The Return Of Queen Misty

by AskQueenMisty

The Betrayal

As Twilight lay there, her head still sore from the accident earlier that day, she began to think. Contemplating about whether or not to tell the princess of Misty. Before she knew it, she was fast asleep.

"Twilight, wake up!" Yelled Spike, shaking twilight as he does so, "I did the chores for you! I even made you grass pancakes!" Felicitously continues spike, handing a half-asleep Twilight a crystal-clear plate with a palatable stack of pancakes.

"Thank you Spike, I am gratified! Just give me a few minutes to get cleaned up!" With a weary, fatigued voice, Twilight replies, with a small yawn, followed by a itch on the nose.

"Alrighty then! I'll go and fetch some more quills for you!" Providently remarks Spike behind his shoulder as he closes the door behind him.

"Now, lets clean up, where did that hairbrush go?" Queries Twilight to herself as she seeks her hairbrush down.

"Aha, Here it is!" Heeds Twilight as she bends down to retrieve a clearly aged and diminished hot pink hairbrush.

She soon finds herself humming a song to herself. Once had skirmished all of the knots out of her coiffure', she trotted down the few wooden steps towards her writing stand. Thankfully, she still had one quill left. Twilight levitated the red quill with her pinkish-purple magic, and started to write.

Dear Princess Celestia,
This is your most faithful student, Twilight Sparkle. I know that I have already written you a letter about my lesson of friendship, but what I have to tell you is extremely important. I was on my way to Zecora's hut, like I usually do on a Monday morning, when I ran into a remarkably eerie, unnatural tombstone, sitting in the middle of the Everfree Forest. It then freakishly glowed and a mare shot out, knocking me over. I later found out that she owns a restaurant here called 'To Die For', her name is Queen Mysteria, (Which, to be honest, I don't know if that is even true), But she prefers to be called Misty. She says she is one million years old, she is white with a highlighted green mane and tail. I thought that she might be big trouble, so I decided to write this letter and tell you.
Your most faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle.

"I'm back! I've got some quills, they're your favorite ones too!" Hollers Spike as he waves the assorted quills around.

"Good, you're back! I need you to send this letter!" Urges Twilight to Spike.

"What is it about?" Interrogates Spike, about to unravel the scroll containing the message.

"Oh, nothing, just send the letter, okay!?" Rapidly hurries Twilight, pushing the scroll in Spikes face, before he could look at it.

"Alright, geez!" Collectively replies Spike.

As soon as he breathes is green fire and the letter disappears into a cloud of green smoke, Twilight breathes a sigh of relief.

Comments

[primeoetgrunn]

I like it,
i.qkme.me/354r73.jpg

[Mush Room]

YAY!!
YOU POSTED IT!!!

[Nitebomber51]

All green text are quotes

Hey, I just read your Story, I know that its not done, But Both chapters left me confused but wanting more, It Helps to open up the story in a fashion that doesn't confuse the heck out of them, Your story has potential That i can't deny you, As i was reading i found that your chapters were too short for the amount of time in-between the two post dates, and I mean no offence but I believe that you're not going to server your story much Good, As You really need to Open it to the reader in a manor that won't confuse them as As Twilight Sparkle carried out her day, she couldn't help but feel like she knew those characteristics of that mare from somewhere. Once Twilight had finished her errands, she immediately galloped home, towards her library. I read that Thinking that i had clicked on the wrong chapter, Then i realised that, It was not that it was an attempt at an 'mysterious' Opening it was confusing more than it was mysterious.As she came to the door, she remembered a certain book that talked about the history of Equestria. Before Twilight could look back at the door, she had slammed head first into it, knocking herself unconscious. This was also confusing, Where had she seen this book was it overlooked in her studys was it somthing that was skimmed over in a 'bout of study that can instill madness in the usual way that it does in twilight, "Hey! Don't look so sad Twilight! I brought some cupcakes here for you!" This is meant to be pinky pie but in any case its not as mental or abrupt as pinkie normally is. They didn't smell like her, she wondered if they would taste like her. Twilight slowly bent down, the cupcake coming closer to her mouth. She tasted it, delicious! Not like Rainbowdash, but like an array of flavors, each coming in a row, exactly like a rainbow, but not as spicy.As she laid there, in complete and utter silence, eating one of Pinkie's rainbow cupcakes, she remembered the book. As quickly as she had hit the door, she had grabbed it and laid back down on the dark blue bed. this doesn't make sense, It why would twilight think that the cupcakes would taste like rainbow dash, how would she know what rainbow dash tastes like, It sounds like this story could get erotic but its setting is not erotic, Now, i could go on and on with this, But if you take atleast one thing from that you get others to proof read your work and see what they think. And if you need people to do that, I'm free to do this.
Please, My offer is open and will stay open for the rest of time.
-Nitebomber51

[Nitebomber51]

Also, A little notice Write with the premise that your story is being read by idiots, and if you write it like that it will be easyier to explain the story to people

[AskQueenMisty]

Don't worry! She will be very soon!

[AskQueenMisty]

Good way of putting it! one of my friends is a complete idiot, no offence to her but she thought it was ok, but she is younger than me after all!

[AskQueenMisty]

Yes i did!

[AskQueenMisty]

will do!

[AskQueenMisty]

It's terrible! I hate it! I give up, obviously it's not right, it's just like what twilight did to those girls in the parasprite episode, she told them to take it down and try again! I am in shame...

[AskQueenMisty]

ignore my other comment lol, depression moment

[AskQueenMisty]

thanks!

[Nitebomber51]

Casual moment of insanity there, LOL, Hope to read more, I've got stuff to do for now and will read later, Also Good job on the re-write of the first chapter Makes much more sense now, I must read more But for now, My storie must be written!!!

[AskQueenMisty]

thankyouuuuuuuu! I am also happy with my re-write i'll send you the email in about a week or so, you do your story for now, I have alot of schoolwork to do anyhow 968685

[AskQueenMisty]

hmm, I guess, might need a touch up But right now imma get my tablet today (I hope) So imma be practicing my drawings on that

[Ratchetgreen]

Ok ratchetgreen here I gotta say you may want to touch up the story while I like the premise I still feel like you kinda rushed it and I really thought twilight would be more worried about zecora and IMO if I saw a creature come from a tombstone I would request for the elements to send said creature to the moon cause you can't trust it aaannnyway Rainbow dash has a space as seen here sorry if I seem harshIm just giving am honest opinion no hate from me
But if you are stuck for ideas try moving to another story then if you feel like you succeeded with the new fic then try your hooves at new chapters with queen misty but above all else
Do Not I Reapeat Do Not Overpower your alicorn, alicorn OC's get a lot of hate and for that reason readers may avoid you
Again I hoped I helped you and like I said I'm not trying to be harshI'm only helpin out

[AskQueenMisty]

1126644 Thanks! I like constuctive critisism! It makes everything (especially me) Improve I am just a bit busy with my art and school to do this But i'll touch it up and continue it when i have the spare time here and there!