Slowly catching up on unread stuff.
This story is a sequel to Aurthur visits Equestria
Now that Mana Spark is about to confront Sombra, the others are worried about what will happen during the fight and beyond.
They don't like what Mana Spark is telling them.
Constructive feedback is welcome! (Aka, you can say whatever you like eg. It sucks, as long as you then do 2 things.
1. Tell me why you think it sucks.
2. Say what you think could be done to improve.
Thank you.)
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Not one
Feels like a good direction so far.
8150905
Fixed!
I take it you like the reveal of more of Aurthur's history?
8150950
I believe you forgot to reply in the proper chapter.
>> James Fire Yes, a little more insight to his past. A good point that's overlooked about Equestria that most worlds are not so harmonious.
Heart
? = it
others
change 'the' > 'to'
Possibly change to their 'evil essence' or just 'essence'and not sure where going to?
'the magic' to point out what you're feeding the power too.
Repetition further down, maybe reword the former to
The nurses here remind me of Galatea from Bicentennial man a robot sorry couldn't find an English version of this scene that isn't blocked.
8183530
Wow. Quite a few there.
What do you think of the direction?
8183586
Weird. What do you think of what happened here?
And, no typos?
8184284 Quantity of typos, well they love action so they brought the popcorn. Could be just getting over excited writing a scene like this, that writers tend to overlook bits.
Little unsure now, is Dethon/Sombra taken out with the closing of the portal or has he escaped to cause more mayhem yet?.
Also half expected him to do the villain monologue before battle but eh not needed, tis good.
8184657
Actually, I am just not going to have that be the focus of the story. Aurthur/Mana is going to tell Twilight what happened, later.
8184289 This seemed clear this time, Aurthur is either feeling a lot guilty what he did or he's getting deeper into feelings for Twilight it almost seems.
8184675
Well, I can tell you that [redacted] spoilers spoilers spoilers, and spoilers. Also [spoilers redacted].
Clear?
I am in a playful mood right now. Enjoy!
8184680
look-a-likes
If time is a concern, then I'd say he did.
(by the way should add sequel link to prequel title page.)
8195331
The problem he is wrestling with is that he doesn't like to kill others without good reason. And, unfortunately, being the only source of some necessary mana doesn't make that list. He would have much preferred to kill himself, but that might not have been the best option. Yeah, you were right before, he is feeling a little guilty, and is trying to soothe his conscience by telling it that what was done was necessary.
your
Because....Research purposes!?!
2static2.fjcdn.com/comments/Is+there+an+uncensored+version+of+this+i+need+it+_fb57266347255611566b46550fe3dcbc.jpg
8228023
Fixed!
And you noticed?
And here I thought I was being subtle.
8284429
