- Member Since 15th Jul, 2014
- offline last seen March 19th
mentalshock
I hate it when a sibling calls you gay because your a brony.
mentalshock
Joined 15th Jul, 2014 ·
Offline
Stats
Page generated in 0.114 seconds
Total duration
1,014 users online
2,275,595 hits today, 2,782,760 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
It is OK.
8181940 thanks. It's going to be used to tie all my other stories into one universe.
Got to say it's not bad for one of your first stories although I would recommend staying away from the displaced genre the future. I have to say it's a bit of a tired cliché at this point but if done right I could be proven wrong.
In any case I feel like the first few chapters where a bit rushed. I know almost nothing about this character besides the fact that they helped once at a con.I also know nothing about their personality. All of the previous notes culminate in the fact that I'm having an incredibly hard time sympathizing with this character and its tragic current lot in life. I know it might be hard to hear but taking your time is often the better thing to do in these situations.
Also hire a editor two heads are better than one!
This is pretty good.
This was good. I got a bit confused with how he somehow got into a hospital and how he somehow has another personality in his head. I agree with the other person who commented to avoid the displaced cliche but I would love to be proven wrong if this does become a good displaced fanfic.
Very interesting This has some elements of being a displaced. But shouldn't the first egg be some kind of proto Queen or something?
...
is going on. Seriously, I've read (and re-read) all the so-far chapters, and it feels forced, rushed in most parts and generally vague/lacking a ton of description.
...
...
I have no idea what the f
And, basically what these two said.
8182931 8182734
Other then the stuff above, this looks to be a promising story!
Also, I suggest you get an editor.
(I can help with that.)
8182734
8182934
8183255
Thanks for the feed back. This was originally going to be used as a way to help strengthen my first person writing, but now I have come to the conclusion of rewriting it in third person. and if any of you would like to be an editor for my stories I would greatly appreciate it. :3
8183319
I, too, would greatly appreciate it if I was an editor for your story!
8183365
Thanks. I'll be rewriting the third person later, and even getting rid of time skips cause yeah it's really rushed.
8183365
Also can you PM your email address so I can share a document with you to make things easier?
I'm excited for the rewrite
.
8189638
Good to here. hopefully the rewritten chapters get people's interest more.
8191382 let's hope they do get interested in this. Keep up the awesome work man. Also some words of advice never rush so take your time and never rush your stories kay
8191400
Kay. Thanks again. Also could you check out my other works? I think you might like them.
8191528 sure I'll check them out.
Huh very interesting
This is great!! Will she lay the egg like she did the original version of chapter 4?
Please update
8384012
Yes she will, after going back through and reediting from the orginal We figured Jolis should not be getting into familial affairs so soon. Also I'm starting on the next chapter now.
Hmm not a bad chapter
Very intriguing concept. Open to doing a Summon at some point with a Token.
9472150
Sure I'm open.