This is a story about a pretentious hipster piece of shit pone being derezzed.

by RoboCom64 Zelos

Weed makes me cool

I hate the sun. It wakes me up from my slumber. Some people say, that I should just get myself some dark curtains. Some people are wrong. I am not going to waste my money, because the sun is being a dick. This day is too sunny and I don't feel like going out, so I use my computer and write another blog on my highly successful site. I rant about video games and how nobody in that industry knows what they are doing.

Just at the moment of my hooves touching the keyboard, I hear the knocking on my door...God, what fools.

"Open up, this is police. We have a warrant to search your room. There have been compalints on icky smelling smoke, coming out of the window of this house," At that moment I knew...I had nowhere to go and no way to hide what I had in my room. The secret is out of the bag. Everyone will know, and despite the legal issues, I am glad, that the ponies know, that I indeed smoke weed. Who knew it was so easy, to make them think of me as a pony of higher, more sophisticated tastes.

"Open up the door! We can hear the rustling!" One kick later, they were snooping around my place. I was just sitting there, smiling and inhaling my vape. I bet they are gonna be so awestruck by what they find.

"Hey, I see something...yeah, that's a bag of weed," I cockily smiled, as I heard them exlaim of me possesing that green treasure.

"Well, well, well. I guess the secret is out. Yes...I truly am that great man, the one that kept slipping through your hooves for years now. I indeed....do smoke weed," I raised my hand to see the disrespect incarnate in front of me. I was unveiling my master secret and here the cops were just writing something on their ticket, "I said...I SMOKE WEED! DON'T YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT HOW COOL I AM!?"

"Ehm...buddy, everybody does it...weed is not even cool. Actually, the guys who do it all the time, are counterproductive bores. I mean, you may think you are cool and funny, when you're high, but nobody's laughing," The look on officer's face...I don't get it. Weed is about the coolest thing one can smoke...where have my calculations gone astray....this is most unsetteling...

"Anyway, here's a ticket. Pay the fine or whatever, just don't take too long. God knows, I don't wanna come back to a loser's den," cops laughed their way out of my room, but who won afterwards? It was me! I still blaze it and they shall never see a whif of my money! Who's the loser now!?

"MOM, PAY THE FUCKING TICKET!"

Comments

[Sk1Tz]

Tries to be comedy. Keyword is "tries". It didn't even get a chuckle out of me.

[RoboCom64 Zelos]

8331700 It's more of a cringe type of a thing, than an outright attempt at making a person laugh out loud.

[Hoops]

Tf

[TooShyShy]

I see potential here, but there is such a distinct lack of effort that it kind of spoils any real attempts at comedy. What this story needs more than anything else is effort. It also needs to be a bit less showy. It almost feels like it's a satire of itself. It kind of just slams you over the head with what it's trying to do and then continues hammering you with the overall joke for the entire chapter. As a result, it's not very funny, nor is it enjoyable to read.

I'm sure you could improve this if you put some effort into it. It is a genuinely interesting premise I'd love to see fleshed out.

[Sk1Tz]

8331822

Now that right there is something I just can't stand about critiques. Your criticism loses it's credibility once you start playing the "effort card". You have not a clue of whether or not the author did they're best/worst with their work. Claiming that they didn't at all is shameful, because there is a chance perhaps the author really did commit a lot to this piece of literature. For shame, TooShyGuy. For shame.

[TooShyShy]

8332263
Fair enough. I'll try to refrain from using that word in the future.