Based on Suzanne Collin's bestselling book "The Hunger Games", "The Cider Games" is set in a post-apocalyptic society following the defeat of the Spirits of Harmony by Discord and Chrysalis's joined forces. 12 random ponies are "reaped" out of one of Rarity's giant hats, and as many ponies can volunteer to compete instead of the chosen tribute as possible. When Twilight Sparkle is called, all of the mane six volunteer in the hopes of saving her. Instead, Chrysalis and Discord decree that they will all compete against each other, along with the Cutie Mark Crusaders, Doctor Hooves, Derpy, and DJPON-3, who were also picked. Who will prevail? Who will perish? All will be told in this epic MLP fanfic!*
*The inspiration for this fanfic was a story called "The Pony Games", and can be found on FimFiction.net. I would like to give some credit to the author of this original fanfic.
Oh boy, more of this bullshit. No I don't care if it's your first story, no I don't care if you're learning. And I especially don't care about your love of the hunger games. READ THE DAMN BOOK AND TAKES NOTES BEFORE MAKING YOUR OWN STORY. Give us some pacing for chrissakes! It's like all anyone cares about now is the reaping and the actual games!
Oh, fun fact btw, the Hunger Games series took place some hundreds of years after a Nuclear Civil War. And your's takes it off the bat. That only scratches the very tip of the iceburg.
Did you put any forethought into the politics surrounding the Hunger Games? At all? Like how president Snow uses the Hunger Games to keep a leash on the populace? OR HELL, IN THIS CASE, WHY NOT START THE STORY RIGHT AFTER CHRYSALIS AND DISCORD TAKE OVER EQUESTRIA. Have a scene off the bat were they're plotting the (ahem) "cider games". Because what this is, is random. Their punishment is out of proportion. And why did the god of Chaos create the hunger games WHEN HE HAS A WHOLE COUNTRY TO TORTURE?! And for Chrysalis, that choice just doesn't make any practical sense. If she was to create something like this, then that would completely starve the changelings. Why? Simple: What do they feed on? Love, what do the "cider games" propagate? Fear. And one last important detail: The Hunger games involve small children getting brutally killed. You just made six twenty year old mares volunteer.
I'm not even going to begin to tell you how stupid that is.
P.S make your chapters longer, nobody likes one below 1,000 words.
Read up sucker, you need it.
866359 Yes, indeed.
866359 Agree without doubt.
sorry it just feels like you threw in every single character that you liked without knowing anything.
866885
I kind of like it like that. It lets the reader's imagination imagine any possibility it wants.
866359
I am not going to say that this is the best fanfic, because I know that's DEFINITELY not true. And I'm not going to claim to be the best writer in the world, either. But I think I can honestly say that it is better than at least SOME of the stories on this site. If you do not like my story, I would like to say that you do not have to be mean or even that enormously critical. I don't want to be mean to anyone, so I am not going to try to sing out my fanfic's praises. But I would like to point out that spelling and grammatical errors were kept at a minimum, so at least my story is easy to read. It is also my first story, and I am still new to the whole fandom. I am very sorry if I offended you or anyone else by writing this fanfiction, but you do not have to be so critical of me.
868728 Nah, you didn't ROYALLY tick me off. I'm just the new author's boogyman. Ya learn from your mistakes any-who so it's a win, win. I discourage anyone else trying to create half-thought out fanfics as well as point out your story flaws (making them either hilarious or harsh and sometimes both) along the way.
868744
The thing is, I just believe that if I make my fanfiction completely like the book, it's not MY fanfic, you know what I mean? I do love the Hunger Games, but I'm not going to be the kind of person who takes "The Hunger Games" and inserts the names of the ponies. I will, however, do my best to improve the length and pacing of my fanfiction, and uphold my grammar and spelling, too.
868799 Here's a tip, go and re-read the first book and pay CLOSE detail to the dialogue and scenery description. You'll get a better feel for the characters and their surroundings that way.
Rainbow Dash would probably volunteer for Twilight, but all the other girls? Well, firstly, only one girl has to take Twi's place, so the other girls are just dying for no reason. And most of them couldn't man up enough to volunteer. Fluttershy would want to, but in the end I think her fear would win over. Pinkie seemed waaay to enthusiastic about it, and Rarity... well, Rarity's was pretty believable, but I think it was a little too comedic to have the ponies yell "Just volunteer already!" Also, "If they're little fillies, it'll be easier to pick them off" would be cruel from Cato, not to mention Applejack who has a little sister of her own. And the reaping from "Rarity's giant hat", while I appreciate the FIW reference, it's too lighthearted for the theme of the story. On a bright note, your spelling and vocabulary are both pretty top-notch. Don't let flamers keep you from writing, if you don't keep writing you'll never improve.
868728
Here's the deal, rule #1 when it comes to writing is be prepared for people not liking your work. It's not only possible, but it's going to happen and at the beginning it's going to happen a lot. To be a writer, even one that only posts things on a public forum like this, you need to develop a rather thick skin. So if you can't handle valid criticism of your work you need to consider another hobby.
Secondly, I've never actually read the Hunger Games on which this is based but I am familiar with the story and this does not follow it. It almost feels like a mashup done with the barest understanding of either story. Rule #2 when using an established franchise is to understand the characters and their motives. What I'm getting from this is "let's throw a whole bunch of names together and use the easiest character traits to define them. Rainbow Dash is loyal, Fluttershy is shy, Discord is evil etc. There's no motivation for any of these characters, they're simply two-dimensional and missing any kind of depth. Also, while Dash would volunteer to take Twilight's place and that is completely in character, the others aren't. To have them all volunteer with the understanding that only 1 of them will survive doesn't make any sense.
Thirdly, three chapters or two chapters and a prologue only takes up barely more than 1000 words? You need to write longer chapters. Talk about stuff that's going on. Make use of descriptions and what the characters are doing and feeling.
Now for the good part. I like the title and the basic idea is interesting. What you need to do is to flesh this out a little more.