As always great chapter.

Great chapter, can't wait to see more

A lot of this chapter really seemed like you just took the three previous chapters together into one chapter, and I also think that you pretty much repeated close to everthing in them. I think you really need to relook over everything and put the actual chapters in there instead of your repeated chapters.

TL/DR: it looks like you just re-uploaded chapter 2, and parts of chapter 1 and 3. as one big chapter. Take a better look at that.

8117395 For both parts of Chapter 2, I understand that many parts are synonymous, but I don't believe I reused any more than 1 line from either parts of Chapter 1.

As for the repetition... This was something I foresaw being an issue, and is only intended to be used if there are varying perceptions that will contribute to the overall understanding of the characters and the story.

I dislike fluff in stories, and really, if it is unneeded, it will not be added to the story. If the experiences are synonymous in a way that doesn't require both perceptions or points of view, then there will only be one chapter with both Spike and Rarity in it, and the dual-chapter will be focusing on another party.

For example, in the next chapter (SPOILER ALERT!): Spike and Rarity's time spent in the cave is one chapter, whilst Queen Chrysalis and Skrix's time will be the dual-upload. The chapter following this will focus on Spike / Rarity for the first, and Twilight for the dual-upload. It's all a process that I've thought out, to what I hope to be, an acceptable degree.

In short: all of what I've been doing with the story is totally intended, and I don't think it needs to be changed currently. Thank you very, very much for the constructive criticism though, it truly does make my day.

8118662

So the repetitions are on purpose--those are for we the audience to see what's going on with different characters at the same time, similar to the points where we have two episodes but the events are happening at the same time, like Playing with Sidekicks/Games Pony Play and Made in Manehatten/Brotherhooves Social. I can understand that now; for a bit I thought I was seeing things or maybe something went wrong... So even though it seems like repetion, there's gonna be some change because of the perceptive and the character...

Thanks for explaining it.

8119058 No problem! Hope you enjoy the remaining chapters!

8120396

Appreciate it.

But There is something I saw that kinda thought it was gonna be different-- I though that scene of Spike in the guard was Spike pretty much saying "Fuck You" to Shining Armor's face and leaving the Guard because in no unspoken terms Shining Armor said that Spike's not good enough for the Guard. Now obviously that turned out to be Spike motivation to show how badass a guard can be, and actually come from one extreme to the other (the point where Shining had to stop Spike from accidentally killing Flash Sentry in that spar, and reaffirmed that Spike is suited to it), but honestly, I thought it was where Spike became a vigilante of sorts, being outside of the authorities like Twilight, Kinda like Batman if you will--and he was gonna after Miss Bejeweled (Rarity) himself, not because of the Guard, or Princess Twilight.

What can I say...sometimes I have dark thoughts and I definitely love stories where the odds are against a character but then said character gives the proverbial middle finger to those odds and beat them...

EDIT: I have read the new chapter 4 of this, and it's much better than the previous. there's no excessive repetiton, and we can see the perspective of all characters involved now without needed fluff for it. Well done on your revision. And I'm more than welcome for the constructive criticism. I have to take a look at the others chapters, because since you revised chapter 4, you may have revise the others as well, and I'm curious as to what else you revised.

8122442 It brings me an inexplicable joy to know that readers like you look deeply into the recesses of the story, rather than just what's at face-value. I especially like your Batman / vigilante comparison: I mean, after all, the authorities aren't always as good or pure as they're believed to be, are they...?

Anyways, that's all I can say for now, I'll try and seek out more unneeded fluff in the previous chapters, should there be any. Thanks again for the review

upgrade now!!!!

Please continue this story!

Man i hate this wasn't continued....

10846695 Perhaps I'll continue it soon, it's definitely one of my best performing stories. I only put it on Hiatus because it was an idea I wasn't very interested in, but rereading it has got me thinking.

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omg