Page generated in 0.034 seconds
Total duration
716 users online
894,302 hits today, 2,673,812 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
And when the workers are all set and and ready for payment for their suppliers all ready to go, the nobles suddenly find a small thing in the contract that needs to go through teh courts for a week or two, the workers get no money, the suppliers dont get paid, and the person wanting to put teh idea forward and get it done now has a name worse than mud.
And someones laughing to the bank because they no longer have to deal with or pay suppliers and workers who are now bankrupt and destitute.
All I could think of when I heard Hard Line talk was:
memegenerator.net/img/instances/64872631/they-terk-err-jerbs.jpg
8582767
If you want more chapters, he has a patreon you can buy them at.
Ok, immediate priority: waterproof enchant the phone, and probably enchant it to be unbreakable, and only to respond to Ian.
Also, when will we get to see signs of Water's pregnancy? ;)
Something about this chapter, felt off. Im thinking its the pacing or something like that. But I'm not certain. reading it made my head feel like I had six shots of everclear, which I don't recommend, didn't have a hangover the next morning but last thing I remember was falling back in the chair. Woke up on my friends couch cuddling a sock monkey the next morning. Anyhow, been loving the story so far, but like I said pacing or something like it feels a bit off. Keep up the good work.
9440334
Apologies, if you think of something more specific, give a prod.
9440372
This is the first point I notice my head start to go swirly.
gets a bit worse at this paragraph, also its a bit muddy to me as to how he entered the water. yeah he stepped in but, I'm not sure what easy found interesting about it. Are you trying to say he went to step in what he thought were shallows only to fall in?
Head gets Fuzzier here, perhaps something about your water scene is triggering that uncanny valley reflex? Not too sure.
My head seems to clear a bit here, I'm starting to think something about the way you were writing swimming was putting me on edge. Not sure why though.
Yeah, its something with swimming, not sure if its the way you write it or if its a me thing, but it's the scenes in which water based movement are directly related that make my head go swirly. Now if I knew why I'd give you more. Sorry I can't be more help with my critique. Perhaps read up a bit on moving through the water. Like I said it almost triggers that uncanny valley thing. Or it could be a lack of detail making my head just lack the picture to imagine how pony legs should swim. I haven't seen there leg motions before while swimming, and with my mind typically seeing things like this visually like i'm playing a 3rd person shooter just errors out my brain. Dunno. But I did re-read to try and figure this out for you.
Hope I could help in some way. Hate to be such a downer about this. but like I said Love the story so far. Kinda weirded out by my response to this chapter, but life is strange. Thankyou.
9440517
I appreciate the feedback and obviously considerable effort on your part. Thanks!
Why are the ponies so ignorant in this fic?
They should know this stuff already now.
They shouldn't be so ignorant of everything.
9445675
Ignorant of...?
Ignorance and xenophobia can only go so far.
9445675
This is centuries before the show starts. The banishment of Nightmare Moon is still in living memory.