A story of a childhood at sea
Chapters (1)
xxMLPPinkiePiexx
Joined 13th Nov, 2011 ·
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It definitely has potential. I'd start with longer, more flowing sentences. And a bit more detail! Descriptive language is always good, as long as it's not overdone. I believe it was an attempted emotional chapter, but to really gain that effect you must give in-depth views of the character's emotions. It could be longer, that's for sure, but just keep working at it! Like I said, it has potential.