• Member Since 18th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen Oct 17th, 2012



Queen Misty just wanted her cutie mark! But after the Windigoes stole her life from her, she found ruling the dead was better! A million years later, will Twilight Sparkle and her friends be able to help her?

Chapters (4)
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Comments ( 18 )

YAY!! :yay::yay::yay::yay:

All green text are quotes

Hey, I just read your Story, I know that its not done, But Both chapters left me confused but wanting more, It Helps to open up the story in a fashion that doesn't confuse the heck out of them, Your story has potential That i can't deny you, As i was reading i found that your chapters were too short for the amount of time in-between the two post dates, and I mean no offence but I believe that you're not going to server your story much Good, As You really need to Open it to the reader in a manor that won't confuse them as As Twilight Sparkle carried out her day, she couldn't help but feel like she knew those characteristics of that mare from somewhere. Once Twilight had finished her errands, she immediately galloped home, towards her library. I read that Thinking that i had clicked on the wrong chapter, Then i realised that, It was not that it was an attempt at an 'mysterious' Opening it was confusing more than it was mysterious.As she came to the door, she remembered a certain book that talked about the history of Equestria. Before Twilight could look back at the door, she had slammed head first into it, knocking herself unconscious. This was also confusing, Where had she seen this book was it overlooked in her studys was it somthing that was skimmed over in a 'bout of study that can instill madness in the usual way that it does in twilight, "Hey! Don't look so sad Twilight! I brought some cupcakes here for you!" This is meant to be pinky pie but in any case its not as mental or abrupt as pinkie normally is. They didn't smell like her, she wondered if they would taste like her. Twilight slowly bent down, the cupcake coming closer to her mouth. She tasted it, delicious! Not like Rainbowdash, but like an array of flavors, each coming in a row, exactly like a rainbow, but not as spicy.As she laid there, in complete and utter silence, eating one of Pinkie's rainbow cupcakes, she remembered the book. As quickly as she had hit the door, she had grabbed it and laid back down on the dark blue bed. this doesn't make sense, It why would twilight think that the cupcakes would taste like rainbow dash, how would she know what rainbow dash tastes like, It sounds like this story could get erotic but its setting is not erotic, Now, i could go on and on with this, But if you take atleast one thing from that you get others to proof read your work and see what they think. And if you need people to do that, I'm free to do this.
Please, My offer is open and will stay open for the rest of time.

Also, A little notice Write with the premise that your story is being read by idiots, and if you write it like that it will be easyier to explain the story to people

Don't worry! She will be very soon! :pinkiehappy:

Good way of putting it! :rainbowlaugh: one of my friends is a complete idiot, no offence to her :twilightblush: but she thought it was ok, but she is younger than me after all! :pinkiesad2:

It's terrible! :raritycry: I hate it! :flutterrage: I give up, obviously it's not right, it's just like what twilight did to those girls in the parasprite episode, she told them to take it down and try again! :fluttershbad::fluttercry::fluttershyouch::raritydespair: I am in shame... :ajsleepy:

ignore my other comment lol, depression moment :twilightblush:

Casual moment of insanity there, LOL, Hope to read more, I've got stuff to do for now and will read later, Also Good job on the re-write of the first chapter Makes much more sense now, I must read more But for now, My storie must be written!!!

thankyouuuuuuuu! :pinkiehappy: I am also happy with my re-write i'll send you the email in about a week or so, you do your story for now, I have alot of schoolwork to do anyhow :twilightblush:968685

Like it so far but thus chapter seemed rushed, I dont think the queen of the dead would blurt that out like a filly confident she got the answer right to a question..

hmm, I guess, might need a touch up:twilightblush: But right now imma get my tablet today (I hope) :pinkiehappy: So imma be practicing my drawings on that :rainbowkiss:

Ok ratchetgreen here I gotta say you may want to touch up the story while I like the premise I still feel like you kinda rushed it and I really thought twilight would be more worried about zecora and IMO if I saw a creature come from a tombstone I would request for the elements to send said creature to the moon cause you can't trust it aaannnyway Rainbow dash has a space as seen here sorry if I seem harsh:fluttershysad:Im just giving am :ajsleepy:honest opinion no hate from me:scootangel:
But if you are stuck for ideas try moving to another story then if you feel like you succeeded with the new fic then try your hooves at new chapters with queen misty but above all else
Do Not I Reapeat Do Not Overpower your alicorn, alicorn OC's get a lot of hate and for that reason readers may avoid you
Again I hoped I helped you and like I said I'm not trying to be harsh:pinkiehappy:I'm only helpin out

1126644 Thanks! I like constuctive critisism! :pinkiehappy: It makes everything (especially me) Improve :twilightsheepish: I am just a bit busy with my art and school to do this :raritywink: But i'll touch it up and continue it when i have the spare time here and there!:moustache:

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