Fluttershy and Wingboners
Two mares stood in the kitchen of Sugar Cube Corner, one an excited earth pony, and the other a confused pegasus. “Uh Pinkie, what are we doing again?”
“I told you Fluttershy, I wanted you to come explain to our fans all about pegasususus.” Answered the pink mare, eagerly bouncing up and down.
“But there's nopony else here. And I never heard about us having any fans.” It was true, the kitchen was empty, and the bakery was closed. It was also true that, despite saving the world several times, the ponies didn't have any admirers.
“Oh, they're not ponies. But don't you worry your pretty little head about that. Just sit here, look straight ahead, and answer the questions I ask you.” Pinkie placed Fluttershy on a cushion and faced her towards a wall.
“So... you want me to sit here and explain to a kitchen wall, which is our fans who aren't ponies, about pegasi?”
“Yup!”
“Pinkie, are you still seeing that psychiatrist the court ordered you to?”
“Nah, she quit and moved back to Canterlot.”
“Okay...”
“Now, how's about we start this seminar?”
Fluttershy sighed, she had been friends with Pinkie for a long time and knew when to just go along with the party mare's eccentricities. “Okay then.”
Pinkie Pie pulled an index card from who-knows-where and, clearing her throat, read, “Well, the first thing everyone wants to know is: Do pegasi's wings really stiffen when they're aroused?”
“Eep!” Fluttershy's cheeks were bright red, but no one could tell because the pegasus had hidden her head under her cushion.
“It's okay Fluttershy! You don't need to be embarrassed.” Pinkie reassured.
The cushion did not respond.
“It's just you and me here. You and me and our millions of fans.”
“Who live in the wall?” Fluttershy peeped.
“Who live in the wall.” Pinkie answered.
“D-don't you think somepony else would be better at answering this type of question? Like Twilight, she knows all sorts of things. Or Rainbow Dash, she's less embarrassed with this... type of question.”
“No, no. You're the perfect pony to answer! Twilight is a smarty smart smart-pants, but she's not a pegasus. And you work with animals, so you know all about biology and stuff.”
“Umm... okay, I'll try.” Fluttershy came out from under the pillow and sat back down.
“Thanks Fluttershy! Now face the audience-”
“Wall?”
“Wall, and let the people know about wingboners!”
“Eep!” The pegasus shrunk down again.
“To explicit?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Sorry. Continue.”
Fluttershy tried to sit up straight and take a professional air. She had seen Twilight give lectures before, so she tried to imitate her friend. She didn't do a very good job of it, “Um, okay. Uh, hello kitchen wall. Today I'm here to tell you about pegasus wings, and uh, what it means when they flare out.”
Pinkie clopped her hooves together and said, “Great job Fluttershy! Keep going!”
“Okay, so um, a pegasus' wings may become erect for many different reasons. The three most common reasons are if they're: Startled, angry, or eep aroused.
Modern equipologists believe that early pegasi used their wings very much like birds do. When a bird feels threatened, whether by a predator or a rival, it will spread its wings out to try to look as big a possible, hopefully scaring away its enemy without having to fight. They also believe that, like peacocks, early pegasi would use their feathers to uh, display, while um, courting.
These early pegasus instincts have passed all the way down to modern ponies. Despite having no real advantage in modern society, the wing flare is still an unconscious response to situations of stress or mmmrrm mrr.
If a pegasus is angry, and their adrenaline starts pumping, their wings might open out as a natural response. Likewise, if the pegasus is scared or surprise, the poor pony might open her wings for the same reason.
Then there is the action that some ponies call the 'wingboner,' unaware of how uncomfortable the term might make others feel. This happens when a pegasus becomes aroused. However, it's not the same as when they're mmph mrrmr mem. This can all be very embarrassing, because there is really no control over when or why it happens.”
Pinkie clopped her hooves again. She knew Fluttershy would be the best pony to explain pegasus anatomy. “Thanks Flutters! That was very-”
Apparently Fluttershy had more to say. Her lecturing tone had disappeared, and a small scowl was tracing its way across her lips. “And what's worse is it can happen for no reason at all! Especially during puberty when a filly is already awkward and nervous about her body!”
Things seemed to be getting a little heated. Pinkie didn't want Fluttershy to embarrass herself in front of their fans so she tried to cut in. “Okay Flutters, that's all we really-”
“It might happen at any time at all! And she wouldn't have any control over it! She could be sitting in class, quietly taking notes on the history of Cloudsdale's trade system, when suddenly her wings stand up for no reason! And then all the other ponies in class laugh! Do you have any idea how damaging that can be to a fillies self-esteem? Of course the teacher yells at the other children and makes them apologize, but you know they don't really mean it, and are just gonna talk about it in the lunch room.”
“Thanks Fluttershy, but-”
“And the worst part is that the very next week they call an assembly on wingboners! They do songs and sketches about how it's completely natural, but by that point everypony knows what happened to you, and that you're the one they're talking about on stage!
And it's even worse when it happens in the locker room! All of a sudden everypony is calling you a fillyfooler, as if they never got stiff wings in the shower! And who cares if she was or not, huh? Everypony gets a little curious at one point or another, don't they?! And so what if she's friends with Rainbow Dash? Just because they're friends automatically means they're dating? Rainbow is friends with a lot of ponies! She isn't dating all of them!”
“Okay, Shy! I think we're getting a little off-”
“Yeah, no wonder she has trouble meeting new ponies! The poor filly had self-esteem issues to begin with, and then you start making fun of her for getting hard wings? No wonder she moved out of her parents house as soon as she graduated! No wonder she lives on the edge of town surrounded by woodland creatures!”
“WellIthinkthat'sallthetimewehavetoday!”
“And another thing!”
“OKAYSEEYABYE!” Pinkie shouted to the wall, dragging the fuming yellow pegasus away. Fluttershy was still screaming out the list of grievances of an awkward teenager, venting years of pent-up frustration. Things hadn't quite gone as planned. Next time Pinkie would have to research what kind of emotional baggage these questions might drag up.
scranton.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw2084-2691_5f9f.gif
There better be some freakin' MOAR coming soon.
Um...LOL? *sheepish laughter* Amusing.
And thats why I married FlutterShy
Lmao. I love stories that pole fun. Sweet job.
I'm thinking that Fluttershy needs to see that psychiatrist that she mentioned.
Now, I'm scared of Fluttershy.
The Stallion approves and requires more chapters at once.
That's it, Fluttershy, let it all out.
931118 half the town needs that psychiatrist.
931153 Good point.
I'm not entirely keen on the whole super-tiny text thing, but otherwise, you got yourself a hilarious little story in development here.
And honestly, I can't help but wonder what Rainbow Dash would have said on the subject.
Ah well. Next, please.
LOL
Good premise and a nice start. By the way, considering (some) of the the stories we've seen do you think
that psychiatrist would make trans - dimensional house calls?
That one of the reason why the first psychiatrist quit.
Aww... poor Fluttershy...
That example, and specifically using Fluttershy, was a great first run. I'll be excited to see what else you can pull off. (Lyra and humans? Derpy and muffins? Err... fillyfoolery in modern Equestria? Chrysalis' cheese holes? [I'm running out of ideas...])
Thanks Pinkie, us bronies appreciate the pony classes.
Ha. Well this good fun. I've always wondered what the ponies would say about all the things the community has come up with. I mean, we've got The Friendship Arsenal, Lyra's obsession with humans, Trollestia/Molestia/Tyrant Celestia, etc. There is seriously a lot of stuff. We've really expanded the poniverse.
I love theses stories about Pinkie and the 4th wall(or should I say the kitchen wall).
I don't really like wingboner jokes, but Flutteshy's response to the question cracked me up!
That was awesome. The best part was pinkie trying to get Fluttershy to stop talking.
Totally following this.
931515
Yeah and more things are coming up, i really love this community.
The bronies really made Mlp into a big thing, we even (sort of) made Derpy.
931153
EVERYPONY IN THIS TOWN IS CRAZY!!
Why, I found this extremely enjoyable. Poor Fluttershy, though.
Definitely tracking this, probably favoriting.
I do want to mention one of my pet-peeves here, though. My hair always stands on end when I see "equipology." Firstly, it would mix Latin and Greek roots, though that might be acceptable. Secondly, the syllable "po" in anthropology comes from the word "anthropos" (i.e. human), while the "science" part comes from "logos." So the "po" has no place in a term for "teaching of horses." Personally, I prefer "hippology."
Anyway, good story.
932074
I considered making it hippology, but I didn't like the sound of it, also you'd be surprised how many people don't know the word 'hippos' where as 'equine' is common in modern English. I added the 'p' to make it clear that it's a play on anthropology.
Also it sounds funnier that way, and funny words are good.
lawl
Awesome. Definitely keeping track of this. I think we all knew Fluttershy had some baggage. Maybe she needs therapy more than Pinkie. At least Pinkie acknowledges us.
WINGBONER!
931157: Would you guys really do that to the shrink? They have lives... She may not want to deal with this:
935384 Yes. The psychiatrist will be Celestia.
931153
fc03.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2011/208/e/1/source_by_derpy8dplz-d41sqii.png
We demand to know!
1) Are horns erogenous zones?!
2) Rainbow manes: Dyed hair lesbian symbol, or weird natural occurrence?
3) Celestia, Trollestia, Molestia, which is true?!
4) Are Earth ponies self-conscious of the fact they weigh more than the other two tribes?
5) Did Discord and Celestia date?
We must know MOAR!
931153 No, the whole town does.
: "Everypony in this town is crazy!"
931310 Princess Celestia being seen as a sexually deviant tyrant and malicious prankster?
935919
It's now day 27, and I still can't turn away from it. Some form of hypnosis perhaps?
NEED MOAR!
I would allow fluttershy to scream at me if she needed to vent her feelings. Well done
I think Fluttershy needed that psychiatrist too...
Read as I listened to "Mind Heist" from Inception.
Needless to say, it got my...
( •_•)
( •_•)>⌐■-■
(⌐■_■)
Blood pumping.
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!
I'm sorry, that was horrible. I don't spend a lot of times on these things.
I can clop to this.
944525
Well, it isn't finished yet. I had a story that didn't have any dislikes before it was finished, and at the moment of it's first dislike it had 99-101 upvotes. It's now has 3 downs and 175 ups. The ratings really come into play after a story is complete.
O-o that much trouble? Just because of... dam i feel sorry for laughing at this story still
Dear Princess Celestia
Today I learned never to talk about wingboners around Fluttershy
Your Faithful Student's Friend
Pinkie Pie
931176 How does one make a small text? Copy and paste from Microsoft word?
FINALLY. SOMEPONY THAT UNDERSTANDS THE PRESSURE US GUYS GO THROUGH.
Wingboners are actually one of my fanon pet-peeves, especially the idea that they would be embarrassing or get stuck that way for a while. So I was hoping this might be about discrediting the concept, rather than supporting it, but Fluttershy's rant was amusing enough to make up for it.
945430 Please don't, can't you give poor Fluttershy a break already?
935919 Too cute I can't resist DAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
938331 It's so true.
I'm like Fluttershy about this stuff. Awk-ward . . . .
938104
1) Probably.
2) Natural occurrence. A very rare combination of genes combined to form Rainbow Dash's mulitcolored hair.
3) All three. Celestia, despite being immortal, is not perfect. After living for thousands of years, she has lost interest in many things. Some of the few things which are still fun after all that time are sex and pranks. Sometimes, they're simple, spur-of-the-moment things for quick, cheap laughs (the teacup incident in "Bird In The Hoof"), and sometimes they're long-term machinations for a really deep belly laugh (Celestia *knew* the Mane 6 would crash the Grand Galloping Gala. They broke the monotony AND took the look-at-me-I'm-so-high-and-mighty nobleponies down a few pegs. It's win-win!)
4) No, because modern medicine has shown that earth ponies have thicker, sturdier bones than the other two races (pegasi in particular have bones that are thinner and slightly porous to save on weight. Less weight = less energy spent on flying). So none of the "extra weight" is their fault at all.
5) Maaaaybe....
949248 I believe you are able to submit stories that are in HTML format, therefore allowing for small/large/colored text, etc. (I may be wrong)
Also, this story is highly awesome. MOAR NEEDED.
what a perfect, non-revolting () subject to start out with. there were a few grammar errors, but they are easily overlooked.
what really made me was the length.
MOAR LONGERER NAO
this gave me a boner..............