Auntie Screwball
Two hours.
Two miserable hours of hopping and singing in that degrading outfit. Two hours of looking like a freak in front of the other children. And, perhaps worst of all, two hours of that smug look on Apple Bloom’s face.
Diamond Tiara tore off the ridiculous bunny ears and spat them on the ground. Stomping them to the dirt, she replaced her namesake and sulked further on. She didn’t care where her feet took her, anywhere would be better than this horrible, tiny town! She huffed at the thought of it- Ponyville starting with some cooky old lady and her stupid farm? As if. Her great grandpa Stinkin’ Rich could have started this town himself. He could have made it more glamorous than it was now, if only that Granny Smith hadn’t held him back.
But it wasn’t Granny Smith she was mad at right now. She was mad at Apple Bloom for making her look like a fool. She was mad at Silver Spoon for betraying her. And she was especially mad at her daddy for making her do that stupid zap apple dance like… like… like some common servant! She shouldn’t have to do these things; their family should have butlers and maids to do it for them! But Tiara’s father, Filthy Rich, never sprung for hired help. If he really loved her, he would stop buying her things and start buying her ponies. Why did poor ponies like Apple Bloom have silly relatives to laugh and play with but she couldn’t even have two parents?
“It’s not fair!” she fumed as she kicked a stone along her winding little path. The sun hit the ground in patches through the treetops. “Why is she so happy? Granny Smith is, like, a total embarrassment! I’m glad I don’t know anypony as silly as her! I would just die!”
She trotted up to the little stone and paused. “So why does she look so happy?”
Diamond Tiara wound up and kicked the stone as hard as she could. It collided with a tree and rebounded unexpectedly back towards her. She threw her hooves protectively around her face as it bounced lightly off of her and started to roll down the path. She put down her hooves to look at the small green ball that had rebounded off of her face. That wasn’t the same rock she kicked.
The ball showed no signs of slowing, and Tiara was too curious to let it go. She chased it down the path, trying to catch it in her hooves. Every time she leapt at the ball, it lurched forward to evade her. She was growing increasingly frustrated until she was finally able to get both of her hooves onto the ball with a triumphant grunt.
“Like, finally! I can’t believe that took so long.”
“Well I’m sorry, but it’s hard to make it all the way out here.”
Diamond Tiara’s eyes slowly crept away from the pink hooves that grasped the tennis ball. She saw a pair of hooves with almost the same color as her own but belonging to a full grown mare. Following them upwards she found herself looking into a tangled mane of purple and white, topped with a small purple beanie with a green propeller propped up by a spiraling horn. At the centre of this chaotic frame was a set of deep purple eyes that seemed to swirl into themselves in a constant vortex. These eyes smiled down at Tiara.
“Auntie Screwball!” yelled Tiara, jumping into the mare’s forelegs.
“Auntie me!” she replied, receiving Diamond Tiara in a swinging embrace. “How has my favourite cotton candy cloud been?”
“Oh, auntie, it’s been just awful! This was the worst day ever! You won’t believe what happened, and… auntie, why do you have a horn?”
“Well, I’ve always wondered what it would be like to use magic,” Screwball’s horn glowed as she levitated the tennis ball into her hoof. “But it’s really overrated. Ice cream is lots better.” She snapped off her horn, pointed it down and threw the tennis ball on top. When it landed, the horn had been replaced by a conical wafer and the ball became a dripping sphere of violet ice cream. The treat was offered to Diamond Tiara.
The little filly giggled in amazement, taking the cone eagerly. Though she could see her hooves pluck the treat from Screwball’s hooves, there was still an identical copy resting there. As if she never took it. Tiara giggled in delighted wonder.
“How do you do that, auntie?”
Screwball took a lick of her cone. “Well, I get some help from someone very special.”
“…Don’t you mean ‘somepony,’ auntie?”
“Well… a pony sure is one of the things that he is. But what’s more important is that he can make wishes come true. Now why don’t you tell auntie what happened, my little dreamer. What’s this I hear about an Apple Bloom?”
“Oh, auntie, it was the worst! I was just trying to show her what a crazy old bat her grandmother was, but she wouldn’t listen to me! In fact, she convinced everypony in class that Ponyville wouldn’t exist without her, and then they made me dress up in a stupid bunny costume and sing to watering cans! It was so humiliating, and it was all Apple Bloom’s fault!”
“Oh, my poor little cotton candy cloud!” Screwball hugged Tiara tightly. “Don’t you worry at all about those mean little ponies. It’s just a matter of time before auntie Screwball and her special friend can give you those spoiled little children on a silver platter. Then you can do whatever you want with them! What are you going to do with them, sweetie? If you could make anything happen to them?”
“Well… if I could do anything to Apple Bloom and her friends? I don’t know… maybe turn them to a book, or a bird?”
“Oh, sweetie, please try to be more creative than that. Your friends and that Filthy father of yours will all get what’s coming to them. There’s no limit to what we can do when Daddy breaks out.”
“The only ‘Daddy’ that Diamond Tiara needs to worry about is as free as he’ll ever be.” A weary, brown buck in a torn business collar struggled his way through the suffocating foliage. His mane and tail were greased back and dark circles lined his eyes. “Unhoove my daughter.”
Screwball let Diamond Tiara drop to the ground and took three measured steps back. Tiara’s ears drooped and she averted her gaze.
“Well, if it isn’t Filthy.”
“That’s Mr. Rich to you. But if I recall correctly, you’re not ever supposed to be near enough to say that name.”
“My mistake, Filthy. In all of the zap apple commotion, I must have forgotten. I just saw our poor Tiara here in distress and thought I might comfort her, like a good parent would. I’m sure you would have done it yourself, but you were busy humiliating her in front of her friends.”
“I wasn’t humiliating her, I was showing her humility. It’s one of the things that raise us above animals and monsters. Ponies who forget that tend to fall in with … unpredictable elements.” He narrowed his eyes at Screwball. Next to her spiraling orbs, his earthy brown irises seemed impossibly grounded and immovable.
“What fun is there in being predictable? It never helped you. Little Tiara needs a father who can do more than scold her and try to apologize with petty little gifts. There’s only one Daddy she needs… a much better Daddy.” Screwball smiled with sickening sweetness, and a sudden wind spun the propeller on her beanie.
Filthy Rich set his jaw. “Diamond Tiara needs a father, not a lawn ornament.” Screwball sneered and tried to speak, but Rich was having none of it. “Now leave this place and never come back, or I’ll introduce you to certain elements of our own. Harmonious ones.”
Screwball’s eyes narrowed and darkened, and the wind picked up. Her beanie spun so fast it threatened to lift her off of the ground. “As subtle as ever, Filthy. You can’t stop us, you know. He will be free again.”
“I think it’s time you left, Crown.”
Screwball sneered and held her position for several seconds. When she left, it was into the thick, obscuring shrubbery. Just before the foliage consumed her she turned back to the slumping Diamond Tiara and smiled like she had before Filthy Rich had come. “Don’t worry, my little cotton candy cloud. I’ll be back.”
When she had vanished from sight Diamond Tiara turned her gaze to the dirt path.
Filthy Rich walked up to her. He worked his jaw, trying to come up with the right explanation. “I was worried sick about you,” he said instead.
“You always do this!” Diamond Tiara lifted her head and stared into her father accusingly. “Every time auntie Screwball comes over you always make her leave! She’s just trying to make me happy, daddy!”
“She’s… she’s not, pumpkin. She’s… um, what she wants… you’ll understand when you’re older.”
“No! I understand now! Auntie Screwball’s the only one who cares about me!”
“Pumpkin-” Rich tried to reach out to Tiara, but she batted him away, crossing her forelegs. “Crown- Screwball is trying to trick you, not help you.”
Tiara turned away and stuck her nose in the air. “Why would she want to trick me?”
“Because someone very bad tricked her.” Tiara continued looking away. “Everything is bad for her now. And she wants it to be bad for other ponies, too.”
Tiara looked back down, but did not look at her father. “Screwball isn’t bad. She can do all these amazing things! Like, you didn’t see it, daddy! She had a horn, and she-”
Tiara finally turned back to her father, but the look on his face cut her off. She had seen him tired. She had seen him disappointed. She had even seen him angry, but she had never seen the destroyed look of sorrow that haunted his wood brown muzzle. His eyes were shimmering. Before she could see him cry, he pulled her into a tight embrace.
“What’s wrong, daddy?”
“Please, Tiara. I don’t want to lose you too. I can’t- I couldn’t take it.”
“Well, it’s not like I’m not going anywhere.”
“No, you’re not.” Rich put Tiara down pointedly. His face returned to stoic seriousness and the waterworks were nowhere to be seen. “You’re grounded. I don’t want to see you talking to strangers… or her… without either myself, Mrs. Cheerliee, or one of the Apple adults. Come with me, Tiara.”
“But Daddyyyyy…”
“No buts!” He gave her a light tap to get her moving. “Hurry along now, I’ll buy you something nice when we get home.”
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Short #2
I intended to make something both rated E and with darker implications. If it doesn't seem like I did, please let me know. I'm not sure if this story deserves the 'dark' tag I've given it, so I'd like to hear some opinions on the matter.
dude.....
blew my mind
and made me wanna shed some man tears
850787You should consider making it sad or possibly tragedy.
857015
I like how you say that then put a smile after it.
Anyway, I got some serious deja vu when I saw this story. Almost like I heard the idea somewhere else... Lol, glad this story was made. It needed to be.
857058Well first of all , I try to be rather ....somewhat positive all the time.
Oh and maybe because there are many rumours Diamond Tiara is related to Screw Loose , Screw Ball ,Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and such.
857491
Yeah, positive is good. Also, I think we should just assume Diamond Tiara is related to everyone. No more discrepancies!
857625Don't you mean everypony?
857659
Well, everypony makes mistakes. Though, actually, as a writer, I find that everybody sounds better than everypony in some cases. So, I use them fairly evenly.
I do kind of feel bad though for spamming this story's comment section. Sorry Mel!
857681Well it seems I have nothing more to say so I bid you good day sir.TALY HOOO!!!!
857704
It's a good day to die!
857727Yeah its a good day to ....wait what?!?IM TO YOUNG TO DIE IN ONLY TWELVE!!!!
I'm a little shaken by this...
On the whole, a neat little story you've done here. Characterization is nice, and fits in neatly with canon. Screwball's abilities match Discord's fluid and seamless reality warping so neatly, it's a visual image, not text. And that afterthought of what Screwball's thinking... I feel cold...
This was just so excellent! The banter between Filthy Rich and Skrewball followed by his dialogue with his daughter is all very enthralling! As already pointed out, this could be very interesting if expanded upon.
“Well… if I could do anything to Apple Bloom and her friends? I don’t know… maybe turn them to a book, or a bird?”
I see what you did there.
But jokes aside, this is great! I agree with Blank Slate on the characterization--I don't think I've ever felt sympathetic for Diamond Tiara before, but it felt natural. And I loved the subtly creepy vibe from Screwball.
I'm not entirely sure if I'd give it 'dark', but I'm certainly not an expert. Still very well done, though!
YYYYEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSS!!!
Shut up and take my faves!
857015
Duly noted and duly changed. Yeah, that fits much better.
I'm glad Screwball's brand of chaos rang that familiar bell, Blank Slate. Exactly what I wanted.
While I'm here, let me say I'm delighted that all of you enjoyed the story. Also allow me to get the EEEK FIRST SIGNIFICANT RESPONSE TO A STORY I MADE out of the way.
EEK FIRST SIGNIFICANT RESPONSE TO A STORY I MADE.
I got the warm fuzzies now. Thanks to everyone for leaving a comment.
861236No problem.
She calls her 'Auntie' Screwball.
But given their similar appearance, I begin to wonder if their link isn't even closer. http://xiao668.deviantart.com/art/Confusion-Keeps-Me-From-You-334335254
And Filthy Rich sadly missed the source of the problem if he tried to fix her problem with more THINGS.
This of course leaves the question, 'Who is Diamond Tiara's mother?' Or is Crown Diamond Tiara's mother, and Screwball's identity before she was warped by Discord? Much like Jack Napier better known in the DC comic verse as the Joker. So twisted by Discord that she no longer relates to her old identity?
857854
And if she's -really- Diamond Tiara's AUNT, then where is her mother?
The standard cliche is have nuisance villains swept aside or efficiently disposed of when the big nasties are on stage.
But -HERE-, instead of going for one of the heroes to corrupt, go for one who is ALREADY on the road to ruin and HELP HER ALONG that selfish path instead of trying to save her from it.
1613905
You had it. Crown Jewel is her mom, but since she turned and Filthy refused to call her anything but Screwball she has never used that name in front of her daughter.
2003227
This works as a short and intense story. But there is much to be explored and told here. Instead of Discord corrupting one of the good kids, instead going after one who ALREADY has trouble recognizing others as people (Silver Spoon being IMHO the one thing that's kept her from becoming a sociopath, someone she can RELATE TO).
In other words, I think DT is kinda screwed in the head, and Screwball/Discord want to exaggerate that into a full blown monster. (Rather than a child who needs to be taught some humility and empathy.)
Screwball is a character that's never been very high on my interest radar. I've read quite a few stories including her, but very few have made her out to be anything other than a palette-swapped Derpy without wings. It would seem I've finally found a story to truly subvert that.
Here we have a story that provides an extension to an established episode, so it has something to work off. It manages to springboard off that episode straight into the focus of this story very quickly and very effectively. Diamond's initial thought, "I’m glad I don’t know anypony as silly as her! I would just die!" foreshadows what is to come, and at the same time, clarifies Diamond's view of Screwball as being someone who isn't silly. If this story were to continue, I could see this statement's foreshadowing reaching an extreme if this story weren't rated E.
The fact that it's established early on that Diamond doesn't have two parents helps to vividly accentuate the notion that Screwball is actually Diamond's mother. When that notion is combined with the fact that Filthy knows her real name, I think the implication is very clear. However, there is a more subtle implication hidden behind that one. When Screwball first runs into Diamond, she knows Apple Bloom's name without Diamond telling her. This aspect would very plainly imply that Screwball is watching Diamond without her knowledge, and if the notions suggested by Filthy are genuine, then this would make her akin to a wolf hunting down her prey. Given her Discordian power set, the fact that she's a shadowy pursuer type adds a feeling of insecurity and danger to the story that makes this version of Screwball my personal favorite interpretation of her to date. If this story were longer than a one-shot, I would have suggested that Screwball retain her friendly attitude to the end even after Filthy showed up so that her true self could be slowly and dramatically revealed later.
In terms of criticism, I'd have to point out the bit at the beginning where Diamond "replaces" her namesake after throwing the bunny ears off. In the episode, she was wearing both the bunny ears and her tiara together. I see no reason why she would take it off mid-humiliation only to put it back on afterwards. In addition, I'd have to question Filthy's motives for making her do the bunny dance as a lesson in humility. If that were his motivation for doing so, it would mean that his intention was to embarrass her. I could see him making her do it as a way of apologizing for insulting Granny Smith, but if even if his goal was a lesson in humility, I can't really see how he'd think it'd be a very good one. If we're making the assumption that he knows his daughter well, he'd know how she'd respond to such a punishment, and it wouldn't be with shameful remembrance. Also, Diamond wants to turn them into a book/bird? That's some fridge horror right there, that is.
I suppose it makes sense that Filthy has the power to call forth the Elements of Harmony. He's probably purchased a large spotlight to point into the sky for it. Either that or he's got a hotline. The fact that Filthy doesn't hire servants seems very believable to me. Given his personality, I could see him either being very courteous and reasonable to anyone he hires or simply avoiding doing so altogether to prevent his daughter from getting spoiled by it. (You know, like she would.) I'd say the mystery involving Filthy's past would most certainly give this story some more draw power, but, as is, it would seem it's something of an unfinished gingerbread house. It tastes very sweet nonetheless, and I like the fancy way the icing was laid out, but there was enough material left over for so much more.
Good luck on your future works!
2064733
Thank you very kindly for the insightful comments! It's a great relief to know that many of those hints were obvious enough. There's no way to tell without someone else telling one.
The tiara thing was me forgetting. My bad. Filthy's behavior in regards to punishment had more to do with a poor understanding of how to prevent his only child from slipping away like Screwball did, viewing any kind of vice as a potential avenue of corruption. He recognized pride and stifled it as quickly as he could, though he might have trouble recognizing greed.
Anyways, thanks! Insightful, inspiring.
I just want to say again that this is an epic work.
I know just how wanting to turn a one shot into a full blown story can REALLY REALLY ruin things. But I keep coming back to this story. Congrats on that dude.
2064733
lol but anyway which fanfics are you referencing with that statement not to disprove you but just out of curiosity
thank you for the insightful analyzation, however i do have only question : iv read most if not all the screwball related fanfics on this site but none of them have come close to portraying screwball as a wingless derpy, so either I've got lucky and conveniently missed them in my search (like the few i found and didn't feel like reading at the time like this one) or im just blind to that fact cuz i love derpy
2748314
Honestly, I've read a very meager number of Screwball fics. The only ones I've read involve her being related to Diamond Tiara. The fics I was thinking of at time were an old incomplete story, Screw Loose, and a short story called Malleable Unbreakable Diamond Tiara, both of which use Screwball as Diamond's older sister.
As I recall, she's very wacky in both these stories, but her wackiness is more or less the entirety of her character, which is similar to how Derpy is portrayed whenever she's not fleshed out. It's not really a criticism against Derpy or Screwball. It's more of a criticism against shallow characterization.
2748406
ahhh ok cool i havent read those mainly because i feel like too many authors try to be unnecessarily mean to DT because of her canon side but i see what you mean
2748542
I've heard that tune before. That's why the Diamond Cutters group exists.
2748594
lol at first i thought it was a hater group until i remembered what diamond cutting is then went to check their group out
Is... Is Screwball actually Dimond Tiara's mother...
I can't get over how well put together this sort is.
Diamond Tiara being selfish and egocentric, but at the same time showing OTHER EMOTIONS and motives besides "torment blank flanks". And how easily she can end up becoming pre-season 3 Discord's new minion.
3101203
I'm getting that vibe...
SEQUEL
MOOOORE
I would definitely read more of this if you wrote it. :)
Ah, those doomsday cults will get you every time.
Hmmm... I like this version of Screwball. I usually see her written as 'Chaos's innocent lil' daughter,' but this was cool.
5775520
Spoiler tag because I'm paranoid.
In light of Crusaders of the Lost Mark, I wonder how Rich would feel knowing that if his wife Crown hadn't become Screwball, she'd have become Spoiled Rich instead.
Such lovely chaos!
I can’t wait to see what happens next I hope you make another story of this keep up the good work update soon