Fall of Equestria: Offshores
written by RedtheDestroyer
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I knew there was a reason for this....................DON'T F*** WITH ZEBRAS Y'ALL!!!!!!
8339441
Definitely don't want to get on their bad side for sure.
Nifty idea, but you need a bit of work on your tenses. You seem to switch a lot between present and past, sometimes during the space of a sentence. Past tense is usually preferred for story-telling purposes. So, "jumped" instead of "jumps". Present tense is doable, but avoided by most readers.
8339681
Thanks, I'll remember that for next chapter.
That's odd, I got a notice saying this story was updated but I don't see a second chapter, what happened?
8368010
Sorry, my finger slipped. I'm updating on the road now.