Fuck, I'm gonna have to wait until I get home from my grandmother's tomorrow to read this. Damn you Shakespearicles for posting this a day early. The anticipation is going to fuck me up a bit.
It really would've been better had Nightlight gotten Twilight knocked up. Seriously, Shinning knocked up Velvet, and then Nightlight would knock up Twilight. What a perfect ending that would've been.
Oh well, it was still pretty good overall. Although, the pacing was supersonic. You gotta slow that shit down a bit man, things were happening way too fast.
I'm trying to like this but every time Night Light gets involved in anything I just end up with 'Punished "Cuckold" Night Light - A Fallen Family Stallion' repeating in my mind. It's like a typical Jay Naylor comic - the action is great but nearly everyone involved is such a terrible person that it's not really entertaining any more.
8240519 Well, I'm sorry that you feel that way. I suppose this falls under the 'you can't please everyone' principle. (But I do agree with you that many of the fics with Night Light tend to have that trope.) The Drama tag on this story is well-earned. What family doesn't have drama, amirite? And as crazy as the story is, it would be far more unbelievable if they were all immediately okay with everything. I really enjoy writing dynamic, flawed characters that make mistakes, and misbehave and defy expectations. Maybe it wasn't what you were looking for this time, but perhaps I'll write something in the future more suited to you.
"Two flawlessly beautiful people having ecstatic sex is just about the least interesting thing I can think of. The key to any fictional scene is tension and conflict. It’s okay for characters to feel awkward or angry or afraid within a sex scene. It’s all right for a man to be short or to wear glasses, fine for a woman to have a flat chest or ample proportions. We are drawn to each other’s darkness, strangeness, sadness, and vulnerability." - Elissa Wald
What family doesn't have drama, amirite? And as crazy as the story is, it would be far more unbelievable if they were all immediately okay with everything.
Ironically enough it was everyone making up at the end that really put me off, especially after literally everything Shining Armor did throughout the entire story. There's ' dynamic, flawed characters that make mistakes ' and then there's Shining Armor, Scumbag Extraordinaire and winner of the 2017 'Actually The Worst' award. I'm honestly struggling to come up with any examples of a character being more morally reprehensible in a ponyfic than him in this one; his actions make his behaviour in the previous instalments look like a joke.
It felt like that family should have exploded like the Death Star but instead everyone just gets over it and becomes one big happy unit again in record time. I don't mind drama (and it was incredibly well executed up until the point where everyone suddenly got over it), but when some incredibly heavy shit goes down and then is promptly brushed under the carpet and all is forgiven the whole thing feels hollow and pointless to me.
And all the while poor Night Light is relentlessly shat upon from above by his morally bankrupt wife and son until he suddenly isn't and it's okay because he still loves her and she """loves""" him too. For me it was just a deeply unsatisfying conclusion that didn't address any of the issues brought up earlier in the story where all of the terrible ponies doing terrible things get off scot-free because sex.
OK, I've read both other stories, enjoyed them for what they were, and didn't say anything. After reading this one, I have to say I kinda hate SHining Armor. Over the course of this story, he beats up the husband of the woman he's sleeping with, gets him drunk to humiliate him and allow him to sleep with her that night, and generally acted like a hypocrite all within 1 chapter. Then, he says he did it with noble intentions and for jealousy, seduced yet another lover from his father, and impregnates her because he can't control himself again.
I don't know. To me, he comes across as a Mary Sue. Honestly, it's kinda tainting my enjoyment of the other stories. He did eveything wrong, got quickyly forgiven, and then almost manages to take everything from his father. Night Light doesn't deserve this just cause he has a smaller endowment.
But, then again, this is just my opinion. Overall, the story's well-written, and I enjoyed parts of it. I just really think Shining Armor didn't deserve everything he got, and Night Light deserved more.
8240581 The two previous stories are meant to be focused on Shining and Velvet. Velvet making a mistake and dealing with the consequences of her recklessness for years after. And Shining Armor more or less getting everything he'd ever wanted. With the ending of 'Son is Shining' I acknowledged that the victim of all of this was Night Light. This story was meant to be a focus on him, and his role in all of it. And he is, unfortunately, a tragic character in this family. This story is meant to make you, the reader, empathize with his plight, and feel angry about how Shining had carried on this whole time. Twilight's reaction is that very manifestation.
It felt like that family should have exploded like the Death Star
You're right. And it very nearly did. Personally, my favorite part of this to write was Loose Ends, where Velvet explains herself. It's a powerful scene about a mother barely holding it together. I had written a scene with Velvet and Night Light in bed that morning, talking about what they (as a family) we're going to do. They ultimately agree that they had to try everything they could to keep things from completely falling apart. (But it ruined the tension of the breakfast scene and messed with the pacing.) I'll consider re-writing it and adding it back in for context. Admittedly, the orgy in the final scene was shallow by contrast. Cadance love magic deus ex machina.
OK, I've read both other stories, enjoyed them for what they were, I have to say I kinda hate Shining Armor. he seduced yet another lover from his father, and impregnates her because he can't control himself again. I just really think Shining Armor didn't deserve everything he got, and Night Light deserved more.
The entire purpose of this story was to expose just how wronged Night Light had been, and Shining's place in wronging him. Punching him was just the obvious part, and really, the least significant. It's a Father's Day story. We're rooting for Night Light. You're both exactly right. Shining doesn't deserve everything he's gotten. Especially not at Night's expense. Which is why I wanted, by the end, for Night to have his wife back. And this is an important point I want to emphasize here. Extra-marital sex is far less damaging than the rest of the affair. The lying, the secrets, and the mistrust. Night Light gets Velvet back because she's stopped lying to him. And once everything was exposed between them all, they could either choose to lose everything to anger, or actively try to save it. I wanted a happy ending for Night after so much tragedy. I wanted him to rightfully have Velvet back as his wife, albeit a shared partner, I wanted him to be able to keep Twilight, and gain Cadance to counter Shining's gains. Perhaps I'll write a bonus chapter where Shining punishment is having to watch Night Light and Cadance. (And just as an aside, it wasn't Shining's fault that he came inside her. That was an accident.)
TL;DR I know there's nothing that I can say that's going to make either of you like the story any more than you already do (or don't). And that's fine. At least you took the time to give good reasons. And I really do appreciate your criticisms.
I can't thank you enough for writing this excellent family drama with hot sex!
The whole story of course requires to check out our normal common sense but that Cadance cameo at the end is greatly appreciated to drive home the theme of absurdity (and the mystery number in the Author's Note was a nice bonus).
"...That's why I- I-" Shining tried to find the words. "I'm sorry, Dad. About yesterday. I- I was jealous!"
"I know," Night Light said softly.
Night Light and Velvet are both older and wiser. They have a greater patience, understanding and unconditional love for their children. Night knew that Shining was brash and emotional when he attacked him. And Shining's remorse and apology thereafter was sincere. So Night light forgave him.
Though, one is pressed to wonder what his reaction would have been if he had discovered Shining's relationship much earlier. Long before Night guilted himself with his own illicit affair. Taking Twilight out of the equation, he would have had the undisputed moral high ground. But something tells me that he would have still forgiven his son and wife. Albeit, perhaps not as quickly.
20k words of father daughter incest with best pone?
Hell yes.
8239204
their is just no better way to say it.
8239204
Jesus you jumped in quick.
8239212 8239244
THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!
sorry.not.sorry
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8239204
Also, hello and welcome to Father's Day 2017. A story that's year overdue but I am confident that you will find that it will have been worth the wait!
8239228
You're absolutely incorrigible.
Congratulations on the feature, it hasn't happened yet. But let's get real, it'll be in the box soon.
The full image is a good one
8239253 ikr?
8239244
THAT'S WHAT-
Really? You're just going to softball it in like that?
8239273
That was the plan, yes.
8239308 Fixed! Thanks!
Oh wow, I never thought you would actually get around to doing this. And just in time for Father's Day, just as promised.
Fuck, I'm gonna have to wait until I get home from my grandmother's tomorrow to read this. Damn you Shakespearicles for posting this a day early. The anticipation is going to fuck me up a bit.
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
21:21_6/17/2017
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~Crystalline Electrostatic~
21:25_6/17/2017
And all the Sparkles lived happily ever after...except for that changeling kid they all decided to screw over.
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8239706 Aww, bro, don't be like that. You just gotta wait for when the sequel comes out.
In like... a year and a half.
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I'm sorry, but is nobody going to comment on this chapter title!?
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That's some god-tier Oscar Wilder word-play right there!
8239736
No idea what you're talking about.
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For fucks sake, Shakespearicles. Just when I thought I was normal you had to go and disprove me!
It really would've been better had Nightlight gotten Twilight knocked up. Seriously, Shinning knocked up Velvet, and then Nightlight would knock up Twilight. What a perfect ending that would've been.
Oh well, it was still pretty good overall. Although, the pacing was supersonic. You gotta slow that shit down a bit man, things were happening way too fast.
I need twelve showers.
8239898
That would result in too many kids running around.
I have been waiting for this day, shiny and chrome.
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8239253
Couldn't find the full image.....what am I doing wrong??
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG I CANT WAIT TO READ IT,!,!!,,,, YAYYYYYYYYYY
2 years late, dude.
It should be illegal to create so much UNF!
I tip my hat to you, you magnificent sire!
i knew it would be u
Just take a look at my profile picture.
Also, what does 1014692 mean? It doesn't link to a story here as far as I know.
Woooo, lonely island xD
Glad you finally got to write your Night Light x Twilight story! Happy Father's day!
DID YOU ACTUALLY JUST...?
8239736
And I said, "What about Breakfast Epiphanies?"
She said, "I think I remember the fic. And as I recall, I think, we both kinda liked it."
And I said, "Well, that's one thing we got."
Happy now, ya needy bastard?
J/K it really was kinda clever.
8240499
8240466
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Thank you.
So did I.
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Derpibooru image number.
8239736 Neat.
8239898 Oh, did you think this would be the last sparklecest fic I would write?
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Really though, an alternate ending would be exactly the same story but with an eight-word difference.
8240449
YUP!
8240402
^^^
Pretty much exactly this right here.
I'm trying to like this but every time Night Light gets involved in anything I just end up with 'Punished "Cuckold" Night Light - A Fallen Family Stallion' repeating in my mind. It's like a typical Jay Naylor comic - the action is great but nearly everyone involved is such a terrible person that it's not really entertaining any more.
8240519 Well, I'm sorry that you feel that way. I suppose this falls under the 'you can't please everyone' principle. (But I do agree with you that many of the fics with Night Light tend to have that trope.) The Drama tag on this story is well-earned. What family doesn't have drama, amirite? And as crazy as the story is, it would be far more unbelievable if they were all immediately okay with everything. I really enjoy writing dynamic, flawed characters that make mistakes, and misbehave and defy expectations. Maybe it wasn't what you were looking for this time, but perhaps I'll write something in the future more suited to you.
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8240567
Ironically enough it was everyone making up at the end that really put me off, especially after literally everything Shining Armor did throughout the entire story. There's ' dynamic, flawed characters that make mistakes ' and then there's Shining Armor, Scumbag Extraordinaire and winner of the 2017 'Actually The Worst' award. I'm honestly struggling to come up with any examples of a character being more morally reprehensible in a ponyfic than him in this one; his actions make his behaviour in the previous instalments look like a joke.
It felt like that family should have exploded like the Death Star but instead everyone just gets over it and becomes one big happy unit again in record time. I don't mind drama (and it was incredibly well executed up until the point where everyone suddenly got over it), but when some incredibly heavy shit goes down and then is promptly brushed under the carpet and all is forgiven the whole thing feels hollow and pointless to me.
And all the while poor Night Light is relentlessly shat upon from above by his morally bankrupt wife and son until he suddenly isn't and it's okay because he still loves her and she """loves""" him too. For me it was just a deeply unsatisfying conclusion that didn't address any of the issues brought up earlier in the story where all of the terrible ponies doing terrible things get off scot-free because sex.
OK, I've read both other stories, enjoyed them for what they were, and didn't say anything. After reading this one, I have to say I kinda hate SHining Armor. Over the course of this story, he beats up the husband of the woman he's sleeping with, gets him drunk to humiliate him and allow him to sleep with her that night, and generally acted like a hypocrite all within 1 chapter. Then, he says he did it with noble intentions and for jealousy, seduced yet another lover from his father, and impregnates her because he can't control himself again.
I don't know. To me, he comes across as a Mary Sue. Honestly, it's kinda tainting my enjoyment of the other stories. He did eveything wrong, got quickyly forgiven, and then almost manages to take everything from his father. Night Light doesn't deserve this just cause he has a smaller endowment.
But, then again, this is just my opinion. Overall, the story's well-written, and I enjoyed parts of it. I just really think Shining Armor didn't deserve everything he got, and Night Light deserved more.
8240581 The two previous stories are meant to be focused on Shining and Velvet. Velvet making a mistake and dealing with the consequences of her recklessness for years after. And Shining Armor more or less getting everything he'd ever wanted. With the ending of 'Son is Shining' I acknowledged that the victim of all of this was Night Light. This story was meant to be a focus on him, and his role in all of it. And he is, unfortunately, a tragic character in this family. This story is meant to make you, the reader, empathize with his plight, and feel angry about how Shining had carried on this whole time. Twilight's reaction is that very manifestation.
You're right. And it very nearly did. Personally, my favorite part of this to write was Loose Ends, where Velvet explains herself. It's a powerful scene about a mother barely holding it together. I had written a scene with Velvet and Night Light in bed that morning, talking about what they (as a family) we're going to do. They ultimately agree that they had to try everything they could to keep things from completely falling apart. (But it ruined the tension of the breakfast scene and messed with the pacing.) I'll consider re-writing it and adding it back in for context. Admittedly, the orgy in the final scene was shallow by contrast. Cadance love magic deus ex machina.
8240590
The entire purpose of this story was to expose just how wronged Night Light had been, and Shining's place in wronging him. Punching him was just the obvious part, and really, the least significant. It's a Father's Day story. We're rooting for Night Light. You're both exactly right. Shining doesn't deserve everything he's gotten. Especially not at Night's expense. Which is why I wanted, by the end, for Night to have his wife back.
And this is an important point I want to emphasize here. Extra-marital sex is far less damaging than the rest of the affair. The lying, the secrets, and the mistrust. Night Light gets Velvet back because she's stopped lying to him.
And once everything was exposed between them all, they could either choose to lose everything to anger, or actively try to save it. I wanted a happy ending for Night after so much tragedy. I wanted him to rightfully have Velvet back as his wife, albeit a shared partner, I wanted him to be able to keep Twilight, and gain Cadance to counter Shining's gains. Perhaps I'll write a bonus chapter where Shining punishment is having to watch Night Light and Cadance. (And just as an aside, it wasn't Shining's fault that he came inside her. That was an accident.)
TL;DR I know there's nothing that I can say that's going to make either of you like the story any more than you already do (or don't). And that's fine. At least you took the time to give good reasons. And I really do appreciate your criticisms.
I can't thank you enough for writing this excellent family drama with hot sex!
The whole story of course requires to check out our normal common sense but that Cadance cameo at the end is greatly appreciated to drive home the theme of absurdity (and the mystery number in the Author's Note was a nice bonus).
8240319
Like, did I miss it, or did he not even apologize?
8240859 He does.
Night Light and Velvet are both older and wiser. They have a greater patience, understanding and unconditional love for their children. Night knew that Shining was brash and emotional when he attacked him. And Shining's remorse and apology thereafter was sincere. So Night light forgave him.
Though, one is pressed to wonder what his reaction would have been if he had discovered Shining's relationship much earlier. Long before Night guilted himself with his own illicit affair. Taking Twilight out of the equation, he would have had the undisputed moral high ground. But something tells me that he would have still forgiven his son and wife. Albeit, perhaps not as quickly.