The Hive

by bananamaru

Prince: Part 1

Queen Chrysalis could never be the same. She had locked everyone out of her life for good. She saw only the negative, and devoured the love of ponies and foreign changelings. But even though she was as dark and cold as the harshest winter's night, there was one thing she loved dearly; her King. His full name was Dark Skies, but he went by King Sombra. He was almost as evil as she was. Sombra was a unicorn from the Crystal Empire. Ponies there jeered and laughed at his crooked, unnatural-looking horn, and one day, he decided to stop the cruel remarks. He decided that since keeping quiet and doing hoping for the best was not helping his situation whatsoever, he knew that the only other path to take was evil.

He enslaved every single pony in the Crystal Empire and placed an invisibility spell on the entire kingdom that would last until he died. On one of his many espionage-purposed missions, he ran into what seemed to be the most beautiful Equestrian Alicorn Princess, whom led him straight into an evil changeling hive! When the Queen of this hive came out of the tall, evil-looking palace, she didn't see a trespasser, (as the changelings were informing her), but a cruel, gorgeous, strong stallion. He saw no evil monster, but a tremendously powerful, beautiful, and intelligent mare. They were perfect for each other.

They had their wedding that very day. The two were inseparable, and when the time came for Sombra to leave her, she didn't know what to do with herself. She knew the cause of his death. It was not age; no, he was much too young. It was Equestrian magic. Some Equestrian ponies had destroyed the Inner Shard of his horn, which he gave to the Empire as a third eye to make sure they were always miserable.

And so, Queen Chrysalis came to hate Equestria and its inhabitants more than she hated the thought of kindness.

Comments

[TheStoveHater]

This story has promise, (based purely on the lack of grammar mistakes and what seems to be decent lore) but you REALLY need to write longer chapters, the flip flopping 300 word chapters coupled with the practically nonexistent actual story, makes this fic really frustrating to read. Its like getting snap shots of a foot ball game, but only the touchdowns and kick offs.

[bananamaru]

Thank you for your thoughts. I will make the chapters longer and easier to understand in the future.

Thanks for the feedback!