• Member Since 10th Jul, 2017
  • offline last seen 15 hours ago

InLoveWithMysteries


E

Spike's letter to Princess Luna has gotten the Princess of the Moon to ponder about life as an immortal and how to cope. Her response is an indirect invitation for a renewed friendship between the dragon and herself.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 3 )

Ah, yet another wonderful story by you. I think the response to Spike's Letter is quite well characterized, yet I do have 2 main criticisms. 1. I think the focus point on Spike by Luna is a little too forward, like she puts too much emphasis on him and what he's doing. It could be that life in Canterlot is simply boring, and monotonous to a wide extent, or maybe there might be a flag waving in the distance as well. That story would be for you to tell. 2. Luna's characterization in general could use a little work. For instance, her grammar, I think, would have some more intellectual phrases, but as like to a smarter way of saying things, instead of simply wider vocabulary. While both are good, a synonym and a changed phrase don't work as well without each other. Otherwise, I personally find this work of fiction to be quite captivating. The charm it holds is simply splendid, and it brings a mighty world of imagination to the mind. And as for grammar, I can't find anything that really needs work. Maybe a couple rephrasings here and there, but I can't spot anything else. For English not being your first language, you certainly have quite a grip on it. And who is this Archer fellow?

Hmm... I can't seem to get the up-vote button to work, but I have attempted to up-vote your story.

Overall I think it was good. You were able to provide enough of a background to fill in the blanks as to what happened. May I suggest you write Spike's letter that prompted this response.

Dreadnought

8303099
Mystery already wrote that story. It's what led to this one. Here it is if you can't find the link.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/379104/spikes-letter

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