Status: tired, unmotivated, and probably inactive
Dreamcatcher's name is more literal than one might assume possible. He can pluck from your head the whispers of a dream, and that can be quite powerful. This is a story about his life of nocturnal endeavors and the ponies he meets along the way.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I say you take this story into the long run and have Luna take him under her wing as her own student. I've always liked the idea, and you've got the perfect setup for it. That, and it would play off of Luna's distaste of how Twilight came to be a Princess.
This was quite a neat little tale, and I'll be interested to see where you take it.
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Thanks for the comment, man! I had some ideas kicking around but this actually helped a ton. Hope the next chapter holds your attention.
This is a really interesting start. It could go almost anywhere from here and I'd like to see how it turns out. I like the almost menacing feel to what he does with Pinkie and the preparation of the sugar... it feels unclear if we're dealing with a good guy or a bad guy, and it helps set up the mystery.
With that said, I do have a few nits to pick here:
First is that some general formatting cleanup could be in order. There's a mixed use of indentation and non-indentation of new lines, and some occasions where there are blank lines between paragraphs and others where there aren't. My general preference is for non-indented lines and always including a blank line between paragraphs, but I feel the specific choice matters less than consistency. Also I think you might get good mileage out of the [ quote ] and [ hr ] tags to express some of the different things you do in here, such as the lyrics and the scene breaks.
Second is that you switch from past tense to present tense during the Pinkie scene. It's consistently past tense prior to that point, and consistently present tense afterward. Again, I have a general preference for one of them (past) but I feel that consistency is more important.
Third is that the first two scenes don't feel very connected to the third scene. The first two set up a friendship with Luna and show the difficulty our protagonist faces in maintaining it, and they're a strong way of setting the tone for the story. The third scene is strong as well, again because of the creepy/menacing aspect I mentioned above. I might even say that the third scene would be the stronger way to start it; we get to see the protagonist doing something unexpected but ultimately not harmful (that we know of), which could capture interest. But there's a pretty big shift in tone from the almost comedic aspect of the second scene interrupting the first, to then having a much darker and creepier third scene; I would argue that's a hard leap for the audience to make, because we don't know the protagonist very well yet and we're trying to build a sense of who he is. (That reminds me: do we get a description of him?)
There's one final thing that I feel needs to be called out: the author's note. It's fine and fair having one, but never give away your uncertainty about where the story is going.
Or, I'd urge you to make sure you have a destination in mind for the story, even if you're very flexible about the intermediate steps it might take to get there. I feel like that makes for a decent compromise between the competing plan-everything and fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants philosophies to writing.
Keep it up.
Okay, I like the Vinyl Scratch voice here a lot.
She's a fun choice to bring in. I like making her a vampire, and it's fun seeing how she interacts with everyone.
But! There are a lot of scene breaks in here, and it's not immediately clear to me what's happening to warrant those breaks, and/or what's happening when they happen. Also, I'm not sure exactly why the protagonist is hunting down Vinyl Scratch... or how that connects to the Luna bits. (Are the Luna moments at the beginning of the chapters meant as kind of an intro/framing device for each chapter? If so, I could see it being interesting if they all add up to tell some kind of meta-story. Otherwise I would lobby for making them tie more clearly to the events of the chapter.)
My final nitpick here is that there's a lot of dialogue without much movement or scene-setting. Now I can hardly cast aspersions on someone writing talky scenes; most of my stories are mostly made up of talky scenes. But I feel like there could be more connective tissue and/or context-setting that would help place all that talking in a living, breathing world. Especially when there's interesting stuff going on involving vampires and dream-walkers and things of that nature.
Keep it up.