Discord is Bored

by TheLocoPony

Questions and Answers 1

I may have discovered something that will actually help

Do tell

Well, using the power we just got, I may be able to create a minor rift to the Human world

This is excellent news! Those silly humans, so crazy and psychotic and chaotic. This could provide us with great chaos energy

Yes well, there is a slight catch

This can not be good

Well, the rift won't be that big, you know how much power even the tiniest of fractures costs. By my estimates it will give us slightly more power by the time of the invasion than if we just left it. Also the Elder God in question that has allowed it requires another factor

What? Spit it out already

Well, apparently It has been following our progress and has put it up in the human world as a joke. He demands that you answer the human questions

Oh Chaos I knew it would be bad

It would be worth it though

Fine, open the damn rift already. Maybe it will solve the boredom problem, if only with inane questions

Pen Brush
"Discord, can you please name all of your...friends, I know that Bob is your anger and Steve is your arrogance, but who are the others? And do you have more then you previously said?"

...How long have they been watching me?

I don't know, but I'm scared

Do you think they heard the conversation about....you know....

It couldn't be that cruel, could It?

It is an Elder God, you know what they're like

Maybe if you answer well enough he will allow you to keep your privacy?

I feel violated

I'm nervous, just answer the question already!

Fine. Okay breathe in and out. I am the Circle and the Circle is me. Okay. Well, Pen Brush, first of all, friends is a very strong word. Especially for these guys. Let's see. My main split personalities are based of my strongest emotions, those of Disharmony. So first of all we have, well me, I suppose. I am Chaos, I form the core of my personality. I am the opposite of the Magic Element of Harmony. Don't misunderstand as magic in general, only the magic of friendship, I am very magical myself (especially in looks). Then there's Sub, who is my subconscious, duh. He is the only one I would describe as a real friend in here, except maybe Jim as well.

You have no idea how touched I am to hear you say that

Yeah yeah, pack it in. Anyway, Sub is a direct shadow of me, except he is stronger in tune to my deeper and hidden feelings and thoughts. Then there's Bob who is next strongest, unfortunately. He is my anger and rage, direct opposite to that pathetic Flowerfly

Fluttershy

Whatever, he is opposite to her kindness. Actually, thinking on it, Chaos and Friendship does have something in common. Laughter, or in Jim's case mischievousness.

Hehehe

So there he is. There's also Deceit, who actually hasn't formed his own split personality yet, give me another few years trapped in stone and I'm sure that part of me will split of as well. Richard is a surprise. I have almost no boring emotions at all. I am the most fun in the entirety of creation. Yet somehow he formed, not too weak as well. So Richard is boring.

Whatever

For Treachery, the opposite of loyalty, I have Sir Baron. He prides himself on acting like a gentleman, but will stab you in the back at the earliest moment

Quiet right old chap

Selfishness, and femininity as well (I never knew I had it in me) is the lovely Sally

Good evening Darling's!

That's all the elements opposites, then there is another huge part of my personality, laziness

Leave me out of this, sounds like too much work

A relatively new one is John, who is my intelligence (which is incredibly vast)

A pleasure to meet you

And finally Steve, who, as much as I hate to admit it, is a huge part of me. Even if I'm not arrogant! I just really am that good!

What are you talking about, I do ALL the work!

Steve, no, bad dog! No talking! That is pretty much all my split personalities. Do you think the Elder God will be satisfied to leave me alone?

I highly doubt it.

My Life of Discord
"Has Bob every tried going to anger management classes? Also, what are the names of all of Discord's different emotions that have taken form?"

For the second part, see above. For the first, well, let me show you a memory of Bob trying to go to anger management. I forcibly enrolled him once, as a joke and let him have control of the mouth in the psychiatric's office

---

It was a beautiful day in Manehatten. Except for all the birds singing death metal. But that was because of the Draconequus that just entered the office of Dr Fix. A terrified assistant showed him the way to the room and let him in.

Sitting inside on a plush red chair sat a very relaxed pony. He gave of an aura of serenity and peace and Discord found it hard to keep disliking him. When he saw Discord he paused for a moment before smiling openly and gesturing towards a large red sofa. Discord settled down, breaking it.

"So Discord, how can I help you?" He asked patiently. Discord was surprised he wasn't openly hostile towards him as most ponies were, but then he probably thought he was going to be the one to calm Discord and save the day! The great hero who worked out Discords problems and stopped his rampage after he escaped from stone. Little did he know that Discord was simply here to mess with Bob

"Well Dr Fix, I wondered if you could help me with Bob" Discord started

"Please, call me Quick. Could you explain to me who Bob is?" Quick asked gently

"Of course Quick, he's my anger that has formed it's own personality"

"Ah" Quick paused, troubled "Well, could I talk to Bob please?"

Discord grinned evilly "Of course"

"DISCORD YOU SON OF A LEFT FOOTED MOON TOAD!!" Discord roared

"Can I assume you're Bob then?" Asked Quick Fix

Bob smiled "YOU DO WELL TO KNOW AND FEAR ME PUNY MORTAL!"

Quick Fix frowned, as if a child had disappointed a parent "Now Bob, why all the rage?"

Bob glared down at him "HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO INDULGE AN ALL-CONSUMING URGE TO KILL WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE OPPOSABLE THUMBS? OR HANDS? OR BEING ANYTHING OTHER THAN A SPLIT PERSONALITY INSIDE AN IDIOT!! YOU'D HAVE A LOT OF PENT UP ANGER TOO."

Quick Fix nodded. "This is understandable Bob. People judge you for this when it isn't your fault, don't they?"

Bob began a withering retort but stopped, and nodded slowly

Quick Fix smiled understandingly "Now, could you take a look at a few inkblots and tell me what you see?"

Bob sighed heavily "I SUPPOSE, IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVE A CHOICE WHILE DISCORD KEEPS ME HERE"

Quick Fix got up from his chair and pulled a number of pictures of a shelf. He sat back down in his chair and put one picture down on the table in front of Bob. An easy one for a start, he thought, the ink blot clearly showed a flower

"A NUCLEAR EXPLOSION!" He grunted, satisfied

The doctor blinked and pulled it back before putting another down. This one was obviously a house

"A BURNING ORPHANAGE!" Bob proclaimed

Okay, one more Quick Fix reasoned. He put forward a picture of the Elements of Harmony

"SCUM OF CREATION!!!!!" Bob roared, briefly by passing Discords control and smashing the table to pieces

Quick Fix squealed and struggled to remain calm. "Okay then" He said shakily "How about word association instead? I'll say a word, and you say the first thing to come into your head."

"VERY WELL"

Quick Fix gulped loudly "Sunshine"

"EXTINGUISH"

"Life"

"END"

"Rabbit?"

"STEW"

"Water"

"DROWN"

"Stone"

Bob stopped. He started shaking before roaring out of control "NEVER SHALL I BE IMPRISONED IN STONE AGAIN!" With a beat of his wings he shot up into the air, straight through the roof where a flaming out line of Discord was left behind. Quick Fix collapsed in his chair, sweating, and pulled out a bottle of the hardiest cider known to ponies from his safe, and downed it all in one go

---

Good times

Wasn't that when you split yourself up to cause more chaos after defeating the Elements?

Yes, so much fun after so long in stone

JBL
"So Discord, have you ever considered recruiting Pinkie Pie as a follower? She's almost as chaotic as you are (careful, she might be planning to usurp your title as Lord of Chaos), and I'm sure for a suitable quantity of chocolate rain, she would be yours hook, line and sinker!"

A good point

Of course, in my original plan I had intended to force all the elements into my servitude, for a while at least. Pinkie, ahh Pinkie, she was fun. She's the only one I don't really mind. It would be great if she would be my agent of Chaos. Sadly, she is too devoted to her friends. I can see strong links between her and them. Believe it or not, friendship is more important to her than anything else, and I doubt even chocolate rain would be enough.

What about her usurping your title as Lord of Chaos

Bah! Impossible! I am the greatest Chaotic thing to exist. Yes she may be crazy and have some weird powers, but mine are so much stronger. I'll let you in on a little secret...I don't have a God complex, I am a God!

Alexanderan
"Discord, how do you think Steve managed to survive Bob's undeniable fury and do you think you could destroy Steve again?"

I'm still not exactly sure. It is undeniable that Bob's fury is incredibly powerful. However, I believe it's the fact that Steve is too big a part of me. I am far too arrogant for him ever to be destroyed, as much as I may wish it.

Woooo! To big for even Discord to handle me!

Deep breath. Anyway, even if I thought I could destroy Steve, which I can't, I wouldn't. Think of having your mind split open. Think of the worst head ache you've ever had. Now multiply it by a billion, and a few millions for fun. That's how much it hurts. It is not normal to try and destroy a segment of your own mind. It's easier if I just accept him. And move on

Take that Disco!

As much as I unbelievably hate it

Mr Spartan
"How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"

All of it

That's it?

I don't know! For some reason the throwing abilities of woodchucks has never been high on my to do list

Well, yeah. But you still could come up with a bit imaginative of an answer

Fine, once I get out of stone I'll give a woodchuck the ability to throw wood. Then we'll see how much wood a woochuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

Impressive you got through that

Please, I invented tongue twisters

Alexanderan
Discord, have you ever tried making an entire world, or at least a country, and not care about the inconsistencies that would happen within that country?
Another question.
Have you ever tried to make a copy of Celestia in your imagination and make her do silly things like saying un-mare-like things? (That would be hilarious)

Haven't we already had a question from this guy?

Just answer him already

Fine. Alexanderan. Do you know how hard it is to create a world? First of all you either have to create the entire matter to go into a planet or rip it from other worlds. Then you have to mash it together into such a dense state it turns into magma and forms it's own gravitational field. Once you have the base of the planet then you need to force create a atmosphere of gases around the planet. Then you've got a barren world with a barely breathable atmosphere. Let alone gathering bacteria from other worlds to create an entire eco-system on the new world. Then I'll have to wait several million years for life to properly develop. And life won't be intelligent enough for another few million years for messing with it to be fun. So yes, I have thought about creating my own world, but it wouldn't be worth it

And as for a country, where do you think Equestria came from?!? Before those ponies showed up it was a wonderful country of Ice spirits and chaos. Then they arrived up and were so unbelievably fun, for a while. Before of course they started discovering friendship and beating back the Ice and Wind spirits I sent after them. Then they formed the Crystal Empire against me. And then of course came King Artemis and Queen Sol and banished me from the country, asserting their darling children Celly and Lune Lune as Princesses. I took the opportunity to take a tour of the world until their magic influence faded. The rest is history

I don't think he asked for your life story

Who wouldn't want to hear it though?

A fair point

As for the point of Celly, I have created an image of her once and messed around with it a lot in my past confinement. However the novelty wears off because as much as I want it it is a fake, and often forgets to react as how she would, and instead how I want her too. Same with Luna. Besides, I'm not petty enough

Who are you kidding, your incredibly petty

No one asked you Sub

Alexanderan
How many years of waiting did Chrysalis save you from by giving you all that arcane energy?
Another question.
You found out Chrysalis' name; what else did you extract from her mind?

Okay, now this is getting creepy

I'm pretty sure this guy is your No.1 Stalker

Although, this has been at least slightly entertaining to doing nothing

I suppose

Well, roughly all the magic I have gained from Queeny should be enough for 300 years or so. But this is only to reach the bare minimum strength to break free. Also I regain magic at an incredibly slow rate while trapped in stone. It all depends on how much chaos there is near to me. It also helps I went into stone with a lot more power this time around and this portal should decrease the time even further. As long as her invasion is really chaotic I might be able to break free at the right time, although I doubt it. No matter what happens it won't be long until freedom is mine!

And from her mind, well, not too much. She's so focused on the invasion all I could really get was numbers of troops and other boring irrelevant details such as Changeling Behemoths and the Love Death Cannon of Doom.

keaton-furman-prower
What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
Also, what is your favorite color?

The last person to ask me that ended up in a crevice

Green

Quiet down Sub, I'm the star here. Lets see, Hooloovoo, a super intelligent shade of blue

I think that's all of them

Finally, thank Chaos

Then what do we do until the invasion

How about five a side football?

Is that a good idea?

Of course it isn't! That's what makes it so fun!

Comments

[Pen Brush]

nice doing me first...

[Ninjab33z]

SO MANY TOASTER REFERENCES!
I fricken love you. This the best story I have heard in a long time.

[My Life of Discord]

HURRAAYYY! I'm so happy that my question got answered.

[truthaura]

I GIVE YOU A TRIANGLE DISCORD ▲

[TheLocoPony]

2698575 You were the first question

2698619 Oh come on, I just didn't do slash's, and mixed the end up. In response to i's....NEVER!

2698715 and 2698878 I try my best

2699049 Thank you? I think?

2699194 How hath I mocked thee?

[OnePunchHero]

Bull shit!!!! I'm his #1 stalker!!!

[OnePunchHero]

Thelocopony.... Y U so awesome?

[Alexanderan]

Wow, thanks for answering my questions. Although, when I was talking about creating a world, I was referring to doing it in his mind, that's what "the inconsistencies" part meant. Then again, I did enjoy the side effect of hearing his life's story.

Till next time Elder God "Loco", I will be ready to ask questions to sate my gluttonous curiosity.

Yours truly, Discord's #1 stalker

[Page_Turner]

Can You answer my question?
Q: Which persona, besides Jim and Sub is your most dominant one? Also, what did you do to Tia and Luna to get you imprisoned in stone the first time?
thats all for now!!

[keaton-furman-prower]

That was awesome

Also, to Discord: Have you ever considered the possibility that one of the Element bearers (For example, Fluttershy) could make you turn good?

[The1templar]

Dear Lord Discord, if you didn't choose to be the Lord of Chaos and still had your powers, what would you be?

[TheLocoPony]

2701070 2703481 Ohhhh showdown! Who is the number 1 stalker? LET THE FIGHT BEGIN!

[OnePunchHero]

2708382 I'm watching you... Even at this moment... In the shadows... In a crack in the floor... My breathing shallow.... I seeeeeee you!!!!! Here I come discord!!!!

[Alexanderan]

2710373 *steps over the crack to crouch in the shadows
*looks around
"Why do I hear someone cursing my name?"
*shrugs and continues to stare at Discord's statue

[OnePunchHero]

2716952 *floats around discords mind* weeeeeeee!!!!

[Cytokin]

Heh. Old World Blues references. Nice.

[Classy Toad]

Hey Discy, Lord of Intelligent Stupidity, I have some questions I need you to answer. Answer them or perish in a flaming ball of Nobelium, the most unstable of all elements know to man at this peticular moment in time. Deal with it.

1) did you know that Queeny stuck a dagger in the back of your head to communicate with you?
I thought you weren't going to mention me!?!?
I just threw you under the bus deal with it.
Okay then mabey I will have to stick a dagger in the back of YOUR HEAD TOO!!!
I wouldn't recommend that.
WHY NOT YOU INSOLENT FOOL?!?!?!
Because if thy worship theyn own life then thy shall reconsider thy preposition. Also, I'm the Prince so suck it Queeny.
WHAT WHAT DID YOU DARE TO CALL M-
Shut up moving on

2) Even though you are turned to stone, can you still feel your balls? If so is that where your itch is located? (This might be awkward for Sally.)

3) Discord, you know Celestia still loves you right? If you do not believe this than I have some important news for you. Celestia preserved the room. Down to the last rusty hook hanging form the ceiling.

4) How dare you refer to Alexanderan as you #1 stalker Sub. Shame on you SHAME ON YOU! That total belongs to me you fool.

5) Have you ever thought of making Vanilla flavored milk fight to the death with Chocolate Milk? Seems legit.

6) discord have you ever thought of banishing parts of you to outside the stone tomb? if not I fully declare you an idiot. ...stupid...

7) YAY SALSA IT'S NOT A PARTY WITHOUT SALSA!!!

8) When thy lobbesth thy Chaotic Handgrenade thy shall counteth to 5: 1, 2, 5 then thy lobbesth thy Chaotic Handgrenade at thy foe.

9) Discord on a scale of 1-10 how angry can you make beings? I'd give myself about a 34 1/2 example: Bob you have the strength of an overweight toad. See?

10) Did you activate rage mode two days after I was born? It was 36 degrees f outside IN THE MIDDLE OF AUGUST! I feel blessed.

11) The next time you gat out of the stone, tell me exactly how many apples you can fit in one Applejack. I would like to know.

12) Would you give an inanimate object a hug?

13) Have you ever tried fried gator? It's yummy.

[AviatorBrony]

YES! TOASTER!

[A Madman With a Box]

Hitchhikers reference FTW!
Also, Bob is really starting to remind me of Omally/omega, an insane sociopath trapped in the body of an idiot.