Some things do NOT match. Oil and Water, Oil and Fire, Alcohol and Bets, and Alcohol and Magic. Sad to say, was it the latter two combinations that occured one fateful night when a sad man goes to a bar for and meets a sad, and strange, woman.
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Here is my latest chapter. Bloody big one too. I am not going to try and make another one of this size again unless I get overly inspired. Cause... damn. It was down right painful writing this thing. but it is up, an over 50k chapter, enjoy.
wow now that was a long chapter, I cannot help but see the Lawbringers being remade in memory of Golden cross which is probably going to make it even more sad when the order ends up fighting maleficus-victoria
50k chapter? Damn. That's some Thief's Tale length chapter right there
I honestly have no idea what to say, the sheer emotion expressed in this chapter had me tearing up. Also the battle scenes were perfect, I’m in awe. This has now made it to the place of my favorite story ever.
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS IT IS ALIVE YEAH......
8770694
...Then why did you make it so long?
50,000 words. This will take me awhile.
>50k chapter
Holy shit!
Holy crap! That was Awsome and long just the type of chapters I love to read! I can't wait to see what comes next, hopefully you will not have to end a chapter on a
cliff hanger.
Also here's two songs that give the song that never ends a run for it's money
This chapter was amazing thank you for writing this.
50.000 in 1 chapter!?
Well done my friend!you deserve a break!but not too long hopefully ;)
...He's gonna meet those three again in the future, isn't he? That won't end well.
Amazing chapter! Had me crying.
Great chapter but too short...
That ending. Damnit man, why do you make me feel things. I don't like this. Take them back damnit.
That was one fking awesome chapter
And another thanks to you for introducing me to the awesome songs used here.
Damn, I almost teared up on some moments. You still can deliver very emotional scenes.
This song fits the mood when the chapter ends perfectly...
I like the Mario reference with the shell in there.this is a good chapter
8771318
me too.... i am crying my eyes out at the moment
8770694
awesome...... so far beyond awesome
I cried alittle at the end
Quality over Quantity, and yet you somehow delivered both in an excellent chapter yet again. Always surpassing my expectations it seems. Man I love this story.
4 hours it took me 4 hours to read this and I am tempted to to read this story from the beginning all over again. Anyone elts?
That chapter was amazing, I really love your work I can't wait to read more of this story.
8772594
Thank you, I really appreciate it.
8772583
Heh, glad you enjoyed it. Hopefully you will find the story more enlightening now.
8772266
That is our nation's military motto is it not? Kvalitet Över Kvantitet. But I appreciate it that you consider it as if I managed to get both of those into this chapter. Gets me motivated to write more.
8771897
Yeah... I cried too. Every time I wrote and read those scenes, I would get teary eyed, at the least.
8771865
8771863
Thank you for that, the tears were a part of the story at some point through my writing of this chapter. I just hope it got expressed properly.
8771822
Hehe, there is always room for some old style video game references. I made plenty of them in this story. Sort of like a mess of easter eggs for you to find.
8771799
Not really my kind of song but I can agree that it sort of fits in there.
8771798
Thanks on all accounts. I guess I made this story so emotional since February is the month when my father died. So I guess I have it easier to write sorrow and heartaches at this time to express myself.
8771522
Sorry, no refunds. Take your feelings and enjoy them.
8771345
...I am not going to say a word, or I might start cursing.
8771318
Yeah... the emotions are thick in this chapter.
8771295
I won't tell. But he will meet them in the future. But more then so, I will not say.
8771286
Oh I plan on sleeping like a log before returning to writing.
8771078
Yup. Hard to believe it?
8771050
Thank you for enjoying reading it. That means more then you realize.
8771016
Yeah, cliffhangers are fun and all, but sometimes they get overdone. But I will not keep myself from using them if I cannot keep working on a chapter for too long.
8770980
Watch your language, but yeah, it's a big one.
8770942
Take your time and enjoy.
8770923
I am most grateful of your praises, I hope to live up to them in the future as well.
8770873
Cause I could not stop. It had to be complete, it had to be finished. I just... could not let it be a stagnation.
8770800
Yeah, no lightning rods or grave robbing needed to revive this monster.
8770764
Thank you, as I mentioned before. February is very emotional for me. So I guess I worked that into my chapter. But I wanted to indulge more into the earlier and middle fights before it turned into nothing but lines of swings and dodges. It needed more texture, and I am glad that I managed to make it to your liking. Thank you for enjoying it as much as you have so far.
8770756
No idea what you mean, but I take it as a compliment.
8770715
Not going to make up any spoilers. Enjoy your speculations and enjoy the chapter, thank you for reading.
8772960
oh i believe it was expressed MORE then properly, i could see it all so clearly in my head... Celestia singing the lament, Grand Feast, Happy Meal and Grand Music, balling their eyes out over the loss of their beloved adopted father and grandfather, all the ponies crying out the name of the stallion who has become the greatest hero in the history of the kingdom....... AVE GOLDEN CROSS..... damnit, made myself cry again
Well, damn.
I mean...
Damn.
Nice. All there is to say. Nice.
Must not cry fuck it 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 GOLDEN CROSS!!!!!!
8773852
8773842
8773516
8773014
I am glad that I managed to make an enjoyable chapter. Life is both good and bad, what is comedy without tragedy? What is laughter without tears? What is joy without sadness? What is life without the bad? What is a story, without emotion? *Bows his head to his readers* 😌
8774059
I wonder how war like the pony's will become knowing that there is enemy like that and whether or not there more where they came from.
Christ, that was a good ride, albeit long.
I do not envy your editor after that.
8774247
I told you ponies. There are consequences to your actions, and those of others as well.
8774473
If I can find someone willing to be my editor I think they deserve something like a Darwin's Award.
8775520
I actually considered this one, but it did not feel like it fit into the phase of the duel between Golden Cross and Mighty Rich.
8776180
Well I appreciate your honest opinion and review even then. And the chapter's whole point was to show what hasty decisions under alcohol can cause, especially if you have magical powers. And those consequences are still far from over.
8777228
Holy Molly that was amazing can't wait to see more.
With the hero Golden Cross now gone and Maleficus Victoria sealed on the moon who shall be there to protect Equestria and its ponies. Find out next time in Maleficus Victoria Tome One: The Age of Crusades.
a master piece
its always great to finds such great works of literature
You are a great writer, and your selection of music is top notch, but i cant stand your protagonist any longer. His whole "sacrifice" becomes meaningless because of his true immortal nature, all his prowess feels empty because he just keeps pulling new powers out of thin air. I cant like him, everything about him is a lie, his whole character, if he truly cared about this people he would have revealed himself and destroyed the enemy in the first place, yet he preferred to play hero. He wanted to be praised even if that meant innocents dying and putting his adoptive family at risk while lying to them about his "impending death". He is the hero because everyone next to him is incompetent or expendable and every enemy he fights is an irredeemable evil bigot, empty characters meant to be hated. His power is not his own, he has not earn it, everything comes to him easily and without effort (pain is not effort, effort is a form of conflict), hes a pathological lair with no true knowledge about anything yet he is still portrait as very intelligent, noble and capable. He is never punished because of his ignorance or faulty logic, he never finds himself without answers or learning from others. He does things so obviously dumb yet the world seems to twists in order to make him look good. He does so many wrongs and he knows it, but the story and the world never acknowledge it.
The story will continue, evils will rise and he´ll kill them in brutal fashion, he will never change or lose, and and everything that will ever happen will only make him look "better". If he loses he will do it heroically and everyone will regret ever being angry with him, only for him to come back somehow and pulling a deus ex machina and save the day. There will be a lot of fighting, a lot of death and blood and lies, but there cant be true conflict like this.
Edit: I wrote this because i noticed a remarkable low amount of critics in the comment, so i though it might be helpful to understand why some people might be disliking the story. I do not expect you to suddenly change your character or your writing style for my sake or the sake of a few, please do as you please. It´s just that it bothers me to see a good piece of writing undermined by what i perceive to be feeble characters and a lack of conflict.
8777283
Thank you, currently working on the next chapter.
8783636
*cue ending credits and sponsor commercials*
8785709
Thank you for that, nice to know you enjoyed it.
8796375
Those are fair points and I do not mind the criticism, it just shows that my story has negative points, like all stories. And it is like you said, with only a few months worth of practice he has risen up to stand equal in strength to Celestia. He has devoured the Nightmare and is essentially using its fragmented memories and knowledge to advance himself before developing himself. And yes, he is disguising himself and putting on an act to not reveal his true self, even to the point of self sacrificing his persona and manipulating landscapes as to prevent the truth from being realized.
All of those are fair points, and those points, are intentional. My story will progress and shift in many directions, I cannot tell 100% how it will progress. But there will be more fake personas, there will be more conflict and there will be more unrealistic situations, those are facts. I am still working out how it all fits, but in the end, Maleficus is a faulty person, and that, is what makes him, him. He is faulty, both as a person and as a protagonist. For he was broken during and after he was given his powers, and that affects a person. As for his supposed immortality, that is something that will be given more depth further on in the story, perhaps in one of the planned sequels.
Thank you for your comment and you are welcome to post more of them if you so wish.
8797600
Its always wonderful to talk with people who can take criticism, hopefully even if you disagree with my perspective it will at least be useful to you.
My problem of course is not that the character is faulty, my problem is that he never seems to struggle because of his faults. It is the struggle that makes a story enticing, conflict is struggle. The greater the quality of the conflict the more powerful the story becomes, and i dont mean violence necessarily. For example stories like the movie "The pursuit of happiness" has a lot of conflict yet non of it is physical, conflict is shown through the character´s mistakes, his failures and struggle to provide for his son.
Flawless characters are usually boring because faults are a source of inner struggle and conflict for the protagonist, without it the storyteller is missing an element for storytelling. When the character has flaws but this are not a source of struggle and failure then they become redundant and a source of frustration for the reader rather than one of entertainment. They make the character less likable.
Victoria didn't knew how to fight yet he managed to master combat by imitating a videogame though some convenient magical computes with no negative side effect whatsoever. He didn't knew how to do magic yet he is able to suddenly create his own spells on the run. He lied about his identity and his sacred order yet he creates a whole book about a fake history and teach advanced training techniques in a couple of days. Everything about him is fake and faulty, his power are not his own, his history and identity are not his own, not even his songs are his own. He is extremely faulty yet he is never hindered by his own imperfection and mistakes, and thus his faults become meaningless.
Faults are meant to be sources of conflict, both internal and external. When wasted they just make the character less relatable .
A few grammatical / spelling errors here and there, but on the whole this has been a very enjoyable read.
I hope Celestia somehow finds out who Golden Cross really was. It would have been so awesome if he had of revealed himself right before he was banished back to the moon. Doing that would have gone a long way to show the ponies and even Celestia that he really is on their side.
8827276
That's pretty much exactly what I was thinking as well, and he would benefit by having a family to come back to during the next Red Sun.
Huh, I come back after the new update and the video you used for Legends Never Die got removed :/ damn, now I have to look it up on YouTube to read while listening
I was trying not to cry, and I was actually succeeding.
...And then queue sad music...
Holy chicken shit doused in bloody condom juice! That was nuts! If not for the terrible grammar and spelling... this chapter alone might have gotten you a Fav from me.
This was just amazing
I have no words, this was art.
You have joined a small list of authors to have a character of theirs move me to tears. The writing was on point the emotion deep and heartfelt. I am looking forward with great anticipation to continue reading.
I salute you, may your muse never fail you.
Exia
more more more more more more more more more more 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
Awesome chapter,sorry I'm on phone so found two errors 1 below and another misspelled blow as below from when he detonated the cannon.
Says doe instead of die
The Rattenfängers were getting more and more desperate and terrified as the situation grew worse and worse as the pony just refused to doe! But worst of all, that song, that serene, heart aching and yet heart pumping