So Come A little bit closer
It was quite a startle, for the Ravager's early rising routine to involve a sudden broadcast of revolting music. Or at least, Yondu found it to be a bit of a startle. He also found this particular selection to be the most distasteful out of Quill's stash; something he'd probably torture his enemies with in their holding cells. Terra was probably filled with a bunch of soft skinned, tone deaf people with no idea what a real song sounded like. Yondu may not have the prettiest voice you ever heard, but he knew knew better singers than...Fay & The Wakandans, or whatever.
He raised his gaze upwards to the rodent that was busy soldering and repairing the wires that would attach his brain to the prototype fin. That cyborg hag blew out a lot more than his old fin given the damage, but supposedly it wasn't unfixable by the Professional A-hole's standards. “How we doing up there rat?”
“One last wire to connect, ” Rocket mumbled as though he were deeply concentrating.
Kraglin had gotten Quill's music up on the speakers, but he also retrieved confiscated weapons. Derpy, who had previously gotten her hoof stuck to her chest trying to put her Domino gun straps on, wiggled about with frustration. “I...ergh...don't think we...have a lot of time...before someone figures it...out!”
Rocket rolled his eyes dismissively, but Yondu felt that he had enough of watching the grey coated equine struggle about like she was and whistled for her to come closer. When she cautiously did, he tugged the strap loose enough for her leg to get through the shoulder opening. “Wow! Thanks!” Derpy grinned at him with a disgustingly cute grin, one that made him want to barf just seeing it. “I can't believe he mentioned his great Dad #2 except in terrible passing!”
“I told ya already, kid, I ain't...You know--Whatever!” The blue ravager grumbled unhappily under his breath. “Think what you want to. D’Matter none t'me.”
Derpy tilted her head. “Why don't think of yourself that way?”
“Dads don't threaten to eat their kids, for one.” Rocket remarked from above. “Which would have been just fine by me. One less douchebag in the world.”
“Ah, but he just threatened to do it! It's good that he didn't follow through, right?” Yondu's silent response to that prompted more words from Derpy. “The way I see it, Quill grew up to be a pretty nice superhero alien with cool blasters and a cool face mask and a bunch of awesome friends! You must’ve done something right.”
Yondu blinked at her, memories slowly coming to him. Yondu certainly wasn't what his slave holders were, but he wasn't the universe's #1 parent either. Maybe it was a miracle that his few nice moments with the scrawny Terra runt shaped him to be something good, or maybe it just dumb luck. Or maybe it was something beyond coincidences or luck that shaped the current Starlord. Perhaps what the human was today was only there because of his childhood aboard the Ravager ships. Maybe it all did have something to do with Yondu's care for him, even in the slightest.
“Let's check the cell, ” A voice suddenly said from beyond the open door.
Rocket flinched, but he didn't stop what he was doing to finish up Yondu's neural connections. “Derpy, shoot those guys when they come in, ” He demanded nonchalantly.
The Pegasus shook her head firmly in response, her dusty blonde hair swaying every which way in front of her. “Sorry, no can do. I'm a strictly no-kill pony. Wish I could help.”
“Dumbass, the gun only blows up ships! It’ll just paralyze them and put them in a severe state of agony.”
“Huh. You made a gun with an oddly selective range of damage. Waaaaait. What if they break their necks on the floor when they fall?”
“Then they shouldn't have fallen that way--Now shoot them!”
“Will they get radiation poisoning?”
“Derpy!”
“What if they get electric superpowers when I shoot them?
“JUST SHOOT THEM, YOU MORON!”
Derpy swallowed and reluctantly faced the doorway with her weapon charging up. Though her wings shook and trembled anxiously, she still kept her focus towards the only entrance to the cell and was more than ready to fire at the approaching shadows. When the two ravagers did show up with brief expressions of surprise written all their faces, her weapon quickly blasted them back across the hallway. Their bodies hit the opposite wall and soon enough, crumpled into a uncomfortable pile on the disgusting floor. Derpy released a breath she forgot she was holding, while Rocket hopped down from his perch and picked up his own weapon. The music blared into the scene again with starting lyrics from a smooth, calm voice.
“In a little cafe~, Just the other side of the border~!” The rusty speakers vibrated. “She was just sitting there givin' me looks...That made my mouth water~,”
“Well look who grew a pair! Good shootin’, ” The woodland creature slapped a paw across her back as Groot wandered over to her other side and hugged her foreleg softly. Yondu lifted his arrow from his side and twirled it nonchalantly between his fingers, his steps carrying him behind the Flora and Fauna with casual ease.
The Grey Pegasus winced the closer they got to the entrance. She could actually smell smoke coming off the bodies,and it certainly didn't smell like a barbecue. “Uh...yeah. I don't think I'm ever gonna like doing that, though. How long are they gonna be paralyzed for?”
Rocket snickered into her shoulder. “Six hours, at which point they might be dead.”
“I am Groot!”
“So I started walking her way--She belonged to bad man Jose~, And I knew, yes I knew I should leave…When I heard her say: yeah!”
“Groot's right! That's just as bad m killing them!”
“You'll live, kid.” Yondu’s height gave him a leading advantage over their relatively stubby walking, not to mention an intimidating stature given the red metal mohawk on his head. He turned past the bodies with a grin. “You'll live. More than I can say fer their compadres.”
“Come a little bit closer! You're my kind of man:So big and so strong, ” The four of them set off side by side down the long stretch of hallways, Yondu in the middle with the two talking animals covering his left and right by keeping up the cool pace. If one were to witness the casual traveling from a safe distance, the only thing they could or would ever edit to make it look 20% cooled would a healthy splash of slow motion. “Come a little bit closer-- I'm all alone and the ni~ght is so long, ”
As unbelievably epic as their armed walk was, they couldn't avoid conflict for long. As if on some silent cue, a hefty number of Ravagers flooded into the part of the hallway they had yet to reach and raised their blasters with the intention to shoot their prisoners if they didn't comply with their barked orders. Derpy hesitantly prepared herself to fire, but Yondu thankfully raised a finger to stop her. With a smirk as dangerous as his redfin, he uttered a high pitched whistle that reverberated through the air loud enough to reach the arrow still twirling away in his grasp. It fizzled to life in mid-flip and zipped into the air making a beeline towards the suddenly panicking pirates.
“So we started to dance! In my arms, she felt so inviting~, ” The arrow easily plunged right their red-clad torsos, and even more easily did it rip through her most vital organs or arteries. Derpy stifled a mouthful of oncoming bile and vomit with the utmost disgust; the way blood sprayed up and everywhere when the arrow left one body after the other was probably one of the most disturbing sights in her life, right next to pouring the milk in before the cereal. Rocket barely batted an eye at the quick slaughter and Groot seemed morbidly fascinated by the exclusive gore he was seeing, rather than terrified. “And I just couldn't resist just one little kiss; so exciting, ”
Not a single body was left standing, but there were several left lying around after the blue pirate finished--some against the wall, some against each other and other swimming a pool of collective blood. He kept walking as if the whole ordeal was a simple inconvenience, leading his allies in stepping over the giant roadblock of bodies to keep heading down the hall. With an uncaring snort and a follow-up whistle as well, he felled another five rushing down the hall with vain battle cries. He clicked his tongue at Rocket. “Alright, go set ‘im loose then meet us up, rat.”
Rocket set off down a different hallway just like that. His travels through the narrow corridors brought him into conflict with the occasional space pirate rushing towards him, but he was far too quick to be but and too good of an aim to miss any bumbling idiots. A couple of dead bodies and about fifty feet later, and the Trash Panda finally arrived in the room that could have easily been his place of death. Grinning a toothy smirk, he pressed the bay door button on the side of the door and rushed up to the massive hole in the ground as a net of intertwined bars slowly descended from a hatch in the ceiling.
“Hey, Goom!” Rocket bellowed into the dark hole, where two blazing eyes sharply looked up at him. “The Ravagers called your mom a Kree Whore!”
“WHAT?!” Rocket nearly shrieked when the voice from within boomed to life, shaking the very ground he stood on. “GOOM'S MOM IS NOT A KREE! GOOM MAAAAD!”
Snickering into his paw, Rocket raced towards the door just as the heavy reached the side of the hole and a red-orange hand reached up to grasp it. He estimated he had about another twenty seconds before Goom got out of the hole and rushed over to the doorway, so that amounted to about twenty seconds to live. When Rocket did make it to the doorway, he was instantly greeted by another small army of Ravagers with blasters ready to blow him to smithereens. But the potty-mouthed woodland creature showed no signs of worry about any of this.
Rocket bared his canines in a smug grin, stepping backwards slowly. “You guys have about eight seconds to run the other way.”
“Oh yeah?” One of them laughed, and a few others snickered as well. “Why?”
“YO YO YO!”
“What…?!”
Rocket leaped backwards several paces just as a giant, elephantine foot slammed down in the place he'd been in. The Ravagers all gaped in shock and horror at the giant entity bursting through the short metal frame of the doorway, his intimidating muscles rippling with a sense of angered power. With a bulbous red skull, beady little eyes and horrific white tusks protruding from his lower jaw, Goom uttered a terrifying baritone laugh and pounded at his pale yellow chest like some kind of hairless King Kong. “ GOOM IS IN THE HIZZAAAAAYYYYY! Y'ALL FINNA GET IT!”
Rocket raced down the hallway not longer after that, howling with laughter as the agonized screams echoed on and on.
The Ravagers in the storage level weren't expecting Yondu on their end of the ship, and the first of them on the balconies gasped at the sight of him. “Down there!”
Yondu, barely carrying to look up, pursed his lips to whistle again. Just like that, his arrow zipped into the air for another messy slaughter, unhindered by the bones of its many victims. As his arrow once again took flight and began to massacre the many legions of space pirates, Derpy took to the sky with Groot sitting firmly on her shoulders. Her Domino gun blasted only once every couple of seconds since each hit would infuse the metal railing with electricity and end up hitting more targets with painful ammo. She paused to watch Yondu's arrow fly for a moment, only to blink when Groot urgently tugged on her mane and pointed down at a small group of fearful pirates nearby.
Amusingly enough, it actually didn't take her very long to put two and two together when she saw Groot's fiery expression. An equally angered look flared up over her own features which only served to make the goons below cower all the more. She flashed downwards after their retreating bodies while Groot hopped off to land on the balcony, slamming her hooves into the back of one of them and tackling him into the ground. Her gun quickly took down the second one and she pounced on his painfully writhing form to deliver a few good kicks to his gut. Above the sound of his own wheezing for breath, he could distinctly hear her saying. “This! Is Why! You never! Be mean! TO PLANTS!”
The groaning of the other one she stopped drew her attention; he made the mistake of trying to get up off the metal flooring. Her gun had him joining his friend in agony, allow her to give his head a good kick off extra measure without the threat of retaliation. “Yeah! How do you like it?!” She suddenly blinked rapidly and exchanged a look at both of her fallen targets with shock. “Wow. I can't believe I just did that.”
“GRAAAAAAAH!” Groot drew her attention when her barreled past her on his tiny little legs, yelling bloody murder with his helium-fueled voice. The Ravager that escaped her notice was now racing frantically to get away from the tiny tree demon intent on repaying the kindness shown to him a few hours ago, but he would not get very far before he was tripped. He screamed as Groot's finger vines dragged him backwards by his ankles, and Groot screamed at him just for the sake of his tiny, cute fury. “YAAAAAAAAAAUGH!” Without another sound, Groot used all of his strength to toss the pirate right of the elevated side of the balcony and snorted at the sight of him screaming all the way down to a very abrupt death. Immensely satisfied, the plant being walked over to a mildly horrified pegasus and hopped onto her back again.
She managed to make a smile appear as she looked back at him, taking flight. “Remind me not to get on your bad side.”
Groot giggled. “I am Groot!”
In just a few short minutes, the group met up again. Yondu led them up a short flight of stairs until they were all standing in the monitor room, with a collection of different camera angle visible to them on several monitors. The Ravagers they could see on camera were either trying desperately to dissuade Goom from trashing up the entire place or were trying to find the escaped prisoners. Debris was pretty much everywhere, and the hallways were rampant with frantically sprinting space pirates. Derpy blinked over the collective chaos unfolding on several screens, then looked up at her towering blue leader.
“So, uh...What now?” She asked hesitantly.
Yondu twiddled the arrow locked in his grip, and grinned a yellow-toothed smirk.“Now, kid...we have ourselves some fun.” And just like that, he whistled again.
The arrow sliced through the wall in front of them easily, then joined in the chaos on the security cameras by helping Goom destroy several bodies. All that could be seen to identify the arrow’s slaughtering rampage was its bright red glow that trailed behind it, illuminating darkened spaces with its haunting light. Like a bullet, the weapon zipped from camera angle to camera angle in the time span of a blink or two; never missing any of the targets its wanted to impale on its sharpened tip. It occasionally added collateral damage as well, like cutting the chains off a hanging ship to have it crash down on swaths of pirates. Yondu needed no breath to lengthen his whistling; it persevered as long as he liked.
Rocket glanced at a lower camera panel and noticed several goons starting to surround the room with guns ready to blow holes into them. Readying his own blasters, Rocket erupted into a fit of roaring laughter as bolt after bolt of laser ammo began to the walls and their bodies with smoking holes. None of his targets ever even got close to the room before they were shot to the floor with giant, gaping wounds. The Raccoon laughed all the more at his good work and taunted the falling bodies outside. “HA HA! CRY SOME MOOORE!”
Despite the laughter starting to erupt from both Rocket and Yondu, Derpy managed to hear another noise above it. She raced over to the stairs they just used to enter the room in time to view a few ravagers rushing up the stairs to try and sneak attack them. A single shot of her gun caused the first few to topple backward on the ones behind them, which ended in a giant amusing heap of groaning goons. Snickering a little at seeing the uninjured ones trying to rush back up to her, the pony unleashed another round to just to laugh at the harmless humor she created all over again.
Yondu was caught up in the mirth of the others for a while, but it was short-lived. As the hallways became more and more spacious due to the lack of life in them, he was able to see things more clearly if they moved. And his gaze hardened as he noticed one particular individual stomping angrily down one of the hallways, likely intending to come straight for Yondu.
Derpy gasped when she looked at the screen.“Oh no, it's Scrotum Hat!”
Yondu cleared his throat. “I got ‘im.”
Taserface waited for it for the longest time, as he charged down the hallways from his sleeping quarters. He knew that eventually, what fates befell his newly acquired men would soon try to come and claim his life. And just as he assumed Yondu hadn't seen him, a bright red glow flashed around the corner and made a quick beeline for him.
The Ravager growled under his breath as the arrow came straight for him, slicing air molecules with its very speed. It bore fiery flames on its sides, heat that would cauterize the wound before it even exited his body. With a roaring laugh, he dodged the arrow with a quick leap to the side and laughed as it harmlessly flew past him to hit the gas tanks at the other end of the hallway and nearly blow him to pieces.
Now a fiery, smoking mess, the Ravager pirate dragged himself down the hall again with a newfound plan. He eventually managed to turn on the hall corner, get down the stairs next to a more condensed group of gas tanks and towards a auditory mechanic built into the wall. It took a bit of time to get the cracked screen to focus, but he eventually managed to get the facial scanning of a particular golden woman.
“This is a secure channel! Who is this--”
“I am sending you the coordinates for Yondu's ship, ” He growled and did just that by pressing a few more buttons. “I only ask one thing of your high priestess.”
The golden woman regarded him a serious expression. “Tell him the name of the man what sealed his fate...Taserface.”
The woman stared at him in silence for a few, long seconds and he basked in the fear that his name was apparently getting. Then she motioned to someone offscreen, and he blinked in confusion as four others of her kind appeared on screen with her. Coughing strangely, the woman nodded at him. “What was your name again?”
“...Taserface?”
All five faces immediately broke down into chuckles, giggles, and dorkish guffawing. Taserface stared at the screen utter disbelief as the fires melted everything around him and caused the other gas tanks to engulf him a fatal wall of fire.
His last moments were ones of pure, bitter annoyance with the universe's judgment of his name.
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You mainiac.
''Watch out here comes my arrow. It flies super fast and kill everyone!''
I loved this chapter :)
Taserface will beat Thanos. Guaranteed.
Fantastic chapter! Question, was that Derpy's Domino Gun she was using in this chapter? If so, I might bring it back in my next chapter.
I'm just gonna put this here.
Another entertaining chapter
Ok your link sucks The page froze my computer badly so what the heck?!
9493472
Yes, Indeed! Her signature weapon!
Like Maud's gloves.
9493924
Hmm, strange.
9493972
Also watching the captain marvel movie anyways despite the bad rep it has now?
Don;t get me wrong i want to watch as well, but....sighs can't help but worry.
9493983
Eh, I judge what I've seen for myself.
You maniac. The whole ship's gonna blow.
No! What're we gonna do?
Not the whole ship, girl.
Gghh... Ah-ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
Nguuugh...
Ha! Funniest death ever.
Huh. I always knew Rocket was a bit Heavy.