Best Guy Evr
As I sat around, vaping, A thought came into my head. Why is everyone so fucking retarded? Why was the universe so cruel, as to place me, an only sane person, on a planet of insane shmucks.
“I can hear you vaping, Ben!” A noise interrupted my golden train of thought.
“Fuck off, it’s legal! It ain’t even smoke!” I shouted a phrase, that was all too familiar to me.
“When will you get a job!? You have not payed for the rent for 3 months now!” The noise persisted
“Fuck off, mom, I would get a job any second, if I ever wanted to!” After all, I was the supreme gentleman.
Finaly, the hassling stopped. Sadly, the bitch totally killed my vibe. Now I had to bail into the streets, to find meaning among the sheep. A furr coat, leather shoes, a fedora. Now I am all prepared. I need my full equipment. After all, the peasants need to instantly recognize who it is they are dealing with.
I stepped outside the house, neatly avoiding my annoying bitch mom. The sun was nosiating. The sound of busy, happy sheeps. That is what I call noise pollution. Seeing them walk around the town with their fucking phoney smiles just pissed me off more. What the fuck? Are they retarded? Can’t they see that life is shit? I guess they were just too dumb to see the truth beneath the glow of an ebon flow.
“Oh hi, Ben” Oh, it was her again. That purple know it all dildo riding cunt, Twilight Sparklecrotch.
“Suck my balls Twilight, I’m not in the mood” I smuggly answered her retardation.
“Boy, you don’t look like you’re in a good mood” She cheered me on.
“God fucking damn it,” I whispered as I just walked away from here.
The fedora covered my eyes, so that I would not need to make any eyecontact with these robots. My gaze is something to be cherished and given away only on the most celebratory of occasions. The furr coat protected my skin from the contact with the Sun. I hope it gets cancer and fucking dies. I was glad to see, that in the pocket of my coat was my street vape, in the shape of a pipe. I slowly inhaled some of the wondeful vapours. I tilted my head and exhaled an extra thicc cloud, that made my face look especially cool. I bet the fools in the streets were watching my in awe, not understanding my art. I peeked around. No one was looking. Jesus Christ, I haven’t had sex in a year now.
As I walked around, smuggly peeking at the mare’s asses, I was glad, that the fedora made me undetectable. I felt a touch on my shoulder. It was a manly hoof. I looked around in contemt and it was none other than the town’s simpleton clown, Big Macintosh.
“Listen, buddy...” He exlaimed, only to be instantly stopped by me.
“I ain’t your body, punk” I took his hoof of my shoulder.
“Excuse me, could you please say it one more time?” It only then dawned at me, that I was too scared to talk back at him and that my reply was nothing more than a shitty squeak.
“Yes” I said with a shaking voice.
“Listen, we are all colts here, I understand that, but ladies have been complaining more and more lately. Could you please stop looking at their behinds with such unbrideled hunger. It creeps everyone out...” I was in shock. My fedora failed me.
“Fuck off, you cunt. I will fucking look whereever I want and I will fucking fuck whatever I want” was something that I wanted to say, “ ok “ was what I really said.
“Good to see you being reasonable, buddy,” Big idiot tapped my on my shoulder and just trotted on forward. I am fairly sure, that the hillbilly is having sex with his sister. God, what a degenerate.