As far as earth ponies went, Copperquick wasn’t a strong one, like some, or a smart one, like others. No, Copperquick wasn’t blessed with big, bunchy muscles or a surplus of brains, both suited for different sorts of workloads. No, Copperquick was fast and he could do it for hours, which was why he did delivery work. He was fast enough on the Canterlot streets that ponies just assumed that he was just another pegasus courier and were shocked, shocked to discover that he didn’t have wings.
So, carrying one hundred and twenty pounds of load upon his back was a problem. Carrying one hundred and twenty pounds of load, while exhausted and with a sore back from sleeping on the couch while sitting up, made everything worse. Overhead, pegasi flew in the skies, moving clouds in and doing something with the weather.
“I’ve been thinking about the state of my conservatism,” Miss Oddbody said as she went along, skinny legs wobbling beneath the load. “I suppose as a distraction while I carry this heavy load. Been giving it a lot of thought this morning.”
“Oh?” Copperquick’s ears somehow managed to lift themselves, even with his exhausted state.
“I’m still a monarchist.” Miss Oddbody’s voice held a distinct pride that made itself known through her strain and fatigue. “I still believe in the rule of the Sisters. I was born a monarchist, I live as a monarchist, and I will die as a monarchist. I am a dyed in the wool monarchist and nothing can change that. Well, I suppose it isn’t a monarchy now that Princess Luna is back, but you get the general idea. And since I am a monarchist, and my parents are monarchists, maybe, just maybe, I can focus on what we still have in common, rather than our differences. I am really, really tired and my brain is all weird right now.”
Almost crushed under the burden lashed to his back, Copperquick thought about these words.
“I still have most of my core values,” Miss Oddbody continued, almost panting as she trotted alongside Copperquick. “I believe in strong, traditional family values. I believe in modest behaviour and decency. I still believe in most of the things my parents taught me. But what makes me a radical… what makes me a leftist, what pits me against my parents and so many others… I have lost faith in the bureaucracy. For this, I fear I might never be forgiven. Oh, and voting. My father and mother were quite irate when they found out I voted. I was lectured. That left a few cracks in my relationship with my Daddums and my Moomy.”
“The bureaucracy needs to go,” Copperquick muttered, all too aware that it was bureaucracy that had given him the food upon his back. One good deed did not excuse them for an uncountable number of offenses.
“See, that right there, that will get you tarred and feathered as a radical leftist.” Miss Oddbody shook her head and clucked her tongue. “Keep that up, and ponies will talk, Mister Copperquick, and they will have nothing pleasant to say about you.”
“As for voting, I don’t know how I feel about it.” Copperquick wondered if he was treading upon dangerous ground with Miss Oddbody and he looked down at her, trying to read her feelings. He felt some butterflies in his stomach, but he kept going anyways. “Voting and the right to vote certainly hasn’t done anything to stop the bureaucracy. I don’t see much changed by the right to vote. It’s an empty act that makes the common pony feel as though they have some say in governance, but in reality, visiting any ministry office will show the common pony just how much power they really have. The ministries now have ministries to regulate them, with more ministries to regulate the regulatory ministries.”
“Just because voting doesn’t work yet doesn’t mean that it can’t work later,” Miss Oddbody argued in a polite, respectful voice. “Reform has to be made first. Changes have to be made. Over time, as these reforms, these changes, these little shifts in power, with more power allocated to the citizenry, votes will gain more and more meaning. But yes, I agree with you, they aren’t very effective, for now.”
It was at that moment that Copperquick realised, he and Miss Oddbody could discuss politics in a civil, even polite manner and not come to blows, or even shouting. It was something that his fellow students failed at doing quite often—he hated his classes in college that trapped him in a room with blowhards and narrow minded idiots.
“For now, voting remains an act of conscience done to satisfy the soul. I see it as organised Crown-sponsored civil protest. If those votes are read, then somepony, some Crown agency, they know how the common populace feels on an issue, and if that is the case, then they see the writing on the wall.”
“That is a very enlightened way of looking at it, Miss Oddbody.”
“Why, thank you, my delightful gentlepony friend.”
Glad to be home, Copperquick pushed open the door and muscled his way inside. Esmeralda was starting to get a little fussy, but she wasn’t crying yet, just kicking and blowing spit bubbles of protest. Copperquick wondered if perhaps his daughter didn’t like the discussion of politics. It was going to feel real good to get the load off of his back. He went to work trying to pull the slip knots with his teeth and then shook the bags down to the floor.
It was then he noticed the yellow slip of paper that had been slipped beneath the door while he was away. It had been blown aside during entry and seeing it caused the hairs along his belly to feel prickly. A hint of urine reminded him that Esmeralda needed to be changed. Frozen, he stood there, with heavy bags flopped around him, staring at the little yellow sheet of paper, and feeling a growing state of anxiety.
“What’s that?” Miss Oddbody whispered as she shimmied off her heavy bag of rice.
“The end of me,” Copperquick replied, his words breathed through a strained throat, but not spoken.
With Copperquick frozen in place, Miss Oddbody went to retrieve the sheet of paper from the floor. Using her wings, she picked up the canary yellow slip of paper and then unfolded it. Angling her head to see through her lineless bifocals, she began to read. As she read, she began snorting, tiny snorts at first, then big angry, but defeated sounding snorts that were unique to pegasi, a part of their unspoken language.
“Is that what I think it is?” Copperquick asked, not wanting to know the answer.
Looking pained, Miss Oddbody nodded. “It is a writ of eviction stating that you must vacate in thirty days. Also, there is a five hundred bit fine for violation of your lease, which also must be paid in thirty days, or it will be reported to the authorities.”
Slumping, Copperquick sat down on a bag of beans, and he began to sniffle a bit. He lifted a foreleg, wrapped it around Esmeralda, who hung from his neck, and he gave her a squeeze. The first of his sobs hit his body like a train, undoing him and his defenses. He then lost it and the floodgates opened. Making an odd braying sound, Copperquick bawled his eyes out. The yellow paper slipped from Miss Oddbody’s wings and fell to the floor like a leaf in autumn.
Hearing her father crying, Esmeralda, already fussy, let out a shrieking wail and then began blubbering in earnest, kicking her legs and thrashing in her carrier. Miss Oddbody, who had more than few tears flowing herself, plucked the howling infant from her carrier and then went to work changing her, getting her freshened up. If Esmeralda was going to cry, she was going to cry in a clean diaper.
“Oh, this is a load of soggy bollocks.” Miss Oddbody showed no signs of regret for swearing around a foal. The prim little pegasus went through the motions of getting Esmeralda all cleaned up, all while scowling and muttering the most profane vulgarities to herself. When Esmeralda was changed, Miss Oddbody pulled a bottle out of a bag, slipped it into a bottle warmer that Sapphire Shores had donated, and then, the normally polite little pegasus sat waiting for the bottle to heat, all while a stream of profane words spilled like a flood from her lips.
Her mother was a farmer, and it showed.
When the bottle warmer dinged, Miss Oddbody yanked the bottle out, snatched up Esmeralda, and then stuffed her into her father’s embrace. Copperquick, still sitting on his bag of beans, somehow managed to take his daughter and hold her. The bottle was stuffed into Esmeralda’s lips like a cork, and the startled foal let out a displeased gurgle that she had been silenced. She kicked and fussed a bit more, but hunger won out and Esmeralda began to feed.
“Fronking bellends… stupid, manky little minge sniffing pish lickers… pox ridden tossers… buggering gits… fronking cack hoofed bastards... somepony is going to pay for this cockup, I swear…” Sitting down, Miss Oddbody cracked her front fetlocks and they made a most alarming sound as the slender, prim little pegasus prepared for some unspeakable act of violence. “Right then, I need a cuppa and I think I’ll fix you one as well.”
The citizens of Canterlot were no strangers to odd sights and strange events. Occasionally, bureaucrats would duel in the streets, sometimes, wizards and their spells would go horribly wrong in the worst possible way, Canterlot was a city where weird things happened. As such, nopony batted an eyelid at yet another strange sight on the streets of Canterlot.
A small, slight, skinny young pegasus mare dragged a much larger earth pony stallion along behind her, a strap gripped between her teeth and secured around his neck. The earth pony bawled, great racking sobs, but his tears were invisible, washed away by the pouring rain. Also around his neck was a foal carrier, and in the carrier, a foal squalled, her cries shrill and echoing through the urban canyons of Canterlot.
It took all of the little pegasus’ mare’s strength to tug the much larger earth pony along. He stumbled and dragged his hooves over the ground behind her, rearing his head back, and resisting every step of the way. But the little pegasus mare, with her skinny legs, her mosquito thin body, and her slender wings, she would not be deterred, scowling and squinting as she went.
Nopony stopped them. Nopony said anything. Canterlot ponies, most of them polite to a fault and not wishing to cause a scene, stepped aside and allowed the tiny pegasus to pull the earth pony along by his lead. The rain came down in a deluge, flooding the streets and turning the white sidewalks grey.
“Good heavens.” Twilight Velvet watched as Miss Oddbody dumped a drenched Copperquick onto the couch and she stood there, trying to assess the situation. With an almost mindless flick of her magic, she dried everypony present and cleaned up the puddles of water from the floor. “Gracious, what happened?”
“An eviction notice for lease violation, that’s what happened,” Miss Oddbody replied after she spat out the strap she had held in her teeth. “And a five hundred bit fine.”
“Oh.” Twilight Velvet let out a demure gasp. “Oh dear, well, as bad as this is, it might work out to our advantage.”
“How in the blue Tartarus does this work out to our advantage?” Miss Oddbody demanded to know as she stomped one petite hoof upon the dirty, stained floor. She gave herself a shake and her bun, now dried, collapsed completely, spilling out her long mane into a flood that spilled down her neck and over her face. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Velvet… but I am very upset right now. Please, forgive me.”
“This works out to our advantage. Mister Copperquick now faces a condition called imminent hardship. This is an entirely new set of qualifiers and we can use them to get appeals. With the ante upped, new conditions and opportunities are presented.” Twilight Velvet looked over at Copperquick, who was sobbing in an inconsolable manner on the couch, clutching his daughter.
“Mrs. Velvet, that’s all fine and good, but he is going to be homeless in thirty days.”
“Miss Oddbody… Buttermilk… I can’t save everypony, I am painfully aware of this fact, but I can pick and chose my battles. I have chosen to die upon this very hill, if that is what is necessary, and I assure you, come Tartarus or high tides, I will be looking after Mister Copperquick. We now have thirty days with an advantage… a powerful advantage, leverage, if you will, my lovely Buttermilk, thirty days that we might be able to exploit the system.”
“After thirty days, then what?” Miss Oddbody asked.
“Well, we need to keep Mister Copperquick homeless and without an address—that is just too good of an advantage to give up, but we can’t have him and little Esmeralda suffering. Give me some time to work things out. I assure you, I will find a way to keep our advantage while also ensuring that they are sheltered.”
“Thank you.” Sniffling, a long dangling ribbon of shimmering, shiny snot dangling from his nose, Copperquick looked up from where he sat on the couch. “I kinda lost my hope there… I’m sorry.”
Conjuring some tissues with her magic, Twilight Velvet went to work wiping Copperquick’s nose, and then also tried to clean up Esmeralda’s face. Looking both cross and stern, Twilight Velvet’s brows formed deep furrows as she began to think about the problem at hoof.
“I didn’t think about this working out to our advantage. I wish I had, I might have been able to comfort Copperquick.” Miss Oddbody slumped and her wings drooped. “Now I feel bad. I feel like I’ve failed my client.”
“Buck up, dearie.” Twilight Velvet began to pace the floor, her brows still furrowed. “I need to think about how to defend my hill. Miss Oddbody, go and fix me a cup of tea. Also, I think that both you and Copperquick could use one as well. Now go. Off with you, young miss!”
Wings buzzing, Miss Oddbody zoomed off, her hooves just inches above the floor.
“What a delightful set of circumstances I can play with.” Pacing, Twilight Velvet’s eyes narrowed into slits and her ears angled forwards over her face. “Copperquick, darling, I assure you, I am far too invested in this to allow you to slip through the cracks. We just need to make it look like you are about to slip through the cracks. Dire circumstances and all.”
“Where will I go?” Copperquick asked.
“Oh, I shall think of something. I’d let you come and stay with me and my husband, but that would be a conflict of interests and pose a number of issues about professionalism. But not to worry.” Turning about, Twilight Velvet yelled, “Miss Oddbody, do pull out the biscotti! I believe this warrants a special occasion!”
“Right, Boss!”
Velvet is a bureaucratic evil mastermind ... in a good way
Right! I'll do you for that!
7641912
Go fetch a herring, ya yob!
Pip pip, cheerio, and all that rot.
7641910 I found a picture of Miss Buttermilk Oddbody.
cdn3.darkhorizons.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/emily-blunt-talks-her-mary-poppins-casting.jpg
As a British person, I can confirm that the Author's notes is how all britons speak.
The gangsters wear - and I'm dreadfully sorry about saying this - bandanas under their top hats! Hooligans, the lot of them! Pip pip, cheerio and all that.
7641957
Oi, let's go knock over a dustbin and be hooligans.
There was nothing upsetting in this chapter.
YOUR WARNING WAS A LIE.
With all that's going wrong sooner or later things are going to have to start getting better, Like if Twilight Sparkle finds out about it. Her mother may not want to jump around the bureaucracy, but with Princess Twilight pushing at it... probably they will still run into the same unmovable wall.
*sniff*
How could you!
I want to read pones not political debate!
*wails*
*joins Shining Himmler's team*
7641978
In the original chapter plan, the meeting with Twilight Velvet was in the next chapter, ending this chapter on a sad note full of worry.
This honestly isn't how democracy and such works.
This is the result of societal rot. Of politicians being too stupid and self absorbed to realize they are gonna choke on their own assfumes and people in the public not working together to bully the politicians into pulling their heads outta their asses.
7641964 Why just dustbins?
Was trying to find the one with a angry guy knocking one over, thought better of it and stood it back up again, why inconvenience others? But alas it eluded me.
Just a few Sumacisms there.
7642030
7641957
Good grief, I have not heard such coarse speech since I worked on the pig farm (boss was a Britt).
That wasn't so bad. Velvet's unsympathetic behaviour is a bit off-putting but that is really the only thing that I find offensive.
Then again, my definition of bad when it comes to these sort of agencies are... low. As in "blatantly ignoring warning signs and pleads from a father over an extensive period of time which resulted in the mother killing the daughter and then herself" low.
Now THAT article was a tough read.
7642087
Oh. Velvet has a lot of sympathy... as the writer, I can say that.
She is very task focused though.
See, the last part of this chapter was originally going to go into the next chapter, but I didn't want to end this chapter on a sad note. Next chapter, we see a more sympathetic side when Twilight Velvet drags them off for lunch.
7642030
Haha. He's a hooligan, not a jerk.
7642092 oh I get it, and I read the chapter in docs before you added it.
I just think it would have been slightly more sensible to start with reassuring copper that his baby girl wasn’t going to be homeless and THEM say how they can use the situation to their advantage. I mean... a large stallion is wailing on her floor clutching his infant daughter fearing having to let his treasure sleep on the street and her first reaction is "Hell yeah, opportunity."?
i understand ruthlessness but jeez, priorities woman.
This entire conversation on politics between Miss Oddbody and Copper really remind me of some of the late night 1-3 a.m. conversations I've had with my friends on subjects from philosophy and politics to the best cheeseburger. When you're that tired yet your mind is still trying to function and you have discussions like this tend to be oddly civil.
I was just surprised by how true this conversation's overall tone held to my own experiences of extreme tiredness and discussion. Not that I or any of my friends get particularly volatile, mind you, but we typically are a bit more animated and aggressive while when we're this tired we get a bit laid back and reflective like Copper and Miss Oddbody here..
7642131
Insomnia induced euphoria.
The brain is releasing chemicals in a desperate bid to get you to go to sleep.
When is this story timeline wise, before before perilous, during it?
7642003 Hmm, I think I'll sign up for Herr Shining's group as well. We shall have strength in our unicorn unity. Our unicornity. Our unicity. Our unicycles.
7642165
It is springtime, in the same year as Swans, which takes place in the late summer, early fall.
Velvet just took over and she is beginning her reign.
7641990 Ironically while Twlight Sparkle can do a lot like she can't do much with the bureaucracy till the rules are changed. Rather than the princesses going in and arbitrarily changing the rules Helianthus pushed Copperquick to see Velvet and change the rules that way.. Imagine Celestia has seen some of the abuses of the old system but she isn't an absolute ruler
7642004 not as dark as it could've been at least he has 30days.. There are still places where it could've been immediate, a day or slightly better a week
7642027 Sadly this is how modern democracy works. We have the elected officials who fullfill various functions then you have the bureaucrats they are the hired/ appointed government workers. They are the ones that keep everything running for good or ill
I have a feeling that Twilight Velvet is just using Copperquick to further her agenda.
Also, you call THAT filth? Trust me, I've heard (and said) much worse.
There's the eviction, that was quick. From the perspective of the other people in the apartment complex, that's pretty prompt landlord action.
And hey, it apparently opens up options for Twilight Velvet in addition to the problems it causes.
7642481
7642092
hmmm... What the hell did he do that "violated his lease"?
7642591
That is pretty much made clear in the story.
7642597 ....oh. I was looking for a mention of a lease, when I should've been looking for a mention of being evicted. My bad.
Know how the guy feels losing a place to live..
Had a horrifying realization reading this chapter... Twilight Velvet is the single most politically powerful mare in Equestria. Not because her children are Royalty...but because she has manipulated everything to get them where they are. Right down to breeding lines, she PICKED Night Light because the convergence of their two bloodlines has produced two of the most powerful Unicorns of the modern era. To top it all off she placed them both in front of a failing monarchy and said "These two will be your saviors, if only you teach this one, and let this one love."
7819330 To fight the monsters, you must become one yourself. That's the reoccurring moral message of the entire Kamen Rider franchise, and I feel it's more than applicable here.
I... cannot condone giving more power to the citizens with how fucked up so much of the population is. Losing their care for their fellow equine, their equine instincts. Becoming seemingly more tribalist, speciest, and secular. More selfish and concerned with only their own well-being. The ideal behind voting powers is that persons who care about the whole and the individual cast their votes for what's best for everyone in every part of society.
The Crown is already doing, and has been doing, a better job at that for centuries than the whacked-out modern day Equestrian populace is apparently capable of. There's just too many places where not being a good pony is the expected norm, and these not-good ponies would have the power to make decisions that only benefit them. You can't trust your nation to the ones who only want for themselves. You can't hope they'll come around and become good ponies. They only want to feed their own biases, regardless of who it hurts, and usually with more than a little ignorance, typically self-imposed.
One can't blame the current issues muchly on the Crown. It's ponies who are selfish who have corrupted the managerial bodies and ministries, not any alicorn or prince. All these bad things happening to Copperquick are due to greedy people hiding in the background, blending in with the suits, so to speak.
7641964
As much as I enjoy the joke I sometimes wish that the rest of the world would stop confusing "Britain" with "England". I'm proudly British but the next person to insinuate I'm English is gettin' a right doin' fer being a wee numtpy 'n' talkin' mince!
Seriously though, the chapter was very emotional, from the dark comedy of the cursing to the sheer dread of Copper being evicted. I wish I'd read this earlier and hopefully I'll finish in time to read the sequel.
Benevolent tyranny of an immortal benevolent monarch is honestly the best conceivable form of government. The problems here stem from 1000 years of loneliness, depression, and withdrawing from the world and the bureaucracy growing and spreading and festering like a pit of vipers without the stern control of a healthy and mentally stable leader.
Really finding myself loving this already! Looking forward to the rest of it and its sequel!
My actual school, omg. But hey, it's farm school. What else do you expect?
9160243
https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=lyrics+don%27t+stay+in+school&&view=detail&mid=FF4499C222DAF26C9B4AFF4499C222DAF26C9B4A&&FORM=VRDGAR
I'm not gonna lie; getting kinda tired of all the political stuff. I read novels to get away from all that, so I think I'm gonna stop here. Don't get me wrong, this is a good story, but I need to read something a little less... depressing.