I write what I think can work as a great piece of fiction. That's the author way.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I knew there was a reason for this....................DON'T F*** WITH ZEBRAS Y'ALL!!!!!!
8339441
Definitely don't want to get on their bad side for sure.
Nifty idea, but you need a bit of work on your tenses. You seem to switch a lot between present and past, sometimes during the space of a sentence. Past tense is usually preferred for story-telling purposes. So, "jumped" instead of "jumps". Present tense is doable, but avoided by most readers.
8339681
Thanks, I'll remember that for next chapter.
That's odd, I got a notice saying this story was updated but I don't see a second chapter, what happened?
8368010
Sorry, my finger slipped. I'm updating on the road now.
Slowly, but yes. After all, it is made out of magical crystals.
8368460
hmm...
https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/691400/the-problem-with-fall-of-equestria-fixfics-a-rant
8368960
I would like to thank you for directing me to that matter. And I would like to say that I have realized this SAME problem with most of the Post-FoE fics. And I do understand what needs to be done. It's not going to all go away in one big battle a little bit of fairy dust and they are back to their normal selves. I have read the main 'canons' for myself. But, this fic is not all about that necessarily it's able the zebra side of the story. They are only helping Equestria because of Zecora informing that a threat is out there that might have the strength to overthrow them as well if not taken care of first. So, believe me when I say that saving Equestria instantly is not a goal.
8369058
How about setting it during the war but before the fall. You can then have Zecora warn the Zebra along with sending evidence from a town the ponies had retaken at great cost. What you could do is have it be an unholy alliance between the Ponies and Zebras like what happened during World War 2 with the western allies (United States and England) and the Soviet union.
8369099
That's what I was going for the relationship between the ponies and zebra to begin with. As for it set before, I'll have to change a few things, but I don't think it's too late to change the plot a bit.
8369102
Maybe.
8369112
I have seen authors rewrite 30+ chapter stories before and you so far have only published two, I think you can edit it without too much trouble. If that sounded rude, I apologize, it wasn't meant to be.
8369129
It's fine. Thanks for the criticism.
LOVE this rewritten chapter, also deleted my old comment since it no longer fit in for this chapter, anyway I can't wait to see how Shocker and his crew will deal with the Caribou while they are sailing for Equestria, I do hope they can catch up with the Zebra ships, but then again with how his ships are steam powered instead of sails he should make up for lost time.
8384205
Yeah, I found this rewrite to be more satisfying than what i originally planned out.
8384222
Sweet, so how long until the next chapter is up for this story then?
8384292
Well, it might take a few days since I want to do the chapter before summer ends. I also want to have time for my other story I'm doing.
Hope you guys like the newest update to my story. Next chapter will come soon.
8385645
I LOVED IT, that sea battle was great and how you described the unknown ship with all different species as it's crew was great, I can't wait to see what happens next chapter.
hmm... no offense, but you could leave the chapters to stay in editing for a few extra hours. there are enough errors here that i think it is needed.
oh, and also:
How huge is the city?!
8385672
Thanks Dusk.
8385678
Your Welcome Red, I can't wait to see how Shockers Flag ship will stand up to the Caribou Sea Battleships and any of the Caribou Air Battleships too. Of course with their weapons they should be more then a match for the Caribou after all.
8385676
Huge enough to equal twice the size of New York City.
8385691
"Well I have not been to Roam so once I saw how large it was compared to Canterlot I was quite shocked at the sight of it, maybe I should have a secondary part of Canterlot start being built at the base of Mt. Canterhorn."
Oh Great, now we have the Princesses breaking the fourth wall, CURSE YOU PINKIE PIE, CURSE YOU!
But Celestia is right about the size of the City, that is MASSIVE when you compare it to NYC.
8385700
Yeah, it is.
*STILL EAGERLY AWAITS THE DEATH OF DAINN*
8399346
You and me both, I can't wait to see how Dainn reacts to the Invasion force of Zebra's and Shocker's force of War Ships.
Oh yeah, great chapter and I can't wait to see how Shining Armor and the Zebra's fend off those War Beasts that are heading for the Empire along with the Caribou Sages too, also I like how you have Shocker and his team work like that to take out that one Caribou member of Dainn's council, I can't wait to see what happens when Dainn hears about that members death or what happens when the Caribou aren't able to breach the Crystal Empire walls.
Sweet new chapter, can't wait to see what's going to happen next, please tell me that Shocker and his armada of Steam Ships will be heading out to blow up the Caribou Fleet of ships.
8450822
Let's just say they'll have some fun.
This part was shorter than most chapters, but hope you enjoy it still.
Oh well, all great stories must come to an end after all, I really did LOVE this one, say did that Unicorn cut the Caribou Kings head off and keep it as a trophy or what?
8540427
No, but he made use of the antlers though.