After graduating first in his class at a hair styling academy, Zephyr Breeze is more confident than ever that he can win over Rainbow Dash. Can her human friend help her find a solution to get the message across to the stubborn stallion?
And here I was ready to praise how the story didn't turn the canon character Zephyr into a creep just to prop up the human OC and give him a reason to be "badass".
8070996 Funny that because literally everyone that read it apart from you seems to have loved it. Lets face it its pretty much canon that Zephyr is a selfish creep.
I just wanted to thank you for using the right word. I know it's minor and all, but I've seen so many stories throwing wheel chocks into their emotional displays.
8511590 Though I suppose not everyone has experienced it in real life, but stalking can put a MAJOR toll on someone. It's an elimination of privacy and you tend to start feeling extremely [paranoid at constant times. Add that to the fact that Anon understands how big a step that was for Anon and Dashie and Zephyr was sitting there......tickling himself to the sight of it, well it makes sense to react like that. It's not just elevating the character, but it's a genuinely realistic reaction
First chapter with some semi-clop in it. I'm not going to separate it out like some writers do. A big part of the story focuses on Anon discovering the differences and similarities between ponies and humans, and I feel like the intimate scenes play a big part in that.
Well, for the most part, most writers usually write something much lighter, or focus much more on the sociological aspects of it all. Besides, adding this content automatically shifts the rating into [M] when it easily could've been mostly [T] (in fact, I'd argue it should be mostly [T], considering subject matter - at least to a degree).
You're taking the whole thing at once, and it shifts it automatically into 'Mature' - but, funnily enough, for reasons different than most would think. "The inclusion of sex" automatically makes it 'Mature', but I feel it's a bit of a misnomer... the mature bit is how it explores the societal differences through all avenues of exploration, and it might as well just have cuddling and light petting instead, for all it matters.
The other hilarious point here is that sex is only "Mature" if you've a mature approach to it. Besides, I find it hella funny that two teens having sex can be considered "adult-only"... :D Like, don't let other teens see you! They might accidentally learn something...
while you try to catch your breaths through your noses
+100 points for remembering both humans and ponies have a nose to breathe through. Thank you for not going with "surfaced for air" or something - it's so cliche it's vomit-inducing. The way most of these are written, you'd think their authors never kissed before or something.
That’s just about the opposite of what you’d do for an open cut.
Um... I don't know what sort of plants she brought back, but saliva has some cleaning properties. I wouldn't take any from a dog, since it'd probably mean you'd get gangrene or something, but at the very least your own works in a pinch.
When I was a kid, most scrapes and cuts dealt in the sandbox were fixed on the spot w/ some saliva combined w/ a broadleaf - I'd normally say that's what Dash used, but hers seem to come off of branches, and broadleaf comes sticking out of the ground.
I'm not sure about equine-like saliva, but they don't eat meat... and they brush their teeth. ;-]
In any case, if nothing else, broadleaf works well as a make-shift bandage, at least short-term. If the cut is bad enough to not have its bleeding stopped by it, it probably requires some professional attention anyway, so it also doubles as a very basic triage procedure. ;D
Funny thing... I'm lead to believe that your immune system tends to be the stronger, the more you expose yourself to pathogens during formative years. I'm not telling anyone to jump into a culture vat - far from it (and where'd you get a culture vat big enough to even fit an 8yo?) - but I'd say this sort of "issue resolution" played a not-so-minor role in the fact that I hardly ever get ill nowadays.
She pauses her ministrations for a moment, ”What? Humans don’t lick their wounds?”
“Not really, and I wouldn’t go as far as to call these wounds.”
Speak for yourself - I lick any wound I can reach. I think it's mostly instinct, really... Though I've been told before that I exhibit some more... predatory-slash-primal beaviours... Though it's easy to capitalise on these! I mean, it's not like we're done with them as a species...
And here I was ready to praise how the story didn't turn the canon character Zephyr into a creep just to prop up the human OC and give him a reason to be "badass".
That ending was cute
Holy shit my heart just exploded
8070996 Funny that because literally everyone that read it apart from you seems to have loved it. Lets face it its pretty much canon that Zephyr is a selfish creep.
Really loving this fic so far. Sadly its 3am and my eyes have had enough. I cant remember the last time I read a story as well written as this.
8403915
People often love to see "badass" human OCs beating up hate sinks. Also, read on and see what happens later.
memeshappen.com/media/created/eh-nigga-what-you-say-meme-6706.jpg
I just wanted to thank you for using the right word. I know it's minor and all, but I've seen so many stories throwing wheel chocks into their emotional displays.
8070996
Tell me about it. I'm still loving the romance with Dash, but can't we just get along?
8403915
Watch the slurs, edgemeister.
8070996
Anon isn't a human OC, really. It's just a personification of the people on 4chan. That's why he has his own character tag
Anxiety, fighting, massages, confessions of love, and cuddling? Absolutely perfection.
8511590
Though I suppose not everyone has experienced it in real life, but stalking can put a MAJOR toll on someone. It's an elimination of privacy and you tend to start feeling extremely [paranoid at constant times. Add that to the fact that Anon understands how big a step that was for Anon and Dashie and Zephyr was sitting there......tickling himself to the sight of it, well it makes sense to react like that. It's not just elevating the character, but it's a genuinely realistic reaction
8070996
Don't be a little bitch, friend.
Any person can do what Dash did if you chew up yarrow flowers and use them in the same way. It's called an emergency spit poultice.
"I made a slave."
"I made a slave! It's alivveeee!"
Seriously though Bow, that one phrase was amazing.
Well, for the most part, most writers usually write something much lighter, or focus much more on the sociological aspects of it all. Besides, adding this content automatically shifts the rating into [M] when it easily could've been mostly [T] (in fact, I'd argue it should be mostly [T], considering subject matter - at least to a degree).
You're taking the whole thing at once, and it shifts it automatically into 'Mature' - but, funnily enough, for reasons different than most would think. "The inclusion of sex" automatically makes it 'Mature', but I feel it's a bit of a misnomer... the mature bit is how it explores the societal differences through all avenues of exploration, and it might as well just have cuddling and light petting instead, for all it matters.
The other hilarious point here is that sex is only "Mature" if you've a mature approach to it. Besides, I find it hella funny that two teens having sex can be considered "adult-only"... :D Like, don't let other teens see you! They might accidentally learn something...
+100 points for remembering both humans and ponies have a nose to breathe through. Thank you for not going with "surfaced for air" or something - it's so cliche it's vomit-inducing. The way most of these are written, you'd think their authors never kissed before or something.
Um... I don't know what sort of plants she brought back, but saliva has some cleaning properties. I wouldn't take any from a dog, since it'd probably mean you'd get gangrene or something, but at the very least your own works in a pinch.
When I was a kid, most scrapes and cuts dealt in the sandbox were fixed on the spot w/ some saliva combined w/ a broadleaf - I'd normally say that's what Dash used, but hers seem to come off of branches, and broadleaf comes sticking out of the ground.
I'm not sure about equine-like saliva, but they don't eat meat... and they brush their teeth. ;-]
In any case, if nothing else, broadleaf works well as a make-shift bandage, at least short-term. If the cut is bad enough to not have its bleeding stopped by it, it probably requires some professional attention anyway, so it also doubles as a very basic triage procedure. ;D
Funny thing... I'm lead to believe that your immune system tends to be the stronger, the more you expose yourself to pathogens during formative years. I'm not telling anyone to jump into a culture vat - far from it (and where'd you get a culture vat big enough to even fit an 8yo?) - but I'd say this sort of "issue resolution" played a not-so-minor role in the fact that I hardly ever get ill nowadays.
Speak for yourself - I lick any wound I can reach. I think it's mostly instinct, really...
Though I've been told before that I exhibit some more... predatory-slash-primal beaviours... Though it's easy to capitalise on these! I mean, it's not like we're done with them as a species...