Discord is bored and trapped in stone.This would be fine if he didn't have to deal with his own mind
Do you know what it's like to be trapped in stone, not fun. Especially if you're someone like Discord and have to deal with your own twisted mind. Let's take a look into Discords mind while he's trapped in stone and see how enjoys other company. Of course, this would all be easier if he wasn't insane.
Chocolate milk, chocolate milk. Nice relaxing chocolate milk. Forget the itch, that’s not important.
Yes it is…
No, no its not.
But it really is.
Shut up you.
No.
I said shut up.
You’re itchy.
SHUT UP I’M NOT ITCHY.
Hey how’s that itch going?
I WILL END YOU
But I’m you
I DON’T CARE, I HATE YOU
You’re still itchy
SHUT UP ABOUT THAT ALREADY
You’re also bored, not to mention the itch. Hey how does it feel to be beaten by six mares and by your own arrogance, or as you like to call him, Steve. Don’t forget about the itch. You know sleeping would be fun, but you can’t do that while imprisoned in stone. Bet your feeling pretty itchy right now. Chocolate milk is so tasty; if you weren’t trapped you could drink some. You’re still itchy, don’t forget about that. I bet it would be so nice to itch it right now.
…leave me alone…
No, I am you, I can’t just go.
…I hate you…
Hey guys, how’s it going?
YOU! GET OUT OF HERE STEVE I WILL BREAK YOU!
What’s his problem?
He’s still pretty mad about you causing him to lose
Ugh, still?
STOP TALKING BEHIND MY BACK
Hey you’re forgetting about your itch
FOR THE LAST TIME SHUT UP ABOUT THAT. AND YOU, STEVE, GET OUT OF HERE ALREADY!
Fine, fine I’m going
There he’s gone. Do you feel better?
A bit…
Just don’t forget about the itch.
I hate my life
You know what would be fun?
What?
If you had someone to talk with
Yeah that would be nice, I'm pretty sick of you
No need to be like that, Princess Luna is coming for a quick chat
What? Really? What for?
I don't know! I'm your subconscious, I notice things out of the corner of your eye and other stuff that you don't really pay attention to. I don't read minds. Hey remember when you used to be able to do that, you know, until you were beaten and trapped in stone
Shut up already...
*
Luna walked forwards with her mane swirling around her body. She closed her eyes and her horn lit up. A small beam shot out and coated the statue in front of her in a dark blue aura. Slowly stone began to crumble and shards fell to the floor leaving a small pile in front of him. His arms crackled loudly as he stretched them out widely. They randomly shot out twice their distance before snapping back to their regular shape. His wings were like dry paper and rustled as they unfurled. He reached behind him and dug his claws into his back. He fell to the floor in ecstasy as he scratched that one spot which had been so itchy for far too long. He almost sobbed out loud.
He heard a small cough and looked up to the glare of Princess Luna. He gave a small chuckle before leaping at her. She waved her head and chains exploded from the ground. In a hexagon shape the chains unwound and wrapped around his limbs. One for each arm, leg and tail and one tied up both his wings. They pulled him sharply to the ground, burying his face into the dirt.
Princess Luna looked down before snorting "And here we were worried something was going on."
Discord looked up with his mismatched eyes "Now what in all of Equestria are you talking about dear? I've been minding my own business, trapped in stone." He lay down sideways on one elbow, still wrapped up in the thick chains.
Princess Luna gave him a cold glare "We felt your mental wavelength spike up nastily a few times."
Discord chuckled deeply "That was simply me shouting at myself"
Luna took a small step back "...yourself?"
Discord sighed and turned over, chains rattling noisily "Yes, well you see. My subconscious hates me, and Steve, ugh Steve, won't leave me alone!"
Luna cocked her head to one side "Steve?"
Discord groaned as he realised there was no comfortable position "That is the name I give to my arrogance, the thing that allowed those ridiculous elements to best me."
Luna nodded "Just checking" She waved her horn and the stone on the floor shivered
Discord looked at her with puppy eyes "You can't put me back in stone straight away. Please, I need more time. I beg of you, one chocolate milk. I beg of you."
Luna looked thoughtful before shaking her head "We suppose it couldn't hurt."
Chains slowly unwound from around his left claw. His arm reached out and snapped his talons
Nothing happened
He tried again, and again but there was still empty space where by all the Lords of Chaos there should be chocolate milk
Luna rolled her eyes before shooting off a spark which manifested itself into a small glass of chocolate milk "I've given you the bare minimum of your powers back. You're still bound by the elements." Discord frowned and looked closer at the six chains which bound him. Each was a different colour and had a small imprint on every link. One for each of the elements.
He lifted the cup high and drank deeply. He could feel the wonderful sugar rush through his body. He smacked his lips and sat down in the pile of chains. "So, what happens now?"
Luna gave a smug smile "You go back into the stone" At this she waved her horn against Discord's protesting
Stone shot up and curled around Discords limbs. The chains pulled his body back into a familiar position that he had been stuck in for the last week or so. Okay, so he hadn't been in that long. But still, he never stayed in the same place for more than four hours, it was a rule of his.
Discord swung his arm back and squinted, he could see the ball flying clearly towards him. He brought the tennis racket forwards masterfully hitting the ball head on. It flew back over the net where Jim prepared to retaliate. Jim brought his own claw back and forged a complex pattern with the racket causing several new tennis balls to come rocketing towards Discord.
Discord cracked his neck "Alright, chaos powers are in!" The racket in his lion paw vanished and was replaced by cannon. The balls flew into the hole attracted by gravity. As they all rattled in Discord brought a match from nowhere along the side creating a small flame. He lit the end before hunkering down. A second later it exploded releasing rabbits off in the general direction of Jim. Jim glared back at him with similar mismatched eyes before snapping his talons and quadrupled himself. Fast as lightning they whacked all the rabbits back at Discord and the net came alive and tried to strangle Discord as well. Chocolate rain now pouring from the sky the world bled different colours as both Discord and Jim bent the world around them to beat each other in chaos tennis.
There was a flash of blue light and a head poked through a rip in the world. The mouth slowly opened as Luna took in what was happening in Discords mind. On one side of a court their was one Discord trying to fight off a net while simultaneously using trampolines to try and bounce all of the rabbits flying through the air. On the other side there was a small army of Discord's arguing over who should be known as the 'real Jim'. During the argument they were still using the rackets in their hands to hit the rabbits back at the now slightly blue Discord who had a net wrapped tightly around his throat. There was a small trickle as the grass bled green into a small pool and remained grey. Chocolate rain came down in a minor tornado which moved around the outside of the pitch.
"DISCORD! WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT'S GOOD AND WONDERFUL IS GOING ON!" Luna shouted from her small hole. All the Discord's on one side looked guiltily around before vanishing in a puff of smoke. On the other side there was a Discord sitting down on a throne which had appeared from nowhere and the net was on the floor in front of him speared with a sword.
"Problem?" He shrugged and gave a troll face
"Give us strength" Luna mumbled. Discord cocked his ears but Luna ignored him "Just what is going on" She looked around. Everything had returned to a normal tennis pitch, minus the rainbow frog hopping around.
Discord shook his head "Nothing is going on dear Luna, i was simply having a tennis match with Jim"
Luna rolled her eyes "Who's Jim now?"
Discord gave a mischievous grin "My mischievousness of course."
Luna sighed and closed her eyes in thought "So let's go through this...Bob is anger, Richard is boring, Sally is your... feminine side, Mark is laziness and Steve..."
Discord growled threateningly "Do not mention him, ever"
Luna threw up her fore legs "Look out we got a bad ass over here." She returned to a bored face "Really, you're trying to threaten us? The one's who have power over you?"
Discord groaned "Fine, fine! What do you want already."
Luna smiled smugly "Nothing. Just checking. You're mental wavelength was going haywire so we just came to check again. I was worried about your mental health before but now..." She remembered that very strange scene she had just witnessed "We're pretty sure you need help, a lot of it."
Discord grumbled and folded his arms "That's what you said last time you where here a week ago"
Luna said a quick prayer "Yes, and that's when you told us about all your other personalities who have taken form and names. The week before that was the first time we met. And from our discussion about your subconscious and Steve we have concluded that you are off the scale crazy. And what is with the strange name for them"
Discord gave a quick check of his nails "They're human names, I thought since they best show of my elements of Disharmony they should have those names"
Luna frowned "Humans? Elements of Disharmony? Sense needed here"
Discord chuckled "Sense? Where's the fun in making sense"
Luna looked dubiously at him "Yes, which you make surprisingly little. We're going to go now. See you in a week's time." And with that her head slowly retreated into the scar in the world which closed up after her"
Discord chuckled and made himself a sandwich "Me gusta"
Nah, I've already played it with John, he ruined it for me
That reminds me, you still haven't given me a name
You're my subconscious, unlike the others you do distinctively resemble every aspect of me, not just one of my emotions.
Can't you at least call me Discord no.2 or shadow Discord or something cool
Very well, i shall call you...Mini Me
Ha ha, very funny
I'm bored
Yes, yes I know already
But luckily it's been a week since since the last visit
The one in which you were playing with Jim?
Yeah, I wonder what's going to happen this time. It's probably Luna with another check up
I wish I could speak with Luna
Tough
*
Twilight looked uneasily at the statue before her. It had been four weeks now since she and her friends had defeated Discord but he still filled her with dread every time she looked at him. She shakily held a notepad and pen with magic as she looked up at the surprised face of Discord. Remembering the spell she sent off a small beam of purple light with enveloped the statue. The stone crumbled and his arms fell down to his sides. He let loose a great yawn as his mouth came undone and gave a quick scratch of his nose.
He looked at her sleepily "It's good to be free again, last two times you could only be bothered to look inside my mind."
Twilight looked up confused and swallowed nervously "Um...Discord! I'm here for a quick interview"
Discord faltered and looked down "Oh, if it isn't my dear friend Twilight Sparkle. I think I have a maze somewhere nearby for a little lab rat like you"
Twilight frowned "Uh...I'm here for a quick talk, and to check on the spell...and your mental stability."
Discord gave her a cold stare "That sounds far too boring, let's liven things up a bit." He reached out and clicked his talons. Nothing happened. He sighed and looked back towards Twilight who was writing down in the notepad.
He sighed "Little help here" Oh how he hated having to rely on them for power
She frowned "Well, I suppose you can have a little more. But I'm keeping you restrained"
Chains lifted up and slowly wrapped around Discord's limbs. It wasn't as violent as when Luna did it, but they were there ready if he made a wrong move. He ground his teeth in frustration.
A small spark of magic slowly floated over and sunk into Discords hand. It was a new level of magic for him to use but it still wasn't even a patch on his own god-like powers.
He clicked again and this time a chess board "They say you can learn all you need to know about someone after a clash of swords. I however, am not so violent so chaos chess it is."
Twilight raised an eyebrow "Chaos Chess?"
Discord sighed "Do ponies not play that anymore, it was very popular a few thousand years ago. Okay I'll go through it."
Another snap and one piece appeared on the board. It showed a small spider. "This is the basic unit. There are eight of these along the front row. They're the same as pawns but have a few extra moves. One is that it can go onto the ceiling and drop down on others." At this the spider glowed red and came alive. It scuttled across the board and jumped into the air, where it fastened against an invisible roof a few feet above the board. Discord nodded and it jumped on Twilight. She squealed and fell over backwards. Discord slapped his knee and laughed hysterically
Wiping away a tear he said "Oh that was priceless. It has been far too long I caused some chaos for a pony." Twilight incinerated the small spider with a careful beam from her horn.
She looked up, panting, at Discord "That was NOT funny. I thought we were playing a game!"
Fighting away the last of the laughs Discord answered her "Yes, yes but that was just too tempting. Very well, if you want we can continue." He gave her large puppy dog eyes while he vomited inside
Twilight sighed and rubbed her other hoof. "Maybe not, I came here to check on you but you seem far too desperate for any kind of mischief and still seem quite mean."
Discord rolled his eyes "Oh come on, it was just a joke"
Twilight looked up "Maybe, but you seem to forget that it was only a few weeks ago you tried to break apart my friendship and ruin Equestria. No pony trusts you and i was told to leave at the slightest threat." She turned around to leave
Discord snarled "Very well off you go. Leave me imprisoned in stone for another week. You have no care for just how utterly MIND DESTROYING this is for me." Twilight stuttered in her walking but carried on anyway. Stone began to shift below him and rise up slowly. Before it trapped him completely he took a quick look at one link of chain. He gave a small smile.
*
Everything is going... more or less to plan
Excellent, excellent. MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
...What are you doing
Laughing
Well, stop it
I WANT TO KILL THEM ALL!
Oh snap Bob's out
Get him! Oh no.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH HEHE I WILL DESTROY THEM ALL FOR IMPRISONING ME!
Bob calm down
NEVER!
Stop him now! He's going on a rampage
Feel...funny
I AM DISCORD!
No...no I'M DISCORD. GET BACK IN YOUR CAGE
Let me help. 3...2...1..PUSH
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MY DAY WILL COME!
This...is...getting insane
Gee, you think
Hey, wanna play some chaos chess?
Yeah, sure. I wonder when Luna is going to come again
Discord had just perfected his new game, now all he needed was some pony to play with. He focused and another version of him appeared some distance away.
It was a simple world he had created for himself in his mind. It was a tropical island surrounded on all sides by the shimmering sea. Palm trees jutted out from the ground and provided excellent shade from the searing sun above. This was all in his mind of course so there was no danger of overheating or getting sun burnt. It was a small island, only around 100 meters in any given direction but that was ideal for creating your own worlds.
He had got a lot of practice the last thousand years he was trapped in stone but even so this was still his limit for a perfect world. Having a small world allows you to concentrate on the fine details, it makes it a lot more realistic and...homely. If the world was too large then details changed. A small flower might grow several new leaves while he was concentrating on something else, this ruined his illusion of being free and reminded him he was trapped within his own mind. If he had a small world he could keep everything the same and still do something else to help pass the time as his energy grew. That was another thing...Celestia and Luna still had no idea where all his power was coming from, that would be their...
Whoa, whoa. Best not think like that, they could pop in at any moment.
"Hey, over here" Discord called to his other self.
His other self smiled before disappearing in a blaze of fire, rising again next to him frozen in ice. He still wasn't used to using chaos powers in his mind. Discord rolled his eyes and bashed his head again the ice, shattering it into small pieces which fell as rain to the floor. Of course being Discords world quite a few things were fundamentally wrong with physics but that happened in Equestria when he was around so he could still accept the world as real, which thinking back on it does show an extreme mental instability to be able to convince yourself any world is real, even when you created it yourself
Sub (subconscious) rose groaning and shook his mane, chocolate flying off in random directions. Discord missed chocolate milk. It was his all time favorite of all time, with it's smoothness, and sweetness, and milkiness. He wiped his mouth quickly before he started drooling.
He gave a small cough "Very well, i have devised a new game. Sit down while i explain." A chair appeared and Sub sat down crossing his arms. "It's very simple. You have a board like so" He thought and a chess board appeared. "There are lots of different pieces. This is a pawn, this is a rook, this..."
Sub coughed and held up one paw. Discord gritted his teeth "Yes, what is it?"
Sub took on a smug impression. "It's already been done and it's called chess. In fact you played a version of it only last week! Don't tell me you've forgotten already."
Discord concentrated for a moment and the world around him wobbled and faded away until it was just voices in his head
*
Yes, now that i'm not thinking about the island I can think clearer. That's such a stupid mistake to make. I would be banging my head against a post, you know if i could
This imprisonment is really getting to you isn't it
Yes, but i'm getting out today, if only for a bit.
*
Discord felt the stone slide off his skin. As soon as he regained control he fell to the floor slowly. His body hit the floor before the stone. He felt the patter of rubble on his back. While his face was buried he gave the smallest of smiles. If he judged Luna properly, and he was good at judgement, she should do THIS
He felt a small spark of energy and felt his own reserves increase minutely. This was good, he was slowly building up his own reserve of power given by both Twilight and Luna. Ah but this was only the half the plan. The rest would wait until he built up enough.
He looked up at the cold face above him. Being such a good judge of character, helped with corruption and targeting ponies weakness, he saw the small line of worry on her face.
He got up slowly rubbing his back "Sorry, i'm still having trouble adjusting to the stone." He gave a sneer. Play the blame game.
Luna rolled her eyes and used some of the chains to drag him to his feet. "You've got the evening free. But we'll be watching, closely." She narrowed her eyes.
Discord snorted "Do what you want, or even better, join in!"
Luna groaned "No, we am not going to help you perform chaos."
Discord put a claw to his heart "You wound me Luna! I only meant we should play a game together...chaos chess maybe?"
Luna's eyes practically glowed red "Twilight has told us about this game, and the trick you played."
Discord gritted his teeth "It was a harmless prank. Come on! I won't do it again."
Luna sighed "Very well, our duties do not begin until sunset. We have until then."
Discord grinned widely and crafted a small table from his imagination and brought it into reality. The board was one of the strangest things Luna had ever seen. Instead of squares there were circles and the pieces were just as odd.
Discord coughed and brought forth a 'pawn' which was shaped like a spider. "This is the pawn in this game, it has the same move set as a normal one except it can jump up the roof and drop down on enemies." He waved his hand and rows appeared on both sides forming lines of spiders. Next he summoned forth two golems. These were stone ponies which were larger and stronger than regular ponies "These act as the rooks. They can go in a straight line either horizontally or vertically and destroy any piece in their way, including your own."
Luna nodded and tried to commit the different pieces to memory. She remembered something of playing this game a few thousand years ago or so, when Discord was just an annoyance in another country. It was quite popular.
Discord continued, holding out a small dragon "These are the cavalry. This time they move five places in one direction, then two in another." The dragon gave a small roar and settled down into position at its respected place. When Luna looked back to Discord he was holding out small cannon. "This piece is not very similar to bishop as it fires 3 squares to any side including diagonals, but only three squares. And now for the final pieces" He placed two pieces in front of Luna. One was, of course, Discord. But the other was unfamiliar. It was a small earth pony with strange swirls for eyes. She had never seen anypony like this before. She raised her eyebrow.
Discord fought hard not to give up and just throw the pieces at her. "I am the king, I move as Celestia does in normal chess. The other is Screwball, you. She, once again, moves as your piece does, except she can absorb other pieces and use their move set as well as hers."
Luna coughed and held up on hoof. Discord sighed "What is it?"
Luna pointed at the small statue of the earth pony "Who or what is 'Screwball'? The others are all creatures we have seen, and met. This, Screwball, does not ring a bell."
Discord raised his eyebrows in surprise. They truly did not know of Screwball?
Then she was safe.
He smiled brightly "Oh she was a strange creature of chaos, not unlike myself who lived a long long time ago. She doesn't exist nowadays." While he kept Luna's attention on him he subtly morphed the small statue until it looked just enough that Luna wouldn't notice the difference, but would would also stop her recognising her in real life. The little Screwball looked up and giggled silently.
Luna gave a smug grin and settled down. All those thousands of years of video games had made her very, very competitive.
Discord put one paw on a piece and returned the smile "Ready?"
Luna narrowed her eyes "Go on"
The spider piece crawled forwards, threatening Discords Canon. He scowled as he realised he was trapped. An idea came to him.
"Why don't we spice things up a little?" He clicked the claws of his right hand. At once Luna's spider transformed into bat and flew off.
Luna whipped her head around and glared daggers at Discord. "What was that for, we were winning!"
Discord gave a dark chuckle "New rules. Every turn something random happens. Have fun" And moved his piece forwards. it exploded, destroying two other pieces of his. He looked up to see Luna suppressing a laugh.
He huffed and crossed his arms. Luna then shifted a golem forwards, running over two of her own but three of Discord's pieces. A spider on both teams turned into cupcakes.
Discord moved himself sideways and out of the current danger, straight into the path of Luna's trap.
Luna gave an evil smile as she moved her piece forwards. "Check mate."
Discord spluttered and looked closer. True enough his piece was cornered on all side. It looked up at him and shrugged. He sighed and lent backwards. "Very well, you win" And held out his paw.
Luna looked at it dubiously before shaking it. An almost invisible spark of energy passed through.
"Well played Discord. It has been far too long since we have played that game with anypony" Luna nodded
Discord made a pleading face "Rematch?"
Luna rolled her eyes "The time for night has come, and we must raise the moon. Maybe next time" She turned to walk away.
Discord groaned "And when will that be?"
Luna frowned "We will check up on you again soon. I know how it feels to be trapped for a thousand years with no pony." She walked off as the stone reclaimed Discord
Discord was surprised. He had forgotten about that. Now this was interesting.
Yup. Now, for the next stage I need Luna here. And I know just what to do to get her here now
What? Oh you have GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! ARE YOU REALLY THAT DESPERATE!?!?!
Yes, yes I REALLY AM!
...okay...I see....
Bob, here boy, come on. Good doggie, come here
HAHAHAHA! I KNEW YOU WOULD COME TO YOUR SENSES AND BEG ME TO RETURN AND BECOME KING OF ALL!
No
IT WAS INEVITABLE, I....WAIT? WHAT!?
I'm not giving you control
THEN I WILL TAKE CONTROL!
You won't do that either
...WHAT DO YOU WANT?
I need Luna here now. There is only one way I can think that will bring her here quick enough. And I think Steve has been here long enough...
...SAY NO MORE...THIS WILL BE FUN...
Something was wrong. Something was very wrong. Luna could feel the mental wavelength bouncing around and generally acting like a fish on land. She quickly levitated her onyx embedded dark silver crown on her head and rushed out of the doorway, pushing past her maid.
The collision went in favor of Luna and the maid flew back with a spark passing between the two. She knew she had no time to stop and she if she was alright. She would check later. "We are sorry!" She called back as she rounded the corner
She raced outside and glared at the statue.
The statue did a surprising amount of nothingness.
She sighed and quickly examined the mental threads surrounding the statue. She gasped. She could only watch as one thread was brutally ripped apart. The entire tapestry shook and quivered with the missing thread slowly fading from existence.
At once she shot out her magic releasing the stone encasing Discords body which exploded outwards, sending fragments of the sharp rock in all directions. Luna ducked under a particularly large piece and simply brushed off the dust of the smaller parts which had crashed into her.
Discord, on the other hand, stood still. Arms hung loosely by his side. His eyes stared straight ahead, not focusing. His wings stood stuck up and frozen still.
One eye slowly rolled downwards towards Luna. "Hello Lune Lune"
Luna paced nervously in front of him "Discord, what have you done?"
Discord extended one hand slowly and started to check his claws. "Now this is interesting, and also very liberating. Why has no one tried this before."
"Discord..." Luna growled
"Absolutely fascinating. There is no need to show off in the slightest. I actually understand and respect my own limits." Discord whispered dreamily.
One of the chains, a bright orange one, lifted up behind Discord and gently whacked him on the back of the head.
"Oh good Luna, you're here" Discord giggled.
"We are tired of your games! Explain yourself!"
"Of course. I destroyed Steve" He said calmly
Luna spluttered and struggled to regain her voice "You did WHAT?"
Discord looked somewhere in the sky towards the left "It's like when you wake up from a really bad dream you can't quite remember. There's just a...gap....where I know he should be. You know," He poked his head "In here"
By now Luna had become slightly scared. This was an eerily calm and collected Discord, the complete opposite as to how she's always known him to be.
"I'm glad you can be here today Luna. What I will say next comes with no arrogance or over exaggeration. I will get free, and you will help me." He said confidently
Luna could sense no trace of him lying. He fully believed he could get free. This was worse than she ever feared. Wild chaos was, in it's own way, predictable. You could always rely on it to do something you never expected and to always target and destroy order.
This was controlled chaos. It could be channeled to the most precious targets and utterly destroy them. It was like comparing a cannon to a sniper rifle. One was big and obvious and could do vast damage quickly, but is easily stopped and defended against. The other can avoid all defenses and come from no where, and may even be impossible to stop.
"And how do you plan to do that then Discord?" Luna challenged him
"Simple, you become my agent of chaos."
"Never" Luna stood her ground, ready to repel any attack
"You don't get it, do you?" Discord said lazily, flicking an imaginary fly away
Luna frowned "Get what?"
Discord smiled patronizingly and reached down with one paw out stretched. Luna saw the action and summoned the chains to keep him away. The chains writhed weakly on the ground before sluggishly wrapping around Discord. They valiantly tried to hold him but he pushed through regardless and patted Luna on the head like a younger sister
"My powers aren't only about chaos in the world, but also in the mind. Corruption is one of my strongest points." He chuckled deeply
Luna shook her head and her eyes blazed fiercely "Impossible, we feel nothing towards helping you"
Discord raised one eyebrow and clicked. A faint blue wisp traveled from his claw and wafted gently around Luna
She narrowed her eyes "What have you done?" She demanded angrily, head twisting each way as she watches the cloud
"I am in your head. That little voice that will slowly turn your thoughts and feelings to mine..The best part is yet to come. Of course with this knowledge you know you're a threat to everyone and everything just by being around them. Go on ask Celestia to send you to the moon for everyone's good. I'm sure she will be willing to part with her dear sister for another thousand years or so." Discord shook with glee, checkmate
Luna closed her eyes and thought deeply, there must be a way. "You will release us from your influence, or pay!" She screamed and the chains glowed bright and tightened viciously against Discord
Instead of the pleas she was expecting, Luna was received with only maniacal laughing "You have nothing, nothing to threaten me with. Nothing to do with all your strength."
Luna turned and ran. Fear crawled up her spine and whispered in her ear "What if he's right?"
Stone wormed it's way up and over his skin like mud, but he didn't stop laughing. Not even when his mouth was slowly sealed shut
Now that was fun
that was mean...
Yeah I guess I did slightly go overboard
SLIGHTLY?! You terrorized her! That was sadistic. You lied to her about bringing destruction to everyone she holds dear. You used to stand for something. You stood for freedom and fun and chaos.
Okay, okay. Jeez, fine. But I'm not telling her what's really happening. In the state shes in she'll cause more chaos. I'm only using the link to gain power by any chaos she's around, I'm not actually controlling her in the slightest.
Yeah, but you convinced her you are. How did you do that trick with the chains anyway?
Meh, that was nothing. She was just so surprised she couldn't concentrate properly
I ON THE OTHER HAND THOUGHT THAT WAS ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUS! MAYBE YOU AREN'T SO BAD DISCORD
Okay I have Bob complimenting me, that's when I know I've gone too far
“I don't suffer from my insanity -- I enjoy every minute of it.” ― Sherrilyn Kenyon, Dance with the Devil
You are not a smart Draconequus are you?
No, I really didn't think it through
How long has it been now?
Feels like forever, time passes so slowly doing nothing
IT'S BEEN THREE WEEKS SINCE THE NIGHT PRINCESS WAS HERE
Shut up, no one asked you
YOU WILL GIVE ME THE RESPECT I DESERVE!
Go away Bob, your starting to annoy me
I FEED ON SPLEENS!
Now that's just unnecessary
I agree
WHAT IS THIS? PICK ON BOB DAY?
Bob, even now you're trying to other throw me and take control
I HAVE A PROBLEM! DON'T JUDGE ME!
What do you want?
What?
What, do I need to give you, to get you to leave me alone
Discord....
ALL I WANT...IS A CHANCE
A chance?
A CHANCE TO PROVE MY STRENGTH AND SHOW THAT ANGER AND RAGE AND VIOLENCE IS THE ANSWER TO EVERYTHING! I DEMAND A DUEL TO THE DEATH!
Dude, we're not even real. Right now we're only voices in my head
Did you just say 'dude'? Really?
Not now Sub,
I told you, if you're going to call me Sub, call me Sub Zero!
Not. Now. Sub
But it'll be cool-
WHAT SAY YOU DISCORD THE UNWORTHY!?
Will you leave me alone then?
I WILL TEMPORARILY WITHDRAW MY CLAIM
How long
FIVE SECONDS?
...
A WEEK?
...
TWO WEEKS, AND THAT'S MY FINAL OFFER
Very well, I accept
You can't be serious
I'm bored
...itchy...
BRING IT BOB! I WILL MASSACRE YOU! I WILL **** YOU UP!
Is it possible for a split personality inside the head of a dragon hybrid to soil itself? Because I'm pretty sure I just did
THAT'S MORE LIKE IT! LET THE HATE FLOW THROUGH YOU
From the darkness shards of metal soared through the air from nowhere. Two especially large jagged shards smashed together and immediately melted and solidified as one. Thousands upon thousands rained from above destroying themselves against the ever increasing plane of pure metal
From the silvery surface a claw breached the surface and dug into the metal like butter. Slowly a darker coloured Discord pulled himself out of the metal among the rain of steel, shrugging it off as insignificant.
Lifting his arms to the air he let loose his insane laughter as he was finally free to fight Discord.
"Now this is rather bland. Is this what you thought our battleground would be like?"
Dark Discord turned snarling towards a colorful Discord who ice skated across the metal, completely ignoring the metal rain.
"YOU! NOW WE WILL FIGHT!" Dark Discord proclaimed. Laser beams shooting from his eyes and burning the shards of metal falling, turning them to fine dust that floated away with the breeze.
Discord looked on, unimpressed. "Yeah, well, that's not quite happening, is it? No. This is far to bland. Lets see." He thought for a moment before snapping his talons. A light bulb flickered on above revealing the world to be a gently sloped hill of blue grass.
"There, much better. Although..." With another click flowers of chocolate sprouted on the ground and orbs of orange light gently floated about the arena, slowly changing colour to blwello and repule.
Dark Discord stared fiercely "YOU DARE MOCK US WITH IMAGES OF HOME?"
Discord shook his head "No mocking intended. I just...wanted to see it one last time. In case I fail."
"AND FAIL YOU SHALL" Cried Dark Discord. Waves of shadows erupted from beneath him and rushed towards Discord, forming jagged spikes intent on taking him apart.
Discord yawned "If you're going to challenge me at least try"
A barrier formed in front of Discord. As the darkness passed through it it gained density and splattered across the floor as chocolate milk. Discord lazily waved his paw in Dark Discords direction and an army of rabbits wearing water melon armour with swords of pineapple slices charged from nowhere and buried him in an adorable pile of warrior rabbits.
Dark Discord screeched and the sound wave sent the bunnies flying, turning them into goblins who burped twice, farted once, then fainted
Discord shivered. His fur stood on end, crackling with electricity before releasing it all in a powerful bolt of lightning straight at Dark Discord while screaming "PIIIIIIIIIIIKKKKKKKKKKKKKKAAAAACHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!"
As Dark Discord went soaring backwards from the blast a deep voice echoed out
Discord used thunder shock. It was super effective!
Dark Discord tunneled his way out of the ground nearby, glaring fiercely at Discord "NOW I'M REALLY ANGRY!!" He screamed, body popping as his limbs rapidly expanded in size and turned a dark green colour.
"BOB SMASH" The hulk rip off proclaimed. Lifting a heavily steroid induced arm he brought it crashing down on Discord who vanished just as the fist was about to make contact.
"BOB DESTROY! BOB SMASH! BOB KILL!!" Green Discord/Bob demanded. With every word he utterly destroyed another illusion of Discord.
Discord took a sip on his straw that was buried deep in a cool glass of chocolate milk. He was lying on a deck chair completely relaxed as Bob furiously chased after fake after fake after fake. He lifted his dark sunglasses to see Bob prepare to rip the head off another fake Discord.
Anger is blinding as they say.
Do people say that?
They should
Regardless, he was disappointed. All that bluster, all that rage, and this was all he had to show for it? Running around like Discords very own pet monkey?
He pulled out a newspaper from behind him and settled down. The headline wrote out 'Bob belittles betters, beaten black and blue.'
He snorted at his own six word repetition as he enjoyed the latest gossip to not happen.
A drop splashed against his head. Discord looked up over his sunglasses to see bright pink clouds rush in above, forming a solid cloud layer. Bob stood screaming in the centre, ignoring the taunting illusion of Discord.
At once the whole arena flashed as Bob summoned lighting to crash down upon every surface of the arena. Discord screeched in a very manly way as he felt lighting strike his complete body.
Bob breathed heavily and looked around, finally seeing a Discord covered in black ash on a crumpled deck chair.
"Found...You..." He grunted
Discord shook like a dog and ash flew off in a cloud "Yes, yes, well done. You found me, eventually."
Bob's eyes flashed and he shrunk back down to regular size and once again became the mirror image of Discord except for a darker colour.
Bob closed his eyes and flames escaped from the eyelids. He growled as flames began to erupt all over his body. He held out his lion paw and talon. Flames consumed him in a twisted inferno tornado. Discord stepped back in horror. What would Bob have to gain from burning himself alive?
Slowly the twisting flames retreated and Bob's head emerged from the top gasping out for breath and eyes spinning wildly. The fire continued to shrink until Bob was left panting with a small orange orb in his claw.
In his claw, was a star
Discord gulped as the magnitude of the battle dawned on him. What he saw as a spot of good fun, Bob saw as chance to completely annihilate him. He had to stop this madness now.
Discord rushed forwards and grabbed the burning orb in his claw. The two fought for control of the star as flames shot off and destroyed the environment around them. The fabric of his mind was torn as he focused his will on crushing the star before Bob could use it against him.
Bob pulled on the star, slowly further and further away from Discord and he began grinning victoriously
"Tag team!" Came a voice from behind Bob. Bob turned his head to see another Discord come flying out of nowhere and crash into him. Bob stumbled and let go of the star, which now lay in Discords hands.
The two ordinary Discords stood in front of the Dark Discord who was currently sprawled across the non-existent floor.
The two Discords turned to each other and high-fived
The first Discord turned his attention to the miniature star in his hand and slowly clenched his fist, crushing the star into fine powder in his claws.
"Well, that was interesting to say the least" Discord concluded
Sub nodded "Did get pretty intense for a bit there"
"Thanks for the help, I could have taken him though" Discord crossed his arms
"Oh yeah sure, when he pulled that star on you, you were completely in control. Wait a second" Sub paused
The first Discord looked at him oddly "What?"
Sub looked him carefully in the eye "Were you being arrogant?"
Discord blinked once, twice. He turned slowly to see an almost invisible yellow Discord slither away into the darkness
How is that cheating!? I win fair and square. Now say your place so I can put the winning X down
Very well then, I concede defeat. Middle left
Bottom middle. BINGO!
You don't shout bingo when you win this, you shout bingo when you win at Bingo
Then what do I shout?
You don't shout anything!
VICTORY!!
Oh do be quiet
Want to play again?
No
C'mon, I finally won!
And that is why I don't want to play again. I beat you 563 times in a row! It kind of puts a damper on your mood losing after a streak like that
You wouldn't be so lonely if you hadn't scared Luna off. Is it any wonder that no one wants to visit you anymore
I suppose not
Do you think she's worked out that she's only acting as a beacon for you to absorb madness rather than being controlled yet?
Oh certainly, as soon as she actually looked into it with magic she would have realised. There was a good bit of tasty chaos when she told her sister. I think she even called in...them...for help. The stream from her has died off though so I'm not sure if she's just avoiding chaos or if those blasted elements are jamming me. Although, I think they all panicked a lot at first so all in all a success as I've gained a fraction of chaos magic back.
Knowing your luck it's the elements
A head poked up over the wall. Eyes glinted in the light before it slowly retracted.
A black hoof gingerly stepped out from the side of the wall and onto the path.The head reappeared and glanced left and right before the black fabric of the mask shifted into a grin. The pony shaped ninja bent low to the ground and scuttled forwards low to the floor. Voices echoed towards the ninja and with a quick judgment jumped into a nearby bush
"And that's when he finally collapsed, eyes crossed, the whole deal!" One guard emphasized going cross eyed himself
The other laughed "He didn't die?"
The first chuckled "Nope, tough guy only suffered severe alcohol poisoning"
The second guard shook his head dismissively "That many hard ciders would put Princess Celestia her self out, and she's an Alicorn! It would kill anything less than Discord himself."
The first made an even louder shushing noise "Not, cool. Discord's just back there!" He waved frantically behind him
The second guard groaned "He's been stuck there for months now! If he was going to get out he would have. I heard the elements managed to stop some secret plot of his involving Princess Luna"
The first guard nodded "Yeah you're right! Us one, Discord zilch! To be honest, I'm just worried about the Captain. Ever since he's met that 'Princess Cadence' he's been so distracted, she seems nice though."
The second snorted "Really? She seemed really...cold."
The first hummed "Well it was a while ago when I saw her, maybe she's had a change in attitude?"
The second laughed "Yeah, how did he ever catch the eye of a 'Princess' anyway"
The first shrugged "I think I heard something about her being his sisters foal sitter"
The second groaned again "Of course, It all boils down to Twilight, doesn't everything?"
The voices began to fade as they left the innocent bush behind. The masked face poked out again and, seeing the coast was clear, moved forward, following the direction the pony had pointed in when he mentioned Discord.
The ninja passed a statue of a stone pony holding a flag up victoriously. A nice enough statue to show off victory, but few knew the true story behind it. Or of the traitor that glared out from beneath the stone, flag still held up as she believed she had won, before Celestia surprised her with magic from behind.
The ninja spared it a quick glance but moved on. That pony wouldn't be able to help anything, let alone herself. No, the ninja was far more interested in the most powerful statue here, hiding behind a row of bushes in its own private garden.
Still locked in his terrified position as he was drowned in stone by the elements. Discords statue had not changed an inch since he was captured. The ninja, now satisfied that the target had been identified jumped forwards and rolled along the floor to the base of the statue where a ninja star was held up in case of witnesses.
The ninja spared a sigh of relief before turning back to the statue. It quickly swarmed up and around the side of the statue until it was resting on his arms and looking in his face.
"Uglier than I thought" It whispered before reaching to a pocket on it's back.
With barely a hint of noise the ninja pulled out a tiny metal spike, with hundreds of runes engraved ever so carefully into it's surface. The spike was roughly three inches long and ended in a sharp point, sharp enough to even pierce stone. The ninja grabbed the two horns and swung it's self over the Spirits head and onto the back where it held on with one hoof as it examined the back of the statues head
The ninja lined up the spike to the centre and slowly pushed inwards. Some of the runes glowed softly and the spike cut through the stone like butter. Being stone, all of Discords nerve endings didn't exist and so he wouldn't feel it going in, although he would have a splitting head ache when he got free.
Laughing silently at it's own pun, the ninja finished leaving a completely smooth back. No-one would notice, unless they were looking for it, but....
Right on time, stone slowly crawled it's way over the back, masking the spikes presence completely. The ninja nodded, satisfied of it's work. The Queen would be pleased.
It's last mission now was to go and leave note on Celestia's bad, declaring war on Canterlot
I spy with my little eye, something beginning with D
Is it a dinosaur?
Disco?
Demon?
IT IS OBVIOUSLY DAY! CORRECT ME AND I'LL KILL YOU!
It's like you lot aren't even trying, it's so obviously a Dragon!
It's probably a diamond?
STOP DISAGREEING ME WITH ME OR I SHALL BURN YOU ALL WITH RADIOACTIVE FIRE!
Bob, chill. It's just a game. What about a Dalek?
C'mon you guys! You can do it!
Dog?
DEATH!!!!! DEATH!!! DEATH!!!!
Drama Queen?
HOW ****ING HILARIOUS SUB! YOU SHOULD GET AN AWARD. 'MOST BURNED TO DEATH BY A TOASTER!!!!!'
For chaos sake Bob, relax. It's all a game to pass the time. Ummm, ohh, how about darts?
You're still all wronggggg
This is something you can actually see, right? You're not just messing with us?
No trick
fshshshhshshhhhhhhh
What about diamond?
Already said dear chap. Please at least attempt to keep up with the conversation
Am I hearing this right? Are you sure you didn't put the spike in different statues?
Darkness!
Awwww I was going to guess that next
A lady should never be tricked like that
It was okay, I guess
YOU LIE!!!!
Who would have thought, darkness again for the three hundred thousand eight hundred and thirty fourth time in a row? Can anyone actually see anything else?
Well, since our eyes don't even work we technically aren't seeing anything
Shut up Sub
Did you scramble his brain while you were in there? He's INSANE!
Hello?
I think he can hear us now. Discord? Are you there?
Discord is not in at the moment, please leave a message after the beep
Discord, if you would listen, I have a very interesting offer for you
Dammit Bob you blew my cover!
She would have guessed anyway
Bobbbbbbbb
Bobbbbbbbb
Poor show old chap
THAT WAS HILARIOUS BOB!
I hate to agree, but that was pretty good
I suppose
Discord, do not try my patience!
ALL IN A DAY'S WORK
What in the eighty circles of chaos is going on here!?
I'm confused
Steve, no talking, remeber the rules
Rules smules, I'm above all that
Steve, trust me, not now
I FEED ON SPLEENS!
Yes yes, we know already
I must say, this conversation has deviated greatly from it's original path
What was the start of it?
Something new, something we haven't seen before
Oh yeah, that new voice
hisssssss
She seems angry with us
Does she want chocolate milk?
Ohh how I could do with cool chocolate milk right now
Amen to that
Amen
Amen
Amen
Amen
Amen
Amen
AMEN!
Amen
Amen
Discord! Bring it together or I will leave you in stone to suffer for all eternity you insignificant worm!
VERY WELL, WHAT DO YOU WISH TO DISCUSS?
Bob, shove off
I AM DISCORD! THE ONE TO BATHE THIS WORLD IN BLOOD!
Don't worry, I'll distract him
I think it would be best to stay out of this
Agreed, although I believe the rest have already gone
Damn them!
Hey Bob, is that a kitten over here?
BOB KILL!
Sorry about that, I've been having slight personality issues
Discord, my patience is finished. You are lucky I have no choice
So what is all this about
First of all, is there any chance of The False Queen or her Sister entering this conversation while we talk?
I'd say around 0.5% chance of them entering. I recently placed a magical beacon within Luna to absorb chaos. They don't like me right now so I'm left to rot
Excellent. In the next few months, I am planning an invasion of Canterlot. I shall cast down The False Queen and the Insane One! I do of course realise that I alone will likely not have enough power from Shinning Armour to defeat them both. That is why I have a proposition for you
This sounds tasty, tell me more, tell me more (like did he have a car?)
What was that?
What?
There was an echo to your voice...nevermind. The point is that as much as I hate it I will need your help. I believe you will find me to be a profitable ally
Well that's all well and good but I have my own problems to deal with right now
I am well aware of this. I believe that if we supply you with magic, even if it does come from love, once converted into arcane power should help restore you. Then as we invade there should be enough chaos for you to break free.
An interesting proposal indeed. You seems to have read up well on my legend as well. And all you want me to do is defeat Celestia and Luna and The elements? I remember that going well twice
Don't worry, I can deal with the elements, and from all the power I have gained from Shining Armour I will be able to weaken The False Queen considerably. All I ask is you finish her and her sister. And then, you will not bother my subjects anymore!!
I'm sensing some tension here
You turned my great grandmother and her swarm into daffodils!
That would be it.
I am willing to forgive and forget however. Together, we could rule all of Eqius!
You don't aim low do you? Not even satisfied with just Equestria?
All shall bow before me and my subjects will feast forever!
You seem power mad, insane, narcissistic, cold and manipulative. I like you. Very well, a deal it is
Not so fast. I am no fool to take the word of the Spirit of chaos. Swear by the Elder Gods
...It was worth a shot. I could of course refuse and simply regain by power normally and break free in about 890 years or so. Of course that would be far too boring.
Elder Gods hear my call. I hereby swear on both soul and magic to aid Chrysalis in her plot against Celestia and Luna and afterwards I will cause no problems for her or her swarm
I do not recall giving my name...
You think this mind link is one way?
STAY OUT OF MY MIND
Aww, poor queeny weeny.
I am beginning to think I will regret this decision
When I am free, I will be sure to hug you extra hard
I will connect you to the main feeding hub soon. Await my signal
Miss you already!
shhhhh, I just lost Bob in our memories
Ooh, which one?
Our first reign of chaos over the Griffon Lands
Good times, very chaotic. They sure can dance well. Bob should be stuck there for a while, he won't risk damaging those memories.
So how did the negotiations go?
Very well. We have an ally who will supply us with magic in order to strengthen us and will provide large scale chaos in order to trigger our release. She has also promised to deal with the elements.
That's...pretty good actually. What do we have to do?
We have to aid her in dealing with Celly and Loony. We must also leave her and her subjects alone afterwards. I remember changelings being good fun to mess with in the past.
Did you promise to the Elder Gods?
She was smarter than I thought
Did I promise the Elder Gods?
Of course you didn't....wait, you didn't, I did
Exactly
Sub you're a genius!
I try my best
Incoming Magic Transfusion
Here it comes...
My body is ready
Transfer in 3, 2, 1
WOAH MOMMA!
By the Lords of Chaos! A demigod collected this much Magic!!??
Why would she need to invade Equestria with this much magic? This would surely feed her subjects for generations.
I think she wants complete control of everything
Ahh, so I'm to be her trump card if she's willing to spend such vast resources?
Seems that way
Power transfusion complete
She must be putting everything into this invasion.
Do we have enough power to break free?
No, while substantial, this is still nothing on par with a God. Her invasion will have to be pretty chaotic if i'm going to even have a chance of breaking out, let alone defeating Celestia and Luna
I may have discovered something that will actually help
Do tell
Well, using the power we just got, I may be able to create a minor rift to the Human world
This is excellent news! Those silly humans, so crazy and psychotic and chaotic. This could provide us with great chaos energy
Yes well, there is a slight catch
This can not be good
Well, the rift won't be that big, you know how much power even the tiniest of fractures costs. By my estimates it will give us slightly more power by the time of the invasion than if we just left it. Also the Elder God in question that has allowed it requires another factor
What? Spit it out already
Well, apparently It has been following our progress and has put it up in the human world as a joke. He demands that you answer the human questions
Oh Chaos I knew it would be bad
It would be worth it though
Fine, open the damn rift already. Maybe it will solve the boredom problem, if only with inane questions
Pen Brush "Discord, can you please name all of your...friends, I know that Bob is your anger and Steve is your arrogance, but who are the others? And do you have more then you previously said?"
...How long have they been watching me?
I don't know, but I'm scared
Do you think they heard the conversation about....you know....
It couldn't be that cruel, could It?
It is an Elder God, you know what they're like
Maybe if you answer well enough he will allow you to keep your privacy?
I feel violated
I'm nervous, just answer the question already!
Fine. Okay breathe in and out. I am the Circle and the Circle is me. Okay. Well, Pen Brush, first of all, friends is a very strong word. Especially for these guys. Let's see. My main split personalities are based of my strongest emotions, those of Disharmony. So first of all we have, well me, I suppose. I am Chaos, I form the core of my personality. I am the opposite of the Magic Element of Harmony. Don't misunderstand as magic in general, only the magic of friendship, I am very magical myself (especially in looks). Then there's Sub, who is my subconscious, duh. He is the only one I would describe as a real friend in here, except maybe Jim as well.
You have no idea how touched I am to hear you say that
Yeah yeah, pack it in. Anyway, Sub is a direct shadow of me, except he is stronger in tune to my deeper and hidden feelings and thoughts. Then there's Bob who is next strongest, unfortunately. He is my anger and rage, direct opposite to that pathetic Flowerfly
Fluttershy
Whatever, he is opposite to her kindness. Actually, thinking on it, Chaos and Friendship does have something in common. Laughter, or in Jim's case mischievousness.
Hehehe
So there he is. There's also Deceit, who actually hasn't formed his own split personality yet, give me another few years trapped in stone and I'm sure that part of me will split of as well. Richard is a surprise. I have almost no boring emotions at all. I am the most fun in the entirety of creation. Yet somehow he formed, not too weak as well. So Richard is boring.
Whatever
For Treachery, the opposite of loyalty, I have Sir Baron. He prides himself on acting like a gentleman, but will stab you in the back at the earliest moment
Quiet right old chap
Selfishness, and femininity as well (I never knew I had it in me) is the lovely Sally
Good evening Darling's!
That's all the elements opposites, then there is another huge part of my personality, laziness
Leave me out of this, sounds like too much work
A relatively new one is John, who is my intelligence (which is incredibly vast)
A pleasure to meet you
And finally Steve, who, as much as I hate to admit it, is a huge part of me. Even if I'm not arrogant! I just really am that good!
What are you talking about, I do ALL the work!
Steve, no, bad dog! No talking! That is pretty much all my split personalities. Do you think the Elder God will be satisfied to leave me alone?
I highly doubt it.
My Life of Discord "Has Bob every tried going to anger management classes? Also, what are the names of all of Discord's different emotions that have taken form?"
For the second part, see above. For the first, well, let me show you a memory of Bob trying to go to anger management. I forcibly enrolled him once, as a joke and let him have control of the mouth in the psychiatric's office
It was a beautiful day in Manehatten. Except for all the birds singing death metal. But that was because of the Draconequus that just entered the office of Dr Fix. A terrified assistant showed him the way to the room and let him in.
Sitting inside on a plush red chair sat a very relaxed pony. He gave of an aura of serenity and peace and Discord found it hard to keep disliking him. When he saw Discord he paused for a moment before smiling openly and gesturing towards a large red sofa. Discord settled down, breaking it.
"So Discord, how can I help you?" He asked patiently. Discord was surprised he wasn't openly hostile towards him as most ponies were, but then he probably thought he was going to be the one to calm Discord and save the day! The great hero who worked out Discords problems and stopped his rampage after he escaped from stone. Little did he know that Discord was simply here to mess with Bob
"Well Dr Fix, I wondered if you could help me with Bob" Discord started
"Please, call me Quick. Could you explain to me who Bob is?" Quick asked gently
"Of course Quick, he's my anger that has formed it's own personality"
"Ah" Quick paused, troubled "Well, could I talk to Bob please?"
Discord grinned evilly "Of course"
"DISCORD YOU SON OF A LEFT FOOTED MOON TOAD!!" Discord roared
"Can I assume you're Bob then?" Asked Quick Fix
Bob smiled "YOU DO WELL TO KNOW AND FEAR ME PUNY MORTAL!"
Quick Fix frowned, as if a child had disappointed a parent "Now Bob, why all the rage?"
Bob glared down at him "HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO INDULGE AN ALL-CONSUMING URGE TO KILL WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE OPPOSABLE THUMBS? OR HANDS? OR BEING ANYTHING OTHER THAN A SPLIT PERSONALITY INSIDE AN IDIOT!! YOU'D HAVE A LOT OF PENT UP ANGER TOO."
Quick Fix nodded. "This is understandable Bob. People judge you for this when it isn't your fault, don't they?"
Bob began a withering retort but stopped, and nodded slowly
Quick Fix smiled understandingly "Now, could you take a look at a few inkblots and tell me what you see?"
Bob sighed heavily "I SUPPOSE, IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVE A CHOICE WHILE DISCORD KEEPS ME HERE"
Quick Fix got up from his chair and pulled a number of pictures of a shelf. He sat back down in his chair and put one picture down on the table in front of Bob. An easy one for a start, he thought, the ink blot clearly showed a flower
"A NUCLEAR EXPLOSION!" He grunted, satisfied
The doctor blinked and pulled it back before putting another down. This one was obviously a house
"A BURNING ORPHANAGE!" Bob proclaimed
Okay, one more Quick Fix reasoned. He put forward a picture of the Elements of Harmony
"SCUM OF CREATION!!!!!" Bob roared, briefly by passing Discords control and smashing the table to pieces
Quick Fix squealed and struggled to remain calm. "Okay then" He said shakily "How about word association instead? I'll say a word, and you say the first thing to come into your head."
"VERY WELL"
Quick Fix gulped loudly "Sunshine"
"EXTINGUISH"
"Life"
"END"
"Rabbit?"
"STEW"
"Water"
"DROWN"
"Stone"
Bob stopped. He started shaking before roaring out of control "NEVER SHALL I BE IMPRISONED IN STONE AGAIN!" With a beat of his wings he shot up into the air, straight through the roof where a flaming out line of Discord was left behind. Quick Fix collapsed in his chair, sweating, and pulled out a bottle of the hardiest cider known to ponies from his safe, and downed it all in one go
Good times
Wasn't that when you split yourself up to cause more chaos after defeating the Elements?
Yes, so much fun after so long in stone
JBL "So Discord, have you ever considered recruiting Pinkie Pie as a follower? She's almost as chaotic as you are (careful, she might be planning to usurp your title as Lord of Chaos), and I'm sure for a suitable quantity of chocolate rain, she would be yours hook, line and sinker!"
A good point
Of course, in my original plan I had intended to force all the elements into my servitude, for a while at least. Pinkie, ahh Pinkie, she was fun. She's the only one I don't really mind. It would be great if she would be my agent of Chaos. Sadly, she is too devoted to her friends. I can see strong links between her and them. Believe it or not, friendship is more important to her than anything else, and I doubt even chocolate rain would be enough.
What about her usurping your title as Lord of Chaos
Bah! Impossible! I am the greatest Chaotic thing to exist. Yes she may be crazy and have some weird powers, but mine are so much stronger. I'll let you in on a little secret...I don't have a God complex, I am a God!
Alexanderan "Discord, how do you think Steve managed to survive Bob's undeniable fury and do you think you could destroy Steve again?"
I'm still not exactly sure. It is undeniable that Bob's fury is incredibly powerful. However, I believe it's the fact that Steve is too big a part of me. I am far too arrogant for him ever to be destroyed, as much as I may wish it.
Woooo! To big for even Discord to handle me!
Deep breath. Anyway, even if I thought I could destroy Steve, which I can't, I wouldn't. Think of having your mind split open. Think of the worst head ache you've ever had. Now multiply it by a billion, and a few millions for fun. That's how much it hurts. It is not normal to try and destroy a segment of your own mind. It's easier if I just accept him. And move on
Take that Disco!
As much as I unbelievably hate it
Mr Spartan "How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"
All of it
That's it?
I don't know! For some reason the throwing abilities of woodchucks has never been high on my to do list
Well, yeah. But you still could come up with a bit imaginative of an answer
Fine, once I get out of stone I'll give a woodchuck the ability to throw wood. Then we'll see how much wood a woochuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
Impressive you got through that
Please, I invented tongue twisters
Alexanderan Discord, have you ever tried making an entire world, or at least a country, and not care about the inconsistencies that would happen within that country? Another question. Have you ever tried to make a copy of Celestia in your imagination and make her do silly things like saying un-mare-like things? (That would be hilarious)
Haven't we already had a question from this guy?
Just answer him already
Fine. Alexanderan. Do you know how hard it is to create a world? First of all you either have to create the entire matter to go into a planet or rip it from other worlds. Then you have to mash it together into such a dense state it turns into magma and forms it's own gravitational field. Once you have the base of the planet then you need to force create a atmosphere of gases around the planet. Then you've got a barren world with a barely breathable atmosphere. Let alone gathering bacteria from other worlds to create an entire eco-system on the new world. Then I'll have to wait several million years for life to properly develop. And life won't be intelligent enough for another few million years for messing with it to be fun. So yes, I have thought about creating my own world, but it wouldn't be worth it
And as for a country, where do you think Equestria came from?!? Before those ponies showed up it was a wonderful country of Ice spirits and chaos. Then they arrived up and were so unbelievably fun, for a while. Before of course they started discovering friendship and beating back the Ice and Wind spirits I sent after them. Then they formed the Crystal Empire against me. And then of course came King Artemis and Queen Sol and banished me from the country, asserting their darling children Celly and Lune Lune as Princesses. I took the opportunity to take a tour of the world until their magic influence faded. The rest is history
I don't think he asked for your life story
Who wouldn't want to hear it though?
A fair point
As for the point of Celly, I have created an image of her once and messed around with it a lot in my past confinement. However the novelty wears off because as much as I want it it is a fake, and often forgets to react as how she would, and instead how I want her too. Same with Luna. Besides, I'm not petty enough
Who are you kidding, your incredibly petty
No one asked you Sub
Alexanderan How many years of waiting did Chrysalis save you from by giving you all that arcane energy? Another question. You found out Chrysalis' name; what else did you extract from her mind?
Okay, now this is getting creepy
I'm pretty sure this guy is your No.1 Stalker
Although, this has been at least slightly entertaining to doing nothing
I suppose
Well, roughly all the magic I have gained from Queeny should be enough for 300 years or so. But this is only to reach the bare minimum strength to break free. Also I regain magic at an incredibly slow rate while trapped in stone. It all depends on how much chaos there is near to me. It also helps I went into stone with a lot more power this time around and this portal should decrease the time even further. As long as her invasion is really chaotic I might be able to break free at the right time, although I doubt it. No matter what happens it won't be long until freedom is mine!
And from her mind, well, not too much. She's so focused on the invasion all I could really get was numbers of troops and other boring irrelevant details such as Changeling Behemoths and the Love Death Cannon of Doom.
keaton-furman-prower What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow? Also, what is your favorite color?
The last person to ask me that ended up in a crevice
Green
Quiet down Sub, I'm the star here. Lets see, Hooloovoo, a super intelligent shade of blue
A whistle shrieked through the arguing crowd of Discords. At once they all turned to the Discord to walk onto the pitch.
"Quiet down you lot." He demanded, quickly ducking under the extended claw of a red Discord
"How are we going to decide teams?" Asked one of the Discords
"An excellent question Sub, we flip a coin!" He answered confidently
"If this is in our mind won't the flipping be biased?" John asked, raising a paw
"A fair point" conceded Discord. He put a tail to his chin for a second before clicking his claws. "Okay we need two team leaders then!"
"MAKE ME THE OTHER TEAM LEADER SO I CAN SHOW YOU YOUR SPINE!" Bob demanded, slamming one foot into the ground for extra effect.
Discord pretended to ponder for a while "Um...no. Sir Baron, I trust you the least. Other team you are"
Sir Baron humphed "'Tis it not enough you have roped us into this game for peasants but also insist on us leading?"
"No. I pick Sub" Discord called out and Sub punched the air and did a backwards cartwheel to Discord. If you can't think how to do a backwards cartwheel then you're thinking with too much physics.
Sir Baron stroked an impressive moustache that appeared from no where "Very well, then I pick Bob"
Bob roared black flames towards the sky and jumped next to Sir Baron
"I WILL PICK MY TEETH WITH YOUR RIBS!" Bob shouted, pointing at Discord
Discord buried his face in his mismatched limbs "I asked for that. Anyway, Jim, get over here!"
Jim punched the air and ran over to Discords side
"Heheheheheheh this is going to be SO much fun!" Jim whispered evilly, rubbing his hands together
Sir Baron rolled his eyes "Very well then" Sir baron summoned a pokeball and threw it near his feet "Steve, I choose you!"
"Stevey Steve Steve!" Steve proclaimed as he appeared in a burst of light
Discord groaned "Are you just trying to piss me off?"
Sir Baron nodded "Yes, of course. It wasn't obvious? Fool."
"Urgh, fine. John, your with me" Discord told him
John walked forward and nodded "That was a tactically wise decision Discord"
Sir Baron waved them away with one paw "Irrelevant, you shall all taste the bitter wine of defeat. Sally, come forth."
Sally giggled and blew Discord a kiss "Sorry Sweetie, I won't play nice, even against you." She winked and Discord blushed ever so slightly
"Why are we still here?" Richard called out
Standing alone was one grey Discord standing awkwardly, unsure with what to do with his arms. Another brown Discord was fast asleep on the floor
Discord clicked his tongue with irritation. "Because out of all of us, you two are the least likely to do anything fun. Fine, come over here Richard" He conceded
Richard yawned "Whatever" He mumbled, walking next to Discord
Sir Baron clenched his teeth "Mark, get up!"
"Five more minutes." He demanded lazily
Bob leant down over him and whispered in his ear "DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE OVER 1000000 WAYS I COULD KILL YOU IN ANY GIVEN ROOM, WITH OVER 10000 USING THE ENTIRE ROOM. IF YOU DON'T GET UP AND JOIN MY TEAM IN THIS FOOTBALL MATCH I WILL SHOW YOU PERSONALLY EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM"
Mark shot up and put one claw to his head in a poor salute "Mark ready and reporting for duty Sir. We will crush the enemy with all our strength!"
Bob nodded, satisfied. A cough echoed out behind him
"I do believe this is my team Bob, stand down." Sir Baron demanded
Bob looked to the other members of his team. "MUTINY!!" He barked. Jumping at Baron with medieval armour appearing around his body. Sir Baron yelped and shrunk to the size of a mouse.
"We've already got this" Sub whispered to Discord. Discord chuckled and continued to watch Bob chasing a tiny Sir Baron around the pitch.
"Okay, so Bob is team leader then?" Steve asked cautiously
"YES." Bob glared at him
"Where's Barony then?" Sally asked sweetly
Mark jabbed a thumb to the side of the pitch "He's gone off sulking"
"Dammit Bob, you scared him off" Sally scolded Bob. Bob just shrugged and turned away from the team huddle
On the other side was Discord, Sub, John, Richard, Jim and a ghost image of Sir Baron who was secretly offering aid to get back at Bob.
Sir Barons ghostly head nodded "Very well, I shall infiltrate the other team and I shall sabotage them from the inside!"
"Go and do what you do best, you manipulative traitor" Sub complimented
Sir Baron accepted the compliment with a smile and faded, returning control back to his body
Sir Baron stood up straight and walked back over to the other group. Bob glared at him and raised an eyebrow. Sir Baron sighed "I accept you to be the leader of this team Bob, if you would allow me I will rejoin as a lower ranking officer"
Bob nodded and motioned his head towards the other Discord's. "KILL THEM, AND WE HAVE NO QUARREL"
Sir Baron nodded, claws crossed behind his back
The teams slowly walked each other, squaring off. It was time for the ultimate battle. Chaos vs Chaos. Madness vs Madness. This would be the greatest football match to ever not happen, and only occur in imagination.
Until a annoying buzzer sounded off, drowning the entire pitch in noise
"What in the name of Tartarus is that?" Mark demanded
Discord groaned and turned to the sky "Chaos damned questions is what that is! Fine, fine! Just stop that infernal buzz!"
At once the noise went off. Discord vanished from the pitch, leaving all but Sub completely confused as to what was going on. Sub grinned awkwardly and vanished as well. Leaving the Discords behind to once again argue
Page_Turner Q: Which persona, besides Jim and Sub is your most dominant one? Also, what did you do to Tia and Luna to get you imprisoned in stone the first time?
Besides? Bob is my most powerful one. Then Sub and after that Jim. Do you know how annoying it is when your strongest split personality is also the most rebellious one?
How's it going?
Bah, I change my mind. Opening this rift WAS a bad idea.
Too late now
I am well aware of this fact Sub. How kind of you to point out the obvious to me. On the other claw, well, Celly and Luny would probably throw such around such harsh terms like 'terrorism', 'kidnapping' and 'The complete and utter destruction of Canterlot'. While these may technically be true, I want it to be known it was all in good fun and no pony was hurt in the process. Besides, everyone likes castle sized chocolate! There was a lot of things but I think that was the final straw with them. However, unlike a certain pair of Princesses I don't believe in imprisoning someone in stone to suffer for thousands of years.
You do now
Well, maybe, but only on Celly. I already got my just desserts with Luna
What, the whole beacon thing?
Don't be stupid Sub. I'm talking about after I was first imprisoned in stone.
Discord, don't even talk about it. If Luna was to ever find out...
Of course. I'm afraid I can't fully answer your question then Page_Turner
The1templar Dear Lord Discord, if you didn't choose to be the Lord of Chaos and still had your powers, what would you be?
I don't understand the question. Why would I choose NOT to be the Lord of Chaos? I fit it so perfectly!
Fine, what if you couldn't be Lord of Chaos?
Retired. I'll find a nice continent with no Gods as leaders and spend a long time just slowly spreading my
Because you turn into an insane monster when you give in to your madness. Better?
Better. Sorry. Calm thoughts, calm. Chocolate milk. Popcorn storms. Cotton candy clouds. Anyway. If I couldn't be Lord of Chaos, then I would become a super villain!
Aren't you already a super villain?
No! I'm a superhero! A superhero of FUN! That is what it means to be Lord of Chaos!
keaton-furman-prower Have you ever considered the possibility that one of the Element bearers (For example, Fluttershy) could make you turn good?
Discord stepped forward, his grey mane waving dramatically in the the tornado scale wind. Behind him was Sub, Jim, Richard trying to look tough, and failing magnificently, and John looking on in despair at his team members. Directly opposite to him stood Bob, at least twice as tall and with flames pouring from his eyes. Behind him stood Sally doing her nails, Mark secretly sleeping under the cover of sunglasses, Steve stood atop a podium, cheering to an invisible audience with a gold medal around his neck and Sir Baron twirling a knife around his claws, occasionally taking a practice aim at Bob's back.
They stood there for several seconds, tension so thick you could cut it with a butter knife, which is what Jim did and spread it across a piece of toast.
"Kick off!" announced Discord and with a mighty kick sent the football rocketing towards the goal. Bob jumped forwards instead of pursuing the ball to take Discord out instead. The ball neared it's target, gaining speed and beginning to glow orange until Mark lazily flipped through the air and sent it back with a backward flip kick.
Sally stopped it with a hoof and then picked up the ball with one lizard foot (claw?), balancing it on top. She lifted it high above her head before spinning and releasing it. Sub blocked it with his fifth foot and tapped it up into the air for Richard to unleash a devastating heel drop straight to John who followed the ball with icy cold focus. As soon as it reached him he kicked it gently, where it bounced away, seeming to have a mind of it's own as it bounced of the calculated areas of the earth and avoiding the entire enemy team.
The ball was just about to pass the line until Mark did something unexpected by John. He moved to stop the ball. When the ball was saftely stopped by his lizard foot, he ducked under a gout of fire caused by the rampaging war between Discord and Bob before slamming the ball with the tip of his hoof. The ball span in an arc, flying off to the left before curving straight towards the goal. Jim put one claw to his left temple, and a 'finger' (I have no idea) of his paw to his right temple. The ball slowly came to a stop with no obvious means of the barrier that stopped it.
Jim closed his eyes and the ball floated high and away from the goal, over the heads of the Discord's at the match. It would have continued straight into the goal except Jim was crushed by Discord and Bob rolling across the pitch in a dust cloud with fists and kicks randomly shooting out ever so often.
The ball fell back to the ground where Steve had finally decided that it was the perfect time for a star such as him to enter the fray. He was quickly bowled over Discord who escaped from Bob for a precious second, which he decided would be best put to use attacking Steve. The ball flew out of the now three way battle between Bob, Steve and Discord and into the (dodgy) hands of Sir Baron. He took a quick glance back to see Mark resting against a pole, drool making it's way from his mouth to the floor.
Sir Baron's eye twitched and he roared triumphantly, shooting the ball straight to his own goal. With Sally on the wrong side of the pitch, Steve and Bob killing each other and Discord and Mark asleep it rolled gently past the line across the ground.
A giant fanfare went up. A sign rose from the ground screaming (yes, literally)
GOAL!
Fireworks shot out from behind the goal, straight into the disgraced Mark's backside, awaking him with a whiny yelp as he caught fire. Ostriches came out of a tunnel under ground, doing the conga. Each was painted a flattering shade of fluorescent yellow. Freddie Mercury rose from the ground, one arm raised in the air, eyes closed and with a pole with a microphone at the top in the other hand towards the ground, wearing his white outfit with a yellow coat which flapped dramatically.
He raised the microphone to his mouth as he started singing
"We are the Champions, my friend"
As this rock legend continued his awesome song. The ball reappeared at the center of the pitch. Sally stared at it tiredly before looking up to look at the chocolate tornado that contained the three battling Discords
"And we will keep on fighting, to the end"
Sub sighed and looked back at Sally "Still want to play? Even if it basically is only you..." He trailed off as he looked at the enemy team. Bob and Steve were now in a cotton candy thunder cloud which sparked off caramel. Mark was sleeping to one side of the goal, an ice pack covering his bottom half. Sir Baron was busy to one side with a chalk board with a clear title of How to remove Sally and claim victory for myself.
Sally groaned "It would be horrifically one sided"
Richard was preening his Pegasus wing, but keeping an eye out for the start of the match. Jim was laughing with a box of popcorn watching the fight in the cloud and occasionally throwing in bits of popcorn to keep the fighters agitated. Jim was using a similar chalk board to Sir Baron to devise his game winning plan, so far all the was written down was
1.Play football 2.Score goals 3.???? 4.Profit
Discord stepped up behind Sub and nodded to Sally. "I suppose it would be rather boring for such an easy victory"
Sub shook his head and looked between the fighting and Discord and the cloud. "I thought you were in there" He pointed at it with his claw.
Discord chuckled "Oh no, I slipped out. That's just Steve and Bob fighting. Now, in order to make this fair, a change of teams is needed. Who wants to join Sally? Sir Baron, you're not fooling anyone, we can all see the mines you planted in the pitch just know. Take a time out in the corner"
"CHAOS DAMMIT!"
"I believe it would be only fair should our strongest player, me, join Sally. I also believe to make the teams fair Richard should join us."
Jim grinned maliciously "That sounds delicious! Bring it!" He bashed two fists together and sent a thin layer of ice to cover the pitch
Richard shrugged "Whatever, I suppose it should be slightly interesting"
Sub lunged forward, sliding along the ground to smash into the ball and send it towards the goal. Discord came from from the right and shot it straight into the opposite side of the net. Sally appeared in a swirl of rose petals to kick the ball back with a flaming hoof. Discord intercepted it on it's path to Richard and beat it back to Jim who's leg turned into stone to deliver a powerful shot
Richard blocked with his head and bounced it on his right knee, left foot, head again, right foot three times, head and back down to his foot before kicking it hard.
The pass went straight to John who dribbled it up the pitch, avoiding a lighting sword strike from Sub, a stream of chocolate milk from Discord that formed a swimming pool in the centre of the pitch, and a swarm of particularly bad tempered hamsters sent by Jim. Regardless of all that John continued his journey and soon the goal was in sight. All that was left was all three of them having teleported and now standing goalie.
John feinted to the right, preparing a fake shot. All three fell for it and crashed into each other in the corner of the goal. John smirked and crossed it to Sally who blew the three Discord crumpled mess before shooting it neatly into the goal.
This time there was no over the top celebration, except for the zeppelin.
And maybe the marching band
Fine, there was an entire procession of lions, panther's doing the worm, Elephants balancing balls on top of their trunks and dogs walking on hind legs with spinning plates atop poles on each front paw. This consisted in the hundreds and did their march all around the pitch before vanishing in a puff of smoke.
Discord clapped slowly "Now that was impressive, even for the three of you combined to imagine."
Sub and Jim rolled their eyes and reluctantly clapped Sally, Richard and John
"MY PLAN WAS SO MUCH BETTER!"
"Shut up!" They all called out
In the silence that followed, Mark dreamily called out "*snort* Shut up" Before rolling over and away from the group
"Well that was good, but if you don't mind, now that the match is pretty much over I am quite interested to see how Steve and Bob are doing" He said, motioning towards the bubble gum bubble where the battle raged.
He put on a pair of large sunglasses and pulled up a chair next to Jim to enjoy the fighting.
Sub, Richard, Sir Baron, John, Sally and Jim all looked to each other before shrugging at the same time. They all walked over to the huge angry cloud of a rich dark chocolate where a TV screen showed Bob strangling Steve while he hit him in the face repeatably with a rubber hammer. They all pulled out various chairs suiting their needs (for example, full massage and nail painting luxury chair for Sally) and sat down to enjoy the entertainment.
If you were going to cook the Elements of Harmony, what would the recipe look like?
I tried eating the elements of Harmony once. Absolutely disgusting. For a recipe, I would add the elements to a bowl, add in magma taken from the heart of Equis. Whisk it with an axe. Add a pinch of salt. Put into the centre of the sun for 25-30 mins. Add in undiluted chaos, just pour the stuff in. Finally, sprinkle with sugar, serve with a scoop of ice cream and a glass of cold chocolate milk
That sounds pretty good actually
Well, once you take them out, we can do that and share it between us. To Victory!
Is Sally the only female persona? On that note, do you have any as-yet unseen personas that your collective identity despises so much that you have all worked together (even Bob) to suppress them?
No, Sally is my femininity so she's the only one who's female. Isn't it bad enough for a guy to even have one female split personality? Let alone more. Also, how could a split personality of me be despised that much? It's me! Of course they will be awesome to some degree. Steve is a pain, but he still has my amazing and godlike looks and aspects.
How could you not love me?
I'm still trying to get over the fact there's a female Discord
Do you want to talk about boys Chrissy?
Well, there was a prince called Sombra I heard of.....NO! You're still Discord!
If you ever got out again what would be the first thing you would do?
Chocolate Milk. All of the chocolate milk. Bathe in a pool of chocolate milk
What about The False Queen and the Lunatic?
Fine, I'll deal with them after chocolate milk
LAY WASTE TO CANTERLOT!
I believe, Discord, that it would be wise to leave the chocolate milk until after Celly and Luna have been delt with. Then it will be possible to indulge for a much longer period of time without interruption
Hey Discord, have you ever met or talked with the elder god that created humanity? You know, big guy, white beard, white robe, has a terrifying temper but is fairly nice most of the time. What was he like? He seems to have a taste for not giving humans magics except for the ability to see the future (something which Equestrians like you seem to be sorely lacking). Did he bitch slap you out of the reality he made when you (most likely) acted up? Did he have a talk with you about your ways? What about his estranged son, the fallen angle Satan who believes humans are inferior?
Don't make me laugh! The world was wonderfully chaotic place of mine, if a bit violent. I even tried to introduce sorcery, witchcraft, unicorns, pokemon, everything over the years! But NOOOOO! 'Humans are wonderful creatures that should be brought together instead of always fighting' BAH! He tossed me out, calling on the Elder God's for support. He may have tried to talk once or twice, but I was not interested in 'helping the fragile humans to develop'! And Satan? Don't even get me started! I just wanted some fun, that guy was a psycho! 'Humans are mere insects to crush beneath my foot'. I'd rather get kicked out then team up with him!
Yes, I respect other species and have no wish to capture them and force them into servituse or anything like that...
Sorry, did you say something?
Nope, nothing
And what's this about them having the power to see into the future?
I LIKED HIM! SKULLS ARE GOOD THRONE MATERIAL!
Well of course you would
Discord, when you are released. Please restrain Bob inside.
Yo Discord I heard ya'll are insane in the membrane. So my next question is have you ever been exposed to the presence of the entity known as (looks around nervously)...Cthulhu.
Of course! We're good friends, Tuesday to Saturday. Usually we try to just stay out of each others way on Sundays and Mondays. I used to meet him every month for tea. Until, well, you know. Anyway, I must say his tea was exquisite! However, we still don't agree on the whole killing business.
I agree. Killing is such a waste of resources compared to forced servitude working in the mines!
Q: Who is your favorite pony out of the mane six (not counting Fluttershy) Also, do you like PIE?
Why do you say not counting Flitterice?
I believe it is Fluttershy
Nobody cares. The point is she is the one I like the least! To think of that weak doormat daring to take a part in acting against me! I loathe her. And haven't I made it clear dear old Pinkie is the only one I really like? She's so fun, even if annoyingly attached to her friends. And of course I love pie! Especially my new 'Elements of Harmony burnt to a crisp' pie recipe.
I will enjoy feasting upon the love the elements contain!
In your youth, did you ever have any difficulties controlling your powers? Were you born with only one fang or did someone give you a mean right hook?
As for the fang, I have always had one. And you have to admit, it is incredibly cool isn't it? The point is that I am a god of chaos. Having two would mean symmetry, and symmetry is order. As for the powers... well having almighty chaotic powers isn't as easy as you would think it is. On the hand it's so much easier than anything. My power comes from the chaos around me. This is what gives me strength and my powers. If there's too little chaos then I won't be strong enough and I can't fully manifest them. On the other hand too much chaos is hard to control. During my early years I would often switch between causing too little chaos in boring places and going crazy in mad places. It took a long time for me to learn to control it properly and not simply turn every living creature I came across into a blabbering wreak.
I has uno question.... If u dislike the elements of harmony and being locked up in stone... then why are you being a idiot and not take care of the problem? Like send one into the future or something... wouldn't kill them amiright... honestly if you're going to spread Kaos do it right!
Oh Chaos where to start. *you *an *taking *am I right *Chaos
He does raise a good point
Fine. the point is that I'm a god of chaos, not cruelty. Also time travel is illegal. Except for that one annoying, stupid Doctor... Anyway! The point is while I do hate the elements of Harmony they are kinda powerful. As in put a god of chaos into stone powerful. For one they not allow me to send one of the elements away. I succeeded last time because I gave those stupid element bearers a good fighting chance to get them back. The elements are not kind. They represent harmony, not friendship, a common misconception. While friendship is the ultimate form of harmony they are primarily a force of order, to balance me and my elements of Disharmony out. And yes, I do not kill. Also, how can I do anything from stone? I can not 'take care of the problem'. Believe me, when I get free I will use everything I have to destroy the elements and not go back in stone. I thought it would be so much more to simply split them up and living in a state of disorder. To be fair, it should have worked. I have no idea how they recovered to beat me. Besides, even if I did send one through time or got rid of one, it would cost me a lot of power and Celly would come after me full force with Luna. Bye Bye freedom. Didn't think that through did you?
Do you like waffles? and What is the meaning of life?
Yes, yes I do. I mean seriously, who doesn't!?
Me?
LIAR!
I'm on a no physical food diet in preparation for becoming high Queen of all
Whatever, you have to still love waffles, right? Just picture them in all their glory..
...
YOU! GUARD! YOUR QUEEN DEMANDS WAFFLES NOW!!
What?
Not to you, stay out. I DON'T CARE ABOUT THAT! BRING ME WAFFLES!!
As for the meaning of life, 42.
To be my slave and obey my every command. Oh I missed these waffles so much. HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT GUARD! 1 MILLION YEARS PRISON! NO TRIAL!
Quick question............ What would you do if you imagined all of equestria except genderswapped to the last pony with you in charge and luna banished to the sun while celestia was banished to the moon?
Um....what?
Where do these people get these ideas from?
I have no idea. First of all, that would be very hard to concentrate on and create. But anyway. If I could that would be awesome. Not sure what difference it would making having everyone gender swapped. The bit I like about that idea is being in charge. Lets see. My first order as Great Discord Of All would be a very generous slice of chaos to Dusk Shine and his stupid friends.
Dusk Shine?
Um...I mean Twilight! I haven't already imagined everypony gender swapped...
You are a very weird creature
Shut up! You get bored after 1000 years of nothing. Prince Solaris had a great time on the chewing gum moon. Prince Nocturne...He didn't go to the sun
Why wouldn't you send the Lunatic to the sun! She...He, would try to stop you if you were Lord of all!
I have already vowed to never imprison her in any way, Nocturne is her, I couldn't do that to him, her, whatever
You have a weak spot for the Lunatic? Do you...like her?
What? Don't be ridiculous! No! It's just... I owe her one. For something
What? Tell me! YOUR QUEEN DEMANDS ANSWERS!
Oh that would be too easy. You're going to have to work for that secret ;)
What in the nine levels of Tartarus does semi-colon, bracket mean!?!
Haven't you ever been on facebook or twitter?
Once Equestria is mine, please, don't ever talk to me again. You are incredibly unhealthy for my mental state
You're the one who entered this conversation
I have no control over this! I linked us mentally and I need to maintain it for the invasion. Unfortunately that means I drift off into conversation with you when i'm bored.
To discord-bob, Steve what is the most powerful explosion/anti-gravity device you can make from a toothbrush, eight V-batteries seventy needles, and a extra large glass of double-fudge chocolate milk? Pinkie also says hi and here's a cake."hands discord cake"
Oh wow! Thanks so much for the cake Pinkie! I will eat it with my mouth that is currently frozen in stone! Please don't feel like mocking me with delicious cake that I CANNOT ENJOY!! I HAVE NO IDEA IF YOU'RE EVEN STANDING IN FRONT OF MY STATUE RIGHT NOW!! Jk, I'm used to being imprisoned in stone. Hi Pinkie, thanks for trying to give me cake. I will reduce your punishment by 0.52%
Well, being the best I could of course use all of them to create the PP5-6000. A unique grenade that will leave all within a 500 meter radius unconscious
BAH, THAT'S NOTHING. I COULD CREATE A NUCLEAR SPIKE BOMB THAT WILL IMPALE MY ENEMIES AND LEAVING THEM WRITHING IN PAIN AS THE DOUBLE-FUDGE CHOCOLATE MILK FLOWS THROUGH THEIR VEINS!
Anti gravity eh? Well, with that I reckon I could manage a QXY-No.5 Petersworth G-bomb. Basically it knocks out gravity from the entire planet! I tried it once but King Sol used his own magic to create a temporary gravitational field until the effects wore off. But all in all, good times
I'm not good with machines. My power lies in organics, such as my beautiful changeling swarm. EXCEPT YOU GUARD 58! YOU ARE HIDEOUS! NOBODY LIKES YOU!
Harsh
HE CALLED THE ROYAL QUEEN FAT WHEN SHE DEMANDED WAFFLES!
1) Did you know that Queeny stuck a dagger in the back of your head to communicate with you? 2) Discord, you know Celestia still loves you right? If you do not believe this than I have some important news for you. Celestia preserved the room. Down to the last rusty hook hanging form the ceiling. 3) How dare you refer to Alexanderan as you #1 stalker Sub. Shame on you SHAME ON YOU! That total belongs to me you fool. 4) Have you ever thought of making Vanilla flavored milk fight to the death with Chocolate Milk? Seems legit. 5) Discord have you ever thought of banishing parts of you to outside the stone tomb? if not I fully declare you an idiot. ...stupid... 6) YAY SALSA IT'S NOT A PARTY WITHOUT SALSA!!! 7) When thy lobbesth thy Chaotic Handgrenade thy shall counteth to 5: 1, 2, 5 then thy lobbesth thy Chaotic Handgrenade at thy foe. 8) Discord on a scale of 1-10 how angry can you make beings? I'd give myself about a 34 1/2 example: Bob you have the strength of an overweight toad. See? 9) Did you activate rage mode two days after I was born? It was 36 degrees f outside IN THE MIDDLE OF AUGUST! I feel blessed. 10) The next time you gat out of the stone, tell me exactly how many apples you can fit in one Applejack. I would like to know. 11) Would you give an inanimate object a hug? 12) Have you ever tried fried gator? It's yummy.
1. YOU DID WHAT!?
Fine, I was going to remove it once it did it's job without telling you but since it's out...yes. I used an enchanted nail inscribed with runes to establish a mental communication between me and you. It was the only way we could have formed this alliance
Yes, but stabbing it into the back of my head!?
You are in stone! What was I supposed to do?
What about the sticker that sticking to someone allows mind to mind communication
Of course, that would be perfect...if I wanted to send my drones to die in the temple of Mercury!
2. Seems legit. And what room filled with hooks? Have you been smoking Skooma? Somehow I doubt Celestia likes me. Especially after turning her hair into cotton candy...and her crown into chocolate
3. Can you people stop stalking me! I can't even do anything stuck in stone. Fine, you lot can fight over the title. Whoever wins can be my #1 stalker.. In fact, if you're really fans of me, cause chaos. Aid in my freedom!!
4. Of course. How do you think I decided that chocolate milk was my favorite? It defeated vanilla with a brutal heel drop. And from then on it's always been my favorite drink!
5. a) I have no power over anything outside of my mind. And even then that's pretty dodgy, so I can't even feel my body 2) My entire body is frozen in stone, it's not an outside layer. III) How stupid do you people think I am!? And the fact you just assume this makes you the idiot. Fool.
6) I fail to see how that's a question but...SALSA FOR EVERYONE!
7) Another not question. Besides, there are no murderous rabbits around I need to blow up. Except maybe Flubberflip's rabbits...
Fluttershy
NOBODY CARES ABOUT THAT PATHETIC DOORMAT!
8) 101, I am the spirit of chaos. I have a degree in annoying people. Even the fact you already rate yourself above the scale you suggests shows arrogance. And we all know how much people love arrogance
What are you talking about, everybody loves me!
OH SHUT UP YOU STUPID IMBECILE! SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP YOU WORTHLESS FRAGMENT OF PERSONALITY!!
I have so much respect for you right now
I'M GOING TO **** YOU UP WHETY!
That doesn't count, anything is enough to set him off. Watch. Kittens
I HATE KITTENS! KILL! DESTROY! SMASH!
9) I've been kicked out of your world. No, I had nothing to do with the weather. Well maybe. Did anyone see a barrel of cider hit the sun on that day?
10) What, you mean how many can she eat? I'll just magic her into eating non stop until she can't eat anymore more. Then we'll see how many apples Applejack can eat
11) Yes, I do that on a regular basis
Don't you dare hug me
I'll give you the biggest hug of all queeny!!
Dammit
12) What is wrong with you, sicko! I would never eat a living creature you messed up person! I'm part dragon, that would be like eating a distant relative. Something is wrong with you
I just want to consume their love, I don't even want to kill them...intentionally
Discord, if you die, do one of your personas take over, or do they all die as well? That is, if you can die.
Depends, If my body dies. The everyone will die. My brain would shut down and so would all of my mind. Of course, that is absolutely impossible as I am far too powerful and awesome to die. However, if I was to die or be defeated in my mind, then Bob would probably take over as Sub would die with me. That's usually enough incentive for no one to try and mentally attack me. Even Lu-Lu would never dare attack me in my dreams
Wait...WHAT!?!!?
Damn...that's ruled out then
Sorry, what did you say, I missed that
Nothing, nothing. Not planning a plan B to get rid of you
Dear Discord, are you Q, or something else entirely?
I am not a letter, I am a free Draconequus! What is a Q anyway? Some kind of hyper-intelligent pan-dimensional being in space that meets a crew on a spaceship named Enterprise?
Yes, now I know the meaning of... wait a moment! DISCORD! 42 IS NOT THE MEANING OF LIFE, IT'S ONLY THE ANSWER TO LIFE, THE UNIVERSE AND EVERYTHING! I DEMAND THE TRUE MEANING NOW! DO NOT MAKE ME BREAK OUT MY CROWBAR!!!
Oh you poor simple mortals. 42 is the Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything. The meaning of life falls into that category. So 42 answers that question, along with all other important questions. You're just not asking the question right. And what do you think a crowbar would do against me anyway?
Discord, why not just enchant a boot to be both be indestructible and continuously kick either Bob or Steve in various body parts when they get on your nerves. Boots to the head/shin/tailbone/anywhere always work for me, so why wouldn't they work for you?
Well, it's not that simple. They are different personalities inside my head. I can't have a boot kicking my head all day. And if it's in my mind kicking them, then they will have the power to stop it. I know, feel my pain
Q1: To Bob- If You Took Control Of Discord And Broke Free, Whot Would You Do First? Q2: Discord- Why Chocolate Milk, Why Not... Um.. I Don't Know... Bacon Soda?
1. ANNIHILATE CANTERLOT! BRUTALLY MURDER CELESTIA AND LUNA! DESTROY THE ELEMENTS OF HARMONY! KILL ALL THE ELEMENT BEARERS, EXCEPT MAYBE PINKIE!
Seriously, what were you expecting? 'Oh, well if I got free I would build a orphanage' Nope. Bob takes them down for a living, often with flames...
2. Bacon Soda!? You want me to drink a sentient being? What is wrong you carnivorous monsters! Besides, chocolate milk is delicious, and smooth, and the best in every single way!
What is the capital of Assyria your favorite color? Other than Bob, who or what do you consider to be the most annoying being in the universe?
What was that? Your voice kind of disappeared in the middle. Anyway, I've already said what my favorite colour is, Hooloovoo, a hyper intelligent shade of blue. As for annoying, Steve
Steve
STEVE!
Steve
Steve
Steve
Steve
Steve
Steve
Steve
Bah, you people are all just jealous of my greatness!
So Discord. May ask what definition of chaos are you operating under? We humans are quiet mad, chaotic even but we still embrace order. Let me explain it as best as I know. There are four parts to existence. Harmony: The state of two or more systems operating as one Disharmony The state of two or more systems functioning to counter one another Chaos: The state of no over all pattern in the systems. Order:The state of two or more systems operating in a pattern one way or the other. Now we humans hate Disharmony. We are beings of Order and chaos. Though sometimes we use harmony or disharmony but not consistently. Ponies use Harmony and order. Though they vary from that a bit on the disharmony it is rare. Now you Discord You do come in and upset the established order. You set out and counter everything to each other. You break friendships and minds. You turn ponies against one another. You break all the laws of physics. You turn the systems against each other. If you were trying to make chaos you would sometimes make things more ordered while at other times breaking it apart. You would seek to remove any continues Harmony or Disharmony in both relation to each other and the overall pattern. Not even making them repeating. Sometimes letting one have the advantage in one area while in another the other does. What I'm trying to say is that you got your title wrong as things are. You should be called the lord of Disharmony.....unless you have been suppressing some part of yourself or have forgotten it.
Well that's a detailed analyse on chaos
You don't say
Well, I go by many names such as Lord of Disharmony. The point is that the pony society is one of order, therefore chaos is the dominant opposite and seen as causing disharmony. Primarily I am a spirit of chaos however, so in a chaotic world I could even be seen as .being in harmony. It is simply a misconception that I am fully disharmonious. No, my title is not wrong. I am a God/spirit of chaos. Not necessarily of disharmony. For example in war in your world, violence is everywhere. It would actually be disharmonious if the soldiers suddenly called for peace. The opposite of chaos. Therefore I could be called harmonious on Earth at certain points. It's all a matter of perspective.
You are a lot more intelligent than you let on, aren't you?
I was the one who came up with all of that
Well, maybe. But you are me, so technically, it's still mine
1. What's your social security, Discord? 2. What kind of cereal do you eat on an imprisoned morning? 3. Define Normal, if you can. 4. Define Chaos, if you can. 5. Ever heard of a paradox? 6. True or false: This statement is false?
1. No idea, I just make it up every time
2. Do you not get the concept of my entire body being frozen? I get to eat Nothing! Every morning, lunchtime and dinner.
3. Chaos
4. Normal
5. No
6. Um......true...I'm going to go with true. Huh, that was easy. I may have heard that one before
Now, my question (Which I'm not entirely sure if you've answered already, sorry.) is: In the time that Queen Chrysalis has been in your head, have you thought of any ways to turn against her when she lets you out? And if so, what are they?
Oh yes Discord, please tell us these plans.
...nope, the thought never crossed my mind. I have never come up with a plan for getting rid of Chrysalis
Liar. I heard your idea about using Sub to get around the oath you swore to me
How did you get turned in stone the first time ? Why were you in a singing pose?
STEVE!
Teehee
This may have been before my mind shattered into multiple personalities but it was still STEVE'S FAULT! There I was, so high and mighty, not quite realising the power of the elements Celestia and Luna wore.
Go on. This is my favorite bit
...I struck a pose for them and began singing! I was so self confident I allowed them a free hit! That's why as soon as I got out the second time I made sure to get rid of the Elements and incapacitate the element bearers before mass chaos. I even began to allow Steve more freedom, WHICH LEAD TO MY SECOND DOWNFALL AGAIN!!!!!!!!!
I can begin to see the overflowing resentment for Steve making more and more sense with each day
Discord, if you were forced to be in a form other than a Draconaquus, what would you want to be? No matter what form you take you still have your chaos powers.
While I do of course cherish my amazing looks, I actually care very little about my form. No matter what I would look legend - wait for, and I hope your not lactose intolerant because - dary! Probably a dragon. they're pretty cool. Or maybe a Alicorn. I am part pony don't forget, and while they may be weak, I would not be
I have a question for the female personality. what's it like being a girl in a mans body? and what sort of things would you do if you somehow managed to get control of the body? and which personality do you think is cuter?
Surprisingly okay. Except I tend to get a little violent more often than is probably normal. While we disagree on important details such as proper hair care I get along quite well with Discord and the other personalities. They are all complete gentlebeings, sometimes Discord will even let me mess with ponies! (while we were free of course) If I got control, the first thing would be to sort out these nails!! I mean have you seen the state they're in!?! I would go for a complete makeover!
OH ELDER GODS NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chill Bob, I'm only messing (I'm really not, these are in need of a professional manicure). Ohhh, boys! WHat do you think Chrissy?
I'm staying out of it, I'm staying out of it, I'm staying out of it, I'm staying out of it, I'm staying out of it, I'm staying out of it, I'm staying out of it, I'm staying out of it, I'm staying out of it, I'm staying out of it, I'm staying out of it,
You're no fun. Anyway, I would say Discord, I mean he is the man in power.
Also, serious question: I'm currently working on a little project that may feasibly disable the magical aptitude of godly/trans-dimensional beings. Were I to get this up and running and vanquish all lords known and unknown on this plane of existence, would you consider becoming their successor of sorts? I'd gladly give up the weapon after its purpose has been served, as well as any memories I may have pertaining to it so nobody would be able to usurp you as I did the others, especially when this realm lacks those elements that seem to be your only weakness.
If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Besides, wouldn't this affect me as well? I am effectively a God. And what do you mean by successor? As in do what they do? Noooo, CHAOS ALL ROUND!
This sounds incredibly useful. Give it to us, and you will be handsomely rewarded.
It's a trap! She only wants to use it to take over the world and get rid of me! That's completely different to what I want to do. Maybe. Shut up.
Idiot! She's obviously talking about the brownies!
You're both idiots. I'm talking about my plan, our agreement?
Wait, you mean this is the day I get free?!?!?!? At long last!?!?
Would you please shut up for 5 seconds and concentrate on the task at hand!?
TODAY I BATHE IN THE BLOOD OF A THOUSAND INNOCENTS!
MAKEOVER!!!
I calculate this plan has a 79% chance of success. It would be reasonable to be optimistic about the situation
Oh thank Chaos, I don't think I could handle another thousand years or so with you guys
Speak for yourself
I hate you so, so, so much
Yes Discord, carry on with your plan...you'll never see mine coming...
This is going be to be brilliant! Ever seen a bank of bits turn into glitter?
I shall rule with a fist of Iron! Take control with a will...of...Iron?
Discord remember you promised me Fillydelphia for myself
I SWEAR TO MEDUSA IF YOU SCREW THIS UP I WILL BOIL YOU ALIVE IN CHANGELING VENOM AND USE YOU AS A DART BOARD FOR THE REST OF YOUR MISERABLE EXISTENCE
Touchy. I'm sure that everything will go exactly as planned, what could go wrong?
"You just had to say it didn't you?" Cadence/Chrysalis muttered angrily
"What was that darling?" Shining Armour asked protectively
"Nothing!! I mean, Oh I'm just so excited about our wedding!" Chrysalis gushed with mock affection, completely fooling the mind addled pony lying next to her
"I love you too my sweet" Shining Armour rubbed her head playfully with a goofy smile.
Underneath the hoof Chrysalis glowered darkly Put a sock it in
I didn't say anything!
SHUT UP IDIOT, NOT TALKING TO YOU
Shining Armour looked down worriedly at his wife to be "Are you sure you're okay? You've been acting really...weird, for the last few days"
Chrysalis sighed "Moron, I'm getting M.A.R.R.I.E.D tomorrow!" A sneaky smile crossed her face "And I'm pretty sure Twilight hates me. Even after all those years I spent with her as a foalsitter. She thinks I'm trying to steal you away from her!" She wiped away a fake tear "I even overheard her say she was planning to ruin our wedding. You saw how she chased me out of our wedding rehearsal."
Shining Armour frowned with the memory "I can't believe she did that. I thought that she would be happy for me."
"Me too" Chrysalis sniffled, snuggling up to Shining Armour. And how in Equis did Twilight see through my disguise?
TWILIGHT FOUND OUT!!! PANIC!! HIT THE DAMN PANIC BUTTON!
IT DOESN'T MATTER IF TWILIGHT KNOWS! I'VE GOT HER LOCKED UP AND OUT OF THE FRICKING PICTURE
Ohhh, well that's good, without her, the elements will be useless
NO **** SHERCLOP!
Language
"You know, we are alone, cuddling on the bed..." Shining Armour hinted. Chrysalis lazily waved away and distanced herself
"Not in the mood" She huffed before closing her eyes and trying to get to sleep, ignoring the bickering of Discord that floated just at the edge of her conciousness
Bells chimed off in the distance. Shining Armour stood in front of her with a lovesick smile covering his face. Chrysalis summoned all her nerve not too bolt right there and then. Guests stood watching her, dozens off them. Cadence knew all of them. Chrysalis would be lucky to name three of them. And all of them staring, some even pathetically crying with happiness. Just as long as there attention was focused on her and not the changelings beating on the shield. Her control over Shining Armour silenced out the flashes of warnings that he must surely be getting from the shield. Just then, The False Queen, her most hated enemy (right after Discord) started speaking.
"Mares and Gentlecolts...." The False Queen began her speech. Chrysalis shuffled nervously. Twilight would eventually find the exit, especially together with Cadence. Her mind controlled bridesmaids should be enough, they wouldn't dare risk hurting innocent ponies. Another obvious weakness.
On and on she droned. Going into great detail about 'The harmony between two ponies' and more complete rot. This will all be worth it. She promised herself. Over and over. The looks on their faces as Discord crashes in and takes them all out will make up for all that time listening and arguing with him She struggled to convince herself. It would take a long time for the psychological damage from having conversations with him to completely heal
Finally the sham of a wedding began to draw close to the conclusion, and by that she meant the part where all Tartarus would break loose and everypony here would be harvested for love. It just sends such a warm feeling through her.
Across from her Shining Armour stood slightly slack jawed with glowing green eyes with dark bags under them. HOW COULD THEY NOT SEE THAT! Ponies must be even stupider than she thought, All the pressure of the shield is slowly destroying him mentally, but that was completely unimportant to her
"Princess Cadence and Shining Armour," The False Queen closed her eyes with joy "it is my great pleasure to pronounce you-"
"STOP!" Cried that all to familiar irritating voice. Shining Armour was so out of it she doubted he even noticed her come in, despite everyone looking at her and mumbling
Chrysalis ground her teeth "Why does she have to be so possessive of her brother?" She demanded, stamping her hoof. Noticing that The False Queen glanced at her oddly and that no swarm had yet arrived to back her up she put a hoof to her face in mock sadness
She sobbed "Why does she have to ruin my special day?"
"Because it's not your special day!" Another stupid irritating voice cried out.
"It's mine!" Cadence glared at Chrysalis, ragged from her time in the caves. All the peasants began ohhing and ahhing in shock. As if nothing strange had ever happened before in their lives.
"What?" Chrysalis exclaimed "But how did you escape my bridesmaids?" She demanded
They looked to each other, smiling craftily. "I realised they were possessed from their green eyes-" HOW HAS NOPONY NOTICED SHINING ARMOUR'S GREEN EYES!?!?! "-and knew they would be in a fragile mental state, easily tricked, by chasing flowers like real bridesmaids."
Chrysalis snorted "Clever, but you're still too late."
The orange one spoke up "But ah don't understand, how can there be two of them?"
CAN'T ANYPONY THINK FOR THEMSELVES AROUND HERE!? WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO BE EXPLAINED LIKE THERE'S AN AUDIENCE WATCHING!?
Cadence walked forward all high and mighty "She's a changeling. She takes the form of somepony you love and gains power by feeding off your love for them."
She's ruining everything! Chrysalis's eyes and horns began unconsciously glowing green with rage
THAT'S IT! ENOUGH WITH THIS DRAMA! She released the magic that held her form together. Green flames formed a ring around her body before firing upwards. Her illusion burned away and she grew in size until Queen Chrysalis stood in all her glory before them.
At long last. She began chuckling evilly as the horror dawned on all their faces
"Right you are my Princess" Chrysalis spoke mockingly
Heheheheheh, it tickles
She raised a hoof up dramatically towards her "And as Queen of the Changelings it is up to me to find food for my subjects. Equestria has more love than any place I've ever encountered. My fellow changelings will be able to devour so much of it that we will gain more power than we have ever dreamed of!" She shoved her face into Cadence's, enjoying the anguish that showed up
Anytime now Discord
Not enough
Cadence jabbed a hoof forward her "They'll never get the chance! Shining Armour's protection spell will keep them from ever even reaching us!" So hopelessly confident in her lover
She chuckled "Oh I doubt that." She said, turning to Shining Armour "Isn't that right dear?"
Completely under her control Shining Armour hummed and nodded his head
C'mon, c'mon
I told you, it's going to take a lot of nearby chaos to break me out, so far it's just some startled guests
Cadence tried to make a break for Shining Armour but Chrysalis saw her and stamped her hole-y foot down "Don't want to go back to the caves now do you?" She threatened with an extra green glow for good effect
Slight problem
Not now, I'm in the middle of a good victory speech
Have the changelings broken in yet?
No...
Well have fun with Celestia! I'm nowhere near getting out
Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! She's attacking me!
What did you expect? A welcome party!? Fight back!
But there's no way I have enough power-
Not with that attitude you won't
I have no choice. I am the circle and the circle is me
It is good for concentration isn't it?
AND YOU REALLY AREN'T
Yes, let the hate flow through you
HA! I WON! SHINING ARMOUR MUST BE STALKER LEVEL CRAZY ABOUT CADENCE!
Careful, if Twilight's escaped then she and her meddling friends will get the elements of Harmony
Relax, my changelings will stop them, they should be breaking in any second
They had better hurry before Luna arrives, I don't think you could...never mind
Never mind what?
Never mind Luna, she's here
WHAT!?!?!
Well, at a guess I would say she is relying on Celestia to take you out while she secures me to stop me from breaking out in case chaos reaches too high levels
How can you even tell any of this?
Hmmm? Oh, right. Well she's using her magic to place my statue in a temporary bubble outside our universe. On the plus side, you won't be bothered by her! On the negative, you're on your own
Am I?
Ahh, I see the changelings have broken through
How can you tell if you're trapped in stone entering a different dimension?
Again, two way communication
STAY OUT OF MY HEAD!
But you're just too amusing
IF THIS WASN'T GOING SO WELL AND I WASN'T ALREADY IN COMPLETE CONTROL I WOULD DESTROY YOU MYSELF! WHAT WAS THE POINT IN ME GIVING YOU ALL THAT POWER!?
Since I can't use it, no point whatsoever :D
WHAT IS THE POINT OF COLON THEN D?
HELLO?
You're gone aren't you? Well at least I shouldn't have to worry about Luna being too strong. This is just PERFECT!!! YOU'RE GONE AND ALL OF CANTERLOT IS UNDER MY CONTROL! TWILIGHT AND HER FRIENDS STAND ALONE AND HELPLESS AGAINST MY SWARM! CELESTIA LIES DEFEATED AND THE CAPTAIN OF THE ROYAL GUARDS IS UNDER MY COMPLETE CONTROL! TODAY HAS BEEN JUST PERFECT!!
He glanced around warily but saw that the coast was clear. Quickly making his way across the open hallway he arrived at the door to the correct room. He put one foot to the door where it stuck fast. He placed another on the door and another, climbing up the vertical surface until he reached the lock.
He coughed and a thin metal pole came out of his mouth. After gagging a few more times a small steel stick stuck out of his mouth, which he carefully inserted into lock and jiggled for 3.42 seconds (slow by his standards) until the lock clicked and the door slowly swung open. He looked back, checking the hallway again before slipping around the door and into the room.
It was supposed to be a guest bedroom, suitable for anyone, but in the short minutes the current owner had been there she had turned it into a pink confetti nightmare, the kind that causes cleaners to quit their jobs and go take a couple of years off in the hottest country possible. Balloons completely covered the ceiling, glitter and confetti covered every available surface including all the cakes she had left scattered around. The walls had slapped across the face with pink paint, or more accurately, cannoned.
He ignored all of this and ran over to the suitcase that was still zipped up fully. As he took the zip in mouth and slowly went around the side of the suitcase, opening it, mist began to pour from the bag. Once it was opened he took a step back and admired the contents, one purple eye blinked slowly before the other blinked.
Inside lay four different pieces of high tech weaponry. None on it's own would be enough to defeat the evil that had attacked Canterlot. Luckily for him he had already read 'Creating Death Ray's for Dummies' and so he reckoned he could build a SS18-DrRichtofen's Death Ray, or the DrDr for short (pronounced the Doctor Doctor, much to the complaint of one individual who disliked his name being in relation to a weapon)
Poking his head inside the weapons bag he slowly brought out the Plasma Blaster (for kids) and reused the metal stick to unscrew the plasma charge to use for powering the DrDr. Once that was done he carefully put the small box of condensed plasma to one side before reaching in the case again and pulled out a RPG.
It took a bit longer but eventually he removed the rocket system from the RPG so the barrel could be used instead.
Around him lay small scraps of metal and wire as he worked fiercely on the DrDr. Sparks flashed as he ran the blowtorch against the end of the wires connecting the targeting system to trigger so it could not be fired until it confirmed a target.
"Hey, this is the pink ones room isn't it?"
"Yeah. let's make sure there's noling hiding in there"
"I believe the pony's use 'nopony' instead"
"Now why would I care about that when we have taken over?"
"A fair point"
The door started to creak open. A changeling stuck it's head in and hissed loudly. The dark room answered back with nothing. The two entered, cringing at the excess pink. Over their heads a alligator with a large mis-matched gun in it's toothless mouth watched them carefully and casually walked along the ceiling until it had left the room and the two clueless changelings behind.
On the one hand he had a mostly complete DrDr and was still unnoticed. However it was only mostly complete, and Canterlot was not well known for it's supply of energy relaying circuits. Maybe he should try the royal laboratory and finish the DrDr before Chrysalis took over Equestria.
It was a peaceful day on Quezepalo. The three suns, Hiam, Jafal and France (A complete coincidence. On this planet it meant 'Third fiery hot thing in sky') shone down onto the lush red grass of the fields of Tesco (another remarkable but useless coincidence).
The sky was a brilliant deep blue and was filled with clouds of silver dust that glowed softly in the light of the three suns. The hill rose on and on and was soon lost into the silver clouds. Trees of solid gold, copper and lolium rose from the ground and provided shade for the man camped underneath one.
He was a strange man. At first glance he was young and handsome. He had short, brown hair which he stuck up. He wore a white shirt with the top two buttons undone. A tie hung from the leaves of the tree and dangled to one side. Over the shirt he wore a brown pinstripe slim-lapelled four-button jacket which was also loose. His tan overcoat was wrapped up into a bundle underneath his head, allowing him to gaze up into the sky in comfort.
But once you looked into his eyes everything changed. They were old, impossibly old. And so full of knowledge. And yet for all that, they were also sad. The kind of sadness that can only be gained by watching civilisation after civilisation crumble to his dust before his eyes. Of watching his closest companions be torn away in front of his eyes. But, as equal to his sadness was also his kindness, the kind that couldn't bear to see a single child cry. He is regarded by many to be the greatest person in all of existence
Underneath the shade of a copper tree nearby stood a blue box, purring gently.
The man laughed and turned to it "Of course, but you still have to consider the fact most civilisations haven't even reached their moons by this time."
In return the police box vibrated which set the man off laughing again. When he recovered he realised his pocket was glowing blue. Pulling out his sonic screwdriver he examined the lights carefully.
"Oh that's interesting, something's arriving from across the universes. I should leave it alone shouldn't I?" He asked the blue box while getting up and heading over to the source of the anomaly.
"I mean it would be a very bad idea to investigate anything that can rip through the fabric of the universes and we should definitely go right now shouldn't we?" He called back, continuing to follow the readings.
He stopped at an empty patch of land. He pulled out some glasses and quickly put them down over his eyes. Still nothing.
He removed some 3D glasses instead and tried them on. This time there was a faint glow around the spot. Bending down he picked a single red grass and nibbled the top of it
He hummed "Yep, tastes like iron. Something is coming through"
He took a step back and a second later with a crack of thunder and a short burst of light a statue materialised itself in front of him. It was at least the 582658th weirdest creature he had ever saw.
Going up to it he put his ear against the statue and frowned thoughtfully.
"Now who would send a statue through to a different dimension and why?" He mused, more to himself than the blue box.
He put his hands hands against and closed his eyes, and tried to use telepathy to see if there was anyone there
Hello
He opened his eyes in shock. It was a leap to think there was a consciousness inside the statue, although it wouldn't be the first time.
"Hello?" He tried again, sending his thoughts using touch telepathy
Hello again. Now this is refreshing. A new voice. But to who do you belong to?
"I'm the Doctor, and I also have a body. A rather nice body actually, works well, although not ginger..." He said with a sigh
Oh, so you're not a fragment of my conciseness, you're another being. Well that's a lot better actually.
"Yes, I suppose it would be. Do you mind if we address the metaphorical elephant in the metaphorical room?"
By all means
"You're a statue"
Very observant of you. I haven't always been a statue, although I suppose in a way I'm still not. Just pretending to be a statue...against my will
"You were turned into a statue? Why?"
Personally? Celly got boring. Although I suppose most would say causing vast amounts of chaos and ruining ponies lives was the main reason.
"So you're a bad guy then?"
Well I wouldn't go that far. I've never killed, all I do is try to bring fun and chaos into ponies lives. I am the god of Chaos after all
"I've seen fake gods and bad gods and demi-gods and would-be gods. I've had the whole pantheon. Which one are you?"
The real deal, you question my power?
"Yes"
Well, I'm kinda stuck in stone, so until you get me out, I'm kinda useless as a god
"Now why would I do that?"
Um..because I can give you riches beyond your imagination?
"Boring"
Almighty power?
"Corrupting and dangerous, no thanks"
Out of the kindness of your heart?
"Wouldn't it be kinder to more people to keep you locked up?"
I suppose if you look at it that way then I have no hope of convincing you to release me. I can see the wisdom in your mind. Although don't forget, you're still young
"I'm not, and stay out of my mind!"
But you are, to me. A mere 900 or so years old (did you lose count?). That's nothing. And don't complain when you're doing the same thing to me
He managed a small grin, flicking through the images of the statues home world he gained from it "Fair enough. But really? A world of ponies as the dominant species on a planet similar to earth. Fascinating. But what are you doing here?"
Luna, a Princess, well, I suppose a goddess, is temporarily keeping me here so I don't suck up the nearby chaos happening in my world and use it to get free. As for what I'm doing, I'm keeping you here as long as possible
"Why?"
To bring you back of course
He shivered as an evil smile floated through his mind.
Here we go!
A crack of thunder split the air and light flashed out. When it disappeared there was a small burnt circle on the ground and no trace of the statue or the man. The TARDIS groaned in surprise and shock. Quickly locking onto the sonic screw driver it pulled itself through the rapidly closing hole in the fabric of reality after The Doctor.
It would take me several lifetimes to go into all the details...on all the different levels...that I hate you
And as cheerful as ever. I am assuming you're on holiday after taking over Equestria
Are you actually this thick or are you just trying to infuriate me?
Either, both. Take your pick
Give me my magic back!
Tut tut tut. You know it doesn't work like that. The chaos magic would overload your system and drive you insane.
THEN TRANSFER IT INTO A CRYSTAL!
Hahahahaha, now why should I do that
As your Queen I demand it! And you also swore to help me however you can!
Really? I remember it going a little differently
I hereby swear on both soul and magic to aid Chrysalis in her plot against Celestia and Luna and afterwards I will cause no problems for her or her swarm
I couldn't do anything trapped in stone, so I did everything I could to aid you. However, that plot is over, so no more aid for you. Also, since it never succeeded you and your swarm are no longer under protection when I get out as I implied after the success. How do you feel about tap dancing?
I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you!!!!!!
Sure you do
Stop talking!
The only way to do that would be to remove this mental communication spike. Oh, but for that you would have to take it out of my statue, here in Canterlot, after a changeling invasion. You're stuck with me
Why is this place even called the silk forest?
Because silk grows on trees there!
Really?
No. It's a polite way of saying 'Forests filled with giant venomous spider who are quite bad tempered'
You're joking, right?
You do know of my fond love of jokes, but this time. Well, good luck
Questions and Answers V : The Questions strike back
Discord, as a god, you should easily be able to manifest your powers through your mind and use your mind to still create chaos and escape your prison. Unless, of course, your a normal dimensional/bodily bound deity that is slightly delusional (most chaos ones are). So my question is, why have you not done this? And if you can't, why lie to yourself about being a god?
No because the stone prevents any interaction between me and the world, except this spike which has pierced my mind. But that only allows communication and magic transferals. Any god would be just as stuck if they were in my position. Even Celestia
EoSet
Discord.....for someone who claims to want escape more than anything, you are certainly not trying too hard to escape. You could have easily tried to lure people into thinking you'd change for the better, it certainly seemed at least Luna was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt, but instead you fire off a half baked scheme to gather more chaos while simultaneously destroying any possibility of them setting you free (with restrictions) for the foreseeable future. I'm not saying that you should have been "reformed" as it were, but tricking the naïve ponies while you slowly garner power would have been wiser plan than what you did. Now that I berated you, I have my questions to ask. 1) In what order did your separate personalities develop? 2) Was there any external events going on at the time (huge rises in chaos) that may have contributed to there development? 3) Is Sub like your ID? Your primal desires, and if he is why is he so nice? I look forward to seeing your undoubtedly amusing answers.
HA! Like anybody would ever believe I would change! Besides, I can't be bothered waiting years! Okay, I admit that the scheme wasn't perfect.
Or was it?
One thing that may have slipped my mind that the beacon magic is contagious. BAM! BET YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING! I currently have an entire network of chaos gathering beacons spreading all over Equestria and into some other countries as well! But seriously, is Ponyville like a magnet for destruction!?! I mean, I was going to make it chaos capital just to spite the element bearers but it seems there a new disaster almost every day! Besides, it would take me centuries to fully gain their trust, let alone restrictions.
1. Can't remember, probably Bob first, I was pretty angry after I first turned to stone. Then Sub, then afterwards, no idea. Guess.
2. Wouldn't chaos stabilise my personality? Besides I have no idea being stuck in stone at the time and no chaos network set up.
3. He's my subconscious. I suppose he is more in tune to my hidden desires. Why is he nicer? Umm...I'll be honest, I have no idea. After he split he's become more his own personality and developed. I guess he's just grown to be opposite to me a bit
sjad
Discord would you please tell me exactly when the other gods turned so boring? I mean they used to do really cool stuff like destroying city's, make people speak other languages so they don´t understand each other any more or even trick heroes so that they cause useless wars, but now they´re just there and do bucking nothing, I mean why can´t they be as cool as you and cause a little anarchy?
Exactly! Finally people are starting to get it! The problem is that many of the other 'gods', aren't actually gods. For example, Nito, Lord of the Dead was regarded as a god and was defeated by Starswirl the Bearded. Most have either been locked up after losing to 'good' and the good ones have largely retreated from the world to keep damage low. I find this incredibly boring and still live in the world. This has of course lead to me being imprisoned as well.
darkbrony711
What is your favorite anime?
Hellsing Ultimate
Attack on Titan
Future Diary
WHEN THEY CRY!
Death Note
Naruto
Soul Eater
High school of the Dead
Bleach
I prefer manga
Page_Turner
1. Who Was The Mother Of Screwball? I Mean Really, There Has To Be A Mom.... Right? 2. Besides Pinkie Pie, Who is Your Favorite Mane Six Pony? 3. Have You Ever Met King Sombrero? That's All For Now!!
1. What? Screwball? I mean...she existed a long time ago! She's not around. As for a mother, well who knows? Maybe I just spoke to a cotton candy cloud and it turned into her? Or maybe somepony out there...perhaps even a dragon!? I'm not telling
2. Ehh, probably Rainbow Dash. She's the one who allowed me to win the game I played with the elements after all. But too loyal for my liking otherwise
3. No, I think I heard queeny mention him once or twice, but otherwise I have no idea who he even is
lunarstallion
I have a situation that I would like Bob to tell me how he would get out of it.
Okay, so I'm stuck in a castle. All I have is a great sword and leather armor. I am surrounded by 2 full grown dragons, a manticore, a necromancer with 6 skeleton archers, and a being of unimaginable psychological horror. Each of them has an invincible force field around them that's generated by a microscopic device on the wall. You have absolutely NO GOD LIKE ABILITIES and only come with what is mentioned. HOW DO YOU ESCAPE?
PUNCH THE WALL WITH MY 'JUST BELOW GOD-LIKE POWERS' SO THAT THE VIBRATIONS SPREAD THROUGHOUT THE CASTLE AND DESTROY THE DEVICE. PLUNGE THE SWORD INTO THE DRAGONS NECK AND BATHE THE NECROMANCER AND BEING OF PETTY MIND SCARE IN FIRE FROM THE DRAGONS THROAT. THROW THE DEAD DRAGON AT THE ALIVE ONE, AND WHEN IT BEGINS TO CRY IN HORROR THROW THE SWORD AT IT'S EYE!
Zuperflash
Bob threatened to kill Luna, discord. How does that make you feel? When did every split personality form? What are your specific feelings for Luna?
Bob threatens to kill everyone. That's nothing special. I answered something about the splitting of personalities earlier. As for Luna, what feelings!? Pity I suppose is the main one
He's not lying...but there's something else
I care nothing for her!
Denial
Vinetion
So far your counterparts have been shown to be you but different colors or some such. Do you also have counterparts as say full forms of you disjointed parts? Like a dragon or a lion counter?
Now that's a curios thought. I don't have other animal counterparts, but my split personalities. As they are a fraction of me, maybe they would also take a fraction of my form?
SHOTGUN DRAGON!
I don't think you get to choose, it's whatever creature best suits your personality
Discord this is a Question for you and all your personalities. I want to know which personality that you all find the most annoying, as in each personalities' most annoying personality.
Steve
Steve
Steve
Bob- Hey wait a min-
Steve
STEVE
Steve
Now this isn't fair-
Steve
Steve
Steve
Bah! You're all just jealous of my superiority!
F1utt3rshy
Hands you an all knowing and benevolent whale made of bacon and the whale will answer any 1 question what do you ask
Wait, really?!?
Do you see a giant whale made of the dead flesh of pigs floating around here? I guess it's just what question would I ask
Chaos damn it
Anyway, If it could answer any question, I want to know whats happening in the world. All the ponies must be so desperately missing their chaotic lord. I can see it know, even after a thousand years of waiting their god didn't return forever. They meet in secret to plot the downfall of Celly.
Yes, obviously...
DarkSonicTrail
I've got 3 questions. 1. What hard feelings do you have against Fluttershy? (Insert your own Fluttershy nickname here) 2. To Steve, how does it feel to be hated by everyone? 3. Discord, when did your love for chocolate milk begin? 4. Do you ever do anything rather than wallow in your own insanity? 5. Is there any way to hurt Steve without hurting you? If there is, i will search far and wide for such plot device! 6. Did you ever think of placing firecrackers in people's (ponies) toilets? That's sure to cause some chaos.
Shhhh John, Shh , it's okay, come with me and help me count to 100 in a nice logical way
I...I suppose
Well that was weird.
1. Flimmersun annoys me because she is an unbelievably pathetic creature who would apologise to a fly for getting within 5 meters of it. I had to force a mind control to turn her cruel, there was no way she would even consider anything bad about her friends. The mere fact someone like THIS had a hand in defeating me is beyond...Bob
I WILL GRIND HER BONES TO MAKE MY BREAD
...okay maybe not that vicious, but you get the idea
2. They so jelly. They say they hate me but really they're just jealous of my obvious skill and looks and everything!
3. I dunno, I've just always loved it. Probably since I was a kid. Just go drink some, and you will never question me again on the topic of chocolate milk
4. Well, if I was free, then yes. But I'm trapped in stone, so wallow away I shall!
Besides, we don't suffer from insanity, we enjoy every minute of it
5. Well...No. That's the disadvantage of having your worst enemy be a fragment of your mind. Damaging him also hurts myself. As much as I loathe saying so, Steve is me
6. What do you think happened on the fourth day of every month to every pony while I was free?
TenebrisSol
Yo, Discord how is it going? I have couple of questions but, before I ask them I have something to say. Steve, You're anoying. Sub, I pity you. Bob, please hit Steve on my behalf. Twice. Now questions. What kind of rain is best? How is Chrysalis doing, I hope those spiders haven't eaten all of the changelings. I would really hate if they got indigestion from eating them. Who is your favourite... pony/being? I think it's time for me to go. Bye.
Okay, now I'm starting to get a little mad
Thank you for recognising my struggle against this lot
WITH GREAT PLEASURE!
NO! Don't! It hurts us as much as it hurts- OW! Okay, fine, just- OW!!!! DAMMIT BOB!
TOTALLY WORTH IT. AS FOR MY FAVORITE RAIN, CHOCOLATE MILK RAIN! WITH A CARAMEL HAIL!
Hey! I'm....okay yeah, that is best rain. Hey Chryssy! How you doing?
REALLY CAN'T TALK! YOU, DRONE #7, BLOCK THE ENTRANCE AT 3 O'CLOCK! NO! I WILL NOT CALL YOU BY THAT RIDICULOUS NAME! DRONE #3, SUPPORT DRONE #2! WHAT IS IT DRONE #8!?!?!? OH TARTARUS THEY'RE COMING THROUGH THE CEILING!!!!!
Yeah, she's fine
Yawn. Favorite pony? Meh, probably Pinkie, or Chryissy, shes funny at least, or at least funny to annoy, or at least watch others annoy her
keaton-furman-prower
For Sally If you could get out of Discord's head for one day and occupy any female pony (or changeling) in Equestria, who would you choose and why?
Celestia, duh! Next to Disky she's currently the most powerful being around! And I will be in charge of all the ponies and the sun! The sweet, sweet chaos I could cause would be brilliant!!
Paton Pendeng
I have to know. Ever try to play the card game Fluxx? Do you believe in the multiverse theory? If so, how would you feel about all the endless and infinite possibilities if they were exposed to you?
Mmm, Flux is a good dark magic, maybe that could finally rid me of-
Dark magic won't help you get rid of split personalities, I've already looked into it. But I have no idea as to a card game called Fluxx. And it's kind of easy to believe in the multiverse theory when I HAVE TRAVELED TO OTHER UNIVERSES! I'm pretty sure that was included to the story, and bought back that weird Doctor alien guy. You know what, maybe I'll just move to a different universe, one without Celly or Lunny!
Midnight Loki
Discord If one of the Elements of Harmony could reform you which do you think it would be.
Hahahaha...Another funny joke! As if I could ever be reformed. At the very least, the one I may, may, be able to even talk with, is Pinkie
Wishful Thinking
Discord, are you really crazy, or are the displays of mental instability you show are the results of tramatic childhood experiences?
Nope! Just really crazy! My childhood was fine, anyone could tell you I'm acting perfectly normal for a Draconequus. Except for the split personalities of course
blazikenking
Discord, if you could reform an inanimate object, what would it turn into?
Depends on the object. I once turned a lamp into a dragon. Celly was not pleased when that happened in the middle of negotiations
Corpral Lyra
DO YOU WANT A PUNCAKE???????
I think I speak for all of me when I say, PUNS FOR EVERYONE!!!!
darkdude141
1. Discord, if you could be trapped inside anything other than a statue, what would it be? (And yes, ponies are a part of anything) 2. Bob, why the hell do you hate kittens so much???
1. Celly, so I can annoy her ALL THE TIME IN BEAUTIFUL REVENGE!!!!
2. BECAUSE THEY ARE MINIONS OF ALL EVIL!!! THEY MUST BE DESTROYED BEFORE THEY TURN INTO FULL EVIL CATS OF TARTARUS!!!
Eclipsed
Dear Discord: How would you react if one were to tell you that you are really just the second main character of a fanfic of a TV show? Hint: the main character is Gummy.
How do you survive without food or water? P.S. I put a glass of chocolate milk in front of you to see how long you can last before exploding. If it ever rained chocolate milk except where you are standing, what would you do?
Because my body is completely frozen and therefore not using any energy and so I require no energy created from the consumption of food
Oh I don't know, maybe step into the chocolate rain!? Unless I'm in stone, in which cause chocolate rain is useless to me outside the statue, even if it's on me. P.S I'll get you for the chocolate milk.
NightMareFuel
Whats the best prank you've pulled on celery and or woona?
Turning an entire mountain into cheese and then throwing it at both of them is one of my favorites.
It's not really a prank then is it?
Whatever, shut up! It was still funny!
Eclipsed
A question for Bob. Hugs? ^3^
SURE! I'LL GIVE YOU A HUG...A BEAR HUG AND CRUSH YOU!
Codexwriter476
Question for Bob: Ever heard of Dr. Rictofen? If so, ever hang out?
HAH! I'M SO POPULAR!! YES! HE'S ONE OF THE FEW PONIES I ENJOYED TALKING TO WHILE ALIVE! DID YOU KNOW I HELPED HIM DEVELOP THE DR RICHTOFEN'S DEATH RAY, OR THE 'DRDR' FOR SHORT? GOOD TIMES!
Harbinger2842
Has Bob ever eaten an orphan?
Has he?
No
Has he tried?
ALL THE CHAOS DAMNED TIME!!!!
MrSpartan
Could you (if free) jump to any alternate reality or dimension of your choosing or are some speres of existance simply too "far away"? What about the other Discords out there? Would meating cause a spacial destubance of some kind? With you, I'm guessing not. Have you ever met an entity (pretty sure he's not native to your world though) who goes by Aku? He definatly on your level of power if a little narrow minded. Have you ever met a crazy named Deadpool? At least one alternate version of you has. You went out for tacos and learned the true meaning friendship...or was mexican food? I forget. It was beutiful. Also mind the spelling errors, this rift interferance on my end is horri-*kzzzktkt*
You know what? I'm hearing a few things about different dimensions from you people. That's it! When I'm free, I'm going on an adventure, hopefully to a reality without ANY ELEMENTS OF HARMONY!!! If free, yes, I have enough power to form a portal, cost a lot of strength though, but I could just work my way through realities until I found one I liked! I could even team up with myself! And no, it would be perfectly safe for me to meet myself...for us at least!
I don't think we've ever met an 'Aku'. Could he be an ally? Otherwise not interested, and I doubt he's as strong as me!
I don't trust this 'deadpool' guy. He believes in 'the power of friendship' and therefore bad. I would never associate myself with someone like that, no matter how many taco's involved! Maybe.
"Now then, how many of you useless sacks of love are still alive!" Chrysalis demand with a stamp of her hoof. She gazed around the clearing angrily, watching as the drones scuttled from place to place in front of her.
Breathless, a drone rushed towards her and threw himself to the ground in front of her in a desperate bow.
"Mmmhhhmm mmmmhhmm!" He spoke, his voice muffled as his face was buried into the ground
Chrysalis ground her teeth and rubbed a hoof to her temple "Get your head out of the ground before I crush it!"
The drone removed it's head from the ground and instead looked at her hooves, not daring to look at her face should he incur her wrath again "There are nine of us your queenlyness"
Chrysalis nodded and looked over at where one drone was unconscious while another cared for it "And how is that one?" She said coldly, pointing with one hoof
The drone winced "Topaz has a broken leg. She's unable to walk."
Chrysalis glared down at him "Topaz?"
The drone shifted uncomfortably "We may, have chosen names..." He said weakly
Chrysalis breathed deeply. "That, is beyond stupid. You are now drone #1, he is drone #2, she can drone #3, then her, him, him, her, him and then...Topaz is drone #9. There, a nice simple naming system."
At this all the drones had stopped working and were staring at her.
"What!?" She demand angrily
Drone #4 raised a hoof and Chrysalis narrowed her eyes and signaled for her to speak
Drone #4 coughed "I don't want to be drone #4. My name is Emerald!"
Drone #8 stood up from where he was helping Topaz "And I'm Onyx!"
Drone #7 also chimed in "Ruby!"
Chrysalis's horn glowed a dark green and the offending changelings were lifted into the air in front of her "We are not having a mutiny of names now. According to Discord we are in the middle of a forest filled with giant spiders, and I don't think he's lying this time! We need to either make our way back to hive or at the very least set up a temporary base in a cave. I am your queen, and you will all obey me!"
A clicking sound echoed out of the tree behind her. Still holding the drones in front of her she turned her head.
A spider, slightly bigger than a changeling drone, slowly slid down a silk thread from a tree to watch the newcomers with it's eight eyes shining in the light of magic. It's hairy legs balanced itself to stare at them and slowly began collecting more threads, creating a stable foundation. Two fangs extended and clicked again and dripped venom, eating it's way into the earth where the drops fell.
Chrysalis gulped nervously. Poking at her magic reserves she was relieved to find a little remaining. Grinning widely she turned to the spider and cast a small stream of fire towards it.
The spider screeched at the sight of the flames and scampered up it's web and away into the darkness of the forest.
Chrysalis's grin stretched further as she turned back to her drones "See! I shall protect you, my subjects. And I shall lead us back to greatness!
At this all the drones began cheering, even the ones still hovering in the air
A second later dozens of huge spiders came running out of the trees from silk threads towards them. Venom burned trails into the ground as they rushed forwards.
Chrysalis shrieked and threw the changelings she held at the spiders screaming "IT'S EVERY CHANGELING FOR THEMSELVES!" And sprinted off into the trees.
The drones all looked at each other before running of after her. The ones who had been thrown bounced of the spiders and ran as fast as they could. Ruby, Sapphire and Onyx quickly collected a screaming Topaz on their way past
A single beam of sunlight pierced the darkness of the cave, illuminating Chrysalis where she gasped for breath. Their were two entrances to the cave and one dimmed as the squad of changelings rushed in. As soon as Ruby, Onyx, Sapphire and Topaz were safely in Diamond and Amethyst took down the roof over the entrance. Stones fell down just as the first spider reached the cave and blocked it's entrance. The other changelings quickly took down the other entrance as well.
Chrysalis took a deep breath and focused. She may be low on power, but she could at least organise her drones.
She barked out her orders "5 O'CLOCK, SPIDERS COMING FROM BELOW!"
Pearl and Onyx rushed over to the position and kicked back the spider legs that crept out of the hole before pushing earth into the hole to seal it.
Hey Chryssy! How you doing?
"REALLY CAN'T TALK!" Chrysalis screamed at nothing. This behavior had been going on a while so the drones remained unaffected "YOU, DRONE #7, BLOCK THE ENTRANCE AT 3 O'CLOCK!"
The changeling ignored the hairy leg that pushed it's way through the rubble surrounding the door "Call me Ruby!"
Chrysalis stared daggers at her "NO! I WILL NOT CALL YOU BY THAT RIDICULOUS NAME! DRONE #3, SUPPORT DRONE #2!"
Onyx stood with his mouth gaping open. "Q-Q-Queen!" He stuttered
"WHAT IS IT DRONE #8!?!?!?" She followed his line of sight up, where a spider had stuck two fangs into the hole in the ceiling and was slowly opening it up "OH TARTARUS THEY'RE COMING THROUGH THE CEILING!!!!!"
Dust filled the air as the roof collapsed in on them. When they air finally cleared they looked up to see four spiders make their way down towards them, clicking in delight. The other drones stopped their work to stare in horror as they descended on them. Web began spinning and blocked of the two entrances. They were completely trapped with no hope of survival
BOOM!
A colossal explosion echoed out throughout the forest. Glowing lines of red, green and blue snaked their way through the sky. Waves of rainbow arced across the horizon and drowned the world in pristine light. At once the hunger died in the spiders eyes. They clicked, but friendly this time and slowly wound themselves back up. Two turned back down and shot web down in front of the stunned changelings, creating a ramp for them to leave the cave easily.
All of them stared at each other in shock. Only Amethyst noticed a few black fragments soar through the sky as well, including a a small curved red thing that spun as it flied towards Canterlot
Did you form a sad split personality after reading keepers of discord? I cried tears. I need a hug discord, I read the story keepers of discord so imma hug your statue. *hugs* there, much better. *walks away sobbing* and can you see and hear what goes on around you..?
Umm....no, no I did not. And I didn't cry
Yes you did
SHUT UP, NO I DIDN'T!!! And how did you even get to my statue??? You're in a different dimension!!!! And it's hidden in Canterlot gardens! And how many times do I have to explain I can't see, hear, smell, touch or taste anything!
Disalign
Hey Discord, if you had the ability to multiply your body the amount of times, one for each personality, would you?
If I can keep the personality aspect and lose the extra voice in my head, sure. Also depends on if I can limit who gets out. I mean Jim, John, Sub, Richard, Mark and Sally are alright to let loose. I do not want Bob, Steve or Sir Baron having power
Okay, I can understand not wanting Bob or Sir Baron free but c'mon! Just because you blame arrogance for being beaten twice doesn't mean it's entirely my fault! Yes I'm split from the personality of arrogance but I'm not the cause for your losing both times! It was those elements! I was actually justified in showing off. The first time, how were we supposed to know of such a powerful weapon? The second time we had them beat! There should have been no way they could come back. Our imprisonment in stone is their fault and their fault alone, not ours. In future, to succeed we simply have to make sure we take out the elements completely before enjoying ourselves
Wow. Why haven't you ever made that point before
He asked me for assistance
Huh, makes sense. Fine, I'll stop picking on you for our being stuck in stone. However, what you don't realise is that your incredibly annoying anyway. Just don't do that annoying thing you always do
What thi-
See! How does that not drive you crazy?
DarkStarWolf53
Discord, have you ever heard of an entity named Mr. Mxyzptlk? He's an other-dimensional entity who has a similar personality to your own normal personality: he can warp reality at will, and annoys other beings just for fun
Nope. But he does sounds fun
I bet we could come up with the best pranks together
But he's competition
Could be fun anyway
keaton-furman-prower
Discord, I have 3.14 questions for you: 1- If you were the leader of a quirky yet deadly special force team working for an evil space overlord who blows up planets for fun and profit, would you do the dance of joy after every successful mission? 2- Have you ever met the Saiyans? 3- Would you approve of having a muffin button installed in your chaos castle (Once you have a chaos castle, of course)? 3.14- I don't know what this Steve is, but it sounds just like Raditz.
1. Blowing up planets actually seems rather boring. I'd much prefer to cause chaos with the entire population! So, I probably would not dance for joy
2. No
3. Why would I need a muffin button when I can create one from nothing with just a thought? And I wasn't planning on a castle, I like to move around a lot. Maybe a castle with legs! And wings!
3.14. I'm not even going to pretend I know who that is
Classy Toad
1] what is the easiest way to piss off people with out magic? I'll be needing this for my friends. And everyone else. And if you haven't, do it. 2] also how should I respond to the death threat I just received. Please respond as quickly as possible. 3] are you racist? 4] do you have minions? 5] if you give a mouse a cookie what happens? 6] how didst thou geteth thine chaotic magiks, 'twas thy dropped in a pot of the substance as a youngling? 7] if you mix aluminum and bleach in a closed environment they will make the container explode loudly, and can be hidden quite Discreetly... Say, under a table or throne?
1. Now that's a tough one. I've always just used magic so I don't really know any magic free. Maybe manipulate them into doing something humiliating in front of a lot of people. I'd usually just brainwash creatures for this effect...
2. KILL THEM FIRST
3. No, I hate everyone equally
4. I used to, ponies or other creatures infected by chaos who would spread my influence across the world. Most found them incredibly disturbing.
5. It eats the cookie
6. I was born this way. I was manifested by the force of chaos in this world. I first took form on a small island know as Ashoc
7. Why would I need to build explosions when I can create them with a click of my talons?
GordonFreebrony
1. Discord, if I were to give Steve control of your body somehow, and rigged it so he would be in control starting the day you got free and ending a week later, how pissed at me would you be? Steve, what would you do, you handsome, sinister, genius, crazy psychopath? 2. Have you heard of the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch? I bet it might be able to destroy Celly in a beautiful, chaotic explosion of godlyness. 5. Are you a witch? Wait, no.... 3! Are you a witch? 4. Have you ever attacked someone with fresh fruit, more specifically bananas? If so, how did they react/protect themselves? Have you ever been attacked with fresh fruit (or a pointed stick)? 6. Repeat after me, all of you: *ahem* Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn. Now do so again in a chant. Ready? ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn Did you know that the stars in Equestria are just right, and R'lyeh is also above the ocean? How do you feel you just summoned Cthulhu and/or you just went even more insane?
1. Very
First I would create a massive zeppelin loaded with fireworks to travel the world announcing my return. Then make a crown out of the elements of harmony and have Celestia and Luna pay fealty to their grand overlord. Then the element bearers, then THE REST OF THE WORLD!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ALL SHALL BOW BEFORE MY MAGNIFICENCE!
2. Oh yes, I'm sure the 'HOLY' hand grenade will do a lot to the sun goddess, and will not backfire on me at all. Chaotic explosions on the other hand sounds fun!
3/5. I use curses, dark magic and enjoy funny pictures of cats.
4. I was once attacked with an especially sharp piece of mango.
6. Why would I care? He's not going to help me escape. He has an agreement with me and Celly, and meets us one at a time for tea every few months or so.
zeusdemigod131
Five questions, well two questions and a request, and some directions. 1. Do you know a white, red maned Alicorn with an ink well and quill cutie mark by one of the following names? Lauren Faust, Fausticorn, Queen Faust or something along those lines. 2. Can I have a DNA sample? even if it's just stone I'll be able to work it out I've been attempting reality warping tech for a while but it hasn't worked and since your an 8 on the 1-10 scale I figured that I could learn something. 3.Sally...are you familiar with someone named Eris by any chance? 4. If you can get your claws and a Mandrake plant you'll be able to cure petrifaction (trust me it works on Medusa victims.)
1. Oh, you mean the Queen Elder God? I think I met her once, she believed I was 'overpowered' or some ridiculous nonsense like that and created the elements of harmony as Celly and Lune Lune couldn't possibly handle me alone
2. Sure if you can travel between universes and then find something hard enough to break a chunk of stone off me, just bring me with you. Either that or I'm going to have to steal Faust's orb of power in order to escape this reality
3. Who's that? Should I know her?
4. I'm not sure which universe you're from, but if you're talking about THE Medusa in Tartarus, then I think you're mistaken. That's a permanent death, although I'm sure I could take her anyway
Zaknack
So Discord, I know you love chocolate milk, but what are your thoughts on chocolate pudding?
meh, it's alright
Good, but not as good as chocolate milk, nothing else is, except chaos of course
Well, this morning Drone #3 woke me up by spilling hot tea all over me! We're hiding under a Zebra village at the moment and you know how much they love their herbal drinks...
Congratulations Sally my dear girl
Sally=best shipper
This should bring Sombra around to join us, all together we will be unstoppable
Discord when did you first realise you were insane and when did your first split personality form?
I'm insane?!?! Why didn't anyone tell me!? As for Bob, I kinda lost myself in rage for the first fifty years or so. Sometime then I realised there was another voice. Celly was a bit busy at the time to bother me.
Some time later for Discord to get over this, lets say 4 hours for the sake of it
BronyGuy1
Hey Discord, what would lighting from one of your chocolate/cotton candy rainstorms look like?
Skittles, a bolt of pure skittles!
F1utt3rshy
Discord and anyone else who wants to answer besides steve If you had to give up your body to one of your personalitys for a year who would you choose? If you escaped the stoney hell your in but lost all your powers in the process would you still want to escape and if so what would you do with your life from then on? if you had to choose a wife out of celly and luna who would you choose? Have you been in fluttershys shed its the greatest place ever? also have a nice day and one word ... naverone
ME!
Um...how to put this delicately....No way in tartarus! I'd probably give it to Sub or John. I can trust those two to return my body in the best condition and to have neutralised the elements. And no way would I give up my powers! Where there's a will, there's a way. Also what is it with you people and making me choose between Celly and Luney?
Luna
Yeah probably, I have a violent reaction to Cellys face. Being the main cause for imprisoning me twice does that, although there is of course Luneys part in that, but that's been avenged, as Somby has been so kind to point out where she might have heard!
NEVER! And why would I go into Fuherfies shed? it's probably just filled with flowers, or cute little bunnies or something equally sickening. And what is naverone?
Who cares?
A good point
playnwin
To Steve: I feel for you. You are obviously the best Identity, it's just that none of your companions understand the sheer honor you have given them by being an alternate Identity of them. You will forever be the one that was dragged down and defeated only because of your unfortunate companions. To Bob: Sorry, but you'e second best. Still, you're pretty cool.
I HOPE YOU LIKE THE TASTE OF YOUR OWN KNEECAPS!
I know right! If I was in control I would lead us to such greatness. Whole worlds would sing of my glory!
Keep dreaming
Kingperson24
To Bob: I think I see a kitten on top of Discords memory's. It's impossible to climb since the wall is too flat. I got some explosives to destroy it easily. Here, take them.
HA HA! NICE TRY! HOW THICK DO YOU THINK I AM!? I WOULD NEVER DESTROY MY OWN MEMORIES!
And it would also be impossible for a cat to be in our mind, and it would be impossible to pass an object through the rift?
UMM...YEAH, THAT TOO!
Oreon
Discord: Help, I'm a Dracconequs (alternate dimension/universe) and for some reason I can't stand being chaotic! What is wrong with me?! What do I DO?! ... Also, out of all *CREATURES* on Equis, whom do you think is most likely to have any slight chance of... ugh... "Reforming" you. Can be any creature, Pony, Changeling, Buffalo, heck, even Parasprite if it's uniquely intelligent. Edit: Oh, and tell Steve he can go suck a stalagmite.
OH TARTARUS! YOU SOUND SO PATHETIC! 'OH HELP ME! I CAN'T STAND BEING CHAOTIC' YOU ARE INSULT TO MY VERY EXISTANCE!
I have to agree with Steve, how dare you call yourself a Dracconequs!
You sound even more boring than me
And why do you people still believe there is some hope of reforming us? Nothing is ever going to change our ways, GET OVER IT!
Your insult means nothing to me
Codexwriter476
To Bob: Yeah, about the DrDr.... He took all the credit and renamed it the Wunderwaffe DG-2
I'M GOING TO KILL HIM!
He's probably long dead
I'M GOING TO KILL HIM, BURY HIM, DIG HIM UP, AND KILL HIM AGAIN!
lexthebrony
Just a few questions... 1. Discord, if you have to choose between staying in stone forever or letting Steve take over control forever, wich would it be? 2.John, wich race of pony is superior, Pegasus or unicorn? 3.Bob, what is the best non-magical weapon of mass destruction? 4.sally, if you were in control for a day what would you do? p.s. I prefer chaos over harmony.
1. That's a tough one
Come on...I'll take good care of our body!
To be honest, it'll be more fun watching Steve cause chaos than staying in stone forever
Hehehe, Steve would be much easier to trick into giving me control
Hold your horses Baron, it's hypothetical
2. If we were to assume that both would be equal in every way expect their race, then they would be equal. Neither is scientifically 'superior' to the other. It is purely down to the pegasus's athletic ability and a unicorns control over magic and creativity
3. THE DRDR, OR IN MY HANDS, A HUGE HAMMER!
4. I'm pretty sure I mentioned this....MAKEOVER!
p.s Why wouldn't you!?
Corpral Lyra
Bob if I gave you a nuke what would you do?
WHY WOULD I NEED YOU TO GIVE A NUKE WHEN I CAN CREATE ONE WITH A THOUGHT
