Look at what you did, sis. Such terrible things. And sometimes, I even helped. I hated every second of it, but I crossed line after line, all because I love you. And fear you. But I never thought you would ask me to do something like this.
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Alright, updates. been checking regularly today, being the 1 week since last update
Those niggling little voices Silver, you can only drown them out for so long.
As for Twilights mission...
On one hoof, If Celestia herself is intimidated by Fancy and/or the Circle, what chance does Twilight have of making a difference?
On the other hoof, she now has nothing left to loose, or at least she thinks she does... Applebloom and Scootaloo are still out there, all alone, innocent, ripe for the picking.
I can only say with vast understatement that Silver Spoon is far more bucked in the head than we ever truly realized. Being an unrepentant slut for pain and insult is one thing, but when that side is confronted by an opposing voice inside?
Meanwhile I'm...concerned for Twi and Spike. The Princess has been motivated into sitting on her hooves? Twilight has saved the world, but now she very well may be trying to save the world from itself. And there's no odds more insurmountable. Congratulations. I think you may have somehow upped the ante on this when I thought there wasn't any ways left to do so. If I could be watching this any harder, there'd be a hole in my screen.
When Twist's fantasy showed up I was like "YES! Doctor Whooves and Spike have teamed up to make: THE TIME TRAVELING DRAGON OF AWESOMNESS. Princess can't do shit? Call the Time Traveling Dragon to kick the shit out of some nasty fuckin' pedos." Then the story went: "Nope, just a fantasy. Everything still sucks for pretty much everypony." And I went: "Awww."
Well well. Never cease to surprise, do you?
shit just got REAL
1290582
I agree. I was all like but then i was like
1290493
I don't think it's about that Celestia fears the Circle. I think what plagues her is the fact that the Circle consists of the High Society with much influende (like FP or HT) or just being the best at what they are doing (like Triage).
I think Celestia knows that breaking the Circle and imprisoning it's members means taking away what holds the entirety of Equestria together.
And knowing this makes her furious and sad because it means she's no longer powerful enough or has lost most of her influence.
(But it's a good think that there is still Twilight to kick some butt . And Luna, of course)
1299642 That is essentially what I meant. Celestia knows who the circle members are, but also knows that she cannot move against them for several reasons - that they can wield significant political power against her, and also occupy many of the positions that hold society together, thus the circle, without even having to do anything, has stopped Celestia from acting.
Intimidation does not have to be done through fear, though that is the most common way. logical progression of events (as is the case here) also works well. Celestia can see what would happen, and knows that staying her hoof is the best option for the moment.
Oh my, I do so love Spoony's internal conflict. A longing for purpose and a bucket-full of youthful impetuousness, and the next thing you know you're grateful to be raped half-to-death. It just goes to show, kids: if you have to make a life-changing decision, sit on it for a few days. It doesn't take too much thoughtful reflection to realize how much of an idiot you were yesterday, a lesson most people seem to learn only after their life has been bucked to hell.
Dear Spoony could have done with some caution bred into her; a good night's sleep might have saved her a heap of trouble. Anyway, I feel like I can finally get inside her head.
those fuck faces doing this to foals god damn at least we know filthy rich isn't in that crowd and silvers internal conflict love it also dafuq molestia and finally what will happen to spike?
Okay, my knees ache like hell because I've been listening to the story while taking my nightly walks (usually only about 6 miles, but if in the middle of a chapter/high point I've gone up to 9 or 10 miles). That's quite all right since feeling pain and other aches fits with the pure sadistic pleasure in Rarity's mind, yet her thought processes and manipulation techniques are quite amazing. You really break into her and foal's minds. Sure, with AU you get a lot of wiggle room too, but I think you're playing the characters – especially Rarity – very close with her outward shell of sometimes sickly-sweet kindness or even the more subtle interactions with Sweetie Belle when I can't tell how much is the real Rarity that her sister wants so badly and the manipulative monster controlling her.
Yet when she tries to explain her compulsion to Sweetie Belle it's almost quite endearing: especially the part about looking forward to her little sister being old enough to not be sexually attractive (overpowering?) anymore and hopefully can experience true sisterly love. Those moments in their weird relationship make Sweetie Belle's overcoming of her repulsion that much more believable, like when sometimes she does stuff as if it were nothing (to paraphrase Silver Spoon).
As for the "dead brat" I love the idea that she's only comfortable when Rarity is cruel to her and losing her is the fear that drives her most. The more love she shows her mistress the less Rarity likes her, but with that added cruelty it only makes her want to, be unable to stop gushing and wishing more and more. The "loving Rarity" scene terrifying Silver spoke volumes, though there was one other thought in her mind that makes me wonder... if I should go back and read/listen to Tarnished Silver to check my suspicions.
When I finished eleven last night (thank goodness my battery didn't go out in the middle!) I was more giddy than I should have been to see that there was a new chapter waiting.
The writing style is also very impressive: very clear and explicit, but not enough to overpower the real story that's here. The "ride" through the minds of each foal was also a nice way to make clear what each was experiencing and why they'd go with Rarity, even though it already made sense from how well you portrayed Rarity.
As of the moment the Spike twist (no pun intended) plus Fancy Pants' little obsession... Okay, I can see things turning out several ways, even though at least one is obvious; however your foreshadowing with what Sweetie Belle and even some of the society members said I'm expecting some sort of .. er, can't use her name because I have no idea if or whom, but something tells me the night can get worse for Rarity's works.
(I'd look for the exact quote, but for some stupid reason I deleted my TTS source files for this story yesterday. There are some formatting and punctuation issues with "Darlacula's" reading abilities yet the text files remain very tiny [especially compared to the MP3s], but must have been a major brain fog. Also, if people are interested and with your permission, I'd post the MP3s. Not a dramatic reading by any means, plus issues with homographs and onomatopoeia, but still great for listening on the go.)
Again, the writing is a real step up, and you really got into the mind of the predator to a level I never imagined. After all the talk of "family business" and compulsions and the faces she can put on. You did an amazing job writing for Twist in the beginning, holding fast to her personality, and her breaking was also heartbreaking both for how she tried to cope and then how, being the analyzer, she realized how the others had eventually learned to cope.
There's so much depth in the writing but it's never a struggle to understand what's going on. The only times I've had to back up is if something distracts me, never because of what's in the text itself. At this point I don't know whom I'm rooting for, but there's certainly enough ambiguity and intrigue at work to spice things up even though the main meat of the story is already quite delicious.
1313959
Wow. That is a lot of analysis! Thanks so much for such thoughtful comments! I'm especially pleased that you are enjoying the question of Rarity's cruelty vs the occasional sweetness she shows her sister. This has been one of the trickiest things for me to write, but the overall response has been positive, so hopefully I can keep the balancing act up long enough to get to the payoff.
And yes, by all means post the links to the audio files! I know very little about Text to Speech but I'm quite interested in hearing how this sounds when read out loud!
(A friend once suggested I should do readings of Twisted and post them on a podcast site or something. Personally I don't know if this would be a good idea. I do have a pretty good narrator voice, but I could never do the character voices. And it would just be weird for Sweetie Belle to sound like a man in his 20's. )
Hope you knees feel better! I think Rarity would be quite pleased to see that she has, in some indirect and small way, reached across the 5th wall (fan works get an extra wall) and caused someone a measure of physical pain.
1290543
Well, I'm glad I've been able to hold your attention. Poor Twilight. She's doing the right thing (what a novel choice for an adult in this story!) but she's also stepping her hoof into some serious horseapples.
1300327
I couldn't have put it better myself! I get the impression that Ponyville's old-money families are big on conspicuous consumption, so maybe excess is in her blood, but someone really should have introduced that poor girl to the concept of moderation.
(I suppose I could also learn to use pony emoticons in moderation. Ha ha, no.)
1315332
Oh! And I forgot to congratulate you on the in-joke about Pip first thinking "the monster's" laugh was someone else with the same VA. (No emoticon for that princess?) Sure lots of other things I missed, but I can't keep stopping on the trail to take notes on so much good stuff. (.. if you can call annihilating every pony with the innocence you so desperately crave yourself "good." )
Here are chapters 1-12 at the settings I use: Ham Gravy - Twisted, Four Little Foals 01-12.zip . Most MP3 players should be able to slow or speed playback because they're all marked as "Podcast" though maybe "Audiobook" would be better. There's a text file with some info. about the software's idiosyncrasies and some TMI for the DIY types.
Dramatic readings of family-friendly fanfics would be fine since, like any radio drama or schoolteacher, you don't have do impressions for the voices, just mannerisms and whatnot. For lemons maybe it's a bad idea in case someone recognized your voice though. Seriously, I'd love to get someone with a good Pinkie Pie voice to read out "My Absolute Mostest Horriblest Day EVER!" but that's probably not ever going to happen. (It's not like I haven't offered a lot of money for it.)
Can't wait to hear ch. 12 this weekend or so. Have a great weekend and take care.
1315332
I might say, since it has been brought up, that I am also interested in how this would sound when read, enough that I was preparing to do my own reading for my private benefit. Vocal impressions and everything; Sweetie Belle done by a man in his twenties is less weird than you'd think, honestly, although I'm not sure about Silver Spoon. I was highlighting dialogue last week, after which I read chapter 11 for the first time, and that's when my brain broke. It was then that I realized that I'm probably not cut out for the job. Unreasonably meticulous as I am, I don't know if I have what it takes to immerse myself that much in this story.
I suppose you could say that I like it too much, to be discreet. Better to be done by someone with his feet firmly on the ground.
>The place ponies hardly never go
Do you even into English, bro?
1299642 "it's" means "it is" or "it has". "its" is possessive.
1300327 Great, now I have an image of the Spoony One being raped and beaten. Somehow this disturbs me more than the actual story.
I'm starting to think that this Circle is just the tip of the iceberg...
This story is making me physically ill, it hadn't happened to me since I played silent Hill 1 or Jericho.
Tough Twilight Sparkle and Spike chapter was... Well, I liked it. My fav so far
The fact they never use ponyfied pronouns gets to my nerves sometimes.