700 jokes I could have made here
“You maniac…” Rocket gaped at the screens, each one starting to become engulfed with roaring flames. “This whole ship is gonna blow up!”
Derpy rolled her shoulders and grinned her widest. “Aw, don't worry Rocket! Yondu knows exactly what he's doing! I'm sure this was all part of his master plan…” She paused, blinked worriedly and flew up to the blue man's height. “This was a part of your master plan, wasn't it?”
“Not really. I was gonna let Goom trash the place, ” Yondu responded, watching broadly as the previously mentioned beast bounded out of the ship to escape the approaching explosions and flames. His redfin glinted as he looked up at a hatch in the ceiling, still wide open. He whistled for his arrow to return to him and then spoke up to the hole in the ceiling. “Let that ladder down, Kraglin!”
When a steel crafted ladder lowered down just enough for him to start climbing, the raccoon glanced at the walls around them as they started to glow red from the approaching heat. He hopped on reluctantly after Yondu disappeared up the hatch and Derpy urged for him to follow. “I never get to be on the big ships.” He sighed, though it came off as more of a grumble that made the pony giggle a little.
“Releasin’ the quadrant, Captain!”
Kraglin carefully peeled back the quad-lever and braced himself as their part of the ship slowly broke off from the rest. The giant dome view of the windshield allowed them all a glimpse of the atmosphere above getting darker and darker before ultimately losing itself to the inky blackness of space, illuminated only by the nearby stars and the planets’ eerie glow. The thrusters of the ship continued to push them further into space, picking up speed now that there was no friction to threaten them.
When the shaking of the ship smoothed out into something more manageable, Yondu made his way over to the captain's seat and made himself at home, never noticing Rocket taking a seat in the chair next to him. Memories started to pop up in his head, but he knew he couldn't allow himself to drift off into them. Quill was his top priority now, and he had to focus on creating options for getting to him faster. He looked down at the panel in front of him with a weary sigh. “Alright, boys. Let's get this show on the road, ”
“But I'm a girl,” Derpy quietly protested.
Kraglin glanced at her, almost laughed and thought better of it. “Where to, Captain?”
Rocket snickered as he began poking and prodding the button panel in front of his chair, his claws clacking against the plastic coverings. “ Ego! Don't sweat it, blue boy--I'm hyperdriving all the way there!”
A look of pure fear flashed over Yondu's face. “NO, BOY--”
They all nearly got whiplash from the way the ship shot forward, causing Kraglin to trip backwards when Derpy tripped into him. She helped him up shakily, then helped nudge Groot onto Rocket's shoulder before she ever took notice of the windshield and gasped. They were flashing through small holes in the space in front of them, constantly zipping into new environments with each flash. One minute they were in dark space, then they were zipping through pink mists and then they were flying by rippling rainbow patterns. She might have easily been hypnotized by the sight if she weren't distracted by Yondu trying to move against the blinding speeds they were reaching.
“Rat, ” Yondu spat venomously, managing to turn his head towards the woodland critter. Strange. His jaw looked bigger. “It ain't healthy for mammalian bodies to do more than five jumps at a time! It'll distort their bones, send ‘em through time or who knows where!”
Rocket rolled his eyes and scoffed. “I know that.”
“You set the jump-parameter too high!” Yondu's mouth stretched awkwardly as he yelled. “WE'RE ABOUT TO DO 700 JUMPS!”
Rocket’s eyes widened. In fact, they were a lot wider than his skull should have allowed them to be. “...ohshit.”
The environments they jumped through were starting to pass them by at an alarming rate; sometimes moving too fast for anyone to even remember where they'd been. Unspeakable creatures and demons passed them by as if they were on a very busy highway, going past all manner of strange vehicles. Derpy adopted a face of absolute horror at what unfolded before her eyes; the faces that were changing in the ship. Yondu's eyes should have fallen out of his sockets by now, or at least into the giant gaping expanse of his mouth as he screamed for dear life. Kraglin clung to a metal bar with a girlish scream as his pupils expanded to dinner plates and his ears expanded to elephant size and drooped all over the floor. Rocket’s lips had grown excessively big and were then flapping all over his face and eyes, blinding him and possibly causing him to scream all the more. Groot’s head was more of a mouth than an actual face by this point. Derpy swallowed nervously, braced herself and looked down at her totally normal hooves.
“What?”
She blinked in surprise at seeing her body look so...normal. Nothing had changed about her, from her tail to her adorable little snout. So this...weird, jump thingy didn't affect ponies at all? Boy, what a relief! She didn't like the idea of becoming nightmare fuel like the others or possibly being stuck with a horrible face. Still...it would be best to check and make sure.
She trotted over to a nearby mirror amidst all the screaming and began to check her reflection over for anything she missed. What she saw tore apart her sanity and pieced it back together; burned at her violated pupils and earned the most terrified shriek she'd ever uttered in her life…
Jessica Jones stopped snoring when her phone went off, shattering whatever semblance of dreamless slumber she had left.
She twitched uncomfortably as her dumb ringtone began to rise in volume. Her hand groggily snaked out from beneath her blankets to thump into her nightstand repeatedly, until her hand finally located the vibrating rectangle. Without even opening her crusty eyelids, she disarmed the call and her hand promptly fell slack again. Unfortunately, the damage was already done. She would not be falling asleep again, no matter how hard she tried. It was a wonder why anyone would call at this time of afternoon in the first place, all things considered.
Jessica contemplated her night as she sat there, face half buried in her fluffy pillow. She'd been hired to investigate the fears of a man who hadn't seen his dog in weeks, claiming that his crazy neighbor must have stolen it. He paid her a very wealthy amount of cash, which she blew half of on drinks while claiming to the same man that she was investigating when he came calling. But that was probably a couple of hours ago, and judging by the hangover...she might still be a tad bit tipsy. Maybe she could judge what she would do with her day by taking notes from Groundhogs: they slept in if they ever saw their own shadow. So, if she saw one sign that she was still inebriated, then she’d head right back to bed.
Jessica groggily shuffled over to her bedroom window and lifted the blinds enough to see through it. Well, everything seemed normal.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!”
A spaceship-- a screaming spaceship-- zipped by the window at breakneck speeds and disappeared into nothingness.
Without hesitation, she turned on her heel and flopped back into bed.
A Few Weeks Ago…
Doctor Strange stifled a groan as he stood up from the jagged, rocky ground and faced the hovering threat of Dormammu. His humongous, rippling face was frightening but he would not give up in his plan to defeat the Elder being. He stomped forward with closed fists and steeled his expression into one of resolve.
“Foolish Wizard…” Dormammu rumbled with a laugh.
“Dormammu, ” Strange began. “I've come to B--”
He was killed by a screaming spaceship ramming into him and by the time he re-emerged, it was gone.
In Another Universe...
Sunset Shimmer sat against the wall of the gymnasium, biting the eraser end of her pencil softly. The question she had on her mind to ask Twilight wasn’t quite a necessary one, but she was one of the smartest ponies she knew. She had to have some sort of answer.
She coughed, sighed and began to whisper while writing: “Dear Twilight...Do you think Golf counts as an Athletic Sport?”
She blinked as the sound of screaming and shrieking briefly filled the empty classroom, startling her to a sudden stop in her writing. After a moment to calm down, she added:
“...P.S...I think I'm being haunted by ghosts right now. Got any books for that?”
And Another one…
Bill Denbrough stared in horror as the disturbing clown slammed his brother's skeleton into the water, making his yellow raincoat disappear beneath the bloody waters in a flash. The otherworldly clown stared at him for a single heartbeat, then began to sprint and twist his way out of the water. He shared like a charging lion as he thrashed towards Bill, kicking up water and--
A screaming flash of light punched Pennywise right back into the water.
Deadpool got hit by a ship too. Not the ship our space gang was in, but a Tugboat.
And then he was hit by the space ship.
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Gold. Pure shimmering GOLD.
All right, you sir made an already funny scene even better. I applaud you.
You should've left the Do You Bleed joke in! This chapter is gold!
Again?! Uh-oh...
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Whaauaaauaaauaauaaauaauaa!
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Truly was.
I wish that’s how ‘IT’ went. And I wonder what went through Dormammu’s head. It truly was pure silver and gold.
Fucking Hilarious
AWWWWW POOR DERPY!
Gotta say, that scene where her face is normal was too good! This chapter was absolutely hilarious. From killing Doctor Strange, pissing off Jessica Jones, hitting Pennywise, and ramming into Deadpool, the possibilities were nearly endless.
Gotta say, this somehow got the biggest laugh out of me:
As someone who played golf in high school, I can firmly say no.
9496734
The age old question can finally be put to rest.