Trapped

by AusFlick

Trapped

Cold. Black. Alone. These were the only words that entered Twilight's mind as she felt the cold concrete floor that lay beneath her. She opened her eyes, only to see what laid before her was nothing but black. She rolled from her side, and lifted herself onto her hooves. She instantly took notice of her throbbing head, but that was the least of her worries. Her environment was dead silent, and Twilight couldn't hear anything except for her heaving breathing. The air was thick and humid, and it was hard to breathe. Everything around her was pitch black, completely engulfed in darkness.

"Hello?" Her voice echoed into the dark abyss. There was no response. "Is there anypony out there?" Twilight waited, still no reply. Either there was somepony hiding from her in the shadows, or she was completely alone. If she was alone, did that mean...

Twilight gulped at the thought. "Fluttershy! Pinkie Pie! Rainbow!" She listened to the echos of her own voice as she waited for a response. It sounded like a voice that was desperate, praying that at least one of her friends would respond. What followed was complete silence. "Applejack? Rarity?" Nothing.

Where were they? Wherever they were, Twilight just hoped they were safe. She could imagine them looking for her if that was the case. She found that thought to be reassuring, but then again, how would they ever find her if she herself didn't even know where she was? Judging by the thick air and the concrete floor, Twilight speculated that perhaps she was in some sort of basement. If that was the case, then what was she doing there?

Thinking that just standing there wasn't going to solve anything, she decided to walk forward. She'd have to find some sort of clue on her whereabouts eventually, right? The sounds of hoof steps filled the air, as they lightly tapped on the floor as she walked. She had only been walking for a few seconds before she ran head first into a wall, adding a fresh burst of pain to her forehead.

"Ow!" Twilight rubbed her head with her hoof, trying to alleviate some of the pain. She ran her hoof through her hair before it was stopped by her horn. Without thinking, she used it to light up her environment. Well, at the very least, she tried to. She attempted her lighting spell with no effect. After a few more failed attempts she gave up. She turned around, upon realising that her eyes were slowly adjusting to the darkness. What she saw made her stomach drop. It wasn't a basement she was in. It was a prison.

She was encased in a room in the shape of a cube. Everything from the walls, the ceiling and the floor were all made of cold, dark, grey concrete. There were no skylights, no windows, there weren't even any doors. As far as Twilight was concerned, she was trapped in a hollow block of dark concrete. She tapped on the wall with a hoof, trying to see if there was anything behind it. The wall was completely solid.

She shut her eyes tight, imagining herself back in Ponyville with all of her friends. No matter how hard she concentrated, just like before, her attempt at using a teleportation spell had backfired. 'Why isn't my magic working?' Twilight wondered. The only theory she could come up with was either her headache was too strong to process any spells, or this room was protected by some sort of spell that prevented her from using her magic. If the latter was the case, then whoever, or whatever sent her here clearly didn't want her to leave.

"I hate this place," Twilight said under her breath. Where in the name of Equestria was this room located? Was it in some sort of facility, full of rooms just like this one? Was this what Tartarus looked like? Or was this some sort of prison that's buried deep underground, where she would never be found? The thought was too much to handle, the thought that she may never see her friends again. She pounded on the walls, screaming at the top of her lungs.

"LET ME OUT!" she screamed. "LET, ME, OUT!" Not hearing a response, she pounded harder, and screamed even louder. "SOMEPONY! HELP! GET ME OUT OF HERE! HEEEELLLLP!" She continued to pound at the wall, each one harder than the last. Her heart was racing, thumping as hard as her hooves. Her hooves were still banging on the wall, but it was no use. Her banging slowed down. "Can anypony hear me?" she spoke in a quiet voice. Despite her panting, she listened for any sign of a reply.

Then she heard it. The sound of clanking metal, muffled as though it was coming from somewhere on the other side of the wall. After about three clanks it stopped, and once again, everything was dead silent. She suspected the noise came from somepony, or at the very least some sort of living creature. Time seemed to have slowed down, as Twilight didn't know whether to scream in an attempt to get its attention, or stay quiet. She had no way of knowing if this thing was a friend or foe. On one hoof it could have been the very thing that brought her here, but on the other hoof, what if it was her friends looking for her? Twilight resisted the urge to call out to the noise upon the realisation that if it was them, they'd probably be calling her name. If that was the case, then whatever was causing that noise was probably something she needed to avoid at all costs.

Twilight sighed, and stood there in silence, panting. She was covered in sweat, and her front hooves were sore and bruised from the constant banging. It was clear to her that no one was coming to save her. Feeling deflated, Twilight's ears dropped as she sat on the ground. There wasn't really much else she could do. She just sat there, pondering on the many questions she now had.

Were her friends ok? Did they know she was here? Did they even know she was gone? If they did know, then how would they go about trying to get her out of here? Twilight studied the room, every single wall was as empty as you could get. There was nothing in here except herself, and a load of cement. If there were no doors or windows, then how did she get in here in the first place? Why was she here? Was she some sort of prisoner? Was this some sort of punishment from Princess Celestia? What did she do wrong, what had she done to deserve this? 'No, don't be ridiculous,' Twilight thought. 'Even if you did do something wrong, Celestia would never send you to a place like this.

She rejected any possibilities of Celestia being the one responsible for sending her down here. If it wasn't a punishment from Celestia, then it must have been something else. There was the name of one individual that popped into her head. One with an incredibly twisted mind, and initially only made too much sense to be the reason she was here. Discord. He always had a close friendship with Fluttershy, and he was for the most part reformed, but she still had many trust issues with him, and it was clear to him that she didn't like him very much. At first it felt obvious, but Twilight then started to doubt Discord as well. Would Discord really do something like this? He was certainly a troublemaker from time to time, but he wasn't full on evil, well... not anymore at least. Even if it really was Discord, she could imagine Fluttershy protesting against it. This place also just didn't match Discord. It was too simple, too plain. Discord was the embodiment of chaos, and there was nothing in here that would resemble chaos at all. No unusual objects or creatures, nothing discoloured, no antigravity, nothing.

Then again, Twilight was starting to wish this place did contain some of Discord's trademark chaos. At least it would have been interesting to look at, instead of this dull, depressing cell. The longer she remained in here, the more unpleasant this room was becoming. While Twilight could see quite clearly by this point, the room was still dark, cold, and dead. Being stuck in a room like this, completely isolated and alone, it's a setting nopony should ever have to experience. Living completely by yourself, with nopony to talk to in a place like this would drive anypony crazy sooner or later. How long would it take before she herself started to lose her sanity? In fact, how long had she been in here? Twilight couldn't recall what time of day it was when she last saw her friends, or the sun, and that wasn't taking in account how long she had been unconscious for. She was sure she had only been awake for a few minutes, but for all she knew she could have already been trapped in her for hours.

Her initial question was still buzzing in her head. How did she get here in the first place? The only thing she could imagine sending her down here was an old enemy. Someone evil, who has yet to be reformed, but who? Twilight closed her eyes and tried to focus on the last thing she could remember before waking up in here.

The last thing she could remember was the sight of her five friends. They were all staring at her with a look of terror on their faces, screaming out her name as she was engulfed in flames before blacking out, and then she just remembered waking up in here. So clearly, Twilight had no recollection on how she got here, but how she got here wasn't important. What was important, was figuring out how she was going to get out.

The clanking metal started up again. The sound of two heavy metallic items banging against each other. There was something about the sound that put Twilight on edge, something she didn't like. It sounded exactly like last time, except this time, it was louder. After another three bangs, it stopped. If this banging was indeed coming from a foe, then chances were that meant she was running out of time.

At that thought, Twilight's stomach growled loudly. Up until now she had no idea just how hungry she was. In fact, she was starving. When was the last time she ate? Since there were no skylights or windows, it was impossible for her to know what time of day it was. It could have been noon, or it could have been two o'clock in the morning. She had no way of knowing. Regardless of what time it was or how long she had been in here for, all Twilight knew was that she had to find something to eat, and fast.

Her stomach growled again, this time louder than before. What was she going to do? Surely whatever sent her down here would have to feed her? It wasn't just going to let her starve. It wouldn't be that cruel... would it? Surely this thing wouldn't just let her die? Her stomach growled for a third time.

---

Twilight didn't know how much time had passed, but she was still incredibly hungry, and there was still no sign of any food. Food was no longer the only issue either. She was completely dehydrated. Twilight collapsed onto the ground.

"I-need-water..." Twilight croaked through her parched throat. With her empty stomach, her energy deteriorating, and in desperate need of something to drink, it seemed less and less likely that she was going to make it. This thing was keeping her completely alone in a dark, claustrophobic prison, without even giving her anything to eat or drink. She was probably just left to die here, in this horrible place. How could it be so cruel? Twilight burst into tears, sobbing her eyes out, wishing she was anywhere else in Equestria but here. She closed her eyes, and tried to imagine herself in Ponyville, surrounded by her smiling friends. She could vividly see them, smiling, laughing with her. She'd do anything to see their faces in person just one more time. Completely lost in thought of her friends, she slowly drifted off to sleep.

Twilight was awoken by the returning sound of clanking metal, which was even louder than before. After, once again, another three clanks, it stopped. 'Seriously, what is that thing?' she wondered.

Her attention instantly shifted upon a truly amazing sight. A sight, that seemed too good to be true. Resting in the corner of the room, was a tray that had a bowl of water on one side, and a plate of bread on the other. Twilight couldn't believe her luck. She dragged her body towards the tray, barely able to walk. She shoved her face into the bowl of water, drinking as much as she possibly could. It felt amazing. She could feel the water pouring down her incredibly dry throat as she drank. She didn't stop until the bowl was completely empty. It was probably unwise to have had the whole thing in one go, but she didn't care. Next to the bowl was a plate that had four pieces of ordinary white bread, stacked on top of each other. It wasn't much, but it was better than nothing. Over the span of a few minutes, she ate the four slices of bread. With difficulty. She wasn't used to eating without using levitation. It was only when she had devoured everything on the tray when something occurred to her.

This tray definitely wasn't in here before, and it definitely appeared while she was sleeping. This meant that whatever gave her the food and water somehow had to get in here and out again to give it to her. So it was clear. There definitely was a way in and out of this place, she just had to find it.

However, another horrific thought entered her mind. The food and water only popped up when she was absolutely desperate. She was in dire need of it, and at the point where she needed it to most, it conveniently appeared before her. Maybe a bit, too conveniently. Maybe it was too good to be true. Twilight was now considering the possibility that maybe the food and water was a trap, and the water was poisoned. If that was the case her death was a guarantee at this point. Although, to be fair, if she didn't drink the water, then she most likely would have died of dehydration anyway. So if the water was poisoned, she would have died either way. Poison, or dehydration. Both sounded just as unpleasant as each other. Either way, she already drank it, so whether it was poisoned or not she would find out sooner or later.

Before she knew it, Twilight was pacing back and forth in the room. While it was great to finally have some food and water in her system, she was still just as clueless as before. With no knowledge on how to get out, and nothing to occupy herself with, there wasn't really anything she could do except lie here and rot. Maybe drinking the water and eating the food wasn't such a good idea. It was like this thing intentionally only just gave her enough to keep her alive, so she could continue to suffer in this dreadful place. Twilight looked up at the ceiling. Its cold, dark and gloomy design perfectly matched the walls and the floor. She slumped back onto the ground, her ears drooping and her head hanging low.

"I can't spend the rest of my life like this," Twilight said to herself, as a tear poured down her cheek. "I just... can't. I want my friends back. I want to be back up there, back in Ponyville, with the beautiful blazing sun and my friends." She could vividly see a mental image of all five her friends. Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie. The longer she looked, the more agonising the truth was to bear... that she was never going to see them again.

Tears were now pouring out of her eyes like a waterfall. She looked up towards the ceiling once again, shut her eyes tight, and let out a loud scream. Her scream ended when she crashed onto the floor, and buried her face into her forelegs, sobbing. The raw pain she was feeling was overwhelming. 'I can't take much more of this' Twilight thought, as she continued to cry in her hooves.

---

Twilight woke up from yet another sleep. What else was she going to do in there? Before opening her eyes, Twilight realised something was... different. She was nice and warm, and the ground beneath her didn't feel like cold concrete, but a feather soft mattress. And was that a blanket that was on top of her?

"Twilight?" said a voice. A very, familiar voice. When Twilight finally opened her eyes, she couldn't believe who it was.

"Spike!" Suddenly fueled with joy and relief, Twilight leaped off her bed and squeezed him in a tight hug, never wanting to let him go. "Spike, I missed you so much!" Spike was gasping for air.

"Twilight!" he gasped. "Can't... breathe!" Twilight quickly let him down.

"Sorry," she said quickly. She admired her environment. She was no longer in that terrible prison. She was in her bedroom, back in Ponyville. She ran to her window and opened it. The sun was shining, Ponyville was bright, vibrant and full of life, making it more inviting than it had ever been before. She could see many colourful ponies trotting back and forth in their everyday lives upon the beautifully green grass. The sky was clear and as blue as ever, and the fresh air couldn't have been anymore refreshing. She was home.

Then she saw them. Her five colourful friends, all hanging around just outside her castle. Without hesitation, she bolted out her room, through the halls, and out her front door. There they were. Rarity, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Pinkie Pie, all staring at her, smiling. Welcoming her with open arms. Without saying a word, she ran towards them. It had been a long time since she was this happy to see them. They were ok! She was ok! Everything was going to be alright. Twilight slammed head first into an invisible wall.

"Ow!" she yelled. That was the second time she ran directly into a wall within the last few hours. Only this time, she was actually running, and technically nothing should have been there. Twilight looked up. Her friends were staring at her, but now they were frowning. Nothing seemed to be between her and her friends. She tried approaching them again, once again walking into the invisible wall. 'What's going on?' Twilight asked herself in her head. 'This doesn't make any sense.' She placed a hoof on the invisible wall. Why couldn't she walk forward? She could see the look of sorrow on her friend's faces. Even Pinkie's mane was deflating. They all walked up to her, lead by Applejack. She placed her own hoof on the other side of the invisible wall, right in front of Twilight's. Twilight looked down at their two hooves inches apart from each other, then back to Applejack. She could see the tears in her eyes, her mouth slightly open.

"Applejack?"

Twilight blinked a few times, only to see her vision was slightly fuzzy. The wall was no longer invisible, but now appeared to be a pane of glass separating her from the rest of her friends. Upon each blink, the glass became harder and harder to see through. Though blurred, Twilight could see Applejack's lips were moving, but no words were coming out. Applejack was clearly trying to tell her something, but she had absolutely no idea what she was trying to say. She studied the way her mouth was moving as close as possible, and was able to work out the last thing she said.

"I'm so sorry, Twilight."

A tear that had generated on Applejack's face fell and dropped into the grass. She lowered her hoof from the pane of glass, bowed down, turned around, and started to walk away.

"No," Twilight said under her breath. She couldn't believe what she was seeing. The rest of her friends had turned around, and followed Applejack. Away from her. "No! No, no, no, no, no! Don't leave me! Please! You can't..." Her friends slowly disappeared, and the glass pane went darker and darker, until there was nothing left except a solid, grey, concrete wall. Twilight blinked a few times and looked around her. She was back in her prison, and her friends were gone.

"NO!" Twilight screamed, once again pounding on the walls of the cell with her front hooves. "HELP! HELP! LET ME OUT OF HERE! PLEASE! LET-ME-OUT!" She was screaming at the top of her lungs, to the point where she felt like she completely slaughtered her throat. She stopped her pounding, pressing her head against the wall and closed her eyes. "Please..." she said under her breath, unable to fight her tears. "I don't want to die down here." Twilight felt her tears running down her snout. "I can't." The room was filled with the sound of her sobs. Was this really how her life was going to end? Spending the rest of her life completely alone in this depressing prison? "I haven't done anything to deserve this," Twilight wailed, feeling completely hopeless. That was when she heard it again. Three loud bangs, that resembled the sound of clanking metal. It was coming closer. Twilight felt the sensation of a hoof running down her back. Initially she was startled, until she turned around to see who it was.

"Luna!" Twilight cried, relieved to finally see a familiar face. Twilight leaped up onto Luna attempting to hug her. This caught Luna off guard, but she didn't resist when she saw how happy she was to see her. When Twilight eventually backed away, she had a look of both relief, and confusion. "How did you get in here?"

"I didn't," said Luna. "I can communicate with others through their dreams remember?"

Of course! If Luna was here, then that meant...

"That means, I'm dreaming?" said Twilight. Princess Luna nodded.

"Yes, Twilight. You are indeed, dreaming currently." Princess Luna spoke with a straight face.

"Then that means... none of this is real!" said Twilight, looking around the room, feeling a huge sensation of levity. "This place is just a fragment of my imagination, I bet in reality I'm completely safe in my bed right now as we speak." She turned back towards Luna, who was frowning. That couldn't have been a good sign. Princess Luna sighed.

"While it's true that you're dreaming right now, make no mistake. This place that you see before you, is real." In a split second Twilight's heart felt like it had just been crushed by a ten ton weight.

"No," she said, not wanting to believe what she was hearing. "No! It's not true." Twilight burst into tears again. She didn't hold back either. She hated it in here, and she wanted Luna to see for herself just how much she was suffering. Luna's heart was wrenched seeing Twilight this upset, and looking at her surroundings, she could easily see why.

"Twilight," said Luna, trying to keep her emotion under control. Twilight looked up. "It brings me great pain to see you like this." She took a deep breath before continuing. "A few days ago, everypony you know found out that you were missing. Let me assure you that we are all well aware that you've been missing, and as we speak, your friends are searching high and low to find you. They're really worried about you."

Twilight tried to force a smile onto her face. The fact her friends were not only ok, but were actively looking for her was a thought that made her feel a little better.

"So," said Twilight. "So you're all looking for me?" Luna nodded.

"That's why I'm here," she said. "I figured if I contacted you through a dream, I'd be able to find out where you are." She looked around the room again. "Your condition is much worse than I feared."

"Do-do you have any idea where I am?"

Princess Luna shook her head.

"I was about to ask you the same question."

Twilight drooped her ears again, closed her eyes and gritted her teeth.

"I can't take this place anymore!" Twilight yelled. "I hate it here!" Luna remained quiet. She didn't know what to say. Twilight looked right at Luna. Her eyes were still wet with tears, and were now blood-shot. "I wanna go home!"

"I see how badly you're hurting, Twilight," said Luna. "This is a dreadful place, and rest assured that we are going to have you out of here as soon as we possibly can. I'm going to tell your friends about your current position, I'm going to tell them everything I have learned tonight. We will continue to look for you, Twilight, and I promise you, we will find you."

Twilight sighed in relief, and was able to throw a smile, this time being genuine.

"Thank you," she said under breath. "Thank you, so much."

"Is there anything you'd like to say? Any messages I can pass onto your friends?"

"Yes please," said Twilight. "I want you to tell them that I can't stop thinking about them. For the longest time I was afraid something bad had happened to them, and it brings me great relief to know that they're all ok. I want you to tell them, that I love them, and I greatly miss each and every one of them."

There was a moment of silence before Luna responded.

"I'll be sure to pass your message to your friends." Twilight smiled again, until she saw Luna slowly fading.

"No!" Twilight panicked, her heart instantly racing. "Don't go! Please, I beg you! Don't leave me!" Despite Twilight's protesting, it was already too late. Princess Luna was gone, and she was completely by herself again. It was hard to see Luna go. Even if she wasn't physically in the room, at least she gave her somepony to talk to. Being provided with some company was just enough to prevent her from going insane. While she was sad to see her go, she still felt some levity knowing that her friends were safe, and were looking for her. She knew her friends well. Knowing them, they weren't going to stop until she was found.

'Don't worry Twilight,' she thought to herself reassuringly. 'They will find you...

Eventually.'

---

Twilight woke up to the sound of banging metal. There it was again, louder than it had ever been before. This time it sounded like it was coming from directly outside the room. After the third bang, the entire room went pitch black. Twilight froze, not making a single sound. She could hear hoof steps. Hoof steps, that did not belong to her. She could her own heart beating, not knowing how to react, or what to do. Where was it coming from? She wanted to run, but there was nowhere to run considering she was still stuck in a box made of cement. The hoof steps drew closer, and closer, until she could physically feel the breathing on her back.

With her hair standing up, and shivers running down her spine, she slowly turned around to see what it was. She couldn't see anything, everything still being pitch black. Despite the inability to see anything, she could still tell that whatever this thing was, it was standing directly in front of her. Trembling in fear, Twilight finally spoke to it.

"Hello?" Her voice was shaking, and hiding her fear was impossible. It remained silent. "Who are you?" There was still no reply. Twilight slowly took one step back. It, took one step forward. "What do you want from me?" It just took another step towards her. She took another step back. She continued to back up, until she felt herself being pressed into the corner of the room. "Leave me alone!" The only response she received was a very quiet chuckle, a chuckle that sounded evil and very low pitched. "Help!" She knew crying for help was useless, for this thing was the only thing that could hear her, but it was worth a try. Then, it spoke.

"Don't worry, little pony," it said in a cold, low voice. "Soon, you'll forget any of this has happened." At that moment, it opened its eyes. They were bright green, with beady black pupils in the middle. The eyes glowed, illuminating the entire room in green. Twilight found the glowing green eyes terrifying, but also mesmerizing, almost hypnotizing. She couldn't stop looking into them. "Trust me, you won't remember a thing." Twilight felt her energy draining, as she grew weaker, and weaker. Her head was pounding again, and her vision was going hazy. She must have been under some sort of trance. Twilight shut her eyes tight and looked away, trying to break out of it. It seemed to have worked, but only for a few seconds. Twilight felt a gravitational pull causing her head to snap back towards it, and her eyes forcing themselves open against her will. She was looking deep into those, green, glowing eyes, as her energy was fading once again. Twilight tried to shut her eyes and look away again, but her head was locked into place, and she couldn't move. Her head wouldn't budge, and her eyelids refused to close. Her entire body went stiff, her energy still rapidly fading. It was like she was completely paralysed.

"What are you doing to me?"

"Relax," it said in a very calm, but evil tone. Despite Twilight's increasing state of panic, her heartbeat was slowing down, and her energy was almost non existent. She was growing weaker and weaker by the second, and her eyes were slowly closing as the green eyes were going blurry. Twilight fought with every muscle in her legs to remain standing. It was a fight she was losing. "It will all be over soon." She pushed herself up with all of her might, but her legs where now unable to support her weight, and she slowly sank onto the ground. Twilight was now successful in closing her eyes, but now she had the opposite problem. She couldn't open them. Her eyes were sealed shut, her heart rate continued to decrease, and her entire body was going completely numb. Twilight wanted to scream, but at this point she didn't even have the energy for that. "Go to sleep. Twilight Sparkle."

The phrase 'help me' was the very last thought that entered Twilight's mind, before she blacked out.

Comments

[luftschloss]

This was a pretty good story! There were some problems, but they were the kind that are quite common in beginning writers. Some moments felt a bit contrived (Twilight only remembering her horn after a little while, etc.), but things like that disappear with practice. The ending was a bit underwhelming. It was vague, which is good, but it might have been a little too vague. The reader is left with no clue as to what happened... it's generally good to leave some foreshadowing. We also have no idea who this villain was; and so there was no way you could have created a twist ending. It just felt a bit inconclusive.
Otherwise, though, this was well done! I look forward to seeing more from you.

[AusFlick]

8574499
Thanks for your polite but constructive feedback. I'm glad to hear that you enjoyed the story despite obviously being a new writer, and I appreciate your understanding. You made a very great point on the ending. My intention was to leave the ending up to the reader's interpretation, but hearing that you understood that was the point but still felt like I went a bit far and would have appreciated a bit more foreshadowing are tips that I can certainly utilise for my next Fimfiction. I found your feedback very helpful and I'm glad to hear you still enjoyed the story.

[luftschloss]

8574514
No problem! You seem to have a lot of potential, and I am excited to see more from you.

[AusFlick]

8574527
That's great to hear, because my second Fimfiction 'The Following' is already in the works.

[Mother3Forever]

WTF is that thing?

[AusFlick]

8574838
Thank you so much for enjoying the story. I'm glad you thoroughly enjoyed it despite being my first story. I saw you even added to your favourites, which is such an honour, so I'm glad to hear you loved it. I also highly appreciate the constructive feedback, most of which I did take into account while I was writing it.

You would be right in terms of how I meant the word 'prison' since I myself didn't see it as a traditional prison, but I still thought it was fitting considering it had a similar vibe as a prison, and since Twilight was still being held captive.

Also, you make a great point with the room being pitch-black, and I completely agree with you, which is why I had it start off so it was pitch black. I did want her to see the walls of the room eventually, and since the room did prohibit magic as you picked up, I felt like eyes adjusting was the most plausible reason, even if I had to bend the rules a little bit. Even I will admit that even if your eyes were to adjust in a room like that, I guarantee you that your eyes wouldn't adjust anywhere near as quickly as Twilight's did in the beginning of the story. So yeah, I kind of had to bend the rules slightly but thanks for pointing that out. Also, what you pointed out in terms of something you liked about the room prohibiting magic was the exact reason I implemented it in the first place. Knowing how frequently she teleports in the show, if still had her magic the entire story most people would probably just ask 'Why don't you just teleport?' so I wanted to find a to address it to avoid that plot hole.

Overall, I appreciate your polite but constructive feedback. Most of it is stuff I considered while writing it but I can definitely use your feedback to help improve for my future stories. I'm glad you were still able to really enjoy my story despite the flaws and being my first story, so I'm glad to hear you still loved it.

[SCP Pinkamena]

that made my heart race. I'll give you props on first story, hope to see more from you!

[AusFlick]

8575071
Thanks a lot. I'm really glad to hear that you really liked it and I'm very pleased to hear the story affected you that much. You'll definitely be seeing more from me in the future.

[AusFlick]

8575528
That's great to hear.

[DeadlyKDPonys]

Cool. I'm writing a similar story where Twilight is Trapped in a Maze and needs to find her way out