When Celestia asks Twilight to take on a student she is delighted to accept, but quickly finds that the task will be harder than she anticipated.
This is my first fic so please read and enjoy.
Chapters (5)
Judgeitive
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I am thinking that this is a good start but I am wondering what is wrong with Mysteria's magic? And if there is somthing wrong why did Celestia send her there.
Interesting start. I'm curious to see where you take things.
Mysteria is obviously evil!
Thanks for the support. I will be posting more chapters later this week, probably by the end of Sunday.
(Hm...Must Read for me!)
Just had to add a little bit. Now it is ready. Enjoy.
Maybe Celestia wanted Mysteria to be Twilight's student is so she could learn some work ethics?
Maybe Celestia sent Mysteria so Twilight could understand how to work with foals?
yay an update
Hmm, methinks Trollestia strikes again... dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/lolface_Celestia.png
Twilight has much to learn about being a teacher, and about foals it seems.
I think Twilight has way yo great expectations for Mysteria and possibly any foal.
Oh, my. A fourth member of the CMC? The potential for mischief, if it hasn't necessarily doubled, has gone up by at least a third.
I'd already up-thumbed this one, and it looks like I was justified.
Yayayayayayayayyayayay the CMC are AWSOME. Now you just have to make sure they keep in charecter
Some pony needs to smack Twilight in the head, hard.
She clearly doesn't have the foggiest idea how to teach. 
Well... some poor little filly is going to get yelled at... a lot...
Thanks again for the support. I am glad people like the CMC. Gonna update as soon as i can.
Twilight needs to learn how to be a beter teacher from Celestia.
And a louder CMC chant, eardrums lookout.
Sorry about the delay, the next chapter should be up tomorrow.
great fic so far keep it up!
I really, really hate to be this person but this chapter bugs the crap out of me.
I blame logic for why it does, there are a few things that make no sense and I need to point them out for it to not bother me as much, so sorry.
1- It's really hard to believe that Applejack and Rarity would not put up more of a fight to go with Twilight, if not the whole group. After all their little sisters are in there too and I think they would rush in there regardless of what Twilight says. Now I'll give you this one because it is your story and you have can do what you want, so this one didn't bother me as much.
2- They CMC rolled a tree over a 15 foot gap... sorry but no. That tree would have had to have been at least 17 feet to make it safe and you ever said in story that, "large trees growing thickly on either side." so that would have been a go size tree. It's REALLY hard to believe that 4 filly's could even move the thing let alone move it over a 15 foot gap. This one bothered me the most by the way.
3- How did Zecora know what the CMC were doing? Pinkie is one thing but Zecora? I mean yes she was the one that told them about it but... never mind I'm just going to chalk it up to her seeing it in her pot or something.
Again sorry I had to be 'that guy' but this wouldn't have left me alone until I brought it up, normally never do this. Again I blame the logic in me.
927022
Points 1 & 2 are valid, but I think 3 is reasonably justifiable.
1. Zecora should already know that the CMC is pretty impulsive.
2. She had just told them about a desirable, yet dangerous, adventure.
3. Twilight rushes in shortly after in a panic.
It's a bit of a stretch, but not quite in the league of the others.
927022
First of all, don't worry about being 'that guy' I welcome the construcitve criticism.
Now to answer for the points.
1. Yeah, I see your reasoning with that one, but i figured they generally let each other do things by themselves. Until something bad happens.
2. Again logical flaw, i would argue that Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo would guide and lift it whilst Applebloom and Mysteria pushed. That dosen't explain the magnitude of the gap, yeah got nothing on that. Might change.
3. First of all yeah she told them, and is quite logical about these sort of things. Second i noted that they were singing, and as we know they sing loudly. Third, she knows stuff, riddles cryptic references.
Thanks, much appreciated
927105 927131
Meh, I'll give you that. Still don't explain how she knew about Luna but then again I like to believe that she can see visions in her brews so I don't mind and it might be explained later.canterlot.net/images/smilies/ponies/mlp-ts-shrug.png
Again I only brought them up because I wouldn't have been able to go through the rest of the day if I didn't.
927225
Point. The Luna thing is something of a mystery to me as well, so I can't really comment, but it isn't unlikely that Zecora knows something about it. She's cool like that.
Fair enough, can't fault you for pointing it out.
Right that's the end of this one. I will be making more stories, and they will all be in the same 'universe'. I will probably do another Mysteria story at a later point. Thanks for reading
This was a great story and i loved the ending. Can't wait to see what your next story will be.
Good story, I liked it. It did seem to jump around a little fast some times, but it was engaging and keep me reading from start to finish in one sitting
I think i would have liked it more if it was a little longer so you could have gotten into more details about the characters and things like that, but you did a really good job.
~RC
1137590
Thank you for reading this story, I am glad you found it enjoyable. I agree with you about it's pace, it was my first story and I was still finding my feet somewhat. One of my main aims after finishing this was to make my furthur fics longer, and more detailed.
I am at the moment writing a sequel to this using Mysteria. I am making it much longer to hopefully have better character development.
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Name of Story: HIgh Expectations
Grammar score out of 10: 7 you have some problem with commas and some of your sentences sound awkward
Pros (list three pros)
Mysteria is introduced as at least, an OC with flaws and pros
The plot, while short, is at least complete, as you have beginning, middle and conflict
Characterization of the CMC and most of mane six is accurate. I especially like your SPike characterization
Cons (list three cons)
I don't think Twilight would have acted that way... You may have your reasons, but IMO she wouldn't be so... harsh, well yes she'd be demanding, but calling Mysteria "becoming aware of her own failings" is rather... OOC from her
While you have a beginning middle and end, you make Mysteria run away too quickly and we aren't able to sympathize with her very well because we know basically nothing about her. You need a flashback or try to explain her background. Or you should reveal more of her character through action with Twilight and environment, but right now we don't have much to go upon. We know her habits, her motivations...but not really what makes her tick. You need more.
Notes Section (how you can improve your fic, at the very least an elaboration of Pros and Cons section)
I think your main problem here is the characterization of Mysteria. I can pass Twilight, it's quite possible she can act that way. However, I WANT MORE MYSTERIA... Right now she's remaining a mystery, which may be what you're going for, but I would like to know her more. You can use more action with Twilight to bring out her possible alter-rage ego... maybe an accident with her magic while Twilight's around, that would reveal a lot of her background, or at least her disabilities. All -in- all though, you have a good first fic. A developed OC, who interacts in a good way with the mane six and I like how you've understood the idea of progression. Some people just make their OCs automatic friends of Mane 6 which drives me nuts, but you knew better and developed the relationships of Mysteria with Mane 6 and Spike.
Enjoy your review! (If you don't know what to do with it... I've posted a forum post on how to use reviews) Please help me out by looking at my story/ this story: Canterlot: Her Creation and Her Architects you don't have to read this end to end, only if you want to.
2003033
First of all thank you for the review.
I realized upon completion that this was a short story, but went a bit too far in my next main one and made it too long for me, oh well.
Yeah I had just watched lesson zero so the only twilight in my mind was crazy must be 100% perfect Twilight, sorry about that. My reasons for mystery about Mysteria (oh god I just noticed that
) is that I wanted to develop her more in other fics. Having said that I myself wasn't sure and so I am not surprised others are not sure of her character as well.
The main thing is my friend advised me to write a fic that could be thought of as an episode. I therefore wrote this with time constraints in mind, I agree that this impacted on the story, and If I had been wiser I would have at least had a flashback scene with Celestia or something.
May I just say that you write a very good review with useful criticism. I am glad the people who review do that. I shall of course read your story, the whole thing in fact, though it may take me a while. Oh and don't expect me to give an appropriate score on the grammar as I am terrible at noticing mistakes.
2003700 No problem! That's the point of the group right? Help someone else so they can help you. Don't feel too down. You're a new writer and new writers ALWAYS make mistakes... I know I make quite a few.
I'm looking forward to your review on Canterlot.
Hello, this review is brought to you on behalf of the group Authors Helping Authors.
Name of Story: High Expectations.
Grammar Score: Seven out of ten.
Pros:
-The plot for the story seems very interesting from what I can tell of the first chapter.
-You did an excellent job portraying Twilight.
-The OC reminds me of a fusion of Twilight and Fluttershy as foals. She's just adorable.
Cons:
-You have some grammatical errors that caused me to pause momentarily in the story.
-I found descriptions in certain areas lacking, like Twilight's guest room for Mysteria.
-Where's PeeWee or Owlicious?
Notes:
-Bravo! I found this first chapter very interesting. I'm going to be keeping a close eye on this. Though the grammar could use some work. For example.
There should be a semicolon after mount and got should be a gotten.
Wait...
... This is saying, "You have have not been to see any of us in days." There should only be one have. So either change the You've to You, or the haven't to not. But seeing as this is Rarity I'd go with the haven't to not, seeing as she is, well, Rarity.
There actually an "e" at the end of Okie.
You forgot the do between to and that.
Well that's all I found in the grammar mistakes while reading. Continuing on with my notes, wouldn't PeeWee or Owlicious be there as well helping Spike clean up? Or is this before they came into the show? If not I'd highly suggest adding in them helping Spike clean up.
Okay, that's everything I have to say about this fic. I like, it looks great and I'm giddy to continue reading it.
You've already reviewed my fic (THANK YOU!) so I'll see you next time. Cheers mate!
923073 Um...You said Scoots uses a skateboard instead of scooter.