//------------------------------// // Fluttershy and Wingboners // Story: Ponies Explaining Ponies // by Sleipnirs Foal //------------------------------// Fluttershy and Wingboners Two mares stood in the kitchen of Sugar Cube Corner, one an excited earth pony, and the other a confused pegasus. “Uh Pinkie, what are we doing again?” “I told you Fluttershy, I wanted you to come explain to our fans all about pegasususus.” Answered the pink mare, eagerly bouncing up and down. “But there's nopony else here. And I never heard about us having any fans.” It was true, the kitchen was empty, and the bakery was closed. It was also true that, despite saving the world several times, the ponies didn't have any admirers. “Oh, they're not ponies. But don't you worry your pretty little head about that. Just sit here, look straight ahead, and answer the questions I ask you.” Pinkie placed Fluttershy on a cushion and faced her towards a wall. “So... you want me to sit here and explain to a kitchen wall, which is our fans who aren't ponies, about pegasi?” “Yup!” “Pinkie, are you still seeing that psychiatrist the court ordered you to?” “Nah, she quit and moved back to Canterlot.” “Okay...” “Now, how's about we start this seminar?” Fluttershy sighed, she had been friends with Pinkie for a long time and knew when to just go along with the party mare's eccentricities. “Okay then.” Pinkie Pie pulled an index card from who-knows-where and, clearing her throat, read, “Well, the first thing everyone wants to know is: Do pegasi's wings really stiffen when they're aroused?” “Eep!” Fluttershy's cheeks were bright red, but no one could tell because the pegasus had hidden her head under her cushion. “It's okay Fluttershy! You don't need to be embarrassed.” Pinkie reassured. The cushion did not respond. “It's just you and me here. You and me and our millions of fans.” “Who live in the wall?” Fluttershy peeped. “Who live in the wall.” Pinkie answered. “D-don't you think somepony else would be better at answering this type of question? Like Twilight, she knows all sorts of things. Or Rainbow Dash, she's less embarrassed with this... type of question.” “No, no. You're the perfect pony to answer! Twilight is a smarty smart smart-pants, but she's not a pegasus. And you work with animals, so you know all about biology and stuff.” “Umm... okay, I'll try.” Fluttershy came out from under the pillow and sat back down. “Thanks Fluttershy! Now face the audience-” “Wall?” “Wall, and let the people know about wingboners!” “Eep!” The pegasus shrunk down again. “To explicit?” “Uh-huh.” “Sorry. Continue.” Fluttershy tried to sit up straight and take a professional air. She had seen Twilight give lectures before, so she tried to imitate her friend. She didn't do a very good job of it, “Um, okay. Uh, hello kitchen wall. Today I'm here to tell you about pegasus wings, and uh, what it means when they flare out.” Pinkie clopped her hooves together and said, “Great job Fluttershy! Keep going!” “Okay, so um, a pegasus' wings may become erect for many different reasons. The three most common reasons are if they're: Startled, angry, or eep aroused. Modern equipologists believe that early pegasi used their wings very much like birds do. When a bird feels threatened, whether by a predator or a rival, it will spread its wings out to try to look as big a possible, hopefully scaring away its enemy without having to fight. They also believe that, like peacocks, early pegasi would use their feathers to uh, display, while um, courting. These early pegasus instincts have passed all the way down to modern ponies. Despite having no real advantage in modern society, the wing flare is still an unconscious response to situations of stress or mmmrrm mrr. If a pegasus is angry, and their adrenaline starts pumping, their wings might open out as a natural response. Likewise, if the pegasus is scared or surprise, the poor pony might open her wings for the same reason. Then there is the action that some ponies call the 'wingboner,' unaware of how uncomfortable the term might make others feel. This happens when a pegasus becomes aroused. However, it's not the same as when they're mmph mrrmr mem. This can all be very embarrassing, because there is really no control over when or why it happens.” Pinkie clopped her hooves again. She knew Fluttershy would be the best pony to explain pegasus anatomy. “Thanks Flutters! That was very-” Apparently Fluttershy had more to say. Her lecturing tone had disappeared, and a small scowl was tracing its way across her lips. “And what's worse is it can happen for no reason at all! Especially during puberty when a filly is already awkward and nervous about her body!” Things seemed to be getting a little heated. Pinkie didn't want Fluttershy to embarrass herself in front of their fans so she tried to cut in. “Okay Flutters, that's all we really-” “It might happen at any time at all! And she wouldn't have any control over it! She could be sitting in class, quietly taking notes on the history of Cloudsdale's trade system, when suddenly her wings stand up for no reason! And then all the other ponies in class laugh! Do you have any idea how damaging that can be to a fillies self-esteem? Of course the teacher yells at the other children and makes them apologize, but you know they don't really mean it, and are just gonna talk about it in the lunch room.” “Thanks Fluttershy, but-” “And the worst part is that the very next week they call an assembly on wingboners! They do songs and sketches about how it's completely natural, but by that point everypony knows what happened to you, and that you're the one they're talking about on stage! And it's even worse when it happens in the locker room! All of a sudden everypony is calling you a fillyfooler, as if they never got stiff wings in the shower! And who cares if she was or not, huh? Everypony gets a little curious at one point or another, don't they?! And so what if she's friends with Rainbow Dash? Just because they're friends automatically means they're dating? Rainbow is friends with a lot of ponies! She isn't dating all of them!” “Okay, Shy! I think we're getting a little off-” “Yeah, no wonder she has trouble meeting new ponies! The poor filly had self-esteem issues to begin with, and then you start making fun of her for getting hard wings? No wonder she moved out of her parents house as soon as she graduated! No wonder she lives on the edge of town surrounded by woodland creatures!” “WellIthinkthat'sallthetimewehavetoday!” “And another thing!” “OKAYSEEYABYE!” Pinkie shouted to the wall, dragging the fuming yellow pegasus away. Fluttershy was still screaming out the list of grievances of an awkward teenager, venting years of pent-up frustration. Things hadn't quite gone as planned. Next time Pinkie would have to research what kind of emotional baggage these questions might drag up.