Drinking Stories
“I am unsure of this. Doubtlessly, every pony in there now thinks me a fool.”
“Don’t worry,” said Sunset, pushing the alicorn towards the bar with all her might. “I’m sure everypony’s forgotten all about it by now.”
“Are you sure? I’m pretty sure I’ll remember that for as long as I live!” said Trixie, smiling obliviously.
Luna let out a depressed whinny and dug her hooves deeper into the soil.
Sunset stopped and gave Trixie a “What the buck are you doing?” expression. She groaned and looked upwards at Luna as she opened the door to the bar. “Just relax. I‘m sure nopony will make a big deal out of… it…”
Dozens of friendly smiles greeted her entry. Nearly every seat in the bar was full, with at least three times the usual customers.
“Okay, maybe not,” whispered Sunset.
“Princess Luna!” A very pleased-looking Cherry Berry squeezed past the mass of patrons towards the door. “As you can see, business has been very good lately! But I kept your usual table!” She waved in the direction of the booth in question, which a small folded cardboard sign had declared “Reserved!”
“I-uh, think I might pass this eve,” said Luna quickly. “I believe my purse has turned missing, and I could not possibly trouble you…”
“Oh, don’t worry about it!” said Cherry, waving away the excuse. “Drinks for you three are on the house tonight! Come in, come in!”
Both Trixie and Sunset grinned at Luna, who was still looking very hesitant. “The drinks are freeeeeeee!” they chimed together.
Luna groaned. “Sunset, does not Twilight settle your bill every week? Your cider is paid for either way.”
“Yeah, but in return I have to pay for everything she wants when she visits me,” said Sunset, clearly unmoved. “It’s not like I make a lot of money at my part-time job. This way, I get leverage for her to go a little easy at the bookstore.”
“…Trixie, surely you will not refuse your princess’s request for a different venue?”
“Trixie thinks that regal mystique was lost after having to clean your vomit from her hooves,” replied Trixie smugly. “Anyway, free drinks simply taste better!”
Luna looked at both of them and sighed. “So be it. My pride, sacrificed upon the altar of complimentary beverages.”
The three slowly walked into the bar. The crowd parted, almost reverently, to allow them through. Several murmurs of “A good evening to you, Princess!” and “It’s an honor, Princess!” were heard as they passed, and a few unicorns even saluted her with their glasses and a nod.
Luna’s dark blue coat was so tinged with red that she looked almost purple. She quickly sat down and covered her face with her hooves, right as their drinks arrived.
“I almost wish that the memory of last week’s events hadn’t returned to me. These glares would not wound me so, were I unable to picture the scene they are doubtlessly remembering.”
“I’ve been telling you all week, don’t worry so much,” said Sunset. “Nopony’s judging you. You got drunk and enjoyed yourself a little more than usual. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“Anyway, I think Ponyville probably loves your taste in music.” Trixie clapped her hooves in glee. “I had no idea you were a Sapphire Shores fan!”
***
Rarity put down her needlework, wondering at the commotion outside. She stuck her head out of her window and peered into the night. “Is-is that Princess Luna on Cherry’s roof?”
“BOOTS ON HOOVES, SADDLES ON TOP! FURRY COATS, SO CUTE, WE'LL BLOW YOUR MIND! OOAOH! OH! OOAOAOH!”
***
“Trixie thinks it was a very impressive use of the Royal Canterlot Voice!”
Luna groaned, her head flopping onto the table. “Sunset, I crave a boon.”
“Uh, yes?”
“I hear you have considerable prowess in book-throwing. Pray direct one to the back of my head.”
Sunset frowned. “Not funny, Luna.”
“Anyway,” said Trixie, “you couldn't have known that DJ Pon-3 would show up to provide you with music. Though it was kind your own fault for doing an encore.”
“I wonder how she got her turntable and sound system there so quick,” said Sunset. “I could have sworn she drove there.”
Trixie nodded. “And it was pretty cool when Pinkie set off all those actual fireworks!”
“If both of you do not mind,” said Luna, “Mayhap you have had your fill of discussing my humiliations.”
“Oh, not at all!” said a smiling Trixie, completely ignoring the implications of Luna’s statement. “You gave a great performance, and that’s high praise coming from me!
***
“CUTIE MARKS REPRESENT, NOW PUT YOUR HOOVES UP! OOAOH! OH! OOAOAOH!”
Sunset looked up in awe. “Gosh, that’s a fantastic demonstration of early earth pony fertility dances.”
***
“I had no idea that the bouncy jogglebottom was called that because you bounce and joggle your b-”
“Yes, Trixie, I am quite familiar with that dance,” said Luna quietly.
“Oh yeah, you made that very clear last week,” said Trixie, giggling. “Anyway, I bet you’re really popular with all the stallions now.” She rubbed her chin with a hoof. “And a lot of mares, come to think of it.”
Luna just groaned and hid her head deeper under her hooves and mane. It might have worked better had there not been a nearly eight-inch horn protruding from her pile of comfort.
“Hey…” said Sunset, poking her. “It’s not as bad as you think. Nearly everypony has an embarrassing drunken story to tell. You’re not the only one.”
“Oh, yes.” Trixie nodded. She leaned in closer and whispered, “Trixie will completely deny it if you ever repeat this, but… I once tried Berry’s Punch, too. Not as much as you, of course. I just had one shot a little too quickly.”
One eye peeked out from under Luna’s mane. “Really?”
“Mmm-hmm.”
***
“Trixie, wh-what are you doing?”
“THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIIIIIIXIE IS… IS WATERING THESE THIRSTY FLOWERS!”
Roseluck shut her eyes and said in a very tight voice, “Trixie, those flowers are for eating!”
“Oh.” Trixie looked down at the garden. “NOT ANYMORE, THEY’RE NOT!”
***
“I had to pay for them the next morning.” Trixie sighed. “Blew half my food budget for the week.”
“Is that it?” Sunset raised an eyebrow. “Psh, that’s nothing.”
Luna raised her head slightly. “You too sampled that toxic concoction?”
“Yep.” Sunset chuckled. “Pinkie told me all about it when she first showed me this bar. I just had to try some.”
***
“Excuse me, Miss Shimmer?”
Sunset squinted at the filly. “Hey. Dinky, right?”
“Yes, miss. Will you please get down from there? You might fall and hurt yourself.”
“Huh?” Sunset glanced at the tree she was clinging to, then back at Dinky, who was watching her through the window. “I-I can explain. I’m just looking for-”
“I know. Here’s your avocado.”
Sunset stared at the dark green fruit floating in front of her.
“…H-how?”
“Because, Miss Shimmer, every time you get drunk, you climb the tree outside my window looking for avocadoes. And every time, I tell you that it is not an avocado tree and fetch you one from my fridge. I saw you go into the bar earlier tonight, so I came prepared.”
“Oh.” Sunset picked up the fruit with her magic. “Thanks. You… you sure seem to know a lot about getting drunk.”
“My best friend is Berry Punch’s daughter. And you’re welcome to the avocado, but please go somewhere private before you start using it this time.”
***
“Look at the bright side, at least you two only drank it once,” said Sunset.
Luna chuckled. “I thank both of you. Hearing that my own embarrassment was not unique has helped a great deal.”
“I think you don’t know the half of it,” said Sunset. “Look around you, Luna. Every pony in this bar has a similar story.”
Luna took a quick glance around the bar. Cherry Berry was standing beside the next booth, pouring from the infamous bottle into a tiny shot glass. She slowly pushed it towards a grey pegasus sitting with a brown stallion.
“Tiny sips, okay?”
The pegasus rolled her eyes, which was fascinating to watch because each one was pointed in a different direction. “I know, Cherry,” she said with the most adorably indignant voice Luna had ever heard, “It took me weeks to pay for the repairs to the town hall after the last time. Why does everypony think I’m dumb? I’m just a little clumsy!”
As her gaze swept across the room, Luna noticed that many of the ponies were also holding tiny shot glasses filled with the clear liquor. She gasped.
“You see?” said Sunset. “Lots of them came in here after hearing about Berry’s Punch for the first time, stupidly pounded one shot, made a fool of themselves, and were too afraid to ever come back. And yes, there was a lot of gossip about you this week. Some of it was even good, because nopony had ever managed to swig half a bottle of Berry’s Punch all at once. But I think talking about it made lots of these ponies realize that all their friends went through a similar experience, and-”
“-That nopony was going to laugh at them,” whispered Luna. Gradually, the tension faded from her withers, and she smiled. “You were right, Sunset. All these ponies are with friends, having a grand time amongst themselves – I can see now that not one of them is judging me.”
Sunset just grinned and took another sip of cider.
Trixie looked up from her glass, clearly not paying attention to the conversation. “You know, if this is the drinking population of Ponyville, I wonder why this bar is so empty on other Friday nights.”
“Oh, that’s easy. Cherry told me Tuesday nights are usually her busiest.” Sunset shrugged. “Something about crazy stuff happening in Ponyville almost every Tuesday.”
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For anyone who doesn’t know, this is likely the origin of the fanon:
“The day you took a shot of Berry’s Punch was the most embarrassing day of your life. But for me...it was Tuesday.”
8218356
It goes back all the way to Lesson Zero, which takes place on a Tuesday, and in that episode reveals that the previous friendship report was also submitted on a Tuesday.
Hmm...something about that tickles my memory...
Huh. I would've thought the avocado was a reference to Katia Managan’s pineapple trick.
I get the feeling that Luna is now the Norm of Cherry’s.
***
[Luna walks into the bar]
Everypony: Luna! [cheering in the background]
Cherry: [pours glass] Hey, princess, there’s a cold and bitter one waiting for you.
Luna: I know. If she calls, tell my sister I’m not here.
8218640
That comment is priceless!!!!!
8218640
Fucking hell 10/10
Yeah, I don’t recommend phone editing. That said, this was fantastic. Especially poor, poor Dinky. That filly has seen things that cannot be unseen.
You’d think the craziest things for Equestria happens on Saturdays.
8218946
We learn about it on Saturday. It happens for them on Tuesday.
8218437
https://youtu.be/iVzAMmpMra8
The day you visited ponyville was the most interesting in your life. For us it was Tuesday.
8219094
That’s not what I was referring to. There’s a more...directly pony-related reference I’m referring to.
8219104
Personally, it was a reference to how the writers like to use Tuesday whenever a character needs to refer to a day by name; this indirectly resulted in some episodes taking place on Tuesday. Specifically, Lesson Zero is explicitly stated to happen on a Tuesday, and also explicitly stated that the previous friendship report Twilight sent was also sent on Tuesday.
The same thing happened in It’s About Time, where Twilight explicitly receives a visit from her future self warning her of a problem “next Tuesday” and resulting in her going back in time on that Tuesday to warn herself.
MythrilMoth is pretty well versed in pony lore, so I am sure they already knew this and was just making a reference, but I figure I’d answer it for the curious and to clarify that this reference is the one I had in mind.
8218437
There’s a few stories that look at Tuesday being a statistically-obnoxious day. I have one myself: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/241788/happy-tuesday if you’re interested.
8218981
Good point.
In another universe, Tuesday is when what you need will actually arrive.
Tuesday?
Can someone explain this reference, please?
8220546
In The Fall of Sunset Shimmer, Sunset throws a book at Celestia in a fit of anger right before she is banished from the palace.
But it’s also a nod to Justice3442’s Bibliopocalypse: War of the Two Suns, where Celestia and Sunset have a book fight - in the physical, not scholastic, sense.
8220891
Idk doesn't say.
So...I haven't actually watched an episode of MLP in a while now...
Do they release on Tuesdays or something?
Anyways, I'm glad you didn't Noodle Incident-d like I thought you did. This was pretty funny, and complete LOLs at Trixie's story.
Well done m8.
8233356
I refer you to my reply 8219136 here.
Also, there are lots of comments below on the use of Tuesday for humor in popular culture.
The mare speaks sooth, dear Luna. Thou canst deny it not.
Pff, count yourself lucky. My pride never nets me anything near that valuable.
8233401
I don't know about Tuesdays, but Thursdays I've never gotten the hang of.
Honestly the avocado reminds me of the weather vane in Eakin's Hard Reset stories
8325270
The best use of a weather vane ever!