is it really that important to you?”
Voltaire rushed over to the eastern railing. “What land lies under the Sun right now?”
“The Island of Prance,” answered Morningstar. “Home of the Princess’s ancestral family.” She smiled evilly before continuing. “I wonder if the inhabitants have started igniting yet?”
If Celestia had any doubts that allowing the ponies to start thinking about killing would not have some unpleasant consequences, the spontaneous invention of gallows comedy by the Royal Historian was more than enough proof.
Voltaire dropped to his knees and hugged the Princess’s withers. “Please!” he pleaded. “For the love of ponyanity!”
“Morningstar...” warned the Princess.
“Alright, so I may have been exaggerating a little...” the unicorn grudgingly admitted.
Celestia gently brushed Voltaire aside and walked up to the eastern railing. “I believe the flooding problem is now taken care of,” she announced, before closing her eyes and causing her horn to light up.
As Voltaire watched, the horn became brighter and brighter, with an equal amount of light leaking out from under the Princess’s eyelids and from the end of every hair on her body. When she became utterly blinding, there was a sudden indefinable lurch, and the Sun sprang into the sky, stopping nearly ten degrees above the horizon.
~ ~ ~
“Do you believe in my cutie mark now?” Celestia said with a smile as she turned back around...
...only to see everybody else prone on the ground. Including Voltaire.
~ ~ ~
Voltaire heard something that might have been a gasp, and might have been a sob.
He dared a glance up at Her. At Celestia, Princess and Goddess of Equestria. And then he stared at Her quivering eyes. No, she was not a “Her”. She was a “her”, and she deserved to be treated as well as the best “hers” he had ever known.
Voltaire got up, and calmly dusted himself off. “Ha, ha,” he said dryly. “You got me.”
The Princess smiled weakly at him. The other ponies slowly got to their hooves, and looked uncertainly at Voltaire. All except for the unicorn filly that he supposed was Blueblood’s daughter—she was staring at him with a fixed concentration that he had last encountered in the mirror during his childhood. It was the look of a child who was realizing for the first time the depth of the lies he or she had been raised under. He would need to keep an eye on this one, Voltaire told himself.
“With your permission, Princess, I would like to retire to my room and reclaim the two days of sleep that I have missed. Afterwards I will be happy to perform any duties as your adviser that you would wish of me.”
“But of course, Voltaire,” she replied, inclining her head slightly.
“Oh, you are adviser of Princess Celestia?” asked an oddly-accented voice the human had not heard before.
He turned to face a black-coated bipedal creature nearly as tall as he was, unclothed except for an open blue vest and a gem-studded collar around his neck. The creature’s arms and hands were disproportionately large, and used to support its weight like that of a gorilla. Its head was undoubtedly that of a dog.
“This is Noir,” said Morningstar, “ambassador for the Diamond Dogs.”
“Ambassador Noir,” Voltaire said with a bow and a flourish. “It is an honor to be in your noble company. I do apologize most profusely over my earlier remark. I had not been informed about your people.” A talking dog, he meanwhile thought sourly to himself. Captain Hardheart, I’m going to get you for this!
Noir laughed heartily. “That alright,” he replied. “We Diamond Dogs are exception to rule.” Then the smile left his face as he said, “but don’t call Noir noble. Dragons are the only noble we know and thanks to griffons, now we are free. Free and equal.”
“Hmm...” Voltaire mused. “A people without nobility. I do hope your stay in Celestia’s palace is not very short, because I’d like to have a long talk with you sometime about your government, after I’ve had some sleep.”
“Diamond Dogs proud of our government,” Noir said, slapping his chest with one meaty paw. “Noir would like that talk!”
Hmm...unless my computer is playing a really nasty trick on me, it appears that this is the first story I've ever written to land in the Feature Box.
Well, insert obligatory David Tennant questioning of reality here:
(Thank you, everyone who fav'ed and liked this story to get it to where it is! )
lol love the weight joke
also love the explanation of the sun revolving equestria magical accident makes more sense than most theories
1039207
Well, more like "Discord-induced magical catastrophe that not even Celestia was powerful enough to fix permanently", but there's no need for the Princess to add that nasty detail to her explanation and cause a second panic in the same day now, is there?
I don't even know who Voltaire is and I love this story. The characterization is entertaining, and deep all at once!
1039145 Freakin love the tenth doctor
Also, great chapter.
Gotta say, this was really entertaining, despite my less than stellar knowledge about the historical Voltaire. And just like I'd expect of a story starring a philosopher, it really gets you thinking at points. Lots of dialogue and discussion. And questions. Love that.
I... I think I love you. This story is a joy to read.
I normally avoid human in equestria stories, but Voltaire in Equestria?
worth it.
cdn.derpiboo.ru/media/BAhbBlsHOgZmSSJwMjAxMi8wNy8zMS8xMl8yMV8xN182MDZfNjI5MjBfX3NhZmVfb2N0YXZpYV9yZWFjdGlvbl9pbWFnZV91bmtub3duX2FydGlzdF9jbGFwcGluZ19hcHBsYXVkaW5nX2FwcGxhdXNlX2NsYXAGOgZFVA/62920__safe_animated_octavia_reaction-image_clapping_artist-mihaaaa_applauding_applause_clap.gif
I have to say, this IS quite brilliant. Most of all i love the 'feel' and 'mood' you manage to implement into your writing. The style of your narration and dialog brings back memories of the pieces of old English literature we used to study at my school. It’s like your expressing your character and theme not only through your story but by the very way it is written and presented.
I've been noticing a few errors in your chapters, nothing major.
But the story is good nonetheless
1039145
Oh no! Now that you've become mainstream you'll lose your edge and I'll have to find a different writer to praise!
Is Bur Lin one of that puns to translate names into Equestrian?
Exellent as always.
1039788
No, it means that my German is nearly as bad as my French--i.e. I don't know a single word of either outside what Yahoo Babel Fish gives me.
1041951
Burr Linn = Berlin. This story is being written by a pony, after all, so puns of all sorts are required, even if I can barely justify them. I for one had no idea what a "linn" was before starting on this story.
1043661
Unfortunately, the chronology of Voltaire's life doesn't allow me to reference everything that happened to him. His final falling out with King Friedrich would happen in 1753. I wanted his service to the king to parallel his service to Princess Celestia, so the story had to take place in 1752 at the latest. That means no Lisbon Earthquake, no Seven Years' War, no execution of Admiral Byng, no expulsion of the Jesuits from Paraguay for forming an "empire within an empire". Luckily, however, I do have the Philosophical Letters, the Elements of Newton, the Age of Louis XIV...Micromegas to show that he was capable of understanding a science fiction concept like life around different stars, and Zadig among a host of others to show that he was more than capable of satire at this time. I admit that I'm going to cheat a little. The biggest scene yet to come is inspired by the Philosophical Dictionary, which Voltaire started in 1752 but didn't finish before 1764.
Oh, and the real Charles Étienne Jordan died eight years before this story started. So please, nobody tell Jenny that her dad's a zom-human.
(On a similar note, I hope Francesco Algarotti doesn't have any descendants reading this story, because after the next chapter, they're not going to like me very much...)
1043858
Ok. "All hail Friedrich the Great" should be "Heil Friedrich dem Großen". My German is pretty solid. So it would be no trouble to translate anything for you, if you happen to want to use it again.
This isn't the Voltaire I was hoping for. I love it anyways.
so I've been through the older chapters now and I'm really enjoying this new version of Genevieve. A tad sad and dramatic at part (Blue Belle was a jerk for ruining her birthday gift and drawing like that ) but I do like where her story seems to be going and the part with Blue Belle seemingly changing.
found a little gender mistake though in the observatory scene:
1039145 Well you deserve it McPoodle! This story is GREAT! Is Celestia sad that Voltaire averted his eyes? I really want to know more about Noir and the Diamond Dogs
Also French is my native language if you need any help with that.
1044950
I'll take your word for it. The quote is now fixed.
1048979
Found and corrected. Thank you.
I don't currently plan to use any French in this story (besides the occasional loanword in English), but if I change my mind, I'll let you know.
This is really thoughtful and erudite, I can't wait for more!
“but don’t call me noble. Dragons are the only noble we know and thanks to gryphons, now we are free. Free and equal.”
Is this a GtG reference I do detect? dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra2.png
probably not, Great story btw!
Strikes Again!
Did Voltaire even have the opportunity to observe the first sunset? Didn't he pretty much go straight from being shown his room to the dining hall, or was there a significant lag time in between that was left out?
1053145
"Griffin the Griffin?" No, I didn't start reading that story until a couple of weeks ago. The griffons of my story did help the Diamond Dogs, but a little differently than that story describes.
Also, I spell "griffon" differently than BlackWing, if that means anything. img69.imageshack.us/img69/4059/2glda3.png
repelled*?
1637005
Hm...that's curious, it's spelled correctly in my master copy. Oh, well.
Fixed.
I personally think it makes more sense to say "X entity incited a magical event that absorbed all of the kinetic energy from Equestria and now the Princess has to move the sun because X spirit is also actively absorbing the kinetic energy from Equestria Preventing restarting of planetary rotation. The siphoning of energy would also remove the magnetosphere, exposing Equestria to solar radiation, which the Princess absorbs to power herself so she can live forever and move the sun in the same day.
But that's just me, go ahead and do whatever you want.
1039295
Look him up on Wikipedia. He actually was of some historical importance--I did a project on him in seventh grade--but I do not remember what he did.
I'm just loving seeing Voltaire reacting with Celestia and the various other ponies. It's so interesting seeing an 18th century philosopher interacting with a land of magical, candy colored equines. Culture shock can be a fun topic. I'm interested in seeing how Voltaire comes to see the god-princess before him.
First off, awesome story, definitely the best human tie-in story I've read so far (HiE or otherwise). I can't wait to see the looks on some of my friends' faces when I start out with, "So there's this incredible fic I've been reading where Voltaire visits Equestria...."
Second, there are a few typos in this chapter:
"busy greeting the Diamond Dog ambassador and simultaneously keep Prince Blueblood and Morningstar Sparkle’s petty sniping at each other from getting any worse."
"keep" should be "keeping".
"Voltaire said with a self-depreciating smirk."
That's "self-deprecating".
"in reply to the Princess’ question"
Almost all style guides say to write that as "Princess’s".
"The later term is based on the assumption"
"later" should be "latter".
That's all I've found so far (including the previous chapters).
Keep up the good work!
2160980
Thank you very much for the positive comments, and the corrections, which I have made.
Welcome to the story. You've just started on the really good part.
1039145
So what was this "magical catastrophe" that caused the sun to repel the planet? I would very much like to hear about it. Also, a bit too much isn't adding up here. If the sun can be directly moved by Celestia, then everyone should see it rise about 8 minutes and 20 seconds after the spell was cast, because that is how long it takes the sunlight to reach us here on Earth. Also, if you say Equestria is a different universe where the speed of light in instantaneous, then you have to wonder why Voltige is still alive. Our human bodies evolved their workings in relation to the physics of our universe, and if we went to a world where the laws were different, our bodies would have to abide by those laws, and thus, not be able to function at all. All of the body's functions are controlled by electrical pulses in the nervous system, and they move at the speed of light relative to the chemical medium through which they travel. If the speed of light suddenly became instantaneous for the nervous system, all the action potentials would discharge at once, and the whole body would either just drop dead, or spontaneously combust.
3343468
Well it happened more than 750 years ago, and is tied to the events that made Celestia the reigning monarch of Equestria. I think you should be able to figure out the rest from there. And don't worry, I'll at least touch on that era later in the story.
And for the rest...magic.
Seriously.
Equestria is a world ruled by magic. Which is to say that it is a world that is shaped by the will of its inhabitants, because that is what magic is: will made manifest.
Voltaire got to Equestria through a portal created by a magic pencil. So the transition between worlds was governed by the laws of magic, not of physics. If he had passed through a technologically-based portal, then he'd probably cease to exist before he ever arrived. The Voltige that arrived in Equestria is not the same being as the Voltaire that left Earth--if this was a movie, then he would have gone from live-action to flash-animated. But he has the same memories, the same personality, the same will. And his body looks enough like the original to fool him and everypony else.
...or perhaps earthbound Voltaire should be represented by a woodcut style of animation. I always wondered what that would look like.
Belle
8642454
Fixed.
Beware the spaceballs, gonna steal your air. :D
8835033
That, was unnecessary, Sir/ Madam. Unnecessary, but amusing. Thank you.
... did I hear that right?
Though if you think about it, 250 years would possibly be about as much time as that might take...
Bout time you figured it out, you doofus.
DUDE.
A world without gallows humor is a sad thing to behold.
Ah, hopefully Blue Belle gets a chance to not grow up as a total knob.