A number of years have passed and Spike has grown up to a young adult dragon. He has finally found a romantic partner in the earth pony Rising Up, but some shadows loom on the horizon.
Primarily focused on the relationships between Spike and the Mane 6. Depiction of the individuals is somewhat anthrophied.
Warnings: this fic contains copious amounts of pony-dragon speciesism, fridge logic, mature themes, swearwords and depictions of sexual acts in later chapters. Do not consume if allergic to any of the above-mentioned ingredients, or if consumption is illegal where you live.
Original character design by Lauren Faust, copyright held by Hasbro. This is a parody, no infringement on copyright properties is intended.
Cover art based on works from Cyancapsule and Vincher.
This is interesting for sure. I think this can play on a very interesting aspect of Spike. Spike we KNOW is smart enough to know this relationship is pretty fucked up. There is no way he wouldn't see the clear signs. But I think he might honestly be just that lonely that he is turning a blind eye. Lets be frank he is a dragon in a world of ponies more or less. He never feels like he fits in or is attractive/desirable. So given the chance of having someone be in his life he is doing all he can to keep what he might be thinking is his only chance at having someone. I think the girls or some big brother figures like Mac or Shining might be the only ones to be able to get through to him that this relationship isn't healthy. But than start the next struggle of pulling Spike out of the depression he would fall in from ending what he felt was is only chance at having someone. This story can be really interesting if we get to see the many ways EACH girl see him differently and their own things they have to get over. Like Shy could be a bit scared of how Spike is now deep down. Even tho she know he is kind and sweet and she has feelings for him she has a instinctual fear of how he looks now that she MUST work to get over. Rarity it is more of her need to fit in and her believing that being with Spike will hurt her career. She needs to figure out what it is she want more to be with someone that truly care about her or keep looking for someone that can do that and help her career. And Twilight I see her having to get over the idea that Spike is her younger brother, he is someone who has been like a younger brother to her her whole life but that doesn't mean their relationship has to stay that way and it isn't like they are blood related. Relationships and feelings change and evolve, Some of the best relationships are those that come from friends and grow into something more.
I already finish this chapter, I founded to be really enjoyable but I don't know what speciesism and Fridge Logic mean and by this point, I am too afraid to ask? Also would Spike Dual Wield?
9199408
Do you know racism? Speciecism is the same, but from one species to another. It is a fictional term, as humanity haven't found another species that stands at least equal to their level of sapience and therefore develop hatred of them.
Fridge logic is a trope from TV Tropes, the site about fiction elements. Fridge logic is those things you found yourself wondering about an issue when the series you are watching is over and you went to the fridge for something. For example: Why didn't the bad guy just shoot the good guy?
I think if Dash finds out about this, there may be a murder in Ponyville.
9199408
Julian the Dreamer already answered this perfectly, i would just like to add that it is always better to ask than remain in ignorance, even if asking is embarrassing. So i would praise your decision to ask anyways, even if it feels uncomfortable.
The question regarding "Dual Wielding" i am afraid i do not quite understand.
9200202
You might be amused by the next chapters. Or horrified, i cannot quite tell yet.
9199317
"I think the girls or some big brother figures like Mac or Shining might be the only ones to be able to get through to him that this relationship isn't healthy."
I'm afraid i am actually not quite nice enough for that.
I hope i will manage not to disappoint with the rest of the story.
Good chapter, I really have a bad premonition right at the end of this chapter, hopefully, it changes for the better. Man, you sure made Spike a bit too sensible, but that is not a bad thing, hopefully, he becomes a badass later on.
I felt like this part was a bit too soon and it should have come a little later, especially with both AJ and RD, since there wasn't enough information relay to them as to what causes Spike to act like that and all they know is that he probably had a fight with Rising Up until later.
I do wonder which of the girls would rise up to the challenge or maybe all them would.
9206610
Thank you for the feedback. I see where you are coming from. My impression of Spike in the series was that he was not by and large someone overly prone to overreacting to things, and that was before he even hit puberty. Since this story is set a while after he has passed puberty, i figured that Spike, like most people, might actually mellow out a bit, which leads to him being rather calm and reasonable.
This also plays into the second thing you mentioned: Spike's friends know him as reasonably calm, so they know that when he throws a tantrum and completely wrecks his room, he is emotionally deeply affected. Applejack reacts simply with compassion, tearing up a little because she worries about Spike so much, and i felt that if there is one pony amongst the Mane 6 who would be prone to rashly taking action when she sees a friend of hers hurt, it would be Rainbow Dash. I personally know some people who, if someone they care about gets hurt, are likely to react quite quickly and can go overboard a bit. I did interpret Dash's words more as just spoken out of anger rather than an actual intent to take action (or she might have flown right out of the house), but maybe i portrayed her as a bit too impulsive?
9208627
Yeah, I know about that, I figure that as the mane-6 would have also matured and either find themselves in relationships or known others that also have relationships and they would know that couples argue/fight and makeup. One job as a friend is usually a shoulder to cry on and to listen as to what happens (My own experience). But Spike is/was in an abusive relationship, they are still not aware of that and Spike overheard Rising Up said about him, the only thing they know is that she was cheating on him and vice verse with him. If they did/will find out what Rising Up said about Spike, I can fully understand both RD and Twilight's way of think.
You may know a friend really well, but remember, there would be times when that friend surprises you with the most random out of character at times.
I'm not sure I can call anything in this chapter swearing or violence... They were really tame. You should put the anthro tag on this, and maybe add something in the first chapter at the start to really clarify that. Up until Applejack's hand I was pretty sure we were doing normal ponies and dragons. Even in the carrying Twilight part there's nothing to indicate it.
Anyways, story wise, you could afford to describe your characters a bit more, although you did well on Spike. The characters actions and behaviors are pretty well fleshed out, and the story itself really seems pretty promising. I feel like it's a pretty big gap in time when I find someones writing that I can just read and enjoy. No massive grammatical errors or constant ones, this was really easy to read and enjoy, the "Is this anthro or is it not?" was really the only confusing thing. You set up your scenes and your descriptions well, events flow rather beautifully, the promise in this is huge. I look forward to seeing it fulfilled.
9250692
Thanks for the comment.
As far as swearing goes, people have different limits: i personally swear a lot, but there are those who would complain that "fucking" already constitutes a condemnable swearword (i admit i wonder if those people find a lot of stories with the sex tag that they actually like).
Violence ... Twilight is talking about turning Rising Up to stone and then smashing her to pieces with a large hammer. Of course she wasn't serious, i only played this for laughs and given a moment to calm down and think about things she would never do anything like that, but if you think about it ... whoa. In the very old cartoon Gargoyles there is an episode where something like that actually happens, and i always imagined what it would be like for the people who get un-petrified at the end and then see this gory mass lying in pieces next to them.
As far as anthro goes, there is a mention of that in the extended story summary, and i figured the picture for the story might give a hint as well. Do you think i should add an "anthro" warning at the start of the story anyways? I am currently considering posting several chapters twice: once in a version where the ponies have feet and once in a version where their hind limbs have hooves (sorry, but hands have proven to be mandatory), which is part of the reason i haven't gone further into what type of anthrophication will be featured in this story.
You mentioned that it would be good if the characters were described more. I've been trying to do that through their thoughts and actions - writing for instance how Applejack, facing financial problems, still does not manage to say a word about this to the financially incredibly successful Rarity (who i think possibly intimidates her a tiny little bit), but feels the intense need to continue to be as exclusively self-reliant as she possibly can be. (Part of the so far not explicitely mentioned backstory is that Spike found out by accident how thinly stretched the Apple family is, and then pressured Applejack until she agreed to let him help out.) I'm not entirely certain whether you feel there should be more description of characters through internal thoughts and actions along the same vein, whether there is something different you have in mind, or whether you thought of more external descriptions, like how the ponies are looking or what they are wearing?
Once more, thank you for commenting, that a well established and respected author like you considers my wribblings enjoyable means a lot to me. The person who graciously agreed to help me as an editor just recently informed me that he thinks that "everyone in this story is acting tremendously out of character" ... which i admit rattled me a bit. I've had chapter 3 written for several weeks now, but chapter 4 turned out such a trainwreck that i felt i needed to find an editor to get it in acceptable shape, and finding someone who would be willing to help out proved rather difficult. To have then have someone friendly who i believe to have significantly better understanding of the MlP:FiM universe than me tell me that my story utterly fails in one of the aspects i consider to be not only important but actually key was a bit of a blow. I don't want to write a story where the characters merely share some superficial similarities with those from the official show and happen to have the same name - that's not MlP fanfiction in my opinion. I'd like to get the characters as right as i can ... Pinkie will always be a problem, i don't have confidence that i can write Pinkie well the way she appeared in the original series. I briefly considered that if i suck that badly at this, then maybe i should rather do something different, something worthwhile that will actually contribute positively and maybe come back later when i have hopefully acquired additional skills and knowledge to get this right. But there are those who actually liked the story, and i felt it would be - excuse my language - a dick move to just leave the story here with only the vague possibility that i might come back to it one day. So reading that you found my story enjoyable was a very welcome boost of confidence.
I am currently hoping i can convince my editor in spe to help me understand in detail where i got the characterisation wrong, so that i can improve my understanding and provide more enjoyable stories. I'm always very keen on improving myself: it is one of the reasons i wanted to write this story and put it up for criticism. But it's possible that he might consider that too time-consuming ... in that case i might need to find someone else to tell me where i failed. I sat on my hands for two weeks waiting for responses to private messages to people listed in an editor's group who to this day never wrote back ... i'm sorry for the delay in posting, but i'm also adamant about only providing as high quality service as is possible for me, regardless of which task i am engaging in, so if this person decides that for whatever reason they do not intend to invest this amount of time in correcting my inaccurate perceptions of the characters from MlP, then it might still be a bit longer until the next chapter is posted.
Either way, thanks for the comment again, it made my day a bit brighter.
9251732
A warning isn't necessary, there is a tag you can add to the story(It's a gray tag). Its a good idea to have your story as accurately tagged as possible for those looking for specific things. and while I understand your logic with the picture, there is a lot of stories that use anthro pictures that aren't actually. And the feet vs hooves thing you tentatively can get away with avoiding until their legs come up >_> I wouldn't bother rewriting for both just choose one or the other, the vast majority of people will overlook it if it bothers them and just add in their own preference.
I remember that episode, but the image of being un-petrified is separate from the one of being. That wasn't really an issue though, just a personal opinion on what constitutes violence. I have some very graphic detailed scenes in one story, and I remember feeling really justified in warning before that chapter.
Physical description, their mind sets are actually really well done already. You want to make sure you have the reader imagining the right imagery shortly after the introduction of the character, instead of being halfway through and being like, "This is what they look like!" and totally flipping their mental image on its head. A.J. actually had a pretty solid description and its in a good spot, the biggest description for how she looks you were missing (If memory serves) were her breasts. Rarity and Shy's get a fair description, but like... Dash, A.J., Twilight, and Pinkie could all be flat as a board. Twilight's lack of explained boobs was part of the reason I went so long thinking this wasn't anthro. Those four in general had pretty limited descriptions, and Shy's and Rarity's I'd still say are lacking a bit. I know Dash is short with wings, that's about it. Her frame, chest, fur color, hair, and I think even her clothes were completely iced over.
I disagree strongly with your editor. Twilight could not be more in character, neurotic, research-oholic, and extremely overbearing on her friends problems (Spike's "break up"). Shy was to... well, shy to confess, super caring and kind, and willing to give the benefit of the doubt as well as stand up for what she believes is right. Dash is super loyal to her friend and a bit pushy about it, as well as obsessed with flying. Rarity was elegant and a bit of a flirt, and she shows inner turmoil of society vs her own interests, which she has done many times in the show. Applejack was hard working, protective, and honest. Pinkie... is random, god I love writing Pinkie. Happy, laughy, and just totally capable of being completely broken up about something. She is this ball of energy that just smiles, even through all the shit, even when she doesn't want to. Jokes, puns, total non-sense all works with Pinkie, but all with the knowledge that she knows more than everyone else in the room about whats happening. The most aware of all ponies, is one Pinkie Pie. And yeah, she knows too much and she doesn't judge.'
And Spike, caring about his dragon heritage, wondering how others see him, afraid of being alone, giving of himself for others, at most he could afford a little more sarcasm, but I think character wise, you have him set nicely.
Seriously, I'm not sure how anyone can think any of them are out of character. I mean your biggest potential there is Rarity spurning Spike for being a dragon, but that's not even all that crazy. She cares what others thing, a bit too much, so no, not unreasonable her feelings and her ideals are at ends with each other. Editors are great, I've had like... 7 or 8, and the truth is, sometimes you need to tell them no. Anytime, I was told something was OOC, we have sat there and talked about it in massive walls of texts my point vs theirs and we either found a middle ground or I put my foot down, and they respected that it was my story to do so with.
I truly believe it would be a grave mistake to stop this story.
Great chapter. I really can't wait to see more. I wonder how things will go from here since I can see a number of places this story could go with the break up now done
9217745
Sorry for my ludicrous delay in responding. I wanted to reply after posting chapter three, because there were some aspects of chapter two i did not want to draw explicit attention to – i had not expected that it would take this
fuckinglong or be this tedious to get any editing assistance, or i would have chosen a different approach. I kept thinking: “Well, this time it'll only be a few more days …” which as explained elsewhere turned out to be wrong time and time again.Looking at the passage again, you'll find that out of all the ponies, only Rainbow Dash and Twilight actually call for / support taking immediate action against Rising Up. Applejack is still trying to wrap her head around things, Pinkie doesn't understand what the big deal is, Rarity is quiet because she is contemplating her own choices and consequences thereof and doesn't want to speak up since she disagrees with Dash a bit, Fluttershy is the one who ultimately calms the ponies down and reminds them that they shouldn't let anger cloud their judgement. Rainbow Dash is just always a fan of immediate action rather than sitting around and waiting whether anything will happen – given that i have a bit of too much of a habit of wanting to obtain more data and plan more in detail before taking any action, i can respect that. Twilight's anger is to some extent borne from the stress she has had to endure lately and the issues she is dealing with (Twilight? Issues? Surely I must be joking!). The current notes for the story plan for details about Twilight's issues to be revealed later, but there are reasons why she is more irritable than she is sometimes depicted to be in the series.
I think that the depiction of the ponies is in line with the series – though i might be wrong, and i'll be happy to discuss that in (even more) detail, as i am very keen on getting the characterization right. But i will readily admit that there was a writing reason behind why i had react them in this way as well: i wanted to show six different ponies reacting to the same event in six different ways. For me, 'My little Pony: Friendship is Magic' is to a significant degree a celebration of differences. The ponies have vastly different character traits, interests and strengths, and often in the series exactly utilizing those differences is the path to solving a particular problem – asking for help or advice from a friend who is different, and whose approach to the problem might be far superiour to one's own. Twilight's and Dash's reaction might seem very similar - I viewed them as white hot rage and cold wrath respectively.
Looking at chapter three and knowing chapter four, maybe they should have let Pinkie be in charge this time.
Wish the suicide/self harm tag was separated because I just drummed up the courage to risk reading it…
fingers crossed 🤞
I enjoyed this chapter even with it being depressing to be honest lol. I enjoyed reading Rarity if i am being real. Seeing her struggle with what she is feeling eas really interesting. She feel she shouldn't,can't, be with Spike but whem she tried to think of why she always just start to praise and swoon over him. It will be interesting to see how her and Spike will go from here. I think this will be a major shock and reality check her and her feelings for Spike
9327906
It is dealing with someone who is going through a depressive episode of what today is called "adjustment disorder", so i'd say if you considered it depressing, then i probably did my job. :-P
I consider Rarity to be a very interesting character. I have several pages of just character analysis for her typed out. A plan for a full Rarity arc exists (so ... spoilers: it is currently not planned that Rarity dies next chapter, though an editor might convince me otherwhise). I consider it likely that some of the downvotes this story got when i posted chapter 1 was from readers who thought i didn't treat Rarity with the apropriate amount of respect ... shame that they most certainly didn't stick around to re-evaluate their opinion.
I admit that one of my big concerns for this chapter was that one third of it is just Rarity's inner monologue, which might be too much. But i needed to show where Rarity is coming from, and since the proverbial shit hits the fan at the end of this chapter, it needed to be now. I am glad you did find it enjoyable.
Interesting story.
Seeing Spike's friends (at least two so far) struggle with what I assume is the equestrian concept of dragons while at the same time loving the good person and friend he is is a conflict I don't usually see in fics.
Rising Up is a really bad person, and I want to punch her. Ah, it feels good to admit that.
Oh, Spike...
9327969
"The Black Guard" is actually canon for "In which Spike ...", and explains the background of dragon/pony interaction in Equestria. The entire story "The Black Guard" came to be because while writing "In which Spike ..." i needed to figure out why Spike is the way he is, why he is being treated this way, why he is the only dragon living amongst ponies, and all those other Spike-related details. While "The Black Guard" ignores the "Villainy is Magic" comics (because they just rip open another set of Grand Canyon sized plotholes) it should elsewhise be conformant to official canon as far as i know. It also gives some background to these speciesist ponies ... and that they actually do have solid arguments. Where racism is mostly judging others based on superficial differences in appearance, Spike is an apex predator living amongst herbivore herd animals. There actually is a discernable difference here, and while Spike in particular is a remarkably nice and peaceful dragon, it is not unreasonable for the ponies to be concerned, especially considering that he once did level a significant portion of the town.
I admit i found it interesting to amusing how negative the reaction to "The Black Guard" has been compared to "In which Spike", even though i do think the former is a much better story.
9327961
I am hoping that none of them die It might just be an optimistic outlook or just wishful thinking that we go the Harem route since I/others(not sure) might see it as a better way to go. But I do approve of Rising meeting an untimely punishment, but as I have said, it just my optimistic outlook or wishful thinking.
More zoophilia garbage.
9348255
Would you care to elaborate? What exactly do you feel makes this story garbage? What convinced you that you wanted to click on a story that is explicitely flagged as mature and has the "sex" tag in addition to "romance" on a website devoted to My Little Pony fanfiction?
The plan is good plus there are several faults, I think Spike's ex will not let it roll. Some of the girl is going to do a lot of damage. I feel bullshit!
This story hit way too close to home for me
9501707
I'm sorry, which faults?
Oh, Rising Up was far from done. That girl fought herself up from the lowest echelon to society and did whatever she could to advance her goals. She is a fighter. However, the Mane 6 are no slouches either.
9502698
For me, that was "The Black Guard". My general opinion is that if you want to find the truth, go where it hurts. That's where the important messages lie. But sometimes it can be too early to go there, and it might be necessary to rest and heal up some first.
9503389
Well, first of all, sorry if I was wrong.
The fault: If they want to have a relationship with Spike that has a difference between "like him", "love him" or "sorry for him".
An example
and 
started a competition.
And
only recognizing as a friend, would never enter a relationship.
E
being 
And the dragon's heart like glass
9503812
9503389
Rising Up may have been working harder, but Spike used to have improved gains and was still betrayed Spike by Fiendishly Rich in the back.
And still used fake news to look like a victim.
That Rising Up can still hurt Spike, if they prove that she lied, the six main can prove that he did not force anyone. He would begin to question her whether she spoke the truth or it would not be a matter of time to lose everything.
As you said he hard work, most do not know if she stepped on the other to get there.
9503812
Well, yes, there would have been more complications. If everything just went perfectly according to plan, that wouldn't make for a very engaging read, now would it?
9503900
How exactly would they prove that she lied? It's word against word.
I admit i have a little bit of trouble deciphering what you are trying to say, so - sorry if i am misunderstanding something.
9344564
It's not quite a tape that's just deleted after the first part, but the series got cancelled after the first season. Sorry. Hope you still had some fun with it.
Please when is the sequel going to be out
9590004
Sorry for the belated reply - i was abroad (but then there's also a huge chance i won't be online on FimFiction often). It is currently highly doubtful whether any further chapters of "In which Spike ..." will be posted - details on the why can be found in this blogpost.
Sad to see you go. Hope you find a place that meets your needs a little better. Can't speak much for the MLP folks on Sufficient Velocity, but the community is generally pretty good.
9644828
Hey, thanks for the comment. As a physics-nerd i might fit in reasonably well on Sufficient Velocity. ^^ I've been mostly putting down some original wribblings recently ... when i feel i have something worth reading, i might look for a place to publish again.
Hope you're having a good time, and best wishes.
Could use some editing to clean it up a bit, but the story herself is strong and engaging. Well done.
tears
9505505
Sorry